What's in a Name?

Hi to all you things. Sorry, but I don't know no name for you yet acuz I didn't meet you yet and I's real small so i don't know nothin much. But the big other cat that looks like a mummycat sayed to me that i had to miaow stuffs at the strange lady thing and tell all bout my day yesterday and when I met the strange lady.

It all started a long, long time before when the nice lady that I know real well picked me up and my brother Oso, and she put us in a box and then she made the box move. And lotsa noises gotted made and we were in there for a long, long time. And I was a real good girl, least i think I was cuz I did a weewee in the litter tray and then my brother copied me. But then we both decided we was gonna snuggle together in the litter tray acuz it was nicer than the floor of the box and my lady didn't like that very much acuz she sayed we needed to stay lovely and clean for the new people. I don't know what a the new people is, so I stayed where I was.

Then the box stopped moving and the noises stopped getting made and then my lady took my brother Oso out. I waited for a long, long time for him to come back, but I gotted tired, acuz it's hard to stay awake when there's nothing to do essept listen to my lady and some other ladies and mans making their miaow noises. And when I woked up again, it was acuz my lady was taking me out of the box, and then she gived me to the strange lady that I'm with now, and the strange lady gived me lotsa and lotsa cuddles. And I gived her lotsa kissies even though I had bited a little on another strange lady who was the strange lady's friend. And that maded her happy acuz I showed that I loved her already. But she put her big fingers in my mouth and felt my teefies and I didn't like that much so I keeped moving my head away and it made it very hard for her to check. But when she was done, she miaowed to my lady for a long time, and like I sayed, it's hard to stay awake when you're just a tiny babycat, so I snuggled down and I went to sleep. And that made my lady happy and sad, and the strange lady happy.

And then when I woked up again, it was acuz the strange lady was putting me into another box. And this one was big and lonely cuz I was especting my brother Oso to be there but he wasn't. But my favrit blanket from home was there and it smelled good, so I went back to sleep again.

And then the box was moving again and there  was more noises being made and I gotted frighted acuz I'm only a tiny babycat and I'm in a strange box and my brother Oso hasn't camed back yet and I'm lonely and I miss him and I want him back and I want my lady and I want my own box and I want my mummycat. And then when I started to cry, the strange lady tooked me out and she miaowed lotsa things to me and she snuggled me up in a big warm thing called a sweater and she rubbed me all over and it was nice so I went asleep again acuz I was tired.

And I sleeped for a real long time acuz the box was moving and the noises were making for a very long time. But I was such a good girl and sat nice with the strange lady. And I only tried to bite her fingers just a little bit! And she sayed that I wasn't sposed to do that even when I was playing, but she sayed that it was Ok for today acuz we were just getting to know each other.

And then the box stopped moving, but there was lotsa new noises making and  I was ascared again and I really really needed a weewee and there was no litter tray. And I started to cry, and then the strange lady tooked me out of the box again and put me in a much bigger one that she keeps calling a Pen. And there was a litter tray in there. And I'm such a good girl acuz I smelled for the litter that the strange lady had bringed from my home, and then I went into the box and I did lotsa and lotsa weewees. And then when I camed out again, the strange lady gaved me some of the nicest food ever! She sayed that I could eat as much as I liked acuz I was so small and she wanted me big and with a nice fat tummy. And so I eated lotsa and lotsa this chicken food, and I even put my feets in the bowl so that I could hold it nice and still and I could eat every last bit. And then I used my water like a big stomping puddle and I had sooooo much fun splashing it everywhere! And then I rolled in my nice dry blanket. And the strange lady said to a strange man that was in the new place too that she'd forgetted how little kittens are all hooligans at heart! And then she dried me up and she sayed that I could wreck the pen as much as I wanted as long as I was having a good time.

