Return!

Friends, my state of abandonment and dreadful neglect has finished! My human is back!






She arrived home yesterday morning to find me in a terrible state. I tell you, I was so, so upset and missing her so much that I was on my back in the middle of the floor with my paws in the air considering giving a full stretch to show off the yummy tummy in all its glory. Dogman was tickling me, so i thought it only polite. I was so upset, so mistreated that when the human walked through the door, I didn't even get up to greet her straight away. I barely had the energy to turn my head to look at her through sleepy eyes. Do you see the abuse I have to put up with? Animal Rights organisations would be horrified!





This lasted for all of about ten seconds though, all until she spoke. I'd been resolute until then. I'd decided to ignore her until she begged me to relent, to make her pay for daring to go away when she did, even though she said she'd gone then so that I could have her with me in the last part of my pregnancy and right up until the babies were born and had left home.





But friends, when she spoke, my resolution disappeared as fast as tuna juice on a hot day when you really, really need a drink. She sat down and I walked to the side of the sofa and started to shout at her. I couldn't contain myself. I shouted and talked and brrped and told her everything that I'd done while I was without her. All this while standing at her feet. She asked me to come up and see her, and I obliged. Oh what bliss followed! I've said before that my human is a good cuddler, but I'll say it again. I smooshed my face on her. I climbed on her. I cuddled right in, then rolled over so that her hands could touch all over my big, baby-filled tummy. She loved it and so did I. We were otgether again.





I didn't leave her for a whole half an hour, but when I did, I decided that I had to get a grip on myself again. With a nonchalance that I pretended, but certainly didn't feel, I turned my back on her, walked to the food bowl, ate enough to choke a horse, then went and sprawled on the floor. This too lasted about ten seconds, cuz she got down there with me, and I just had to roll around on my back and purr and headbut her and generally love on her.





She didn't leave me all yesterday sept when Stupid Dogface came to visit with Dogman's mummypeople. The human and Dogman left me then to go outside and talk to her an dDogface. Dogface had just been to the vet, so the human didn't want her in the house in case she was carrying something with her. As soon as my human stepped outside and closed that door, as soon as I couldn't see her any more, I set up a tremendous yowling. No way was I going to be separated from my girl that soon! It was so bad that even the mummypeople commented on it. In the end, the human opened the door and let me come out a little with them all, but I was still separated from Dogface. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. Cuz we have something new!





While the human was away, Dogman and I and his friend were busy! His friend is a builder, and Dogman is a super designer. I am an excelent project manager, and between the three of us, we cooked up something super! I knew the human had been wanting this for a long time and so did Dogman, so while she was away, we ook our chance and built... A screen door! It's super! It's got two layers. The inner one protects against flies and is strong enough to withstand climbing cats and kittens. The outer one is a thinner mesh which prevents midges and mosquitos, but that can't be ripped by us when we climb. The whole thing is on a strong timber frame. It is held shut with a normal handle lock. If that fails, two strong magnets help hold it in place. If they give way, a chain lock will let the door open only so far before it will not go any further. The only thing that could escape is a very tiny kitten, but only after the first two defences have been broken, so basically, they have no chance. It's super for me too, cuz now I can go and sit outside without feeling frightened. You se,e when I'm behind a door, I feel secure, and can watch the birdies with no fear! Isn't that marvellous? All day today, I've been bounding off the human to run and have a look at them when I hear one chattering.





