Thursday, 26 January 2012

Things I thinked on Thursday

Hihihihihihhi friends! It's me again! And it's my turn to write to you somebodies on this blog thing! Did you miss me all the way through reading what my boring old mummycat had to say? She's not as exciting as me, right?

I don't really have anything spe, spec, pacific (yeah, that's the right word) to weeeeow about today, so I think I'll just weeeeow about whatever I think about. Is that Ok? Oh, I just thinked of something! I don't only say weeeeow any more! I've learned to say rrrrrrreow, just like my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny by his somebodies did. And the human thinks it's cute. And I say it to her in a real, real loud voice whenever she comes back from the thing that my mummycat says is called her day hunting, cuz I haven't see'd her in ages and I want her to know that I missed her and I need her lovin, now!

And my human's gone forever and forever all the time now. Mummycat says she's only gone for a few hours, and she's only been gone for 4 days so far, but she hasn't. You somebodies know I don't tell porkies, and if I say she's been gone forever and forever every day, then she has! Oh, I spose I should tell you that a porkie is a porkie pie which is my human's mummypeople's name for lies.

The human somebody has started calling me porkie. She calls me Porkie Pig who she says was a little fat piggie who used to be on the box with moving things in it but that you can't catch or touch that my human somebody says is called a TV. And she says he was really cute, but I thinked that I didn't wanna be called a Porkie Pig, even if he was cute. Cuz he's a boy, you see, and everybody somebody knows that boys stink. They're yucky! But she says she calls me Porkie Pig and Puddin and "Wee Fatty" and roly poly cuz I'm getting big and fat. But I know I'm not. It's all muscle and Ok, it might be soft muscle, but a girlcat's muscles don't firm up till she's much, much older, right? Like older than mummycat maybe? But then it's Ok, cuz then you're old enough to tell porkies about how you've only got a saggy tummy cuz you had babycats in it who wriggled and kicked and growed really big and stretched your tummy so that when you popped them out, they leaved a saggy tummy for you. But everybody somebody knows that babycats can't come from your tummy. It's only weewee and poopoo that comes from there, and so I think that mummycat's belly is saggy cuz she's a Porkie Pig too! And I got evidence, whatever that is, to say that that's not a porkie. Cuz my human put her in the bowl of the scary thing that talks to you when you sit on it, and it sayd "3645 grams!" And that's fatter'n me! Cuz then she maked me sit on it and it said "3185 grams" and I said weeeeow and climbed up the human to get away from it, cuz I don't like it very much at all. But them's some real big numbers! So we must be big cats! Do you think I should let her call me all them silly names she has for me?

Dogman has lotsa silly names for us. He makes up songs for mummycat, and he calls her mee-wow cuz when he used ta say that, she used to talk to him. And he calls me kitwin cuz he called me and my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny the kitwins when we were both here, but now that he's gone, it's all my name, sept it's changed to just kitwin. Sometimes he calls me and mummycat kitwin and catwin and the human calls us double and trouble, sept she doesn't say the and bit. And she calls mummycat munstermunch (they're a kind of crisps over here) and she calls us both the munsters and she calls me "No, Millie" and "Stop it, Millie" and "Get off there where you're not supposed to be, Millie" a lot. So how're we sposed to know our names when they call us all them crazy words? I think we should just be called Mummycat and Millie or Mummycat and Girlcat, cuz I'm not a babycat any more so you can't call me babycat.

I gotted to try some real, real nice stinky goodness the other day that I haven't had ever in the world, and I loved it. And I eated the whole bowl, and the human said she was expecting me to get a runny bum cuz it wasn't the type we usually have, but we didn't. So now she thinks it might be something called grain that is giving me runny bum, cuz the new stuff was turkey pate and didn't have any of this grain stuff in it. And she says that I had it before when I was a very small babycat and that I loved it lots and that I decided after a while that I didn't like it, thank you very much, and I wouldn't eat it no more. So she gived it all away and then I started to like it again. Well, I know she's telling porkies, cuz there's no way I'd not like this stuff. It's great! But she only had 1 carton of it left, so we have to wait for the more that she buyed with the papers that she day hunts for. I don't wanna wait!

And I can't think of nothin else to say now, so I think I'm gonna go and tease mummycat that she's a porkie munstermunch mee-wow catwin pie. Um, I think that's the right name, right?