But I cried and cried and cried whenever she put me back in acuz I gotted lonely again and I'm only a teeny babycat. And she keeped taking me out for cuddles, and all I wanted to do was to stay on her knee and sleep. But then I wanted to esplore and she sayed no not yet acuz she wanted to give everybody else time to meet me. And then I noticed that there was some more real big cats in the house, as big as my mummycat! And one of them really liked me, and the other one climbed on top of the pen and sayed grrrrrr and sssssss until the strange lady camed and tooked her off and sayed "Millie! Be nice!" But this Millie cat just went round the back of the pen an dshe poked her face under the blanket covering it and she sayed sssss in a really loud voice and I got ascared so I went to the other end of the pen and I cried. And then the strange lady tooked both of the other cats outta the room and she ttolded them that if they couldn't be nice, then nobody gotted to stay in there while she went to bed. And she sayed sorry to Tia, acuz she couldn't let her in there and not Millie acuz Millie would just follow her in, so both had to stay out. But then I was lefted on my own for a long, long time. And I cried and cried and cried even though the strange lady had give dme her shirt to cuddle in so that I didn't feel lonely. And sometimes the lady came and cuddled me, and sometimes she didn't acuz she sayed she was asleep. But one of those times that she did come, I sat on her knee and when she was cuddling me, I sayed prrrrrrr, and she really liked it acuz I started to do pushy paws too like I do to my mummycat to get the milk. And she sayed it was really nice. And I gived her some more kissies and then she gived me some more yummy gooshy food that I eated all of. And my tummy was full so I sleeped for a little while then. And then the next time I cried, the strange lady went into the strange man's room and telled the strange man that it was his turn to cuddle me. And the strange man sayed, "I stay here at weekends for a rest, lady, not so that you can put me to work!" But she knows he's soft with all of the furries, and he went anyway. And he's a real good cuddler acuz he letted me out for a run around in the room on my own and he played with me and showed me all the bestest toys. And my human telled him he couldn't do that yet acuz I'm a wee bit snotty and she doesn't want anyone else to catch it so I went back in and I cried and cried until they gived me my favourite toy from outside. And it's a ball in a track and there's another ball in the top and there's a springy mousie right on the top, and it's the bestest toy ever!

But then I gotted tired again and I asked to come out and sit on the strange lady's knee. And I was a good girl and went right to sleep. And then I gotted real sleepy and the strange lady tooked out a brush acuz I got so much floof that I knot up real quick and she wanted to keep me looking my bestest. And she brushed me and combed me all over and I sayed prrrrrrrr lotsa and lotsa acuz I really liked it. And I liked it so much that I went asleep. But I woked up when the strange lady started kissing my belly. She's strange! And now I'm telling you all this.

I don't have a name yet acuz the strange lady sayed that she wants to get to know me first before she gives me one. But she calls me little munster and she calls me hooligan when I go stomping in my water or when I stick my whole face in my food or when I roll around in the cool litter tray. That's Ok, isn't it?

But now I'm tired again and I think I'll sleep some more. I'm not so snotty today, and I'm workin real hard on not sneezing no more, so maybe I'll get to come out later on and play with the new toys and maybe even the other cats. The big one, Tia I think her name is, talks to me just like my mummycat did. And it maked the human happy and a bit sad to see her doing the mummycat talk again, happy acuz it means that Tia will love me for a little while instead of beating me up, and will give me comfort while I'm missing my mummycat, sad acuz she doesn't like Millie like that any more. I can't blame her about that. Millie scares me! I wouldn't talk to her like a mummycat talks to a kitten either!

Anyway, I gotta go to sleep now. Can any of you things that I don't know a name for yet think of a name for me? And maybe I can think of a name for you at the same time too!

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From Girlcat to Ladycat

Hihihihihihi all my somebody friends! It's me! And guess what? I'm not
sick any more! But I don't think I'm a girlcat any more neither. Let
me tell you all about it.

So, on the day after I last writed, my human went to work like normal
and left me for a million years! Whenever she came back, she went and
got the stinky PTU from where she hides it, and then she put a nice
soft blanket in the bottom and then she put a nice soft me in on top!
And I said weeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooow! Just like that! And she
taked me outside to the big growly monster called car. And we got
inside Car with another ladypeople who I get to give a name to! See? I
must be a ladycat now cuz before it was only mummycat who gave names
to somebodies, and she's a ladycat and now it's my turn and so maybe
I'm a ladycat!
But anyway, I think I'm gonna call this lady somebody Showgirl cuz I always see her when we're going to a show. She's real nice. She calls me "Hello Milliecat!" and I like it. So she drived us way, way far away, at least a whole 10 minutes! And then we got to another house, and when we went inside I gotted real ascared cuz I could smell lotsa other cats and they weren't my mummycat. So I hided right at the back of the stinky PTU and I hided my face under my blanket. But then another lady somebody came and she talked to me and she said "Are you hidin, scaredycat?" And even though I knowed she said it with a smileyface cuz her voice was smiley, I ain't no scaredycat! So I popped out my face and I said "Weeeeowwww!" just like that! And she made the laugh noise. And then they sat and talked so's I could feel more comfy with the new smells. But then the lady somebody taked me away from my human and Showgirl and she put me in a new place. And half of it was outside where my human said I was never allowed to go on my own, but it was Ok, cuz it had walls and stuff and so it wasn't really outside even though it was!

