Competition winners and stupid humans!

Hihihihihi! Guess what? My human is stupid! I know I know. I still love her, but she's stupider than my stupid, stinky brothers were! You know why? Cuz she gotted her numbers mixed up and she thinked that our super duper competition ended yesterday stead of a whole week ago! How rubbish is that? We're sorry!

Anyway, without further a-do, I get to tell you all who the winner is! I want it to be me, but the human and my booooring old mummycat say that that's not fair cuz I've already tried all the foods and another somebody needs a chance to try it. But shhhh, maybe I'll sneaky some outta the bag before it gets sent away. Don't tell on me though!

Anyway, the winner is............ Hannah and Lucy! Concatulations to the both of you! But I think that Hannah and Lucy shouldn't have telled each other that they were entering, and then if one of them winned, they could keep it a secret and they wouldn't hafta share with the other one! That's what I woulda done, cuz this food is yummy, yummy, yummy! My human says to Hannah and Lucy could they please tell their people somebody to email her their address details and we'll get the prize posted to you! Also, we need a time when you'll be in, and a date pretty please. What's an email?

I've decided. my human is sel, sel, um, not very good at sharing. Oh, I member the word now! It's shellfish! She is! She never shares her yummy foods with me sept for the time when she telled Dogman (that's what my mummycat says his name is) to give me a chip once cuz I was asking really politely for one. My human says I was pestering, but I wasn't! I was just sitting beside his plate and telling him loudly that I wanted one, and sniffing at them and trying to take one. That's polite! At least I didn't just grab and run! When I gotted the chip I ran away with it in my mouth and I didn't share with nobody and I hided behind the chair and eated it all up myself in secret. And I like chips. But the human won't give me any. She says they aren't cat foods and so I don't get to have them. How shellfish is that!

I'm so clever, you know. My mummycat is a bit stupid, but shhh, don't tell her I telled you that else she'll smack me! My human has this super duper ball thing that she calls a treat ball. And she puts really yummy foods in there and if you wanna eat them, you hafta push the ball till it rolls over and spits out some foods. I use the ball maybe 3 times every week, and mummycat, even though she watches me every time, still doesn't know how to get the foods out. She just sits there and cries at the ball, but it doesn't spit out any foods for her. I think it's great, cuz then I don't hafta share! And even when the human tries to feed mummycat some of the treaties without me seeing, I'm so clever that I do see, and I come and copy mummycat and put my paws on the human and shove my face right into her hand and eat real, real fast so's mummycat can't have them all to herself. And it's cool cuz I know that even when I'm finished, there's still loads in the ball that's all mine!

I love to carry things in my mouth too, and mummycat doesn't do that neither. I've bringed two mousies into the bedroom and put them beside the bed thing for a present for the human in the mornings. She always tells me how clever I am for giving her a present. I have glittery balls too, and a straw thing with a glittery ball on the end too, and I pick them up in my mouth and then I jump on the human's knee in my chair and I drop the thing on her and then she tells me how clever I am. And then she wiggles the straw thing or throws the ball for me and then I gotta run real, real fast and jump on it real good and pick it up and kill it and then bring it back to her again. And it's such a cool game!

But yesterday, my human was real horrible to me. Dogman was still at the house, so the human leaved without putting any new stinky goodness in my bowl! But she forgotted to tell Dogman to feed us too, and he doesn't check the bowls a lot cuz he doesn't feed us. And I gotted hungrier and hungrier and I climbed on him and I said "weeeeow!" but he didn't do nothing sept give me a cuddle and then go on typing on Computer. and then I jumped on the back of the chair and I said "Weeeeow!" and he didn't do nothing again! And then I jumped on Computer and started attacking the little moving thing that was wiggling. And then he did do something. And he picked me up and he said "Millie, stop attacking the mouse. I can't work when you're doing that!" And I said "Weeeeow! Weeeeow!" and I put my claws out and holded onto him real tight but all he did was put me down. And then I went and lay sadly by my stinky goodness bowl, and my tummy went all hurty and rumbly and it sounded like there was a monster in there. And so I runned away and went on the sofa instead, cuz all somebodies know that a monster can't get you if you're under a blanket on the sofa. My mummycat asked me why I didn't eat the dry foods, but I didn't answer her. I was starving! I didn't care if there was dry foods. I needed stinky goodness!

And then my human came home and she feeded me and I eated and eated and eated until the monster went away and my tummy wanted to say pop! And then I gived the human a big cuddle. And then I went and climbed into the chair with Dogman and I lay on my back and he tickled my tummy and I went to sleep, cuz all somebodies know that monsters can't get you when you're sleeping on a somebody.

But then I heard mummycat crying her "I'm in the bath and I don't like it" cry, so I went to see and the bathroom door was closed and the human wouldn't let me in. Sept she did, but only after mummycat went out all wrapped up in a towel. But then I didn't want to go in cuz it was my turn for a bath. But do you know what? I sat like a very good girlcat and I only tried to jump out twice. But I let her wash my legs and my tail and everywhere and I tried to eat the bubbles that came into the bath just like magic! But my human said "no, Millie. You'll get sick. And anyway, I can't wash you when you're diving on bubbles." So I stopped and was good again. And then I got air on me from the nois

Yummy Foods and Competition Time!

Friends, it feels like ages since I spoke to you last, thanks to Millie sneaking on here last time to write to you! I know she told you I was too busy sleeping to come say hi to you, but honestly, did you believe that? I'd never pass up a chance to speak to my friends! I was taking a well earned nap after using up every scrap of my energy to wriggle out from the mound of blanket that the human had buried me in (she says she did it because she knows I like to snuggle in it, but really, I know she did it to make me work harder for my food!), jump all the way down from the sofa, then walk the ludicrous distance to the other end of it to reach the food bowl. Then I had to do it all over again to find my way back! Friends, it was horrific, and by the time I'd wiggled back down to find my warm spot in the blanket, I was too exhausted to write anything. you understand, don't you?

Anyway, enough about my dilemma. I just wanted to reassure you all that I still love you and that I wouldn't not write to you. Don't believe anything that little snip of a kitten tells you!