And here, the post will be cut very abruptly short. Phoebe has gone into labour and the human needs to go and help her peoples help her. As we speak she has had four babycats. She has cut the chord on none of them. The mummypeople had to do the first three. The third one was so close that the chord was cut a little too short and bled. Thankfully though, the peoples managed to stop this. When she gave birth to the third, she did nothing for it. She didn't break the sack and it was cold and wasn't moving which is why they cut the chord. That baby is now full of life, but the fourth is still attached to Phoebe. It's so close that they can't cut the chord without injuring the baby, but this one is moving around a little, so isn't in immediate danger. However, it's been half an hour and Phoebe hasn't pushed out the chord or the afterbirth. Babies, when they remain attached for a long time, run the risk of herneas if they move around too much and pul on the chord. Phoebe is getting tired and sleepy and isn't pushing any more, so the human has asked the mummypeople to call for the vet and take them in. I'll write more as soon as I know anything. Please pray hard, friends. Phoebe is only a baby herslef, so it's little wonder that she doesn't know what to do with babycats. They're all gonna need some help to pull through this. Let's hope the vet peoples can sort it all out. Sorry if there are typos in this, but the human won't re-read as she's still talking to the mummypeople to reassure her.

Goodbye, but not Forever!

Friends, I'm being neglected in favour of suitcases and clothes folding, and I don't like it even one little bit! I know she has to do these things before she goes away for her trip, but I also know that it doesn't have to interfere with Tia time! Sometimes I despair of ever having this human fully trained, I really do. And I don't know what she'll get up to in these few weeks that she's away from me.






This is the longest she'll ever have spent apart from me, and she says she's not looking forward to how much she knows she'll miss me. After tomorrow, I won't see her again until the 13th of June! That's forever! But I've decided to give her a surprise when she does come back. While she's away, I'm gonna work real, real hard on growing a ginormously fat tummy! She thinks I'm like a little butterball at the moment. Well, you just wait till she sees me in June! Hah!





She cleaned out my stinky litterbox today and washed it with icky cleaning stuff. She says it's so that Dogman doesn't have to do it, that it's only fair cuz he's looking after me. Well, honestly! She should be doing it for my benefit, not for his!





She also got out a bag today and started putting my kittening kit together inside it. She says that as things arrive in the post, they'll go straight in there so she knows where everything is when the big day comes. Sensible of her for once.





Now, what else to tell you? Oh, I know, more pregnancy news, only this time, it's not mine! There are two pregnancies to talk about, one of them welcome and one not. Let's start with the good news, shall we?





You remember the ladypeople that came down to see us and see if my nimples were pink? The same one that had the Burmese babycats? Well, she also had another girl who, despite being off to visit a mancat quite a few times, was just like me and wouldn't let him have a dirty weekend with her. Well, she went off again day before yesterday and you know what? yesterday, she let him do his work. Not just once, but loads and loads of times! They're still at it today, so if she takes, there'll be more little Burmese babycats for my human to love on at the end of July!





Now the not so welcome news. Do you remember Phoebe? That tiny little babycat that belonged to the human's auntie and cousins? The one who was taken in as a feral off the street? Well, she's also pregnant, and she's only eight months old. The human and I aren't gonna do our rant here. Poor Mom Trish has already heard it all by email, and I'm sure she doesn't want to hear it again! In summary, they could have had her lady gardenectomy for very, very cheap on accounta she was a stray and the vet peoples will do it cheap for strays, but they didn't take her in. They let her out in the garden cuz she liked to go out there. Well, one day they must not have watched her. They called the human a few weeks back to tell her they thought she was pregnant, and the human advised taking her to the vet peoples to see if it was too late for a lady gardenectomy, but they never did. now it's too late. The vet people says she'll have them in a week, but the human thinks at least another two weeks, as nobody can see or feel babycat movement yet. She's furious though. I haven't seen her that mad in ages. Phoebe is too young to have babies, and even if she wasn't, it's irresponsible to put her at that sort of risk. Who knows what diseases the daddy could have carried, and what of all those other poor babies in rescues! Goodness knows where her babies will end up. The human doesn't want to think about that. She wishes she didn't know about the pregnancy, but prays that poor Phoebe will hang on until she gets there before she gives birth so that the human can help.





Oh, that's right, we didn't tell you that bit. When the human comes back from Alaska, she travels straight away to Ireland for a weekend. Her cousin, the one closest to her in age, is getting married and wants her to be there. By the time she gets to Ireland, she's gonna be beat!