And there was a stinky mancat in there! My human says he was beautiful, but he really was stinky! And I said hello to him and he said hello to me and he kept sniffing me a lot and following me wherever I went.

I didn't notice when my human went home, and even though I missed her, I didn't cry cuz only babycats cry and I'm not a babycat! I made real good friends with the stinky mancat, and we played together and ate
together and we even cuddled! But that wasn't good enough for the people somebody, cuz she said, "Ah, not again. You always want them to love you before you do the deed, and we haven't got time for you to
mess around again! This poor girl needs to be mated!" I didn't know what she was talking about, but she taked me away from my new stinky friend and said something about letting me meet a mancat that was more
experienced and would get the job done.

I did meet another mancat. This one was old, but he wasn't boring like my old, fat mummycat! He was real, real interested in me. He followed me that close that I hadda say sssssss to him, and I even said grrrrrrr! I know that's not good manners, but my mummycat swears at the mancats too when they get too pushy, so I was only copying her!

Now that I'm sorta a ladycat, I can say that I won't talk about what happened over the next 2 days, cuz a ladycat doesn't talk about things like that. But, all you somebodies, we did what we needed to do. I gotta say, the cure for my sick was kinda nice! And mummycat was right when she said I'd enjoy myself!

On Monday, Showgirl camed back with the horrible PTU and she taked me home. I gived my new mancat friend a little kissie byebye, and then went back in Car and home to see mummycat. Sept that mummycat was even grumpier than usual! She said sssss and rrrrrrrrr lots to me and she even tried to give me smackypaw! She said I stinked like a stinky mancat! But my mancat friend wasn't stinky! This went on all night even when my human gotted back from her day hunting place. She kept telling mummycat to be nice, but mummycat never listens. So yesterday, my human said "Right, girls, that's enough of this. You've asked for it!" And then she taked mummycat into the bathroom and cleaned her with lotsa water. And then she did it to me too so's we'd both smell the same. And ever since then mummycat has just been her normal grumpy. But I don't care, cuz I got the best spot to sleep up by the human's head last night, so nya to you, mummycat!

And that's all about my adventure. My human says that I shouldn't get sick now for a very long time, or at least, I'd better not get sick. Then she laughed. Crazy human!

Smoochies

Millie

Boycats and Mancats and Sisters, Oh My!

Friends, I haven't writed in ages and ages and ages and forever! That stupid human says that I'm not allowed on the puter desk cuz last time I was up there I runned all over the keyboard thingy and sent lotsa messages to all her friends on something called messenger. And none of her stinky friends liked me all that much, cuz they all complained! So now i don't get to go up there any more, so I can only talk to you all when she's here and will do it for me. My human says that this is my last night as a babycat, but I don't know what she's talking about, cuz I'm not a babycat anyway. I'm a girlcat, and everybody somebody knows that you get to be a girlcat till your first birthday and then you might get to call yourself a ladycat. But I don't never wanna be a ladycat cuz they're all fat and grumpy and booooooooring like my mummycat! Set the nice ones, of course. She says that you don't get to be a babycat or a girlcat any more after you've been to stay at the house of a boycat. But boycats are big and stinky and, well, interesting! I'm sick again, all my friends. This is the fifth time it's happened now, and my human says that the only way to get over the illness is to go and spend some time with a very nice mancat. She says he'll help me get better, but everybody somebody knows that mancats are stinkier than boycats! I like mancats while I'm sick though, so perhaps it won't be too bad. My mummycat whispered in my ear that I was off to have a good time, cuz I'd be going to spend time with the mancat that she went to see. She says he's lovely and he'll be nice to me and I'll enjoy it... Then she laughed behind her paw. But I don't know, all my friends. I've never been to a mancat's house before. Will he have comfy beds to lie in? My mummycat says yes, but that I'll have to share with him. Then she laughed again. But I'm not stupid, and I know that if you share a bed with another cat somebody, the cat somebody will bop you on the head and give you smackypaw and bunnykick you till you get out. My mummycat taught me that one, so I dunno why she's telling porkies about me having to share with him!

My human keeps cuddling me and telling me not to worry, and she keeps saying that next year we'll have our own mancat house and I won't have to go away to stay in a mancat house and she'll like it better cuz she can still see me every day and I'll like it better cuz i won't have to go away. All my friends, I don't wanna go away all that much cuz I'll miss my human, and even my mummycat! But mummycat says that once the nice mancat has been nice to me, then I can come home again straight away. So I've decided that I'm gonna be extra nice to him! My human says I can take a blanket with me so that we can snuggle in something that smells like home, and i can even have a toy if I want one. My human's good!