Monday, 23 January 2012

The Human and Millie and Me

Friends, it's a hard life being me, do you know that? This time last year I thought I had it hard, what with wooing all those mancats and keeping up my untouchable reputation, but honestly, I had no idea of how tough life could be! Now, not only do I have to manage a dull-whitted, recalcitrent human, but I have a kitten to contend with who regularly steals my food, my napping spots and, more importantly, my blog! What's a ladycat to do, friends? I've got no idea!

Anyway, life just got a whole lot tougher. You know why? Because that human, that uncaring, unfeeling human, has abandoned us today! She says she had to return to her day hunting, but I think she's secretly disappearing off to have a good time without us. Couldn't she just stay sick and at home if she cared about us? She reminded me as she gave me a big goodbye cuddle this morning that if she didn't go to her day hunting, there'd be none of those silly papers that she keeps in her purse and doesn't let me play with, and without those papers, there would be no cat food, no nice new toys, no more showing myself off at shows, none of it. I suppose she has a point, but I'd never admit that to her face.

But what to do, friends? I'm stuck at home all day now with this crazy kitten, with no decent company. Not that my human classes as decent company. More of a distraction than anything else, but you'll take my point, I trust. There's not even the addition of new stinky goodness in the bowl at lunchtime to break up the monotony of being the only sensible, clear thinking being in the house. Ok, so the human heaped our bowl full for us this morning. Ok, so there's always dry food down, so much that we'd have to eat until we were sick to get through it in a day. But you know what? I like the stinky goodness best when it's fresh. I mostly only lick the gravy off, and gravy isn't half as appealing if it's been in the bowl all day and Millie's been at it. Ok, the human'll give me more stinky goodness as soon as she gets home, but again, you'll take my point, won't you?

In my less guarded moments, I'll admit that my kitten is growing up nicely. She's not as manic as she used to be. She doesn't take every opportunity to attack me when she finds me sleeping. She doesn't stalk my tail all the time any more. In fact, sometimes she's quite fun. She's really good to play chase with all over the house, and we regularly do the wall of death around the sofas in the living room. Well, she does. You know I'm too much of a well mannered ladycat to go hairing around over the top of peoples and on their furniture, but the baby isn't well mannered at all, and she does everything to excess.

The human has been thinking about excess lately. She has found it fascinating to watch the development of Millie and compare her to me. Millie gorges on food. She's effusive in her snuggling. She plays hard, sleeps hard, loves hard. In fact, she does everything to extremes. Her purr, just like her brothers' is mega loud compared to mine. I, on the other hand, never eat too much when I'm not caring for or feeding kittens. I regulate my own weight beautifully, in fact, too well if you ask the human, as she thinks I'm getting too skinny again. I always ask politely before stepping onto a lap, and I never jump directly onto a people. My human wonders how much of this had to do with my upbringing. I was raised in a multi-cat household, in among many other breeding cats. For many years of my life, I lived in not very great conditions. Long term readers of the blog will know about this as we spoke about those conditions whenever the human first got me. I was always with many other cats, having to share food, and even people attention. The human looks at me sometimes and thinks I'm almost apologetic when I ask to do things like have a cuddle. I'll always understand if she's too busy to cuddle me, but because of this, she always makes a special effort to give me more attention, and hardly ever ignores me unless her hands are dirty or she's really, really busy. I don't even purr loudly. Even Dogman has noticed how quiet my purr is in comparison to Millie's. Millie will bounce in and out of cardboard boxes, but I don't really understand the fascination at all. I can't really work out what they're for. They're a box. Nothing special, right? Or is it because, being born and raised in catteries, I never had the chance to see cardboard boxes at an age where I would have investigated and discovered how fun they were?

And toys, there's another one. I didn't really know how to play until I came to live with the human. She had to teach me that it was Ok to catch the dangly toys that she flicked around, but when I discovered what ping pong balls were. Well, that was a glorious day! Did I have toys as a kitten? She doesn't know.

She's a good human, really. She tries to make sure I have lots of chances to explore new experiences that I might not have seen before. If I show an interest in a new toy, she'll help me get over my nervousness of it (I'm always a bit wary of new things), and she'll show me how to play with it and that it's Ok to play. She lets me try lots of different foods, and the only thing she doesn't really compromise on is that she won't feed me the low quality stinky goodness that I love so much because it's only 4% meat. It also gives the kitten a case of the runny bum, so that might have something to do with it. She takes time out of her day to spend with me, and doesn't let the kitten muscle in on that time. In short, she's pretty all right, really.