The plane bird that flies humans in the sky will eat her and her bags at 3 tomorrow, and will then fly for ages and ages. When it gets to Seattle, it'll be so tired of carrying the heavy suitcase that she has with her that it told me it's gonna spit her out and make her get another plane bird to fly her the rest of the way to Alaska. It's only fair, really. One plane bird can't be expected to do all the work, after all! I hope it doesn't get indigestion! I've seen what's in that suitcase, and if I ate even a quarter of it, I'd be sick for weeks! I wonder if the RSPCA should be told? I don't know if they have a cruelty to plane birds department, and as I can't use the phone thing, I guess I'll never know.





Speaking of phones, Mom Trish tells me she did in fact see me yesterday! Well, if I'd known, I mighta pretended to be all shy and cutely embarrassed for her! mom Trish, no spying on me like that when I don't think you can see me! Naughty, naughty people, you are! And how come you didn't cuddle me! Oh, and when it comes to cats being bloated and picking out kitten names, why would you think I had anything to do with that? For the benefit of those who can't see me, my face is now angelically innocent, and it's accompanied by a lot of purring. Mommy Trish, maybe they're picking out names cuz they're so excited for me, but just in case they might have babycats themselves, you really should feed them more stinky goodness. It's essential for a healthy, problem free pregnancy, you know. Your cats wouldn't lie to you, so listen good and crack open those cans! Oh, and to the Random Felines, even mancats can have kittens! Just ask the Katnip Crew. They'll tell ya!





Admiral, the daddycat of my babycats is another Persian colourpoint. He is a cream point though, so his face, feet and tail are all cream, and his body is very white. He has a super flat face which my human doesn't like, but as we explained before, by combining his flat face with my open one, we'll get babies that are somewhere in the middle, but without all the health problems. So they're able to still be shown. Perfect!





Oh, tragedy struck today. You remember the wonderful toy I told you about yesterday? Today, it died! All of its feathers fell out and came off the string that makes them fly! I got so upset and cried so much that the human gave me a feather to play with, and taped the other one to the string. It's nowhere near as good, but it'll do until she brings me the real da bird which she says she'll get for me in Alaska. I can hardly wait! RIP, little pretend birdie. hmmm, I wonder if she could steal me a feather from a plane bird? I bet they're huge and fly real well! Have any of you ever seen one? Are its feathers worth having?





Anyway, that's all from me for a bit. I will pass this blog now into the hands of the human to do with as she will. She says she might write from time to time to let you all know what she's up to and share any updates on me, but she's making no promises. Check back though. We're thinking about that competition still! Until then, keep safe, dear friends, and remember to work on kitten names! Mom Trish and all the other good cat moms out there, repeat after me, and learn well. "I must feed more stinky goodness. I must feed more stinky goodness!"

Katnip Toys

Friends, it's been a busy few days for the human, what with her getting ready to go to Alaska and having to order all the things for my babycats to arrive. She needs such a lot of different things, you know!





yesterday started with us being rudely summoned out of bed still early in the morning by the man who brings the big boxes that have stuff in them to our house. I'm not allowed to say hi to him any more, cuz the first time I did, I was so pleased to see him that I went right out the front door past him! To be honest, I didn't know what to do once I was in the big outside. It was all so huge and scary and it smelled so different! I just sat down on the garden path to look around and see where I was, and next thing I know, the human's begging him to help her get me back in, and he's picked me up and passed me back to her. I didn't mind all that much. The outside might be fun to explore, but I'm not desperate. Now when he comes, she closes the door on me so that I can't get out the front. Spoilsport human!





The parcel man brought loads of boxes this time! There was a zillion... and three! The first had nothing but tins of stinky Dogface food in them, as the human orders for Dogman to feed stupid Dogface. The next was slightly more interesting, but only slightly. it had a bag of dry dogface food in it, but it also had some nice fresh cat litter for me. But the third box? Oh, friends, the third box!