And she says that when I get back, it will only be a few more days till my new little sister gets here! She's coming to live with us on the 15th, and I'm so essited! I've picked out toys for her already and I've been practicing my chasey chasey game so's we can play together real good! My human says I gotta be real, real nice to her cuz she's only a teeny weeny babycat and she's gonna miss her mummycat when she gets here. I say she can have my mummycat if she wants her, cuz then I won't get bunnykicked or smackypawed any more. It's not my fault if I still wanna be real good friends with her. She's my mummycat after all!

My human says you can have pictures of our new sister from when she was 11 weeks old. Hope you like her as much as I do!

Big smoochies to you all, even the stinky boycats and mancats! I'm sick, remember?

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Millie Grows Up and Some Big News!

Hihihihihihihi! It's been forever since I writed last on here to you all. Hope you haven't missed me too much!

You might not even recognise me any more cuz I've growed so much and I can say big words now and everything, but I promise you it's still me! And I still love you all and I'm still your friend!

Hey, there's lots going on here that my human says I can tell you all about. And I have some really, reallllllly exciting news that I'll tell you at the end so's you'll keep reading and not run away while I'm writing stuffs to you somebodies.

But first, can you somebodies tell me if I'm sick? I think I must be. There's been two whole times now where I've feeled real, real weird. I don't know why I'm doing it, but I feel like I gotta walk around the house and lay on the floor with my bumbum up in the air. Sorry, I know that's rude, but mummycat says it's Ok to say bumbum now! And when I have my bumbum in the air, then it feels good to hold my tail over to one side. And then I know I gotta shout and shout till the human somebody comes and scratches my tail for me cuz that feels good and then I go quiet. But, you somebodies, the thing that worries me the mostest is that I think my brain is sick. Why? Cuz every time I'm lying on the floor with my bumbum in the air, I can't help thinking
about stinky mancats! And suddenly they aren't as stinky any more! My sick brain tells me that it would be fun to go be friends with some stinky mancats, but that's stupid, cuz every girlcat knows that all mancats and boycats are stinky, even the nice ones like Scoutey and all the other mancats that live with the Katnips!

Is there any cure for my condition? Do I gotta go see the horrible vet lady person somebody who sticked a big, biiiiiig needle in my neck when I was a tiny babycat? I don't wanna go, but I think I might need to!

I don't know why my human somebody isn't worried either, cuz usually she worries like crazypants if I get sick or if mummycat gets sick. But maybe she's sick too, cuz she got all excited whenever I started putting my bumbum up and telling her all about it. She doesn't know that there's something wrong with me, even though I telled her and telled her and telled her! In fact, I telled her so much that my human somebody says I didn't shut up for the whole 5 days that I was calling. I don't know what calling is, but I wasn't. I was sick! Silly human somebody!

Thankfully, this sick thingy goes away after a bit, but it always comes back! My human somebody says please could I work on toning down the constant chirping and talking to her all the time, even in the night, but I say I'll do that whenever she fixes my sick head! So, you somebody friends, can any of you somebodies tell me what's going on, and what the cure for it is? I don't want to be sick enough to think that stinky mancats might be nice!

Right, now the real, real exciting bit. Our big news! My human somebody's been on the talky telephone thingy lots and lots over the last couple of days, and she's been getting real, real excited, but she didn't tell me why until yesterday when she said, "Well, Millie, that's it done and dusted. She'll be coming in 5 weeks!" I was a bit confused, so I asked her to splain herself to me. Well, get this! Somebodies, I will be getting a new little sistercat in 5 weeks! I don't know how long 5 weeks is, but the human somebody said it wasn't tomorrow, so it's gonna be forever before she gets here! And I can't wait! She's coming from Scot Land which my human says is real far away. Doesn't Scot live with the Katnips? Hey, is my new babycat sistercat coming from the Katnips? My human says there's another Scot Land, but I wanna be sure!

My sistercat is 7 weeks old now, and she's the same colour as my mummycat, a seal tortie point. The human says that her ladypeople says she's the boss and the leader of her gang of brothers and sisters, but we'll just see about that when she gets here! She'll be smaller than me anyway, so I'll be boss sistercat first! Sept that mummycat is the boss of me, so maybe she'll win. Oh, oh, oh, I can't wait! And neither can the human somebody! The human says she's from really nice bloodlines whatever that means, but I don't care. I need a sistercat to play with and to boss and to cuddle up with, cuz mummycat doesn't like to cuddle with me cuz she says I have no manners and jump on her head and attack her ears and her whiskers when she's trying to sleep. Well, she shouldn't have ears and whiskers then!

