Tortureshell: Birds

How, you might ask, am I able to do a Tortureshell in such a short time after coming to live at Dogman's place? I wish, friends, that I could tell you I was so good at tortureshelling that I can just pull them from nowhere, but unfortunately, it takes even me a little time to judge the best angle of mischief. No, this time, our Tortureshell is to do with the human and her bird. Let me tell you all about it.




She drove to the airport (this is the name of the place where the plane birds are coaxed in to land and eat) with Dogman and Mark who had agreed to take her cuz it was still very snowy and trains might not be running. They got there with only a few minutes to spare before check in closed, but were relieved that someone was still taking the bags from them. The flight, apparently, would still run, but with a two and a half hour delay. They went and got some food and took it easy for a little while. Then the peoples who help my human at the airport came and got her and they went through security. Then followed some waiting, and some more waiting, and then just a little bit more. Just five minutes before her bird was supposed to eat her and leave, the airport announced that it was closing due to bad weather. Her bird refused to take off, and refused to eat my human. He said it was cuz he didn't want to fly with the belly ache of her really heavy suitcase. he also said the sandwich she ate made her just too heavy to cope with. I can understand this. I mean, we cats are better than any bird, and I dont' think any of my friends could lift my human. There's just too much of her!





Because the bird wouldn't fly, my human had to come back home and book to take a new bird. The peoples who booked it (the airline, she calls them) offered to put her in a hotel, but she was worried about it. There were lots of peoples staying there due to the cancellations, and that would mean staff being stretched. normally, she knows staff are happy to help her get things like food, but she didn't want to chance it. The airline paid for a taxi back home for her. And here she stayed.





I must say, I was mighty surprised to have her walk in the door at dark AM on Tuesday morning, but I made the most of it. I even went so far as to give her some of my body heat to warm her up. She was so cold when she got back in! She stayed all day yesterday, but she says that her bird will be waiting for her again today, so she has to go back to the airport and try again. I half hope he won't eat her again, cuz then I get to have her for longer, but I know she wants to see her family, so I'm torn. She got really sad yesterday when her and Dogman went down town to pick up our things for Secret Paws and post them cuz it was all Christmasy and she couldn't help thhinking she might not get home. These weather conditions are set to last till the day after Christmas. Then this morning she logged on to Facebook, and saw this from one of the youngest children in the family.





Carly, when are you coming? I'm fed up waiting for you here. I want you to come home. I won't open a single gift till you get here. I promise.





This from a humankitten that normally is the first downstairs on Christmas morning. She does like to open the things slowly though, and she always does it right in front of the human so that she can show her every little thing she gets. She's a very thoughtful little girl, and is one of the family's deaf babies (deafness runs in the human's family as well as the blindness). This baby had a Coclear implant (we don't know if that's spelled right!) at three years old which meant she had to learn to talk at that age. the human was still at home then, so taught her a lot of language herself. Once she learned, she never shut up, and would talk just for the sake of hearing herself, but the human knew how important language acquisition was as early as possible, so she talked back as much as she could. We think it was because the human rarely asked her to be quiet that the little one gravitated towards her, but she's always been close, and is usually the noisiest one at harping on and on and on "Mummy, mummy, mummy, Carly's home. Can we go to granny's and see her mummy? Can we? Muuuuuuuuum!" That quoted to the human by her mummy on Tuesday morning at 6 AM when she thought my human had made it home. Needless to say, it wasn't the mummy's idea of the perfect wake up call. The human got real, real runny eyes when she read what the humankitten had said though, so I think it's best for her health if she does make it home for Christmas. I don't want a sick eyed human on my hands. The risk isn't worth it. If it keeps her from the vet, then I'll make the sacrifice.





In other news, the Catnip Lounge crew are having a commentathon today in honour, once again, of Chrystal and her cats. I'm having real net trouble this morning, so I can't go and visit the Catnip gang. I know they read though, so please, if you don't mind, could you consider my mention of you on the blog as my comment in the commentathon? Also, if one of the others who posts for the blog could find a link and insert it, I'd be most grateful. I'd make the human do it, but the man in the box is being rude this morning and isn't talking to her and telling her all the things she needs to know. She doesn't know why, but doesn't have the time to pull him out and give him a good talking to either, as she needs to get ready for flying again.





In one last bit, thank you so much, Praline, for embedding my videos for me, and for Tori who suggested a way to do it. I'll try that next time. I can't remember who it was said they hadn't done snow angels since being ten, and the talking man won't let us check either, but I'm glad that you, at least, are more sensible than my human. When I mentioned this to her, she only said, "But Tia, I'd never made a snow angel before and wanted to try it." Stupidity? I rest my case.

Home Sweet Home

Yes, friends, I am back! And boy am I glad to be home. Things have gotten slack around here in my absence. Stupid Dogface thinks she can get attention whenever she wants it, there's no fur on the sofas and the bed, and there isn't even any food down! Or at least, there wasn't till I got here. I suppose it's good in a way though. All of these signs show me that she hasn't been fratternising with another cat while I've been away. It's a nice thing to see.