I'm so pleased that my baby is being given chances and experiences that I may never have had. It's making her a really rounded cat, and when I see the small things that my human does for her, it just reaffirms why I put up with all her idiocy. The kitten took a real fancy to a shoe box when she was a tiny baby. Her and her brothers used to play in it all the time. Now that was months ago, but because the kitten liked the box so much, the human wouldn't throw it out. Even though it was in the way, she just filled it with toys for the babycat instead, and kept it until Saturday. She only got rid of it because it was falling apart and she knew she'd have another shoe box arriving in the post that very day. Now, there's not many peoples that would do that!

My baby has the best of everything, just as she deserves. And I suppose the human's daily abandonment of me is a small price to pay for that, small when you see how confident my little girlcat is. There's nothing quite like snuggling your baby against your tummy (cuz we do snuggle now that she's stopped fighting me) and knowing that you picked the best human you could to give her a super start in life.

Now, before this gets any mushier, I'm gonna go throw up a hairball in one of the human's slippers... That'll teach her for leaving us!

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Secret Paws, at last!

Hi there, friends, and thank you for all of your good wishes for our human yesterday. I just thought I'd stop in to say hello before Millie takes over the rest of this post too. My human has done better today. She's eaten well, and has stayed awake for most of the day which is quite an achievement! She's done some laundry and even managed to hang it all up before she got too tired to do more, so she's definitely improving. She's back at the human vets tomorrow so that they can steal lots of her bloods to do tests on just to make sure everything's all right. She says she's sick of the human vet, and I can understand that as she's been up there quite a lot recently. I can't believe she actually takes herself there voluntarily. I mean, would any sensible cat do that? Nuh uh. If it wasn't for the PTU, I'd not set paw within sniffing distance of a vet place. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that she's fine and I'm fine and so everything's good! But it's time for our Secret Paws post. Yep, I know it's very late, but when you see what we got, it'll be worth the wait! I'm gonna let Millie tell you all about it seeing as it was her first Christmas and all.

Hihihihihihihi all you somebody friends! Oh,oh, oh, this is the most exciting post ever, cuz I get to tell you all about my Christmas and Santa Paws and everything that he bringed for me! And there's even pictures!

Our Secret Paws package came from Hannah and Lucy
and what a package it was! mummycat says that Santa Paws delivered a package from the girls last year too, and it was amazing then, but I know that this years' was even more amazing! Thank you thank you thank you Hannah and Lucy! Thank you lots and lots and lots! I musta been real, real, real good if Santa Paws telled you to buy all that stuff for me!

Let me tell you all about it. One day, the human came home from work to find two packages on our doorstep. She bringed them inside and set them down for a few seconds to take off her coat and shoes and work clothes, but when she came back, what did she find? One package had no paper on it any more, and the other one looked like a bag with a cute furry bum sticking out of it! the bag moved a lot, and my human's brave, cuz if I was her I wouldn't have went anywhere near it, cuz there was probly a monster in there. But she did go to the bag and she put her hand in and pulled on the thing attached to the cute furry bum and out popped... Me! Oh boy, oh boy, the smell of the present and the excitement was just too big for me, and I had to just get straight in there without waiting for anybody else! I also mighta taked all the paper off the box, but nobody see'd me do it, so I ain't saying if it was me or not! I like paper... See? Look. here's me here trying to help open my nice new mousie toy. I love my mousies!



And the human said that as she was going away the next day and as I'd opened everything already anyway, today could be Christmas and I could have all my stuff. And I gotted real excited!



And look at all the stuffs we got! There was loads of it! There was mousies and soft balls and sparkly pink balls and a ball that rattled and yummy treats and a super duper toy that you'll see in a minute, and a big catnip pillow and, and, everything! Look at all my toys!



The first thing I hadda play with was my blue mousie. I loved him already, cuz he was the first thing I see'd in the parcel. I played and played and played with him lots and lots!



And then I spotted the balls, and mummycat saw them too, and we both tried to decide if we would play with them.



And then we both did, all at once! And we chased and chased and chased and killed them. And my favourite one was the pink ball. Just look at it!



And then I taked my pink ball and my mousie and I put them near me and I telled mummycat that these were mine and she wasn't allowed them, pretty please, cuz I wanted them all for my own! So mummycat went instead and grabbed the big catnip pillow, and she bunnykicked it and she put the bitey on it and she rolled on it, and then i had to play too, cuz it was too good not to share!


