Tortureshell Tuesday: The Bitey and Other Things

Well I'll tell you what the other things are first. That blasted human of mine! She missed my blog post yesterday, and that is inexcusable! She tried to give me a reason, but at this point, friends, I'm so sick and tired of listening to them that I just miaowed at her until she stopped talking and started cuddling.




Now then, I'll tell you about my tortureshell first, and then I'll move on to other exciting things. This tortureshell has to do with biting. "But there's nothing wrong with that!" I hear you cry, and I agree with you! But as I mentioned at the start of tortureshelling, it's not something that we think is wrong, but something that the peoples don't like that's worthy of a tortureshell. Take this morning, for instance.





The human was awake in her bed. It was still o dark thirty, but i decided that it was time to play pounce the feet under the blanket. I started in my usual fashion. I jumped, four paws spread, claws out, onto her feet, grabbed them tight and started to roll around. She obligingly wiggled them, then made them run away and back again so that I could catch them. Nothing wrong with that, I hear you say... Not yet.





Then the human decided to try a new game. This one was called catch the hand under the blanket, and boy did I like it! Hands move so much quicker than feets, and they grab you and fight back instead of just letting themselves be caught. Well, we played that for a long time, but eventually I got tired of it and lay back down for a recovery nap. The human gave me her signal that she was finished playing. This is a gentle touch on my side and her talking to me, and I always know that I'm not to grab her too quick when she does this cuz it startles her. Today, I let her do it, and I even let her stroke me, but then she made a fatal error. She attempted to pick me up for a cuddle. This is, again, normal after a play session, and for the most part I enjoy it. But today, well friends, I don't know what came over me! Quick as a wink I flipped over and, without even bothering to grab her with my feet to let her know it was coming, I bit her real hard and real good. I don't know why, but I'd just had enough for the time being, and she should have recognised it despite me giving her no signs to confirm it!





She got real shocked when I did this. She let out a huge yell and jerked her hand back. The quick motion made me tumble off the edge of the bed where I'd been lying, and that yell of surprise and, yes, I admit it, pain, had me hightailing it right underneath. I hid out there for a very, very long time, and didn't come back up again for cuddles. I could tell she was real mad. She's told me before that putting the bitey on peoples is not good and not acceptable, especially on peoples who have broken eyes. Part of me didn't care. I didn't want to be picked up and she should have known it. But the other part of me felt dead sorry for doing it to a human who is nice enough to give me what I want and when I want it. I didn't follow her to her litterbox room like I usually do when she gets up, but when she went into the living room, I came in and demanded that she open the door for me so that I could look out at the birdies through my screen. Because she did what I told her to, I allowed her to pick me up and give me cuddles without biting her even once. I know this makes her feel better, and really, it was only a small sacrifice. It got me a plate of stinky goodness too, so it was worth it!





Friends, as much as I'm all for tortitude, I wouldn't recommend doing this to your peoples. It's no fun afterwards really. the human jokingly asked me this morning if she was creating a bitey monster by helping me trust her enough that I think I can get away with things like this, and that made me feel even worse. Cats aren't sposed to have a conscience. Do any of you know of vets who can help me out with this problem? It's serious, and urgent! I need a consciencectomy!





Now, I promised you other things, so here goes. Today, mom Trish who is the feeder and people to the Katnip Krew
is having a ladygardenectomy, or as she calls it, her lady plumbing removed. Trish, I am sending you huge great smooshy smooshes and lots of get well purrs. If you need a snuggle bud, just let me know. I promise I won't bite you either! Oh and by the way, the last comment you left us about your competition almost made the human cry! Thank you for caring enough to do what you said you would. Oh, while you're with the people vet, would you ask him if he does cat consciencectomies? And does he do human conscience implants? That human doesn't feel nearly guilty enough that I don't have tuna down all the time! Sure, she might have bought me crab sticks yesterday, and sure, I might have totally turned my nose up at them despite her going specially to get them, but crab isn't tuna!





On another note, do you remember the toy exchange I mentioned in my 100th post? Well, one of the parcels has been posted! Isn't it exciting? I know I said I wanted to exchange only toys, but I couldn't help myself from putting a few extra bits in there too. I even included some of my most favourite treats in the whole wide universe! The other participant hasn't gotten back to me yet though, and the human says that we really need to have this parcel posted before we move. If anyone else is interested in a toy exchange, please do let me know. The idea is that by doing this, we each get to see what toys different countries have for their cats. There's lots and lots and lots of good things in this parcel. I can smell the catnip even through the plastic! So, if you're up for swapping gifts, please do get in touch. Random Felines, if you're reading this and still want to play, the human says that you need to get in touch before Friday, as that's when things will be posted. If more than one of you want to take part, the human will use a random picker to choose who gets the super duper parcel! There was a third person who responded way back when I made the post, but I can't remember who that was. Person, if you're still interested, then there's still space for you!





Right, that's all from me today. I need to get some rest before that human comes home and starts doing noisy packing again! A girl needs her beauty sleep, y'know.

White Wednesday Winners and New Competition

With all of the snow we've been having over here, I couldn't have a Wednesday and not mention the fact that outside, everything is white! It's strange to look at. Usually I can snoopervise buildings, cars, even trees, but today everything is just white and then some white bumps. The human says the snow comes from the sky, but this doesn't make sense either. The sky isn't white, so when it falls, why does it make everything down here that colour? Even when she explained that it was frozen water, I had to just shake my head. Water is clear, not white. I didn't say anything though. I think she's making these mistakes on accounta her eyes being broken, and it wouldn't be polite to scough at her stupidity when it actually has a reason this time. I'd be interested on your theories of why everything is white outside though.