Lotsa smoochies to you all, somebody friends!

Millie

Tia's gotcha day!

Wow, friends, it's my gotcha day! I find it hard to believe that it's
two years ago today that my human came and found me in my last home.
Do you know that she wasn't even convinced she wanted a Persian when
she came to see me?

It was all down to Bug sweet talking her into coming, so I owe him a
lot of smoochies! She wanted a short haired cat (the nerve!), but her
and Bug were taking a trip to this far, far away place to introduce
Bug to some friends of hers. They were looking at cats on the internet
for ages, and then they came across an advert for Persians for sale in
the place they were going to. Although the human thought it was
pointless going, Bug convinced her with the idea that even if she
didn't find her perfect cat (don't be too hard on her, she didn't know
me back then), she'd get lots of free cat cuddles. My human's not hard
to convince, so off they went.>

I didn't hear the human come into my last house, cuz I was kept in a
room right at the top of the house and the old slave's yappy little
dogs were screaming cuz they heard a new people and wanted to see. But
when everything was quiet, the slave came and got me and brought me
downstairs.

I liked the look of them straight away, and went to sit on Bug's lap
while my human cuddled one of the younger kittens. While she was busy
trying to make the kitten not scared, I was cosying up to Bug. Ok, I
mighta slapped him once, but he deserved it! He was rubbing the yummy
tummy without permission! Bug doesn't mind cats smacking him anyway,
cuz when he was helping the human pick out her new cat, he
deliberately pushed all the cats he met so that he would provoke us a
little and could look at how we reacted to being annoyed. The human
was very frightened of teeth and claws, so it was important that the
cat she had would be nice to her.

Well, I didn't draw blood, and Bug obviously liked my tortitude, cuz
he took the little kitten from the human and I got to cuddle her
instead! I let her rub the yummy tummy, and although I held onto her,
I did it with my claws in. I knew she was the one for me, even if she
didn't know it yet.

After a little while, Bug and the human went away. I was confused.
They'd left me behind, and they'd even said the horrible BATH word.
Were they going to punish me? But I'd done nothing wrong! And I so
wanted to go home with them!

I went back to my room, sad that I hadn't been able to convince them
that the human was the one for me. What I didn't know was that the
human and Bug went back to their hotel, and she agonised all night
about whether or not to take me. She said stupid things like, "But
she's a long-hair," and, "But she slapped you," and, "But I don't even
have a carrier with me. I wasn't expecting to take one home, and I
don't have time to buy one. We're leaving tomorrow!" All Bug had to do
was convince her, and he did it very, very well. He used lotsa words,
but all he said in the end as he laughed at her was, "Look, you stupid
woman, forget the hair. She's everything you're looking for!
Handleable, cuddly, polite, gentle, and she gets on with other cats!
Just phone the lady and have done already or I'll do it for you."
Goooooooo Bug! He should have his own cheer leader team for that
moment alone!

After about eleventy-zilion more "what if's", she finally admitted
that Bug was right and that she was being stupid. Well, there's a
surprise!

I heard the phone ring, and pricked up my ears. Was it her? Next thing
I know, the last slave has grabbed me and is bathing me to get rid of
all the other cat smells. I complained, but she didn't listen.
Instead, she stuffed me into a horrible PTU, put me in a horrible car,
and drove for ages.

I was scared out of my whits! I wasn't used to travelling back then,
and the only time I'd seen a car was when they took me to the horrible
VET. I cuddled at the back of my PTU and tried to disappear. After a
hundred years, we got to a house and the old slave took my PTU inside.
There was my human!

If I hadn't been so scared, I would have been glad, but it was all a
bit much for me, and I just hid. I don't mind admitting that now, but
I haven't been scared since, oh no!

Suddenly, I wasn't so sure that this was a good idea, especially as my
old slave was walking away. I didn't cry, but I looked after her and
asked her to take me back home to my mummycat and my friends that I
lived with, but she didn't listen. She just left.

My human and Bug made nice talk noise to me through the front of the
PTU, but I just hid. Then we drove some more, and they then took me on
a big, loud, growly monster called Train. When it pulled into the
station, I was so scared that I almost peed my fluffy pants! But when
we were on there, it wasn't so bad.

It was during that long journey that I started to remember that I'd
made the right choice. Instead of ignoring me, my human and then Bug
took me out of the PTU for cuddles. The human made a place so that I
could hide my head under her arm when I was scared. Then, in the dark,
I could pretend I wasn't in the tummy of a big growly monster, and I
could just enjoy the lovin.