I have something exciting to tell you about today, and it involves food! Food's always exciting, isn't it? I mean, there's nothing better in the world! Except maybe tummy tickles or a sun puddle or Da Bird, but you get the idea.

A couple of months a go, there was a knock on our front door, and then a very nice man dropped off a huge bag of foods for me! Millie thought it was for her, but we know better, right? Anyway, the human brought it into the house... And then put it up high where I couldn't reach it! It was around the time that Millie and Paws had dodgy tummies, and she spouted some rubbish along the lines of "well, if they have it it might upset their tummies, and if I put it in your bowl they'll eat it, so you'll just have to wait." I really want to whap my human sometimes, you know.

Eventually though, the babies' tummies settled, and at last, it was time to crack open that bag of food! It's called NutriCat, and it turns out that the super duper peoples at NutriCat
sent us a big bag of it to review for them. You know me, friends. I know my duty, and when it comes to reviewing, I take that duty very, very seriously indeed.

NutriCat is nutritionally very similar to the yummy Royal Canin that the human feeds us already, which is good cuz she's very particular about what we eat. Ok, RC isn't the best dry food on the market, but every time she tries to change me over, I build up loads of sick, then go and leave it in presents for her all over the bedroom carpet. I do this cuz she's told me that that's the only one in the house that isn't stain proof, so I know if I puke there it'll have the biggest impact. So she gave up trying to change me over and just left me on the RC and supplemented it with lots of very good quality wet stinky goodness.

But I'm getting side tracked. Anyway, it's pretty much the same nutritionally. It comes in smaller bags than the RC, but that's Ok cuz it's so easy to get hold of. Tesco sells it, so you can have it delivered right to your door!

As we heard the bag rattle, we all gathered close, and when she opened it, oh my, oh my, oh my! The smell! It was heavenly! She took some out of the bag and got on the floor with us to let us take some whiffies nice and close up. Now, do you remember a few months ago I spoke about training my human to give me treats? I'd put my paws up on her leg and she'd give me a treat. she thought she was training me to put my paws on her for treats, but we all know better. Anyway, as soon as I got a whiff of the yummy stuff up came my paws and they planted themselves firmly on her leg and didn't move! She, well trained human that she is, presented the foods to me and I ate. Oh my cod did they taste good! I ate some more, then opened my mouth real wide and tried to eat everything that she had in her hand! I dropped most of it, but it didn't matter cuz I just picked it up again. I crammed myself full, cuz I could see that the babies were closing in and I didn't want to share.

Paws had never eaten from the human's hand before. He says he wasn't stupid enough to do that cuz he knew that food always came from a bowl, not the human, but the more he watched me, the more his nose twitched and the closer he got until, in the end, he pushed me out of the way and snarfled a big mouthful for himself! At this point, I was fighting to get my spot back, and Millie was attempting to climb into the foods bag to get at the biggest stash of all! She's resourceful, that girl of mine. The human had to actually remove the bag from our reach before she could carry on feeding us.

She put NutriCat
down in our bowls a few times, but she gave up on that very quickly. You see, normally, we pick at our dry foods, but when NutriCat was in the bowls, we cleaned them usually inside an hour or so! At the time I was starting to get a bit, ah, soft around the middle, and she didn't want the kittens gorging either so soon after having bad tummies. Instead, she filled up our treat ball every day which meant we had to work for our foods. Have I mentioned I'd love to thwap my human at times?

You know how much I love Dreamies, but friends, this food tastes just as good, so good that it's actually worth working for! And if you tell the human I said that, I'll deny it every time. Sadly, we've finished our bag now, but I've instructed her to buy more for us.

NutriCat is reasonably priced, but I did find the bits a little difficult to pick up cuz I'm a Persian and I need special foods to be able to pick them up easily. But this didn't stop me eating as much as I could cram in my mouth!

So, pros: Reasonably priced, very easily available, smells yummy, tastes incredible! Good nutritional profile for a dry food

Cons: Bag doesn't reseal very well, kibbles are hard for Persians to pick up, meat content could be higher (but it's pretty standard for dry foods, so we're not saying it's really bad!). We can't think of anything else bad to say about the food except that you might get fat on it cuz it tastes so good that you'll want to eat it all! But then if you put on a little extra wait, it's all the more yummy tummy for your peoples to snuggle, right? So this is another good point!

The human has written her boring words to review NutriCat over on The Moonspun Blog
and there's a competition there too, but oh, I haven't told you about our competition yet!

The super duper peoples at NutriCat
have generously offered one person the chance to win a whole month's supply of foods all for themselves! They say you may have to share with the other cats you live with, but I don't agree. If you win, tell nobody, then when the bag comes, go hide it away and keep the fact that you are in possession of the yummiest food ever very, very quiet!

So how can you win? All you have to do is visit the NutriCat website
and have a look at the different types of foods on offer. Then you just come back here and tell us what flavour of foods you'd like by commenting on this post. And it's as simple as that!

The competition will run until 12 midnight next Monday 5th of December. Each comment will be asigned a random number, and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator. Then the lovely peoples at NutriCat will send the foods out to you and you can start enjoying!

Remember, for those of you who are fixed on what you eat, NutriCat really is scrummy, and you could enter and use it as a treat food even if you don't have it as your main food every day. Yep, it's that good that you'll eat it as a treat too!

Right, enough from me, there's some more foods around here somewhere, and I gotta get it before Millie does. Good luck to you all and thank you very much, NutriCat, for my yummy scrummy foods!

Just to add that the competition is only available to those living in the UK. Sorry!

Bits and pieces

Wel, friends, isn't it about time we wrote again? The human has been remis in her duties to us. She said something about new job, 12 hour days, tiredness, struggling to learn new things, no time, no energy, yada, yada, yada and other boring, unimportant stuff like that. But by now, we all know what she's like. Lazy. I'm considering putting her up for adoption, especially as last week was rescue week. Would anyone like to rescue a useless human? I'm afraid it's very clear that she's a pity case, and you'll need a lot of patience if you're going to take her on. On the plus side though, she uses the human litterbox faultlessly and never toilets inappropriately, she will give stinky goodness on a regular basis, she provides a self heating bed in the form of her lap whenever it's demanded, and she is adept at rubbing all the right spots to make your eyelids go droopy and your purr motor start up. I'm not sure if that's enough to outweigh the negatives though.






