Katnip Toys

Friends, it's been a busy few days for the human, what with her getting ready to go to Alaska and having to order all the things for my babycats to arrive. She needs such a lot of different things, you know!





yesterday started with us being rudely summoned out of bed still early in the morning by the man who brings the big boxes that have stuff in them to our house. I'm not allowed to say hi to him any more, cuz the first time I did, I was so pleased to see him that I went right out the front door past him! To be honest, I didn't know what to do once I was in the big outside. It was all so huge and scary and it smelled so different! I just sat down on the garden path to look around and see where I was, and next thing I know, the human's begging him to help her get me back in, and he's picked me up and passed me back to her. I didn't mind all that much. The outside might be fun to explore, but I'm not desperate. Now when he comes, she closes the door on me so that I can't get out the front. Spoilsport human!





The parcel man brought loads of boxes this time! There was a zillion... and three! The first had nothing but tins of stinky Dogface food in them, as the human orders for Dogman to feed stupid Dogface. The next was slightly more interesting, but only slightly. it had a bag of dry dogface food in it, but it also had some nice fresh cat litter for me. But the third box? Oh, friends, the third box!





It started with food. Boxes and boxes of wet food all for me! So it must mean that Dogman is gonna feed me loads when she's away! Then there was a new scratchy post. It was a huge big tall one, but it didn't have a platform on the top. The human learned her lesson after buying me a platform one last time. I hardly ever scratch it. I mean, would you, given the risk of bumping your head on the underside of the platform if you really got into a groove scratching? This one is well over 2 ft tall, so I can stretch and stretch all the way up it. it's super cool!





Ok, you think that was good? Well, what followed next made that all seem way boring. She got out a long thin plastic covered thing, and when she opened it, I got interested right away. It was a long, well, a very long, metal pole with a string on the end. And you know what was on the end of that string? Feathers! The human says it's the pet store's own version of Da Bird, but I don't care. What it is is flippin' brilliant!





Persians, as a rule, don't play all that much. We're too interested in napping and preserving our reputation as the ultimate couch kitatoes of the cat world. Rarely do we play very much past about two years old. Although we still show a healthy interest in toys, we'd rather lie down and wait for the play people to swing the toy close to us so that we can grab it. Chasing requires way too much energy, and anyway, it's more of a challenge to train them to your way of playing than to leap about as they swing the toy wherever they want. We're also not motivated by hunting, so don't really see any need to go to great effort to catch something. if it's there, then fair enough, but if it requires us to move? Forget it.





However, when it comes to this Da Bird thing, you can forget all of that too! I couldn't believe my eyes when it came out of the package. It flipped. It spun. It glided. Because of the length of the pole, it skittered over the whole room. It not only bounced off the ground, but it flew, my, did it fly! I just had to have it. Friends, I haven't leapt about like that since I was a babycat. I lost all sense of dignity as I performed every maneuver possible to catch the pesky thing. I played for about 10 minutes solid, and believe me, that might just tip the record books for a Persian ladycat of my age! The human didn't give me a chance to get bored of it either. As soon as I stopped leaping, she'd take it away from me and go to put it away. I only stopped her by clambering onto her knee and hauling it back out of her hand. We've played with it twice more since then, and each time with the same reaction from me. I just love the thing! And cuz the human is so quick to put it away, it keeps me wanting more, more, more all the time!





As if that wasn't news enough, we have something even more spectacular to tell you! For once, I'm jealous that I don't do something the human does that I usually find pointless. I'm jealous I can't make talk noise on the telephone. Why bother wasting jealousy on something as stupid as that, I hear you ask. Well, I'll tell you why. Yesterday, my human spoke to the Katnip Mom, the real Mom Trish, in person, like actually the real her! How cool is that! They made talk noise for quite some time while I did lotsa different things to try and get Mom Trish's attention. I played with a pipe cleaner that Amy and the House of Cats sent me, I whapped my ball in the track, I even went behind the TV where I've been trying to make a nest (I chose here cuz I know the human doesn't want me to nest way back the cuz it's hard to reach). then I remembered that when a people is on the phone, it makes their eyes broken so they can't see me. The human says that's cuz they're still real far away, bubt I know that's not true. I can hear the talk noise they make, and I know that if they're far away, I wouldn't hear them. I don't know why being in the little phone thing makes their eyes broke, but it does, and I didn't want to miaow cuz I know it's rude to talk when someone else is talking. Mom Trish is helping us withsomething we need for my babycats. She's going to be instrumental in providing me with the best nest ever for my babies! I'll tell you more on that in another post. Katnip hoard, you have a super duper mommypeople, and that's saying something for a people!