We had to change to another growly monster called train, and in the
station, I got so frightened that I started to jump around inside my
PTU. I jumpws so hard that the bottom gave and the door almost fell
out. My human said she almost cried then, cuz I was in pure panic
mode. She's never seen me like that again, and she says she hopes she
never will, cuz it broke her heart to see me like that.

After ages, we got to a new house that smelled of another cat and of
different smells, and of the human. I got taken to a quiet little warm
room and then the PTU was opened, but I didn't want to come out. That
was Ok though. The human just left me be to explore on my own and get
used to things.

Ever since that day, I have loved my human, and Bug, cuz he's part of
the reason I'm here, after all. I've come such a long way in the last
few years. When I arrived, I was so scared that I'd run from my own
shadow. I would hide a lot, and wouldn't say hello to visitors. Now, I
happily travel in the tummy of the big growly monster called train,
and even ask to come out of my PTU and go on a harness so that I can
sit on the human's knee and say hello to peoples. I complain all the
way in the car instead of staying like a quiet little mouse, and,
although I'm still really frightened of fast moving feet and sudden
noises, I don't hide for hours any more. I'm content that my human
loves me despite all my quirks. She says she loves me more because of
them, and I think I even believe her!

I celebrated the lead up to my gotcha day by being whisked off to a
fancy hotel to be milk and tunaed by a very handsome mancat. The
weather wasn't great, but we spent four very happy days together
despite the rain and thunder. In fact, it was kinda cosy being inside
and listening to the wind howling outside. Of course, we had to cuddle
up together for warmth, and, well, one thing led to another and...
Well, he really is a very nice mancat! My human came to get me when
I'd decided that I really couldn't stay on holiday any longer as I had
responsibilities at home, you know, a human and the baby to look
after. All that, erm, holidaying, tired me out though, and I slept
hard all the next day! I came home on Tuesday, and my human is amazed
at the change in my temperament. I'm much more cuddly than normal, and
love to sleep on her or on the sofa behind her head. She says this is
unusual cuz I haven't been like that for over a year now. Really
though, I'm just sucking up to her so she'll give me lots of tuna.

Mind you, that being said, I feel much more mellow than usual. Mancats
seem to have that effect on me. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it's the
things growing in my yummy tummy that make me feel so good...

Yep, can't think of a better way to celebrate my gotcha than that.
They are starting to implant into the uterine walls today. How fitting
it is that this happens on the day I implanted myself firmly into my
human's heart forever.

I'm Leaving!

Friends, I'm moving out. I've had enough of this human and this place, so I'm leaving!

She forgot my Birthday! Yes, friends, you read that right, she actually forgot! I woke her nice and early on Sunday morning with lots of head rubbing and purrs and kneading, and do you know what she said? "Ah,
Tia, it's only 4:30 and I don't have to get up for work today. Go away, you purry monster, and let me sleep!" She did give me scritches, but that's not the point. But I'm a nice ladycat, so after I was done getting my cuddles, I allowed her a lie in, then went back and woke her again. "Ah, Tia, it's only 4:45, and I don't have to get up for work today." That lazy lout didn't get up until gone 5 AM! And even then, all she did was complain. "You've got enough food in your bowls to feed a small army of cats who're on an extended campaign, Tia. Why on earth did you get me up!" I'd had enough now, so I ignored her all the rest of the morning. She got madder and muttered something about "darn cat doesn't even want to know me now she's got me up," but my mind was elsewhere.

Now, we polite cats know that it's not polite to tell peoples that it's our Birthday, so I just waited and waited in the knowledge that there's no way she could ever forget me. The morning rolled by and there was no sign of tuna. The afternoon showed up, and I wasn't given any prawns. And then the evening popped in to say hello, and still my bowl was devoid of any sign of cod. Friends, the injustice of that hurt terribly, even more so when she started to play with Computer instead of me. And then, all of a sudden, "Oh, Tia! It's your
Birthday! I've just seen comments from your friends, and I forgot!" At last, I thought. Now comes the good stuff. But even that was short lived.

"Oh but Tia," said she, "I haven't even bought you a present!" Well, my hopes fell at that point, and I went back to ignoring her. I'm so mis-treated in this house that I think somebody needs to call the RSPCA on my behalf. I mean, whoever heard of a ladycat's fifth Birthday being forgotten! That's terrible cruelty! I haven't worked out how to use these new touch screen phone things yet though, so I can't call them myself, and anyway, they're not clever enough to understand Felinese. Do any of you have a sympathetic people I could
borrow to do the job for me? I'm desperate here!