Millie: Mummycat, I'm not sure I want my favouritest human somebody to go up for adoption. That's when you go in a PTU and you don't come back again, right? Like what happened to my stinky brother Fatboy and my stinky brother Paws, right? I'd miss the human if she didn't come back, cuz I love her lots and lots and lots, and even Dogman isn't as good for scritches as she is. I love her so much that I rub rub rub all over her with my head until I fall over and I say purpurpur all the time even when I fall, cuz she tickles me the whole time and tells me what a pretty girlie I am. And I know she doesn't tell lies cuz I know I'm pretty cuz every people somebody says the same thing, and they can't all be lying. If I had another human somebody, I'd probly not be allowed to be eated by the bed thing and sleep in its belly where it's all nice and warm and there's lots of human to cuddle up to and you get tickles until you fall asleep. Mummycat, can we keep her?





Tia: Ah, kittens, so naive, so prepared to overlook the glaring flaws in character in favour of the nice bits. It's refreshing in a way. I'm still open to adoption offers though. As Millie mentioned, little Paws is now gone. To be honest with you, I'm quite relieved. It was high time he was out of here. I don't know about you others who've had kittens, but I got to a point where I just didn't have any patience for them any more. Admittedly, this was when I was searching for a new mancat, but Paws just didn't get the hint that I wanted to be left alone. Even after I'd finished my calling for my new boyfriend, I decided that it was high time for my babies to go off into the big wide world and seek their fortunes. It was with some relief that I listened to the human as she explained to Millie and I that Paws' new mum would be coming for him on Saturday. She, of course, was not filled with the same relief, and had a rotten case of leaky eye syndrome which is still a bit of a problem today. His new mum is really lovely though, and I heartily approved.





Millie: I didn't though, cuz even though he's stinky and a stupid cry baby, he's my stinky, stupid cry baby brother, and now that he's gone, I have nobody to beat up or clean or chase or play with. It's pretty lonely now. I haven't tried to find him like we did when stinky Fatboy went. I'm bigger and clev, clev, more smarter now and I know he's gone and he's not coming back. But I did cry a bit and I sticked to my human like a kitten to Da Bird, and I cuddled her lots and lots and we both cried together. And now I sleep a lot rather than playing, and my human says it makes her sad to see it. But it's just not as much fun when you don't have a stinky brother to steal toys from and beat until he screams like a silly little girlkitten and goes running to the human. I miss him. My human's looking into finding me a playmate though. She says she wants me to grow up with another kitten for company. Mummycat's boring. She hardly ever plays, and when she does, she's so much bigger than me that I never win. She plays a bit hard sometimes too, and so I really squeal when she bites me and then the human has to separate us.





Friends, I bit her hard because she had the audacity to try and get in a cube that I was already very much occupying! As you all know, I am queen of this house, and I'll not allow anyone, even my own children, to ever forget that! To be honest with you, although she has her moments, Millie is a pretty easy baby to live with. She lets me have my own space and is generally well behaved. Ok, perhaps generally is a bit of overkill. Let's go with she's not naughty absolutely all the time. She does need a playmate though, and we're still searching for another girlkitten to come and join us here in my house, so fingers crossed we find something soon!





Millie: We've got a real exciting week coming up, sept the first bit isn't so exciting cuz it means I'm gonna get put in the stinky wet bath again whether I wanna go in it or not, and I don't! The wet water feels icky, and I even smell icky when I come outta there! I know my human somebody says I smell real good, but she says I smell good enough to eat and that makes me a bit ascared, cuz she's a lot bigger'n me and she could probly eated me all up in one big bite. And the thing is, when she picks me up I can't get away if she doesn't wanna let me go, so if she wanted to eated me all up I don't think I could do anything about it. Do nice human somebodies eat babycats like me? Is that why she's putting me in the horrible bath? So that I'm all clean and ready for the eating? Heeeelp!





We gotta get clean though, cuz we have something real, real important on Saturday. It's that super duper important cat show that we ran a competition for a while back. I get to go with mummycat, and we both get to show all the people somebodies just how pretty and beautiful we are. I enjoyed the last one, and this one's even bigger so I think I'm gonna have a real good day out. And the human bought me new toys after the last one, and gave me real yummy stinky goodness. Do you think she'll do that again? I hope she does!





Tia: The human always buys us something nice when we go to shows, just to make up for the fact that it's a long day for us. I've heard a whisper about her buying us a new Catit track that has speed bumps in it and everything. How cool is that! I even play with those ones because they're a lot of fun. Apparently, the sections of this new one can be joined to our old one to make a massive track. I can bet that's going to be a lot of fun!





I think that's about all for now, except one last thing. We will be running a super duper competition on here next week, and it involves food! Lots of yummy food! And there will even be more than 1 winner! Interested? Then come back here next week to find out how you could get a very full belly.

It's competition time!

Friends, nothing is sacred any more! It seems as though my blog is not my own now, nor will it ever be again. Oh well, it was good while it lasted...






I actually told her she could post as she's now got a name of her very own, and anyway, she's getting to be a big girl now! It's about time she learned what a horrible thing Computer is. It's good for her language development too. She struggles to concentrate on one thing long enough to see it through to the end, so by encouraging her to blog, it should help that too! I hope you found her amusing if not interesting. Obviously she could never be as interesting as me... Right?





Well, friends, on to the good stuff. I promised you mo cats this week. First you got the news on the new kitten, then you got to see Millie in all her dubious glory. But I also promised you a treat that you wouldn't want to miss. Today is the day I reveal that treat. Yep, it's competition time!