,p>The human says that she was planning to get out her suitcase tonight and put stuf in it, but the more she thinks about it, the more she considers that going to bed early and spending a long, relaxing night watching TV might be the thing to do. Time enough for packing tomorrow. We have more parcels arriving tomorrow too, and then she'll go to a local pet store an pick up some kitten dry food so that I can have a variety down at all times. Now that's thoughtful! She's going to start putting things in my kittening bag now so that she doesn't lose track of what's been bought and what hasn't. Tomorrow she has to pack her case, pick up these parcels, go to the pet store, put on another wash for the laundry she has left, change the bed so that Dogman has clean sheets to sleep on, take a long, relaxing bath, oh, and cuddle me! She's gonna be one busy human! until then, friends.





oh, and just as a by the way, when you have convinced your human to give you one brand of stinky goodness and one only, wait until she puts in a bulk order for enough of it to last you through to the end of your pretend pregnancy (remember, friends, we're all pretending we have kittens). Then decide you don't like it and you're not going to eat it any more... I did. Happy Wednesday!

Reprieve?

Perhaps so, and perhaps not. For one thing, I didn't have to stay with the horrible vet for a whole day. I went and they had a look at me and kept me for a few hours, but then they said I could come home. They let stupid dogface come home too, cuz apparently her poopoo is normal now. Why do they focus so much on poopoo! Don't they realise how disgusting they are?

The human went to her vet again yesterday, and got very, very angry. Even though she was dizzy enough that she was struggling to stand, so dehydrated that her tongue was sticking to her mouth and hadn't managed to eat in over 24 hours, her vet wouldn't do anything for her. They were very, very rude to her too. She says she won't go into all the details here because it makes her too angry, but to sum it all up in a few sentences, her vet said, "You're young. You're fit. You can fight it. Just go home." She advised the human to go to a chemist and buy electrolites, ludicrous when she's so dizzy she can't stay on her feet, and when she doesn't have stupid dogface to help her find the chemist. The vet doctor didn't care. She made them take a poo sample for testing (more poo!), and they grudgingly sent it off. We'll know in five days from now what her results are.

So she came home, made up a bed on the sofa, dragged herself to get me and stupid dogface, then came home and slept almost straight away. I cuddled up on her. Even though I felt a bit ill myself, I climbed up on her and curled up right on her chest. She was too cold and I was too warm,so I figured a heat exchange was the way to go! Next thing we knew, it was time for the real bed.

The human managed to get some water down her last night, and after two days of not eating, a little bit of a sandwich this morning. I was glad of that. I don't like her not eating. It's worrying.

I have decided that I don't much care for being sick. So, let me give a message to Mr Bug.

Dear Mr Bug,
Whilst we didn't invite you, it was very nice of you to drop by. I hope you have had a good time at our house and the vet peoples house too. As rude as it is to say though, I'm afraid that we must part ways. Myself, the human and even stupid Dogface have other engagements which means that we can no longer play host to you. I would invite you back, but as you've already seen all we have to offer over an extended dperiod, your stay may well be more enjoyable elsewhere. I hear the other side of the universe is nice this time of year. Safe trip.
Yours,
Tia

I hope Mr Bug is polite enough to listen. Between you and me, I really am quite sick of his company now... No pun intended!

So far, I'm hot, but I haven't done any of the bad poopoos and I am keeping myself hydrated, or so the human thinks. Dogface is normal and the human will get there. She needs help, but as none is likely to come, she's just going to have to carry on trying. Eating and cleaning the bug out of the house are going to be the things she finds hardest. She just doesn't have the energy to cook. I'll help her by lying on her and snuggling and purring. If this makes her not want to get up even more, that's not my fault!

Dogman is Here!

It's true! He arrived last night just after the human got home from her work hunting. I know I've told you about him before, but I don't know if I've told you that the human is hoping that he will have stupid dogface when she stops working. She still loves him. He couldn't even get himself through the door yesterday before she was bouncing at him and hitting everything with her tail, including me!

If you've ever been hit by the tail of a stupid dogface, you'll know it's no fun at all. I was minding my own business, sitting on the arm of the chair and pretending to ignore him (as any good cat should when a new person arrives), when she walked past and whacked me so hard that, if it hadn't been for my super quick claw reflexes, I'd have been knocked clean off! I wasn't going to stand for that, so the next time she went past, I smacked her bum good and hard. I'm not going to say whether I had the claws out or not I don't want my human reading this cuz then I'll get into trouble. Dogman told on me when I did it, but because stupid dogface didn't yelp, and because the human mentioned that I'd just been hit with a huge, smelly big tail, I didn't get told off at all. Ha ha! If I work up to a full on thwap slowly, maybe they'll not notice and I still won't get told off!

Dogman stayed over again, which meant that he took mine and the human's bed. She says it's cuz he has arthritis and the sofa bed would kill his joints. I know this is a lie though. Stupid dogface has arthritis and she doesn't get to slepe on the bed. The human says that's because she has a special bed of her own that protects her joints, but then I asked why Dogman couldn't just sleep there instead if it's so good. She didn't listen though, so we got to spend the night on the sofa bed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to sleep with the human or on the arm of the sofa where I sit when we're in this room. The human wouldn't let me lie on her head, you see, so the bed bit wasn't much fun. I split myself between the two, and made sure to wake the human up about every hour or so by playing with the noisiest toys I have, and crying at her every time I wanted a new ping-pong ball. Sleeping in the living room is great. I can't play in the bedroom because she doesn't have toys there.