It started with food. Boxes and boxes of wet food all for me! So it must mean that Dogman is gonna feed me loads when she's away! Then there was a new scratchy post. It was a huge big tall one, but it didn't have a platform on the top. The human learned her lesson after buying me a platform one last time. I hardly ever scratch it. I mean, would you, given the risk of bumping your head on the underside of the platform if you really got into a groove scratching? This one is well over 2 ft tall, so I can stretch and stretch all the way up it. it's super cool!





Ok, you think that was good? Well, what followed next made that all seem way boring. She got out a long thin plastic covered thing, and when she opened it, I got interested right away. It was a long, well, a very long, metal pole with a string on the end. And you know what was on the end of that string? Feathers! The human says it's the pet store's own version of Da Bird, but I don't care. What it is is flippin' brilliant!





Persians, as a rule, don't play all that much. We're too interested in napping and preserving our reputation as the ultimate couch kitatoes of the cat world. Rarely do we play very much past about two years old. Although we still show a healthy interest in toys, we'd rather lie down and wait for the play people to swing the toy close to us so that we can grab it. Chasing requires way too much energy, and anyway, it's more of a challenge to train them to your way of playing than to leap about as they swing the toy wherever they want. We're also not motivated by hunting, so don't really see any need to go to great effort to catch something. if it's there, then fair enough, but if it requires us to move? Forget it.





However, when it comes to this Da Bird thing, you can forget all of that too! I couldn't believe my eyes when it came out of the package. It flipped. It spun. It glided. Because of the length of the pole, it skittered over the whole room. It not only bounced off the ground, but it flew, my, did it fly! I just had to have it. Friends, I haven't leapt about like that since I was a babycat. I lost all sense of dignity as I performed every maneuver possible to catch the pesky thing. I played for about 10 minutes solid, and believe me, that might just tip the record books for a Persian ladycat of my age! The human didn't give me a chance to get bored of it either. As soon as I stopped leaping, she'd take it away from me and go to put it away. I only stopped her by clambering onto her knee and hauling it back out of her hand. We've played with it twice more since then, and each time with the same reaction from me. I just love the thing! And cuz the human is so quick to put it away, it keeps me wanting more, more, more all the time!





As if that wasn't news enough, we have something even more spectacular to tell you! For once, I'm jealous that I don't do something the human does that I usually find pointless. I'm jealous I can't make talk noise on the telephone. Why bother wasting jealousy on something as stupid as that, I hear you ask. Well, I'll tell you why. Yesterday, my human spoke to the Katnip Mom, the real Mom Trish, in person, like actually the real her! How cool is that! They made talk noise for quite some time while I did lotsa different things to try and get Mom Trish's attention. I played with a pipe cleaner that Amy and the House of Cats sent me, I whapped my ball in the track, I even went behind the TV where I've been trying to make a nest (I chose here cuz I know the human doesn't want me to nest way back the cuz it's hard to reach). then I remembered that when a people is on the phone, it makes their eyes broken so they can't see me. The human says that's cuz they're still real far away, bubt I know that's not true. I can hear the talk noise they make, and I know that if they're far away, I wouldn't hear them. I don't know why being in the little phone thing makes their eyes broke, but it does, and I didn't want to miaow cuz I know it's rude to talk when someone else is talking. Mom Trish is helping us withsomething we need for my babycats. She's going to be instrumental in providing me with the best nest ever for my babies! I'll tell you more on that in another post. Katnip hoard, you have a super duper mommypeople, and that's saying something for a people!