Like me, you may have noticed that not only did my human miss celebrating my 200th post thanks to these kittens, but she also missed my blogoversary! I couldn't let her forget about this, so after some stern words to her, I've come up with an absolutely stonking competition that will rock your socks! Or your paws... Or somethin. Anyway, this is quite big to make up for the fact that it's only one celebration instead of 2. Ready for this?





Myself and my human are offering one lucky person the chance to win a pair of tickets to visit the Supreme Cat show which will be held on the 19th of November in the NEC in Birmingham. This is an absolutely amazing show which is the equivalent of Krufts in the cat world. Normal cat shows get anywhere between 200 and 300 entries, but the Supreme gets an average of 1600! All the pens are decorated, and cats have to qualify by winning a CC to enter, so it's only the best of the best that can be shown there. This is truly a cat lover's paradise. If looking at cats all day isn't enough, there are tons of trade stands there, most of which have special offers, and all of which sell just about anything you can imagine for the cat lover and their cat. you will be able to see pretty much every breed of cat that is registered with the GCCF, and maybe get to cuddle a few too! You also have the opportunity to watch them being judged, something which is usually forbidden in GCCF shows. Household pets enter too, so there is literally every type of cat imaginable there! This is an amazing prize, as tickets are quite expensive.





And do you know what makes it more amazing? I'll be there too! And so will little Millie! It's Ok to tell you apparently, as long as I don't mention either of our pedigree names so that the judges can't work out who we really are. If you win the competition, then I'd love to see you at the show, so you'll have ta come find me there!





If you'd like to enter, then please leave a comment on this post telling us why you'd like to head to the Supreme, and why you should win. Of course, the winner will be picked by a random generator, but we want to know why you'd like to go anyway! I'm not restricting this to peoples who live in the UK only, cuz I'd like to give everyone the chance to enter. If you're overseas and you'd like to come, then you'll obviously have to travel to England to visit the show, but we can help you find good hotels etc. If you don't want to come, then we're happy for you to donate tickets to someone else. Really, we just want to give the opportunity to visit to as many peoples as possible! To increase your chances of winning, head on over to the Moonspun Blog
And have your peoples comment there too. The competition will be running on both blogs, so if you enter on both, you double your chances! Please also feel free to spread the word about this to as many friends as possible. I want to see loads of you at the Supreme!

Mommacat Monday

Wow, friends, it's my second mommacat Monday already! Isn't time flying! The human says she wishes it would, so she obviously doesn't feel the same way. Since last we spoke, we've had an eventful few days!






It all started yesterday with a trip to the litterbox. Nothing abnormal about that, I hear you say, but the litterbox is the one not agreeing this time! Friends, to put it very politely, I was in a bad way, and came out of there leaving a stinking liquid mess behind me and with my poor lady bum covered in the stuff! The human found me, or rather, the mess found her when I jumped up on her. I thought if I pretended like nothing had happened, the mess would just go away. I know from experience that I can't clean that off, but was too embarrassed to ask the human for help. Do you know how that makes a girl feel? Very very small, that's how.





As soon as the human found me, she whipped me off to the bathroom to clean me up, but once there, she realised that the baby wipes (they should be marketted as cat bum wipes, cuz they're real good at this!) were in the other room. In the time it took her to get them and come back, something else had happened. A small amount of sticky liquid had dribbled out of me and made my fur very wet. the human went into uber panic. She thought it might have been blood, and if it was, it would mean that I was reabsorbing my babies for some reason. She still doesn't know whether it was or not, but she kept a very close eye, or should I say hand, on me all night long, and I didn't do the same trick twice. It may have just been a bit of left over litterbox stink that I couldn't hold onto when she started to clean, but neither of us are all that sure.





That first clean up was to be one of many, well, four to be precise, but each one was very liquid and incredibly stinky. It smelled just like it did last year when I got real, real sick, so the human spent a sleepless night worrying about me, and cleaning my litterbox before my feet had even touched the floor on the way out! She says you don't leave that stuff hanging around.





Well, all that sickness last year must have taught her something, cuz her clean up of me and the box was so good that this morning was my last bad episode and I haven't shown signs of having another. Two hours after my last one, I threw up a big hairball, so she's wondering if that had something to do with it, although I've never had the runs before when trying to get rid of one of these. The simple fact is that we don't know what caused it. She dosed me with a pro-biotic that breeders like her give to kittens who have the squits (she says that's what you call it when you have runny bum syndrome). She says it's really good not only for clearing squitty bums, but stopping them as well. It's called Fortiflora for anyone else who may need it and it's made by Purina.





I've been tired all day and very quiet. It takes it out of a girl to produce that much poop! The human thought my tummy had changed shape this morning and was convinced that I must have lost a baby or two, but when I did finally start to eat again, I plumped right out. She says she's gonna try and find her stethoscope as she should be able to hear baby heartbeats about now, but she doesn't know where the stethoscope is, so her and Mark are gonna have to hunt for it.





She's been busy ordering stuff for my babies all day. She says she'll make a list of all the things in her kittening kit on a post so that you all can see what kinds of things you need to have at hand. That will fill a post while she's away in cold, cold Alaska. She says she may even do the genetics post then too so that you can all have fun with trying to puzzle out what colour babies I might have! Oh, how about this for an idea? The human and i are thinking of running a competition but we're not sure what everyone else thinks. We'd like you all to guess how many babies I will have. I know the vet peoples said three, but as I told you, that doesn't really mean much at this stage. It would also be fun for peoples to guess how many baby boys and how many girls there would be. To make it really, really interesting, we could get you to guess colours too which would mean you'd have to read and learn about genetics! But this might be too involved for most peoples. What do you all think? Would you enter if you had to guess litter size and sexes? Would you still enter if you had to guess colours as well?





We gotta think about prizes too, and something kitten related to tie in with the competition. Any ideas?





Well, that's it for today as the human says she has to go out for a little while. See? no sooner am I better than she's abandoning me! Heartless human!

Tortureshell Tuesday: Poo to That!

Well, friends, times are hard around here. I decided to try and be nice and not have tortureshells until Santa Paws has been and gone, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't win!