I must tell you all about my adventure though. Last week I decided to be a real growed up cat and go and visit my man friend again. He's quite nice really, and I was starting to miss him. I told my human I wanted to go. I did this by sticking my bum in the air, holding my tail to the side and shouting. Crude, I know, but sometimes I have to make the message very, very simple before she understands it. I'd been telling her for a while, but she doesn't listen until I start pretending my front legs are much shorter than my back ones. I suspect that she thinks this is what I have to do now before I can go see him.

Rambling aside though, I got my wish. I got to go in my super cool girlie pink PTU (Ok, so the PTU part isn't cool). The human and I have come to an agreement though. When we're sitting still, she takes me out of the PTU for a cuddle, but when we're moving, like when we have to change from one noisy thing to another (she calls them trains), I go back inside. No, this is not because the noise scares me! I shout at her all the while that I'm in the PTU just to make sure she remembers I'm there, alone, foodless!

We went on two noisy things, then walked a little, at least, the human did. Then we got to the house where I'd been before. The people lady that looks after my man friend took me out of the PTU and carried me to go see him. Ah, I remembered this place well! In fact, I lost no time in running around and checking it all out. He owns his own house as I've said before, and if we are to have baby kittens together, the way I see it, his house is mine. I made this abundently clear by jumping on his favourite spot. It's a chair that's in the outside bit of his house, and it makes a really good place to sit and watch the squirrels, birdies, and even the other girl cats.

Speaking of girlcats, they hissed and spat at me something shocking when I first got there. I think they were jealous. One of them told me that he was her man, and how dare I be in there with him. I just spat back at her. Silly girl. He is mine. "Who's in the house and who has to share with all those other girlcats, eh?" said I, and this made her real, real mad. I didn't mind though. I knew she couldn't get at me.

My man isn't very well trained yet. He kept trying to sneak up on me and get my chair back for himself. I decided that, before we could make a family, the training needed to start. He needed to be put in his place. So every time he came near, I hissed really good, just like the human does when I do something really, really against the rules, and thwapped him until he ran away. Eventually, it started to work.

Over the next few days I watched him, but the training never stuck for long. I kept having to reinforce it. In the end, I decided that he simply wasn't ready for the responsibility of parenthood. The others laughed at me when I mentioned it to them. They say he's already a daddy, but I know it isn't true. One of the older ladies was quite nice though, and she gave me some good advice. "Smack him down, girlie," she said to me late one night when the others were all asleep, "but don't do it all of the time. There comes a point where your needs for, ah, a good time, outweigh the necessity of moulding him into the perfect gentleman. He's a male. They are driven by instinct and primal urges. You can't hope to make them into something new overnight."

I thought long and hard about this. I was forced to admit in the end that she did have a point. I mean, I wasn't planning to stay with him once the babies were put in my tummy. He was only going to be a short-term lover, so was I expending too much effort? This was days after I'd arrived though, and what with the upheaval of moving and travelling and fending him off, I'd quite lost the urge for what the nice older ladycat called a "good time". Maybe next time things will be different. I just don't know. It's not next time yet, after all, so why worry about it?

The human came to get me a short while later, and I must say, I was glad to see her, but not as stressed out and worried as last time. This meant I didn't have to cling to her like crazy when we got home. I knew she was coming back for me this time, you see. I'd been there before, and I know when I go to that place, it's only for a short time. I did give her some good face rubs when I got home, but I was more interested in making sure I had enough food in my bowl for the next week or so. Oh, and the water! Gosh, I can't tell you how good it was to get water that tasted like it should again! The human said she thought I'd explode with the amount I drank, but it just tasted sooooo good!

Last night was good too. The human was extra specially cuddly with me, but the pillow beside her doesn't seem to want me on it. Every time I try, it tips me off. Funnily, the human's hand is always nearby when this happens. I can't really understand it. When I sleep on the human's pillow nothing happens, but when I go on the one next to her, I just get thrown off. The human says this is because she has something called Asthma. Having me sleep round the top of her head is fine, or even behind it, or even with my face cuddled against hers, but when she has my whole body beside her face, she coughs and wheezes a lot. She says my head doesn't have as much fur on it, but when my body cuddles her face, she breathes in more of it and it makes her chest hard to breathe with. I don't get this. She can cuddle with her face and it doesn't make a difference. She says that when she is sleeping, I am close for a longer time, so she gets more of my fur. Also, her breathing is deeper, so it travels further that way. Peoples are very strange. I mean, whoever heard of anyone getting aggravated by fur! It is coming into the colder weather here too though, and the human says that doesn't help either. I just wish the pillow wouldn't be so mean. Stupid pillow.

Oh, in breaking news,The Babycat
has posted on his blog. He has just been nutered. He doesn't know what this is though, and it's not a subject a well brought up ladycat can possibly discuss without a little embarrassment, even if he is just a babycat. Hopefully some of you mancats can give him some worldly advice. By the way, the beginning of this post does not imply that I think all mancats run on instinct and are untrainable. Many of you grow up very nice, but I wonder how much that has to do with having what my human terms as "the snip"? I think you've all had it, and you are all nice. Even my man friend is nice. He's just, well, persistent. Do you mancats think that having the operation makes it easier to treat ladycats with the respect we deserve? I'm very curious. The first mancat I went to see for having a family with was nice too. He wasn't as persistent as the new one who owns his own house, but then he was much younger too, so I'm not sure how much has to do with age and how much to do with not having the operation. Please, enlighten me!

For now, I shall enlighten my food dish... Quite considerably!