I'm still not being as cuddly as usual, but I've put the human's mind at ease a little bit as I thought that she was getting a might too worried over my game. It's definitely going to be a slow road for her. Anyway, she sat on a different seat than normal today, and as soon as she did that, I jumped up beside her and didn't move for a whole half an hour. This isn't to say that my game has stopped. It hasn't, but this way I can add another facet as well as easing her mind. Before, I would only sit on our blue sofa. I didn't like the big one. The human decided that she'd join me there. Now I'm going to pretend that I like the big one better, and refuse to sit on the blue one. oh, it's so much fun to keep them guessing! I'm going to ask Praline and Whicky both to post a picture of me on the blue sofa for today's post, just so that you can see my eyes and my nice floof which admittedly perhaps wasn't the floofiest ever in this shot. Still though, you can see my colours, and my favourite sofa. It might take them a little while to post, so keep checking back, as pictures are somewhat of a rarity on here!


Now, on to the news that I know you've all been waiting for. Yes, I've heard you muttering that I should stop waffling and get on with the show. As this is important, I'll let you off and pretend I didn't notice.


Competition winner! Could someone please provide a drum roll? Dogface is thumping her tail already, but that isn't good enough for me. So, here goes. We assigned each comment a number then used random.org to pick one of them. That means that the person who won is.......... Bell! Her people Chloe left the comment for her, and it turns out that poor Bell doesn't even have a blog yet! I had some words with her about the role of a good pet, so hopefully she'll start listening more to Bell in future and we'll see her musings up here shortly! In any case, congratulations to Bell and her people pet on winning the first week of the Soft Paws and Claws competition! I'm so sorry to all of those who entered and weren't so lucky. Please don't give up though. There are four more chances to win. Wouldn't it be great if you all got a packet?


There's nothing stopping you entering a competition a second time even if you have won the week before, but we ask that you only do this if you need the Soft Paws and Claws because of green papers problems. In that way, everybody gets a chance to win.


Today is the day that I open week two of the competition. Last week was easy, but each time it'll get a teeny wee bit harder. If you don't know a lot about Soft Paws and Claws, please have a look at my original post from last week.

The human has asked me to do a Christmas theme this time, as it's coming up soon and she's feeling festive. She's just finished her shopping, and cuz of all the white snow outside, she's in the Christmas mood. I thought I'd oblige. It's a small concession, so I have no fear that she will get above herself and think she has a right to demand things from me.


Anyway, the competition for this week. There's a Christmas song that I did a variation on on the way to the vet called Santa Claws is Coming to Town and in there they sing about peoples being naughty and nice. Well, forget the peoples. this is all about the cats. As Santa might be reading, we'll start with the naughty, then do the nice next week so that by the time he reads it, he'll have forgotten that any of us were ever naughty. not that I'm suggesting you'd forget anything, Santa. I'd not say that, cuz that would be naughty and I'm never naughty. I'm so good I deserve lotsa nip toys and tuna and ping pong balls for Christmas!


Ahem, where were we? For the naughty week, I'd like you to go back to the Soft Paws and Claws website and tell me something you don't like about it, i.e, something they've done which is naughty in your opinion, or at least, less than perfect. On top of that, I want you to tell me something you've done. The naughtier the better! If we get sufficient comments, we'll even devote a Tortureshell Tuesday post to this next week on the last day of the competition. Do feel free to tell me a naughty story even if you don't want to be entered in the competition. They will all give me ideas...


Finally, because my human's memory is terrible, let us know again what size and colour you want.


So, to recap:
1. Tell us something naughty/that you don't like about the Soft Paws and Claws website.
2. Tell us something very naughty that you did.
3. Tell us your size and colour preferences


Happy Wednesday to you all, and happy winning!

Tortureshell Tuesday: Playing Games

This is my favouritest thing in the world to do. I don't just mean the ordinary games where you kill the naughty feathers that the human makes bop you on the head. No, I mean the games that keep the human guessing all day long. I've mentioned a few of these before, but today's one really has her on edge.

Usually I like to be with the human, mainly to keep an eye on her and prevent her from getting into trouble or doing anything stupidly dangerous. Today though, I decided I'd had enough of her. When she sits down, I'll usually climb onto the sofa with her, but every time she's picked me up today I've jumped down and gone to lie quietly on the floor out of the way by the big windows.

You might say it's a bit mean of me, cuz I think the human thinks I might be getting sick again. Last time the first sign she had was that I stayed away from her, you see. She's disgusting enough to keep checking my bum every time I come out of the tray. She says she's looking for the evidence of runny poo. What is it with her and poo! She keeps wondering if my temperature is up, and is watching very closely to see if I start vomiting like I did last time. I'm keeping my cool though. I'm drinking lots and I'm eating well. As if I wouldn't eat!

It doesn't take much to have the human worried about me these days. If I'm too clingy, she worries that I might be sick, and if I stay away from her, the same. If I follow her all the time, she's concerned, if I don't, she asks if I'm all right. I can sort of understand it. I was pretty sick, and I know that if I was her, I wouldn't like the thought of losing me either, but honestly, this worry has to stop at some point. That's why I'm playing the game. Tomorrow I may well come back and sit with her and she'll realise that she was worried for nothing. Over time I hope that this desensitisation method will work and leave her much more stress free.

For now though, I'll keep her guessing. It's what she needs.

Our competition closes tonight, so if you haven't entered already, get commenting! We will pick the winner using random.org. May the best cat win!