Last week, the human sent me to the vet peoples cuz I was pooing way too much, so when I came home, I decided I wasn't going to do that again. Now that she's trying to collect samples for the vet peoples, she says I'm not pooing enough! I've only done one since I came home, and that one was very much a pudding poo. She says she knows I've been once cuz, to my shame, I got a little bit on my fur that I didn't manage to clean, just a little bit mind you, but she spotted it. It's hard to clean it when it's pudding poo and sticks to you, specially when you have long fur like me. When she looked for it in the box though, there was nothing there, sept a tiny bit that she thinks could have been left over from last nights when she cleared it. I really don't get it. I wish she'd make up her mind. To poo or not to poo? That is the question, and I sure as heck wishyou'd give me an answer you're prepared to stick to, human!





Our competition really isn't going well. In fact, we've had no entries sept the peoples who entered last week and won! That's really not good, considering, so we're hoping like crazy that someone enters before it closes tonight!





We gotta apologise for not answering many comments lately. The human is desperately busy trying to get all her paperwork in order for her physiotherapy interview thingy. There's so much you have to show just so they know you're good. her current file stands at a whopping 82 bits of paper, and she's not done yet. She won't even let me play with them, let alone all her certificates which she has in a separate folder. Then there's all the packing to do, and oh is that fun or what!





I told you how much I liked Dogman's suitcase when I found it when he was here, but that is nothing, nothing, nothing compared to the human's ones. She has two out at the moment, one full of mine and Dogface's stuff, and another full of hers and Christmas presents to go to the Ireland place with her. But the best bit is that when she got them out this morning, I saw my ping pong balls hiding in one. So I jumped in and whapped them good! I made them fly all over that case, and I could hurl myself after them and not get hurt too, cuz the super case protected me. Then I got to go explore in the human's one. I snuggled down in all of her clothes, only to hear her say, "Ah, cat, why'd you go and do that after I'd de-haired 'em all!" Ungrateful human. I could see there was no hair, and was trying to do her a favour! I just scrunched down smaller, pushed the carefully folded clothes around with my feet, and made room for myself. Admittedly, this didn't leave much space for her clothes, and she did start muttering something about "What's the point in even trying to fold them when you're in there?" but who cares? She can repack another day.





I also came and sat on her when she was folding her tops. She said this made things very difficult cuz if she let them rest on me for folding, not only would they get hairy, but I'd get up and run away. I don't like things on top of me, you see. She ended up using the already folded clothes as a table to do the fresh ones on. At least she has her priorities right. Don't disturb me when I'm comfortable! The suitcases are still out, and I know my fun isn't over yet!





But I'm getting side tracked. We were talking about comments. The human was very surprised that so many of you are able to see your owners when they are with the vet peoples. over in the UK, that's not common at all unless your owner is seriously ill and expected not to last too much longer. I certainly wasn't like that, or at least, not for long, so she wasn't allowed to come see me. Kassey, I never bring the bloods when I bite the human. I find it counter-productive, as it means a swift and unceremonious dumping from her lap, a lot of whining about how sore she is, and a delay in the arrival of my food. No, to bring the bloods isn't desirable at all. In any case, too much stick is not good in the human training. It scars them too badly too quickly. Catnip Crew, I hope none of those kissies were for Dogface! you'll never get the taste outta your mouth... Trust me on this. Once, but never, never again shall I try!





Speaking of Dogface, she had a bad tummy again today too and went for a check up. They stole her bloods and her peepee (about time they stole from her too!) and are sending it off for testing. They've put her on Dogface stinky goodness too to apparently give her tummy a rest and a chance to heal. It's disgusting! She gets about a squillion times more than I do, and not only does she still try and grab mine, but the human won't let me eat hers even though she has 63 times more than me! And what did she do to deserve it! Did she crawl up on the human's lap and purr for her? No. Did she miaow at her lots and lots today? No. Did she head bump her? Ok, she does this. Um, did she groom her with a loving tongue? Um, ah, moving on. But you get the point, don't you? Life's not fair sometimes.





Two more things, then I promise i'm done. Firstly, we won something at the latest auction! The human is very pleased. She says it's a crystal plate thingy that she's gonna display on her shelves... When she gets shelves. Second thing is that we're sorry to Karen for not emailing you sooner with the details for your Soft Claws after you won last week. The human's just been so caught up in all her own stuff as I said. Selfish person! She did manage to make the cake for her work peoples tomorrow, and although she said she promised and she couldn't let them down, I think the email was more important. I did tell her so, so have no fear, I'm fighting your corner! She's actually very amused by the cake. She got little chocolate figures to put on the top, thinking that there would be a people here to help her decorate it, but the people had to leave early, so she wasn't around. The human couldn't work out what way up a lot of them went, so we think we might have upside down santas on the cake! It's impossible to get chocolate topping all the way smoothe too when you have to touch it to know where to drop the shapes on, so she's worried about fingerprints. She's sure it won't look very nice either, but even that amuses her. She works for an organisation which works with a lot of peoples with broken eyes, so she says the cake, in all its messy glory, will be perfect! If it looks outlandish enough, we'll try and get someone to take a picture of it to show you. Sorry we can't take a picture of the taste though. We'll also try and get pictures of everyone in their silly Christmas things tomorrow. The secret santa at work was to find a silly thing for everyone to wear when they go out to eat tomorrow. She thinks it'll be fun!





Ok, so I lied, there's more than two things. The last one is about Santa Paws. Praline's people gave my human some good ideas about sending things out, cuz we're worried that if they'd been in this house, they may carry the bug that we have to other cats. We really don't want that. Praline's people suggested ordering from a shop, but the human has been speaking to her family peoples in Ireland. She arrives there on Monday, and if she goes out the very next day and buys all the stuff and sends it straight away, then it will still be with our partner by Christmas. It also won't be covered in Mr Bug. So that's what we're gonna do. The ordering from shops was a good idea, but the human wants to put the personal touch to it, as it's our first time doing this. We're a little worried cuz our package hasn't arrived yet, and cuz we're leaving the house on Thursday. If it hasn't got here by then, we'll just have to hope the post office holds it for us till we get back. Also, it's going to be interesting trying to work out who it's from. the human doesn't have the working eyes to read any messages, and if they're hand written rather than typed, mr computer voice won't be able to read them either. Still, it'll definitely be a surprise!