Dogman is apparently staying with us until Saturday. I'm kind of pleased cuz it means that stupid dogface will keep out of my way as she's always with him, and kind of annoyed cuz that means another two nights not in my own bed!

I've decided to lay claim to Dogman too, but only when it suits me. This morning when he sat on the arm of the sofa, I jumped up beside him and did him the favour of allowing him to hear my purr and rub my head for a few seconds. This is just to show him that I can have him whenever I want, even if stupid dogface is around. It doesn't mean I like him. I'm just making a point, as I'm sure you can appreciate. Once I was satisfied that his attention was all mine, I leapt off him and went to snuggle with the human instead.

The human says that she has just remembered and wants to thank Amy for her tips on drying out the iPod man by putting him in rice. Amy, I will pretend that I didn't hear you tell the human that. I don't want to have to be cross with you for helping her keep the iPod man alive. My human wants to ask a general question too. She thinks I might have something she calls ear mites and wants to know if Stronghold gets rid of them. She knows it says it does on the package, but isn't sure how effective it is. She told me ear mites are what is giving me the itchies in my ears, and she thinks that maybe the scratching at the collar and the scabbing on my neck might be something to do with this. There was a rumour that mites were going round the show circuit, so I guess it's not impossible. Now, I wonder what a mite is?

Famine Strikes!

The human says she hates this time of the week, and I can't blame her really. This is the morning where, after all of her rest over the weekend, she has to go back to the work hunt. Whilst I understand that it must be a hard life to get up and have to go out early before the sun is all the way up, this doesn't mean that I am sympathetic. After all, if she didn't hunt, she'd not be able to feed me. I reminded her of this by waking her a full hour before she was supposed to get up, even though she hadn't gone to bed until late the night before. "Get off my face, Tia!" she spluttered when I crawled on the pillow and flopped on top of her. This is my way of saying good morning, and I don't see what all her fussing is about. I mean, there's not a problem with my yummy tummy on her head, if you ask me. I eventually gave in though and role doff to lie beside her instead.

I discovered a new thing this morning. It's great for two reasons. Firstly, it's a comfort, and secondly, it's guaranteed to keep the human awake, which means I get a prolonged snuggling session. the secret? Knead on your people's head. Honestly, it works! My human has long, silky fur on her head, and it feels wonderful pulling through my paws. There's good skin underneath too, which gives you something to pad against and get a grip on. I couldn't understand why she kept flinching and putting her hand between my paws and her head. Doesn't she understand the giving of love? Do you have such stupid peoples that you own? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

I gave in yesterday, but only a little bit. The human gave me more of the food she'd made, and this time, she put some of my dry food in with it. I ate that, but in the process, a little bit of the mush got on my tongue! It wasn't that bad, so I ate a little more, but only a little. I don't want her thinking she's won, after all.

But you know what she's done this morning? She's forgotten to put my food down! She puts it away at night time so that stupid dogface can't sneakily get it when she's not there to defend the kill. Whenever dogface is eating, I stick my tail in the air and walk away with utter disdain. This would no doubt shame another cat into stopping eating, for it's not polite to steal another's food, but stupid Dogface is too stupid to understand even the most plain of communications, so she keeps on eating. The human takes me to bed with her and puts food down in the bedroom so that I have something to eat, and then in the morning when she closes the bedroom door, she puts my bowl back in the living room. Today she forgot though. I tried to tell her before she left. I miaowed in a terribly sad voice, but she just tickled my chin and said "hush, now. You know I can't stay here all day and cuddle you. I need to go to work." Then she left!

Friends, I don't know what I'm going to do. It's only been an hour and a half, and already I feel weak. My tummy is girgling because it's so empty. My vision is blurring. I'm so dizzy and unable to stand that I have to lie on the really comfy spot on the sofa and sleep. Will I die? I think I will, and it will serve that human right. she remembered about the bowl when she got to the work hunt, and all she said was "I'm worried, but I know she'll be all right. It's not as though I'm gone for ages, and she isn't skin and bone." She's a heartless, cruel human! I can hardly miaow I'm so close to the end, and what does she say? Typical!

I don't know if I shall blog again, friends. This may be goodbye. To expect me to survive for seven and a half hours without food is too much of an ask. I must go and sleep now. And no, I am not kneading the sofa and lying in a sun puddle to get comfy. The kneading is the nervous spasms and the sun puddle is, well, erm, it just happens to be there! It's the light at the end of the tunnel! Yes, that's it. Goodbye, cruel world, goodbye!