So what did I do on my Birthday? Well, nothing really. I ate the subsistance rations I was offered. I slept in the new bed on the yummy scratchy post. I beat up Millie just cuz she was annoying me, and most importantly, I hunted for a mancat, but I couldn't find one! There's a nice boy that keeps coming into the garden, and he even anointed the human's wash basket that she'd left out there while her laundry was
drying on the line. I was very, very interested in it when she brought it back inside, but she's such a kill joy that she just took the basket away from me and scrubbed it out, saying bad things about that "dirty mancat" while she did it. How dare she!

Well, life goes on as always here. I'm done looking for mancats, well, for today anyway. My human says she's found one for me and that I can go and see him next time I feel that I'd like to, so I'm excited! The kitten still doesn't understand about my urges at all, and I'm quite happy for it to stay that way. The human apparently is too. "One grumpy, hormonal female at a time in the house is enough thank you," is what she said right before I smacked her, then ran off to beat up the baby cuz she dared to sit where I wanted to. She's so rude sometimes!

So, I'd like to thank all of you who came by to wish me a happy birthday and, unlike my human, didn't forget me! At least I know who my real friends are!

The photos from the show finally arrived, so here's a few of me and the baby for you to enjoy!

Introducing... Champion Catarosa Dolly Mixture

Friends, I must write and tell you all about what's been going on here since we last wrote. The human slacks terribly when it comes to writing, and to be honest, I've pretty much given up on the idea of ever having a regular update on this blog any more. She says that as she's day hunting for such a long time every day, it doesn't really give her much time to write. She's lost touch with all of the peoples she met through blogging too. She says this is cuz Computer keeps deleting email addresses, and it will only sometimes let her leave comments. If anybody wants to get in touch though, she'll answer an email. She might even be able to bully Computer into giving her some lost addresses this week, as she says she's "regressing the software to an earlier version which should help". I don't have a clue what she's talking about, friends, but regression sounds painful. I hope it is. I hate computer! Well, except when he's playing nicely and letting the human tippy-tap what I tell her to so's you can all read it.

Life continues as ever here, except that the human is trying to introduce new kinds of stinky goodness into the diet. Millie's tummy turns ever so un-yummy whenever the human does this, and it makes her trips to the litter tray a bit of an event in our house. The human is to be seen lurking right outside the entrance to scoop her and clean her whenever she's done. My kitten hasn't managed the art of remaining clean even with a runny bum yet. Mind you, one of the flavours upset my yummy tummy too, and that takes some doing! Needless to say, that food has been removed for now. The horrible human hasn't given up on it altogether though. She has ideas of sneaking bits in with our normal stinky goodness in the hopes that our tummies won't rebell if we get it in small portions. She won't fool us though!

Luckily, the kitten got herself better in time for Saturday, as we had a big show to go to! Millie was in a very fancy pen which the human said was called an exhibition pen. I got to go in there for a while too, but was swiftly removed whenever I politely pushed Millie out of the way to eat her foods, then ever so politely tapped her with my paw until she jumped out of her bed so that I could steal, I mean lie in it. The human would have it said that I barged her out of the way to get to the food bowl and that I used smackypaw of doom with claws out to get her out of her bed, but really, you can't be expected to believe such poor lies. I mean, me? Be rude? You know this isn't possible!

I was soon taken to my own pen which was drab in comparison to the kitten's. Mine didn't have nice, fancy curtains or a padded mat. It was the same colour as everyone else's, and it didn't have a nice, frilly bed to lie in! It was barren! I was left to sit in the middle of a stinking cage, to rest my poor bones on nothing more than a warm, padded, fluffy fleece blanket, to drink nothing but water from a bowl and to have nothing to eat except a pile of dry foods. The privation was terrible! I almost didn't survive!

There was one good thing though. My prison was one of a row of prison cells with peoples jeering and taunting us with horrid phrases like, "hello, puddin. Want a cuddle?" and, "I'm gonna come back and take you out in a minute for some lovins and brushing. You enjoy that, don't you!" and, "Oh, what a pretty ladycat you are!" My prisonmates were similarly stoic when it came to the peoples taunting. We all sat in silence. Ok, so I rolled around and showed my yummy tummy, and I even slept upside down for a while, and I might have even said miaow a couple of times, but while I was making my feelings of outrage clear, I couldn't help but notice that either side of me were boys, very handsome boys who weren't like the usual braggarts. They didn't say anything rude or sallacious to me. They didn't make innuendos, and they didn't ask me if I was free this evening. One settled down to sleep, and the other one was making love eyes and head rubbies on the bars where my human was standing. They were so nice that I didn't even feel the need to hiss! In fact, I found eau de mancat very, very interesting. My human, trator that she is, went and cuddled the boy next door for a while in the afternoon, but he was so nice that I didn't even mind his stink on her. She says that he owned a friend of hers, and she'd been asked to feed him and love on him while his slave was helping the peoples in white coats that take us out and say how pretty we are. I only wish I'd been instructed to love on him a bit too!...

