Monday, 20 September 2010

The Human is Back!

Yes, yes, yes, she arrived back today! Ahem, excuse me. I know it's not fashionable for us cats to show our excitement like that, but really, she's back! She even brought a suitcase with her, although she says I'm not allowed to play in it as it contains something called gifts. I know they're all for me, so why I shouldn't romp in them I don't know, but she won't be persuaded.

She arrived back this morning, well, in the middle of the dark time really, because the sun was barely up. When she came through the door she even sounded tired when she called my name. Now, cats, I'm sure you'll agree with me that when your peoples have been away for a time, the correct thing to do is to scorn their attempts to cuddle you when they get home. If they've been away for a long time, we are to ignore them until they give up, showing them that we haven't forgotten that they abandoned us, then, just when they lose all hope, jump onto their lap and show them how much we've missed them.

I did this, and in my opinion, I pulled off the first part well, or rather, I had the potential to. When the human came in, I didn't just ignore her. I hid. She pushed the suitcase through the door, dropped all her bags and flopped on the sofa. Still, I ignored her. But then she started to call me. I struggled, but I'm afraid to admit that I lost the battle. As you know, I missed her dreadfully, and at the sound of the voice, I crumbled.

I've told you that I never jump directly onto the human's lap, but today was an exception, and she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she seemed to quite like it. There followed an extatic half hour of cuddling, tickling and general admiration on her part.

She disappeared for a time after that, and I got worried again that she'd go away and not come back for more time, but she was only gone for a short while, and when she did reappear, she had mummycat's smell on her. She says mummycat was so happy to see her that she even miaowed very loudly and let herself be picked up, something she's usually too timid to allow. The human is very, very worried about her though. The apetite supplements worked while mummycat was taking them, but over the last three weeks, she's lost a lot of weight and is really quite skinny. The peoples that we lived with before the human have said they'll have her back the Friday after this one, and the human thinks this is probably best for her. She's still too timid to come out of the room and she's obviously unhappy in there on her own. The human doesn't like to see any cat shut up, so even though it keeps mummycat happier than if she was given the full house, it still upsets her to see it.

There's so much to tell you that I don't really know where to start. It'll probably take a couple of days, but as my human's so forgetful, I'm going to list the things I'll tell you about here. First of all, and most importantly, there's the mousies she brought me home. Then there's the things she did like gold mining and visiting native villages and going in hot springs and lots more besides. I don't know what most of these things are, so I'll probably let the human talk about them. Then there's the news on Molly which I may or may not tell you today. After that we have the human's training of Babycat's people plus my pee-pee problem while she's been away. In true cat style, these aren't listed in the order I'll talk about them in.

I suppose I should do the Babycat's problems first of all, as they're the reason I sent my human in the first place. When she got there, she did a quick scan of the situation and decided that the Babycat didn't need as much help as we thought. He, in typical kitten fashion, over-dramatised everything. The human watched Babycat's people with him for a time, then determined that, like every kitten, the Babycat got pretty much what he wanted when he wanted it. Ok, the people doesn't cuddle him all the time, but 80% isn't bad. All right, he doesn't get wet food every day, but he does have dry on demand. See, I'm luckier there. I have both. The human didn't feel that Babycat was starved, so she didn't say anything. Now for that, I'm cross with her, and I plan to tell her so when I'm done showing her how much I missed her. Every cat deserves stinky wet food!

There's some breaking news though. Turns out I've met Babycat's people before. When the human came home, his smell was on her and I remember it, although it was a long time ago. The first time I saw the human, he was with her. He tickled my tummy and he played with me at the place where I used to live with Mummycat and the others. He also did things to get me a little mad, just to make sure I wouldn't bite or be nasty. The human said she was a bit worried because, when I play or get cross, I'm a bit handy with my claws as I've told you before, but I never do it to seriously hurt. Babycat's people convinced her to take me home anyway, so I guess I should kind of like him, right? He also cuddled me when this place was a big and scary new place. He's good at cuddling, but also good at knowing what annoys me. He talks a lot too. I've decided that he should be called bug, but for a number of reasons. Firstly, he's a cuddlebug. Secondly, he's gotta be a lovebug because he got me lots of love from my human and he also gave me love too, although I like the human's better. Thirdly, he knows how to bug me when he fluffs what he calls my bellyfur, and when he tweaks my nose. Fourthly, he's a talkbug cuz he never is quiet!

Now that that's decided, I can get back to my story. If I'd known it was Bug that was Babycat's people, I'd never have sent my human. For all the reasons outlined above, Bug is a good cat person, so there's no way he'd do anything bad to his kitten, except bug him of course.

Bug also has an older cat named Cara who my human thinks is an absolute sweetheart. I suppose I should dislike Cara for this alone, but I can't find it in myself. I'm too happy to have the human back. She says that Cara is a real teddy bear. Cara doesn't seem to mind though. She slept with the human a lot, and even cuddled her like I do when I lie on my back and headbut her until she tickles my yummy tummy.

This is where the trouble starts though. Babycat has a bit of a problem with Cara and spends most of his time chasing her when she dares to come out from one of the hiding places that she chooses to stay away from him. My human thinks it's because he's very attached to and possessive of Bug and doesn't like it when Cara gets attention or even looks like she might be wanting some. He's also a kitten though, so as well as being dominant, he's wanting to play some of the time. Splatcat(the nickname given to her by the human because of the way she flops over for a tummy tickle) is too old to play with babies, so she just hisses at him and then runs away. The human tried to teach her to stand her ground and kick his baby butt just once so that he'd leave her alone, but teddies don't fight, and so she just kept running. The more this happened, the more upset the human got. She doesn't like to see animals unhappy. Bug is doing what he can to rectify this though.

After spending a week at Bug's living place, the human and Bug left both of the cats to go to a place called Alaska, which is apparently super cold in the winter, or so says the other cat the human calls Fatcat who lives with Bug's mummypeople. This one is lovely, or so she says. She's really old though, and has sore bones, so you have to be really careful when you pick her up. I'm glad I'll never get like that.

Alaska was where the human and Bug went looking for shiny gold and visiting Athabascan indians and all sorts of exciting things, but that's for another post. I've had to sacrifice my place on the human's knee so that she can type this, and I'm not happy about it. I'm done posting for now so that I can cuddle again. More tomorrow.

By the way, keep an eye out for Tortureshell Tuesday. I plan to launch it very, very soon.


Jan's Funny Farm said...

Glad your human is safely home and you've properly greeted her.

The Lee County Clowder said...

Glad your human made it back. We were starting to wonder if she got lost somewhere along the way.

Brian said...

That was really quite an adventure your human had, but I'm glad to hear that she is home safe & sound!

Everycat said...

What an adventure, glad the human is back safe and brought you mousies. We all hope that Mummycat will be happier going back to her old home. It sounds like your human tried very hard to settle her in.

If Babycat is being possessive of Bug, Bug must spend a huge amount of time making a fuss of Cara in full view of Babycat. Our apes had to do this when Gerry came to live here, he was very rude to the older cats. It took a while but he did learn to accept that all cats are top cats here!

Whicky Wuudler