,p>The human says that she was planning to get out her suitcase tonight and put stuf in it, but the more she thinks about it, the more she considers that going to bed early and spending a long, relaxing night watching TV might be the thing to do. Time enough for packing tomorrow. We have more parcels arriving tomorrow too, and then she'll go to a local pet store an pick up some kitten dry food so that I can have a variety down at all times. Now that's thoughtful! She's going to start putting things in my kittening bag now so that she doesn't lose track of what's been bought and what hasn't. Tomorrow she has to pack her case, pick up these parcels, go to the pet store, put on another wash for the laundry she has left, change the bed so that Dogman has clean sheets to sleep on, take a long, relaxing bath, oh, and cuddle me! She's gonna be one busy human! until then, friends.





oh, and just as a by the way, when you have convinced your human to give you one brand of stinky goodness and one only, wait until she puts in a bulk order for enough of it to last you through to the end of your pretend pregnancy (remember, friends, we're all pretending we have kittens). Then decide you don't like it and you're not going to eat it any more... I did. Happy Wednesday!

Worried Wednesday

Yes, I am worried indeed. I think I'm losing my friends! Impossible that others would stop loving me, I know, but since I've got back, only two have commented on what I've written, compared to the 18 or so when I left. Have I done something wrong? Was my pee-pee problem too much to handle? If so, I could always make a promise never to do it again... Until the next time, that is.

In any case, I've had a fairly good few days. The human is mostly around to cuddle except when she leaves to go to the work thing, and mummycat is eating again, although not that much really. The human's still worried about her, but if her miaowing is anything to go by, she's more than healthy! She's been making a right old noise. It even kept the human awake last night, but when she opened the door to try and coax her to come sleep with us, Mummycat, after taking one look at the big, open space of the house, ran and hid in her litterbox. The human got mad, saying that the breeder who had her should have socialised her better instead of keeping her in a cattery. Before she decided to send her back to our old house, she spoke to a lot of friends she has who have lots of cats. They told her that there are some cats who never adjust to home life if they've been in a cattery since the day they were born. They say it's rare, but after about three months of trying, my human thinks she might be one of those poor unfortunates. It's making her eyes run when she thinks of how Mummycat is happiest in those kind of conditions, and she really wishes she could do something about it, but she's out of options. Now, given that Mummycat's not eating, is obviously very unhappy, and is losing weight rapidly, she needs to do what's best for her, even if she doesn't like it. I keep telling her she'll be Ok. Mummycat's sister is there, and although I hate her with a passion, they get on great.

My human says I'm to tell you a bit more about Alaska and Canada today, but I'm getting tired of talking about it. I'll tell you some, but I'm going to keep it short.

In Canada, she had a brilliant day where she went tubing and flying, all in the same afternoon! Tubing is where you sit on a big inflatable ring in the water. It's tied behind a boat. The idea is that the boat pulls the ring and tries to flip you off into the water. Again, my point that peoples have no sense is illustrated. Why on earth would you sit on something in water in the first place? And what's more, why would you voluntarily allow yourself to be dunked in the horrible wet stuff? I showed hoover lady what I thought of water on Saturday when I scratched her good as she was bathing me, but my human doesn't even do that. She did ask not to be tipped though. She doesn't like that bit. Bug's cousin was driving the boat, so he was nice and didn't do it to her.

Bug's cousins have a friend who owns a little plane that can seat two people. The people is a flight instructor, so the aeroplane has two controls. Because of this, both Bug and my human got turns to fly in it. Bug did loops, but the human was too scared. I can understand this. Being up high is great. We both agree on this, even though she doesn't make the same efforts at home as I do to find high places. I'm the one who climbs on tables and cupboards, not her. But being high and upside down is another matter.

That's all about the holidays for today. I'm going to email a photo of myself to Zoolatry's people
in the hopes that she'll get her people to photoshop it for me. That way, I can at last have a photo on my blog, and you all get to see the yum yum that is me.

There's more good news too. The tuna comes today! The human's more excited about the chocolate in the shopping, but for once I don't mind that she hasn't a very good brain. If she leaves the fish alone, it means there's more for me.

Until tomorrow, you faithful two.

Pee-Pees and Polar Bears

The human went away today again to the thing she's called work, so I've had the time to think about my post and make it a good one. I've also got privacy to tell you about a naughty little problem I had when the human was gone for such a long time. I don't want her seeing my words today. She thinks I'm super good and never naughty, but this is a post for Scafflaw week if ever there was one.