And then, friends, oh and then! My human opened the last box for us, and I went all crazypants like the Katnip cats do. Do you see my big springy toy? As soon as you touch itt, the whole thing moves and wiggles till you just gotta jump on it and kill it! And then it moves some more! And it's soooooo much fun! And I played and played and played and played with it till I gotted real tired. But look at it! Don't you want one too? It's the bestest toy ever! Sept for the blue mousie and the pink ball and the other balls and the catnip pillow and my Da Bird and my sparkly balls and my crinkle balls and everything else too. I have the bestest toys ever!

But then my human taked out the last thing from the package, and oh my! It was treaties! And not just any old treaties. They were duck treaties! Real duck breast! And once me and mummycat heard that packet go crinkle crinkle crinkle, we climbed all over the human and asked if we could have some. And mummycat said Meow and I screamed till she gave us lots and lotsa treats! And even when she put the bag away, we kept asking for more which isn't what we usually do cuz we're clever and we know that when she puts the packet away there's no more treaties. But this time we asked so much that she gived us more anyway! Oh we love, love, love them! She has them hid on the sofa now and she gives us some if we sit nice while she's cleaning our eyes. And I like them so much that I actually sit almost all the way through now without trying to run away or without crying. Isn't that good?



So we'd like to say thank you to Hannah and Lucy and to Santa Paws, and it was worth being good for! Who do I need to ask so that Christmas can be every day of the year?


Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Strangers no more!

Hihihihihihihihihi friends! Man but I've been gone forever and forever and ages and then a really long time too! Actually, i haven't been gone. It's the human who's been gone sept she wasn't either, least, not for a long time. Let me explain.

Well, after I last writed to you all, she went away from the house and she didn't come back. Mummycat said she'd been eated by a big bird who flew all the way across lotsa water to another place called Ireland. She says the human goes here every year for Christmas to spend time with her mummypeople and her mummypeople's mummypeople who she calls her grannypeople, and all of the other peoples that are in her family. They all live there, see.

I thinked that she was gone forever and forever, but mummycat said it was only for a week. But when the human came back, she smelled funny and she was real hot and she made a big scary noise all the time that she said was a cough and then an "ooooouch!" and then another cough thing. And she went to bed a lot, and she didn't really play with me or anything, and I was sad cuz she wasn't like she used to be. I wondered if the family somebodies had maked her like this.

Then at night she gotted real, real sick, sicker'n I've ever been even when I was going to the litterbox all the time with a runny bum and even sicker than that time when I throwed up all of my foods on the scratchy mat all put together! And the next morning some different people somebodies came and they taked her away in an am-bue-lans, least, I think that's how you say it, and Dogman was very worried, and the human was still sick, and mummycat telled me i had to be a real brave little cat now and look after the human when she came back. She said the somebodies were gonna make her all better and that they weren't human-napping her, so it was all right if she went with them. She said they're like vets for humans. I don't know why my human was glad when they showed up then! I wouldn't have been.

And when she did come back, she was still real sick and she went to bed, and so me and mummycat took it in turns to sleep on her or get her to cuddle us cuz we knew that'd make her feel better. And I said purpurpur a lot to her and I climbed into the bed thing with her and I did a real good job, least, I think I did.

Me and mummycat didn't eat much over the next while cuz we were so worried about the human and upset that she was still sick and unhappy, but then we saw that this was making her upset too, so we started to eat again, but we taked it in turns so there was always one of us with her and she wasn't on her own. Human somebodies need looking afterwhen they're sick!

That's why we've been away for so long. When the human did start to feel better, she wanted to be up and about straight away, so she did this and just maked herself sick again. And in between it all, Computer man blowed up again, so we couldn't write for the blog or anything. And we missed our Secret Paws, but we gots pictures and they'll be up very soon! Sorry we're so late, but I hope you can understand why.

Our human is able to do small things now. She managed to fold all her towels today and stack them nicely again, but even that meant that she had to go to sleep for a couple hours just to recover! She's useless! Mummycat is beside her on the sofa now, all curled into a teeny weeny ball and snoring a bit. Shhhh, don't tell her I said that, but she does!

Thank you to those of you who stopped by to say happy Birthday to the human. She didn't do much for it, but she did get a lovely cake from her grannypeople all the way from Ireland! I didn't want any though. I mean, it had already been eated by a birdie to get it all the way here. I don't eat stuff that birdies have eated. That's yuck! Hmmmm, I wonder if that's why my human got sick? Do you think she mighta got sick cuz of flying in the big bird aeroplane's tummy? Should i tell her she's not allowed to get eated by birds any more?

Anyway, we're gonna have help to put up our Secret Paws post, so watch this space!

Smoochies to you all, and I promise we'll try to be around more, Ok?