Am I Really Cutiful?

I don't know why the human doesn't blog for me more often, but she says that now she's at work almost every day, often she's just too tired to do it when she comes back home. I've decided to take matters into my own paws and write when she's out, but this relies on her leaving the talking thing on for me so that I can use it. The button for making it come on is too hard for me to push with my nose myself, so yet again, I'm at the mercy of her whims.

The human has come across a new word though, which I think describes me aptly. It was late at night and the second of my wake-up human times. I did the usual; miaowed until she was fully aware that I was about to jump, waited for her to groan "Ok, come on then", climbed on top of her and started to knead. Still half asleep, she mumbled, while scratching me under the chin, "You're cutiful, you know that?" Well, it's stuck. I think it's great, and every time she says it, she laughs. I challenge you all to tell your humans to use it too. Let me know how you get on, eh? You're all cutiful enough to deserve the propper form of address, so good luck with the trainin.

Life has been relatively quieter since my last update. The witch has been back once or twice, but I have decided that I'm no longer interested. I don't even bother to get up from my chair now. If she thinks that she's a better, more attractive cat than me, then she's simply wrong. We all know that, so I don't know why I'm wasting the effort showing her. Truth is truth, regardless of what others think, and I think I will let it speak for itself. As for the mancat, if he wants to waste his time running after any old thing on the street that will have him, then I'm glad I didn't go near him. I want a man with a bit of panache, a bit of class, you know?

This, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that I now know another loves me, no not at all! His name is Porthos and apparently he's from France, whatever that is. My human says it's a country and she really likes the French accent. For the most part, she has good taste, so, Porthos, you must miaow at me so that I can make sure she's right. He's going to write to me soon and tell me more about him, but it's gratifying to know that he's fallen in love with me at the mere sight of a picture. Kind of puts the world back on an even footing, you know?

I didn't sleep with the human on the night after I last wrote, but that time to think has really helped me out. I have decided that I love my mum, I always have and always will, but the human needs me. I took responsibility when I took the human on, and I can't give it up now just because it suits me. I still haven't fully forgiven her for cuddling another cat though, even if it is my mum, so I'm slightly more reserved with her. I'm making her come to me now for strokes instead of the other way around. Well, it's good for her, keeps her fit. Let it never be said that I don't do my part.

I've had different meat too. This morning, the human gave me some raw chicken, and boy did it taste good! She committed one crime though. I have her trained well enough that she usually cuts my meat into small pieces for me. She thinks it's because Persians have difficulty picking up large chunks, and I'm happy to let her continue believing this. Really though, why go to all the bother of chewing if she'll cut it for me? She's been reading again though. I don't like it when she does this. It usually results in her changing something "for your own good, Tia," and this change usually requires more effort to be expended on my part to get what I want. This morning, for instance, she left my chicken in a big lump. Apparently it's better for our teeth if we chew on meat rather than just gulping it. I ask you, why! Why do it if the human will negate the need? I licked and licked at the chicken all right, but I didn't bother with chewing. She cooked some too, but left the raw bit in the other side of the dish for me. She says she wants to see if it's gone by the time she gets back, but she needn't hold her breath. I'll eat the softer stuff, then have a nibble on the *growl* healthy, dried stuff. It isn't even stinky!

The people who gets out the noisy hoover came yesterday and took away all my fur from the soft thing (apparently the peoples word is sofa), and from the carpet. I'd spent a whole weekend trying to make the house more appealing. It's so much better with decent, cat-smelling fur all over it, but they just don't see it. I try and do the same with the human, too. She has to cover herself with new things each day before going out, and I suspect she changes them so often because neither they nor she have fur. I thought I'd donate some of mine. Maybe that would keep her warm enough that she wouldn't need to bother with the covering things, but so far, it hasn't worked. Firstly, I can never give her enough that she has a nice, thick coat all over her like I do, and secondly, when I do leave some on the covering things, she brushes it off. I've said many times before that I don't hold a grudge against the human for being stupid, but this one tests my patience. Ah well, I guess the only thing to do is to keep on trying, eh? Besides, I can hunt two birds with the one paw this way anyway. While I'm furring her up, I can let her stroke me too, which is good for her. I might even indulge in some tummy rubbing as well, which I admit is all for my pleasure and not hers, although thankfully, she does seem to enjoy it quite a lot. "Oh, that's a lovely tummy," she always says as she rubs. To coin a people expression, well, duh, I already know this! It's nice of her to say it though.