Ok, that's really it now. The human's arm is sore typing anyway. more about that tomorrow though, if she gets a chance to write. Until then, stay outta this horrible outside cold!

Wednesday Winners, New Competition and Lots of Other Stuff

We've got lots and lots and lots of things to tell you today, but we'll start with the most important thing; the winners!





Thank you all so much for telling me and the human about the naughty things you do. Some of them were very bad indeed. Well done to you all, and thanks for taking the risk of admitting your pranks. I promise, I won't let Santa Paws see them.





Our winner for this week though is Pixil and his human Karen. Well done to you both! The human says she's going to check and see if they do the combination you asked for, cuz we think they will only do one colour in each pack. Could you please email us with your address and I'll send her to the post office to post them to you? Thanks so much for entering!





This week is similar to last week, only we've got a different website, still for Soft Claws, and a different question. Here are the steps you need to enter.





1. Visit The new Soft Claws website
2. Tell us one thing that's nice about it, i.e, one thing they did well.
3. I know this is asking a lot for you to admit this, but also tell me one thing nice you do. It's embarrassing to admit you can be nice to the peoples for any other reason than that you're training them, but console yourselves with the fact that Santa Paws will be more generous to you if you're nice.
4. Tell us what size and colour of Soft Claws you'd like.





As before, the competition will run until midnight GMT next Tuesday, and, as before, please don't enter multiple times if you've won already, sept if you're winning the Soft Claws to help out cuz green papers are an issue. If they are, we'd love to see you win more than one pack!





We got some more news today, and we can't decide if it's good or not. I'm going for mixed, and so is the human. We finally got the retirement date for Dogface. She's struggling to do the work hunt now that it's winter and cold and her arthritis hurts. Personally, I think she's jealous of me and it's just an excuse to stay home all day like I do, but the human and the vet peoples believe her. It's hard being smarter than everyone sometimes. Anyway, her retirement is set for Monday 20th which is also the day that the human leaves me yet again so she can go and see other peoples. These peoples are her family though. It's good news cuz at least we know when Dogface will be leaving, but it's bad news for the human cuz it doesn't give her a lot of time to say goodbye.





We're just waiting on confirmation from the Guide Dogs peoples, but when the human spoke to them today, they said it was pretty certain that Dogman would be allowed to take her to his house so she can live with him and he can be covered in Dogface slobber and hair for the rest of his life. Personally, I can't see what the attraction is, but they obviously love each other. Each to his own, I suppose. They're going to officially confirm tomorrow. The human says that if Molly has to go, this is absolutely the best place for her. She's going to somebody she lived with for years when the human first got her, and where she visits to stay when the human goes on holidays. Dogman loves her and she loves him as I've said, and he spoils her rotten. To top it all off, the human will still be able to see her whenever she wants.





Now, for those of you who have come to read my musings for quite some time, you will know that, in times of need, I can be a selfless kind of cat. I sent my human to help train Babycat's people, Bug, even though it cost me dearly. Friends, I'm about to do something similar, and I suspect I'll live to regret this just as much as I did the last time. Now, the admission that follows shall only be spoken once, and shall be destroyed directly after you read it. If I'm ever questioned about it, I will deny all knowledge of ever having said it. Here goes.





I feel sorry for Dogface. yep, you heard me. Even though she knows the people she's going to live with and the place where she's going to live, she doesn't know she's staying there forever this time. She's too stupid to realise that. I'm not though, and I feel for her. That is why I have made a hard decision.





This Christmas, the human is going away for ten days to see the HG's mummypeople. I guess she'd be called the HGG. I've actually met the human great grandmother a few months ago. She's really nice and very warm and soft, and she's the best HGG in the world cuz she always said how yummy and lovely I looked and she always brushed me and cuddled me. She even wanted to take me home when it was time for her and the horrible manpeople to leave (human note: a family friend who is a neat freak and kept cleaning Tia hair off the sofa every time she so much as brushed past it. A real pain!). In short, she's wonderful! Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. Impossible not to when you're talking about a person who thinks you're the best cat ever. So, the human's going off there, and I'd planned a quiet few days in the house without her and Dogface. A girl needs some alone time, right? But i've decided that, for the sake of my fellow cat, or unfellow Dogface in this instance, I need to put it on hold. Reluctantly, I have come to the conclusion that if I want Dogface to be happy, I need to oversee the settling in period. Accordingly, I have made arrangements and will be travelling to Dogman's house with Dogface and the human at the end of next week. I will stay there until the human comes back, and will make sure Dogface has a familiar person to look at while she works out that this is her new home. And if that's not selfless, I don't know what is!





Self destruct initiated!





In other news, I got a new toy today. It's a ball with feathers on the top and it's all wrapped in rope and rattles when you whap it. The human roled mine in catnip before she gave it to me today. Actually, she tried something else first, another toy, but I can't tell you about that one cuz we bought one the same for the Santa Paws. I didn't like it though, or at least, I pretended I didn't. I knew there were more toys in that bag, and why be contented with one when, if you play your human just right, you know you'll get more! She eventually gave in and I got the ball. And oh what fun it is! When you pounce the feathers, they move. When you chase them, the ball runs away! If you try to bunny kick it, it slips out of your grasp and tries to hide somewhere else. Oh, what fun it is! I love, love, love it! I only played with it for a few moments though. Can't have the human thinking that she's worked out my toy preferences, and anyway, it wouldn't be dignified to turn into a big pile of kitten at the sight of a new play thing.