I've told you that I have mixed feelings about hoover lady, haven't I? When I sent my human away to help Babycat, I knew that hoover lady would be doing things for me like cleaning my box and giving me yummy food, but I didn't know that she'd also be living in the house most of the time. She and the human said this was to stop me and Mummycat getting lonely, but I could have done without that company I'm sure. Well, when this cat don't like something, you can guarantee she's gonna say something about it! What I said was very stinky and very evident. A few days after the human left, I did something I know I'm not supposed to do. I did a number two mess on the sofa, on the bit that my human always sits on, but which was now covered in hoover lady's smell. I was only trying to protect my human's territory, but hoover lady got cross and took away the blanket the human puts on the sofa. She even washed it and covered it with stinky people clean clothes smell!

I wasn't happy about that either. What was to be done, I asked myself. I needed to stop hoover lady coming into mine and the human's snuggle zone, but if I did a number two, she'd just take it away again. So, I launched the next attack. I did a pee-pee.

This one worked better. Because of the colour of the blanket, hoover lady didn't see the stain. Now the sofa smelled of me, but hoover lady didn't know. She cleans all the time, so her nose is always filled with stinky clean people smell. I think that's why she didn't notice. Unfortunately, it didn't stop her sitting there, but whenever her smell got too strong, I just topped it up with a strategically placed dribble here and there.

When my human came home and sat down though, that was the first thing she smelled. She has a good nose for a people. I guess it's because she pays attention to what she's sniffing given that her eyes can't tell her where the pee-pee is. She didn't shout at me much though, so I guess she fooled herself as to the reason why I did it. You see, my messing corresponded with idiot hoover lady changing my litterbox depth. The human keeps it nice and deep cuz I like to kick and bury my number twos. I'm a lady after all, and having that lying around is not very mannerly. Hoover lady only put a shallow layer in the box though, and the human has convinced herself that this is why I scented the sofa. I did that once before when she tried to make me use pine litter, so it was easy to make her think along the same lines twice. If she knew I'd done it to mark our territory though, she'd be mighty cross, which is why I'm writing this in private.

She's still tired from all of that flying she did. I don't know how she flew because most of the birdies I see are way too small to carry her, but she doesn't lie, so I suppose I'll have to believe her. She says I should tell you about the polar bear today. Don't worry. It didn't eat her, even though she lay on it's tummy!

The human, Bug, Bug's mummypeople, the mummypeople's peoplehusband and Bug's cousin were all in Alaska together, and they all went to see a place called the Ice Museum in Chena. I wouldn't like it. Ice is far too cold for me, but peoples are silly, so they didn't have the sense not to go. This place is a building totally made from ice. It used to be an ice hotel, but the fire people closed it down because the fire safety regulations weren't met. I ask you! You can't set ice on fire, so why does it matter! Once again, it just illustrates the reason why Whicky calls his peoples apes. Here, I'm afraid I have to agree with him. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The ice might melt, they might have to swim to safety, but they could also play with their rubber duckies on the way, so they'd have fun. Incidentally, the human brought four of those home and put them on the far edge of the bath. I'm trying to work out how to get them without getting too close to the dangerous tub where all the water comes from. Any ideas?

Anyway, back to the story. In this ice museum there are lots of different sculptures all made from carving blocks of ice. The tour guide was silly too. He said that the human and Bug couldn't touch anything. How were they going to see if they couldn't touch? They see with their hands, but the guide didn't care. They touched anyway, but were as sneaky as a cat in doing it and hid behind other people so that the guide couldn't see them. The human said that the ice feels like really shiny, smooth glass or maybe even cold, slick metal. That's how smoothe it is.

As I said, they had lots of sculptures there. There was a princess and a horse, a moose and even a chess set! She touched some lovely spiral roman collumns that were by the doorways and then there was the bar. This is about 35 ft long and is solid ice. It's even held up by ice pillars. You can get drinks there in ice glasses too.