That stupid kitten that escaped from my human's people has also got a blog. He's such a copy-kitten. His is full of kitten talk, but it's kind of cute. Shhh, I didn't just say that. I think I'm going to teach him the ways of a grown-up cat, and give him the good raising that he'll not get otherwise. I suppose there's hope for him yet, but only as long as the human continues to love me more than him. I can't see why this would be a problem though.

Speaking of love, my Porthos, I await your adoration.

My human has asked me to tell you all that she's sorry, but she can't leave comments on most of your blogs. A lot of them require something called word verification to leave a comment, and the audio link doesn't work. As her eyes are broken, she can't type what comes up in the picture, so can't leave a comment. She'd love to, but unless you change your settings so that it doesn't require word verification, she'll have to admire you from a distance. She says she'll help if you don't know how to change the settings but want to. She is sorry about this, and so am I, as I don't have a clue what most of that last bit meant. Still though, I don't mind doing her favours when she asks.

The Human, the Witch and the Hypocrite

Well, what am I to say today? Nothing much has happened over the weekend to speak of, but I'll fill you in as best I can. Nothing much, that is, except for the arrival of a harlot on my patch!

My fame left me all of a flutter last Friday, but I wasn't too pleased to hear that George couldn't be a daddy. I was kind of pinning my hopes on that. Ah well, I guess it's back to the pawing board then, eh? The longer I wait, the more interested in men I'm becoming again. I don't know what it is, but when I'm with them I just don't want them, and when I can't have them, I think it sounds like a good idea to go visit them. Ah well, it keeps the human on her toes, I suppose.

I didn't do much when she came back from her going out time when I posted last. We just sat around in the evening while she went typing again. She does an awful lot of that.

The next morning, she tried to get me to stay in bed with her, but I wasn't interested. I know if I get up, she usually follows, and although she didn't have to go out to the thing she calls work, I felt it important to make sure she stood up at exactly the same time as normal. Humans thrive on routine and get quite upset when it is disrupted. This is why, if I miaow early or late for my morning food, she'll say "Oh Tia, shut up and let me sleep!" It's her way of begging me to make things go back to normal. I'm a soft soul. I care about the human, so I try and keep things regular to keep her happy. This is why she got up when the sun was still low in the sky. She wasn't best pleased about it and grumbled, but it's her way of showing affection. I know this because when she collapsed into the soft thing she sits on, she cuddled me. She wouldn't do that if she was annoyed, would she?

After the morning food, I was content to curl up and sleep it off, but unfortunately, it was not to be. Some other female had the gall to go parading off with my man friend in the car park! What's more, the nasty little witch was actually teasing him! She'd let him get close, and then when he tried to do the manly thing and finish the act, she'd turn around and really scream at him. I was so annoyed that I went and sat in the window where they could see me, and I turned my back on him. There couldn't be a more clear message of rejection, and still he stalks that little monster who's not half the cat I am, when I'm not trying!

To add insult to injury, the human was actually worried about her, thinking she might be hurt because of the frequency of the screams. She soon went away though, and peace returned to the house.

Oh, something wonderful happened on Saturday. My pingg pong balls arrived! Oh, what fun I had, even if she would only give them to me one ball at a time. Judging by the size of the bag, there's a never-ending supply of them now. She's clever though. It's a bag inside a bag, but she's ripped the holes so that they're not level. I went over to try and steal, ahem, I mean take, a ball myself, only so that she wouldn't have to be bothered to get it for me. See? I do care! But when I put my paw through the first hole, all I found was more plastic. Even my nose going there didn't change the situation. I'm not silly enough to scratch at the bag (why use your claws when the human's ones are so much better at it?) so I simply went back to crying for them. If she makes it difficult for me, it's her own fault if I disturb her to get what I want, and I won't put up with her complaining.