The human also did something today that she's very proud of. It's gonna sound small, but I don't care. I'm proud of her too for this cuz I know how worried she is about it. When she's not with Dogface, she uses a long white stick called a cane to help her not bump into things. It's been so long since she's had to use it exclusively though that she's very nervous now. She needs to build her confidence up. Today on the way out of the work hunt, she got her PA to walk with Dogface and she used the stick, right through the middle of the main corridor of the hospital at its busiest time. There were peoples everywhere, it was noisy, confusing, they kept getting in her way, but she still didn't give up, and made it right all the way to the exit. She was nervous doing it, but now that Dogface's date is set, she knows she needs to get good at it real quick. Well done human for forcing yourself to do it before you absolutely have to. I think if peoples get in your way next time, use the stick to thwap them with. Then you'll be Ok.





In our last piece of awesome news, somebody somewhere thinks my human is the best human ever, or good enough to offer her something called an interview at any rate. It's for a physiotherapy work hunt job. She says an interview is where you go and talk to peoples who have read the application form papers you wrote, then tell them all about you. Well, isn't that what application papers are for? I'll never understand all this time wasting! The interview is near where I am staying for Christmas, so the human is going to take us up there the night before, then go for the interview, then spend the weekend with Dogman and us before she goes to see the awesome HGG.





So it's mostly good news all round today. I'm glad of it. I'm also sorry for the long, long post. She goes from not writing anything to writing everything all at once, but we just had to share all the joy today!

White Wednesday Winners and New Competition

With all of the snow we've been having over here, I couldn't have a Wednesday and not mention the fact that outside, everything is white! It's strange to look at. Usually I can snoopervise buildings, cars, even trees, but today everything is just white and then some white bumps. The human says the snow comes from the sky, but this doesn't make sense either. The sky isn't white, so when it falls, why does it make everything down here that colour? Even when she explained that it was frozen water, I had to just shake my head. Water is clear, not white. I didn't say anything though. I think she's making these mistakes on accounta her eyes being broken, and it wouldn't be polite to scough at her stupidity when it actually has a reason this time. I'd be interested on your theories of why everything is white outside though.


I'm still not being as cuddly as usual, but I've put the human's mind at ease a little bit as I thought that she was getting a might too worried over my game. It's definitely going to be a slow road for her. Anyway, she sat on a different seat than normal today, and as soon as she did that, I jumped up beside her and didn't move for a whole half an hour. This isn't to say that my game has stopped. It hasn't, but this way I can add another facet as well as easing her mind. Before, I would only sit on our blue sofa. I didn't like the big one. The human decided that she'd join me there. Now I'm going to pretend that I like the big one better, and refuse to sit on the blue one. oh, it's so much fun to keep them guessing! I'm going to ask Praline and Whicky both to post a picture of me on the blue sofa for today's post, just so that you can see my eyes and my nice floof which admittedly perhaps wasn't the floofiest ever in this shot. Still though, you can see my colours, and my favourite sofa. It might take them a little while to post, so keep checking back, as pictures are somewhat of a rarity on here!


Now, on to the news that I know you've all been waiting for. Yes, I've heard you muttering that I should stop waffling and get on with the show. As this is important, I'll let you off and pretend I didn't notice.


Competition winner! Could someone please provide a drum roll? Dogface is thumping her tail already, but that isn't good enough for me. So, here goes. We assigned each comment a number then used random.org to pick one of them. That means that the person who won is.......... Bell! Her people Chloe left the comment for her, and it turns out that poor Bell doesn't even have a blog yet! I had some words with her about the role of a good pet, so hopefully she'll start listening more to Bell in future and we'll see her musings up here shortly! In any case, congratulations to Bell and her people pet on winning the first week of the Soft Paws and Claws competition! I'm so sorry to all of those who entered and weren't so lucky. Please don't give up though. There are four more chances to win. Wouldn't it be great if you all got a packet?


There's nothing stopping you entering a competition a second time even if you have won the week before, but we ask that you only do this if you need the Soft Paws and Claws because of green papers problems. In that way, everybody gets a chance to win.


Today is the day that I open week two of the competition. Last week was easy, but each time it'll get a teeny wee bit harder. If you don't know a lot about Soft Paws and Claws, please have a look at my original post from last week.

The human has asked me to do a Christmas theme this time, as it's coming up soon and she's feeling festive. She's just finished her shopping, and cuz of all the white snow outside, she's in the Christmas mood. I thought I'd oblige. It's a small concession, so I have no fear that she will get above herself and think she has a right to demand things from me.


Anyway, the competition for this week. There's a Christmas song that I did a variation on on the way to the vet called Santa Claws is Coming to Town and in there they sing about peoples being naughty and nice. Well, forget the peoples. this is all about the cats. As Santa might be reading, we'll start with the naughty, then do the nice next week so that by the time he reads it, he'll have forgotten that any of us were ever naughty. not that I'm suggesting you'd forget anything, Santa. I'd not say that, cuz that would be naughty and I'm never naughty. I'm so good I deserve lotsa nip toys and tuna and ping pong balls for Christmas!


Ahem, where were we? For the naughty week, I'd like you to go back to the Soft Paws and Claws website and tell me something you don't like about it, i.e, something they've done which is naughty in your opinion, or at least, less than perfect. On top of that, I want you to tell me something you've done. The naughtier the better! If we get sufficient comments, we'll even devote a Tortureshell Tuesday post to this next week on the last day of the competition. Do feel free to tell me a naughty story even if you don't want to be entered in the competition. They will all give me ideas...


Finally, because my human's memory is terrible, let us know again what size and colour you want.


So, to recap:
1. Tell us something naughty/that you don't like about the Soft Paws and Claws website.
2. Tell us something very naughty that you did.
3. Tell us your size and colour preferences


Happy Wednesday to you all, and happy winning!

Tortureshell Tuesday: Playing Games

This is my favouritest thing in the world to do. I don't just mean the ordinary games where you kill the naughty feathers that the human makes bop you on the head. No, I mean the games that keep the human guessing all day long. I've mentioned a few of these before, but today's one really has her on edge.

Usually I like to be with the human, mainly to keep an eye on her and prevent her from getting into trouble or doing anything stupidly dangerous. Today though, I decided I'd had enough of her. When she sits down, I'll usually climb onto the sofa with her, but every time she's picked me up today I've jumped down and gone to lie quietly on the floor out of the way by the big windows.