Off the bar, there are a number of different rooms. There is an iglu, a christmas tree room which has lights frozen into the ice tree so that the decorations look like they're sparkling, and even a room where the bed is a polar bear. He looks like he's on his back with his head up, watching all of the peoples who sleep on the bed which is in his tummy. The human had him as her favourite. There was even an ice outhouse! The human didn't use it. Thank goodness, I say. It wouldn't be fun to put bare skin against ice, nuh-uh! I suppose she has some little sense after all.

When they came out of the ice place, Human and Bug's hands were very, very cold from all the sneaky touching they had been doing, but neither of them seemed to mind too much. If I wasn't too busy pee-peeing on the sofa, I might have let the human warm them on me, but I had more important things to do at that point.

Well, I suppose that's all for today. Except that I forgot to mention the most important thing. Today and yesterday there has been no wet food! The human says she's run out of tuna, and I won't eat the yucky chicken that hoover lady brought. Human says her shopping doesn't come until tomorrow, but what do I care? I'm wasting away here! It's not fun at all! I've been crying and crying at her, but it hasn't worked. I even cuddled right up on the pillow with her last night, then wormed in by her tummy, thinking that if I was extra sweet and slept extra tight-close and snuggly with her that she'd give me some fish in the morning, but she didn't. I'm going to try the ever-so-sweet and cuddly Tia face when she gets home to see if that does the trick. Watch this space!

The Human is Back!

Yes, yes, yes, she arrived back today! Ahem, excuse me. I know it's not fashionable for us cats to show our excitement like that, but really, she's back! She even brought a suitcase with her, although she says I'm not allowed to play in it as it contains something called gifts. I know they're all for me, so why I shouldn't romp in them I don't know, but she won't be persuaded.

She arrived back this morning, well, in the middle of the dark time really, because the sun was barely up. When she came through the door she even sounded tired when she called my name. Now, cats, I'm sure you'll agree with me that when your peoples have been away for a time, the correct thing to do is to scorn their attempts to cuddle you when they get home. If they've been away for a long time, we are to ignore them until they give up, showing them that we haven't forgotten that they abandoned us, then, just when they lose all hope, jump onto their lap and show them how much we've missed them.

I did this, and in my opinion, I pulled off the first part well, or rather, I had the potential to. When the human came in, I didn't just ignore her. I hid. She pushed the suitcase through the door, dropped all her bags and flopped on the sofa. Still, I ignored her. But then she started to call me. I struggled, but I'm afraid to admit that I lost the battle. As you know, I missed her dreadfully, and at the sound of the voice, I crumbled.

I've told you that I never jump directly onto the human's lap, but today was an exception, and she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she seemed to quite like it. There followed an extatic half hour of cuddling, tickling and general admiration on her part.

She disappeared for a time after that, and I got worried again that she'd go away and not come back for more time, but she was only gone for a short while, and when she did reappear, she had mummycat's smell on her. She says mummycat was so happy to see her that she even miaowed very loudly and let herself be picked up, something she's usually too timid to allow. The human is very, very worried about her though. The apetite supplements worked while mummycat was taking them, but over the last three weeks, she's lost a lot of weight and is really quite skinny. The peoples that we lived with before the human have said they'll have her back the Friday after this one, and the human thinks this is probably best for her. She's still too timid to come out of the room and she's obviously unhappy in there on her own. The human doesn't like to see any cat shut up, so even though it keeps mummycat happier than if she was given the full house, it still upsets her to see it.

There's so much to tell you that I don't really know where to start. It'll probably take a couple of days, but as my human's so forgetful, I'm going to list the things I'll tell you about here. First of all, and most importantly, there's the mousies she brought me home. Then there's the things she did like gold mining and visiting native villages and going in hot springs and lots more besides. I don't know what most of these things are, so I'll probably let the human talk about them. Then there's the news on Molly which I may or may not tell you today. After that we have the human's training of Babycat's people plus my pee-pee problem while she's been away. In true cat style, these aren't listed in the order I'll talk about them in.