The next morning, the enemy was back. Again I sat in the window, and again I showed the pair of them my tail. Hypocrite! This time a few weeks ago, he'd have done anything for me! But the human had had enough now. She was really worried, and put some food in a bowl, thinking that the witch might have kittens she was defending. The screaming was all coming from the one place and was very frequent. On seeing the food, I thought it was for me, and, accordingly, went to investigate. you can imagine how cross I was to have it pulled from under my nose and whisked away, only to reappear closer to them! I could have spat with anger, but as I'm well bred and have manners, i contained it, with great difficulty, I don't mind admitting.

I don't know if I've mentioned before, but my human's eyes are bad. They move about a lot and she never looks directly at me, even when I try and teach her that eye contact is important. I've come to the conclusion that they don't work very well. She never looks at anything, and unless I make a noise or come to her, she can't find me except for moving her hands everywhere until they touch me. Sometimes this is handy, like when I'm trying to get in somewhere I'm not allowed, but at other times, such as when I want her to know *exactly* where I am so that she can give me the fish, I'm sure to make plenty of noise. Today though, it worked in my favour. She went searching for the witch, but the unfaithful hypocrite had stopped pestering her at that point, so she went quiet. Not content with this though, the human came back and called a people that comes over a few times a week and gets out the noisy thing the human calls a hoover. This people came and helped the human find the witch, who was in some bushes. Once they were sure that she wasn't hurt and was only playing coy, they left her to it. I didn't get that extra food though. I wasn't happy. I hope she gets cold out there, or gets lost, or gets wet in the water that comes from the sky. How dare she steal my men! May she never get fish again!

I forgave the human. I've said before that they're a little stupid, and I won't hold a grudge with mine for a disability she can't help. I'm magnanimus too. It comes as part of good blood, you know. That night found us companionable again, but there was another shock in store. It was mummy's bath time.

I haven't seen my mum since I got back from the boys' places, and to be honest, I'd forgotten how much I missed her. The human usually closes the door to stop us from getting distressed by seeing each other, but she forgot to tonight, and mummy, on seeing the bathroom, began to cry. She doesn't like the bath. Given that it's an instinctual response, this brought me running, and low and behold, there she was. Well, that set me off. She was crying and I was crying too, partly because I wanted to see my mum, but partly because here was my human, my human, and she was holding another cat! Whether it's mum or not, this shouldn't be allowed. The human got quite upset too. She can't let us run together. She says mum has something she shouldn't and needs to be kept separate, but you could see that she wanted to. In the end, she nudged me out of the bathroom to cut down on all three of our distress, but I still stood outside the door and cried. I knew my mum was in there, and although I didn't want to be with her for always, I did want to see her again.

While the shampoo was working, my human came back, and I showed her just why I'm her one and only cat. I rubbed her, I groomed her (mainly to get rid of the smell of mum), I headbutted her, rolled over, gave her my tummy, everything. I could still see that she was very upset. She gets wet things in her eyes when she is, and that worries me. When my eyes go like that, I know I'm sick, and I didn't want her to be sick enough to have to go to the vet as I do when the eyes run. Although I wanted to see my mum, given that it was a passing want, I decided that I needed to get my priorities straight. I have responsibilities. Humans are not low maintenance, and sometimes, owning one means putting your own wants on hold. So I did my best to cheer her up, and eventually, her eyes stopped running. She was only sick for a little while then, and there was no need for the vet. I didn't miaow after that. I was secure in the knowledge that my human still loved me, and I also didn't want to risk her getting sick again.

She went back and finished the mummy bath, then came back to me. Although I was affectionate with her all night, I didn't sleep in the bed for long last night. I went and settled her as I always do, but once she was making the sleep breathing, I left her. I just needed time to think. Do I miss my mum enough to want her back and risk the human getting eye sick when I cry, or do I want to remain my own cat and go and see boys again? I just don't know. Today I'll think about it while the human is in her away place. I'm confused.