Anyway, my human disappeared after that as she usually does, and took all the other peoples with her. When everywhere was quiet, the peoples in white coats came to have a cuddle of us all. They cuddle strangely. They love on us by feeling our heads, checking our teeths, looking in our eyes, touching all over us, but then they finish with a normal cuddle session.

I had quite a few peoples to come and look at me. The first one said that I was absolutely scrummy. I won't go into detail about what she said, as a modest ladycat would never boast, but she said some words that I know would make the human very pleased. Some other peoples came and cuddled me, but I didn't like them as they gave me no prizes. the last people in the white coat was an old ladypeople who really knows how to cuddle good! She liked me too.

In the meantime, the human had come back and gone to see the kitten who was having a whale of a time! She had absolutely wrecked the pen. Just as she was leaving, she said that she saw the kitten stand on the edge of her bed which is raised up, then take a big jump into the middle of the pile of cushions, grab one and start rolling around with it. When she came back though, she discovered that Millie had gone swimming in her water, kicked the bowl over, flipped her bed, spread the cushions around, and then had dug her way under the mat with her straw so that she could kill it in peace. She wasn't frightened, as she came straight out whenever the human came back. She got taken out for lots and lots of cuddles which she absolutely loved! She met lots of nice peoples who said what a lovely, purry girlcat she was. Well, of course she's lovely. She's my babycat! Some of the peoples even came to see me and give me lotsa cuddles, and I didn't even grump at them! I only grumbled when they wanted to put me back in my pen, but I'll admit secretly to you, dear friends, that I only grumbled cuz I was enjoying the cuddles so much and cuz being out gave me the opportunity to stare in at the handsome mancats!

My human got really, really pleased when she first came back to see me. "Tia," she said as she slobbered kisses all over me (Ok, I purred, but I'll never admit it to anyone else), "You've got a CC! Do you know what that means, Puddin?" "Miaow," I said, and she agreed, "Yes, that's right. That means that you're now a GCCF champion! Isn't that fab?"

Well, of course it's fab! I started showing back in the summer of 2010, and although I did nothing regular up until a few months ago, it's taken me 2 years from start to finish to get that title. I went through nine shows to gather all the certificates I needed, and me and the human are just so thrilled that we're finally here!

I told her in no uncertain terms that she should buy me something real, real nice to celebrate, and do you know what she said? She picked me up, gave me a squidge and said, "too slow, girlie. I already have bought you and that monkey of a kitten the most wonderful thing! Just wait till you see!"

The full extent of what she had done didn't become apparent until we arrived home later that evening. After a lot of clattering, a bit of swearing (on Dogman's part only, as a good ladypeople would never swear...) and some grunting as they moved things around, my palace was ready! She had bought me the most wonderful new scratching post! We'll put photos up when we have them, but basically it's a gorgeous pinky granite base, lovely big, thick poles, a soft platform bed that sinks in the middle so that you're real, real cosy in it, a hanging hammock underneath, and a gorgeous full wicker basket on the very top post. She complained that it cost her a small fortune, but I told her that I didn't mind that, and that I was worth it anyway.

After the show, myself and the human had a long talk. We've decided that for now, I'll be retired from showing to have some yummy babies. She's found a gorgeous mancat for me to go and spend time with, and anyway, now that spring is here, I'm feeling the urge to make more. Meanwhile, my babycat will take up the mantle of showcat extraordinaire. I give it to her gladly!

I had some photos taken of me on the day, but I don't know how they'll turn out. They put me in the photo booth right after a big, stinky mancat had been in there. He was rude. He left his calling card so that I'd know he'd been there and was willing to help me in the making babies game, but I wasn't interested! I had to hiss and spit at the flashy box a few times just to get my message across. The human says she'll post photos when we get them anyway.

For now, I'll just be happy with my new title of Champion Catarosa Dolly Mixture. Doesn't that sound grand! All the grander when you've worked out that, being such a highly titled cat, you're entitled to extra perks such as more stinky goodness, more frequent tuna sessions, and extra sleepy time in the bestest scratchy post ever!