I suppose I should do the Babycat's problems first of all, as they're the reason I sent my human in the first place. When she got there, she did a quick scan of the situation and decided that the Babycat didn't need as much help as we thought. He, in typical kitten fashion, over-dramatised everything. The human watched Babycat's people with him for a time, then determined that, like every kitten, the Babycat got pretty much what he wanted when he wanted it. Ok, the people doesn't cuddle him all the time, but 80% isn't bad. All right, he doesn't get wet food every day, but he does have dry on demand. See, I'm luckier there. I have both. The human didn't feel that Babycat was starved, so she didn't say anything. Now for that, I'm cross with her, and I plan to tell her so when I'm done showing her how much I missed her. Every cat deserves stinky wet food!

There's some breaking news though. Turns out I've met Babycat's people before. When the human came home, his smell was on her and I remember it, although it was a long time ago. The first time I saw the human, he was with her. He tickled my tummy and he played with me at the place where I used to live with Mummycat and the others. He also did things to get me a little mad, just to make sure I wouldn't bite or be nasty. The human said she was a bit worried because, when I play or get cross, I'm a bit handy with my claws as I've told you before, but I never do it to seriously hurt. Babycat's people convinced her to take me home anyway, so I guess I should kind of like him, right? He also cuddled me when this place was a big and scary new place. He's good at cuddling, but also good at knowing what annoys me. He talks a lot too. I've decided that he should be called bug, but for a number of reasons. Firstly, he's a cuddlebug. Secondly, he's gotta be a lovebug because he got me lots of love from my human and he also gave me love too, although I like the human's better. Thirdly, he knows how to bug me when he fluffs what he calls my bellyfur, and when he tweaks my nose. Fourthly, he's a talkbug cuz he never is quiet!

Now that that's decided, I can get back to my story. If I'd known it was Bug that was Babycat's people, I'd never have sent my human. For all the reasons outlined above, Bug is a good cat person, so there's no way he'd do anything bad to his kitten, except bug him of course.

Bug also has an older cat named Cara who my human thinks is an absolute sweetheart. I suppose I should dislike Cara for this alone, but I can't find it in myself. I'm too happy to have the human back. She says that Cara is a real teddy bear. Cara doesn't seem to mind though. She slept with the human a lot, and even cuddled her like I do when I lie on my back and headbut her until she tickles my yummy tummy.

This is where the trouble starts though. Babycat has a bit of a problem with Cara and spends most of his time chasing her when she dares to come out from one of the hiding places that she chooses to stay away from him. My human thinks it's because he's very attached to and possessive of Bug and doesn't like it when Cara gets attention or even looks like she might be wanting some. He's also a kitten though, so as well as being dominant, he's wanting to play some of the time. Splatcat(the nickname given to her by the human because of the way she flops over for a tummy tickle) is too old to play with babies, so she just hisses at him and then runs away. The human tried to teach her to stand her ground and kick his baby butt just once so that he'd leave her alone, but teddies don't fight, and so she just kept running. The more this happened, the more upset the human got. She doesn't like to see animals unhappy. Bug is doing what he can to rectify this though.

After spending a week at Bug's living place, the human and Bug left both of the cats to go to a place called Alaska, which is apparently super cold in the winter, or so says the other cat the human calls Fatcat who lives with Bug's mummypeople. This one is lovely, or so she says. She's really old though, and has sore bones, so you have to be really careful when you pick her up. I'm glad I'll never get like that.

Alaska was where the human and Bug went looking for shiny gold and visiting Athabascan indians and all sorts of exciting things, but that's for another post. I've had to sacrifice my place on the human's knee so that she can type this, and I'm not happy about it. I'm done posting for now so that I can cuddle again. More tomorrow.

By the way, keep an eye out for Tortureshell Tuesday. I plan to launch it very, very soon.