You might say it's a bit mean of me, cuz I think the human thinks I might be getting sick again. Last time the first sign she had was that I stayed away from her, you see. She's disgusting enough to keep checking my bum every time I come out of the tray. She says she's looking for the evidence of runny poo. What is it with her and poo! She keeps wondering if my temperature is up, and is watching very closely to see if I start vomiting like I did last time. I'm keeping my cool though. I'm drinking lots and I'm eating well. As if I wouldn't eat!

It doesn't take much to have the human worried about me these days. If I'm too clingy, she worries that I might be sick, and if I stay away from her, the same. If I follow her all the time, she's concerned, if I don't, she asks if I'm all right. I can sort of understand it. I was pretty sick, and I know that if I was her, I wouldn't like the thought of losing me either, but honestly, this worry has to stop at some point. That's why I'm playing the game. Tomorrow I may well come back and sit with her and she'll realise that she was worried for nothing. Over time I hope that this desensitisation method will work and leave her much more stress free.

For now though, I'll keep her guessing. It's what she needs.

Our competition closes tonight, so if you haven't entered already, get commenting! We will pick the winner using random.org. May the best cat win!

Saturday Stuff

Yet again, it's been a while since we blogged. The human says she's feeling less driven to write lately, because we're not sure how many peoples are reading us any more. I've explained to her the fact that it's a vicious circle. If she doesn't write down my dictations every day when I give her them, peoples are going to read us less. She displays her stupidity with worrying regularity, does she not?

Well, it seems as though the competition has been a resounding flop. One cat is interested in the give away so far. To be honest, this one even took me aback. I was expecting that, like every other competition on the CB, we'd have lots of entrants.

The human and I have been thinking about this a lot over the last week, and have come to a reluctant conclusion, which we'd love to have proved wrong. It seems as though others visit blogs to look at pictures rather than to read what's written there. Wordless Wednesday is a classic example of this. Puss-Puss
also seems to be coming up against the same problems. She is one of the most wise cats I have ever come across. She studies peoples behaviour and offers insights that I, even after living with peoples for all of my life, haven't considered. Yet, since Whicky's post on the CB about her drew readers, I've been the only one to go visit her and leave comments on a regular basis. Is it coincidence that she often posts no pictures either?

My human says I'm starting to sound whiney. I resent that comment, because everybody knows that it's Dogfaces that whine, not us more sensible cats. For her sake more than yours, I'll clarify (we cats understand how it is, so I'm sorry I have to take a moment to spell it out for her slower brain). I am not saying that other peoples and cats leaving comments defines whether I will continue blogging or not. It's just that it's nice to know that writing is appreciated, that's all. I was considering having a CB event encouraging all of you to post one post which tells a story without pictures, but I tried that with my Tortureshell, and it had one participant for one week. I guess pictures are just the way to go.

Anyway, enough of my self pity. I have some exciting news. This is all very hush hush at the moment, but we could be having a celebrity guest star on here very soon, who has tentatively agreed to having a regular slot. When I say celebrity, she's a celebrity only to certain peoples, namely one Bug. You'll have to keep your eyes peeled for more information though. I'm bound to say no more until contracts have been finalised, and treat fees discussed and agreed. Oh, I hope she's not too expensive! I love my Dreamies too much to part with lots of them.

My human has the day off the work hunt today, which I'm loving. It meant we got to stay in bed much longer this morning. She's put a new blanket on there too, so it's really cosy and warm now.

We had another trip to the vet peoples yesterday. Dogface had to go for her hydro, and I needed to have a scan to see about those kittens. I decided that I would cooperate this time. It was the vet man people who saw me when I stayed in hospital. He was the one who got me better enough to go home though, so I guess he's not quite as bad as the others. I stayed nice and still for him, and even tenderised his arm a bit with my claws, to show my affection, you know? Well, I can't have him thinking I'm a totally easy patient. It gives them a false sense of their own importance, makes them think they can get away with more than they have a right to.

The worst bit about those scans is the horrible gel stuff they put on my yummy tummy. Even though this vet man people was good enough to clean most of it off, he's nowhere near as thorough as we are. They never quite manage to get it all, and I'm forced to do it myself. It tastes yucky, and feels nasty when it's on my fur. There's always something unpleasant about going to the vet, isn't there?

As it turns out, I do not have kittens in my tummy, but am continuing to produce milk. Oh, I do so love playing games with my human. It keeps my days interesting. The vet peoples say it's because my hormones are probably all over the place from when I was with my man friend. Honestly though, if you other ladycats had seen him, your hormones would be in a whirl as well. He's quite the handsome picture. Why do peoples feel the need to state the obvious? It's hardly rocket science that I'd still be thinking about him.

The Admiral
would be quite proud of me, I'm sure, for I sang my heart out both on the way there and on the way back. I did Christmas songs. I did old old favourites like Three Blind Mice, I did classical opera, and when I got really frustrated, I sang "Tia Claws are Coming to Town" right into my human's face through the bars of the PTU. In her usual thick-headed way though, she took no notice, and just asked me to be quiet. I also took no notice. The human is not to be listened to when she is in one of those "what I say goes" moods. It's not good for her to have these delusions of grandure attended to as though they were true.

So, we're back at home. Dogface is sleeping as usual, I am thinking about sleeping and the human is tippy-tapping away, for once, being a good secretary. Happy Saturday to you all, and happy winning on the competition... Hopefully.

Tortureshell Tuesday, Winning and Give-Away

I have so many tortureshells to talk about this week that I don't even know where to begin!

There's my human, for one. She's gotten really bad at writing down my dictations. I still talk to her every day, but whereas before she was an attentive secretary, lately, she's turned into nothing but a lazy lay-about. It's been four whole days since my last post, and she's only doing it tonight cuz I guilted her into thinking that I'd lose all my friends if she didn't start blogging for me again.

Then there's the Soft-Claws/Paws. They're the same thing really, sept one is marketted at Dogfaces and the other at cats. Thanks to all of you who suggested peoples for my human to talk to. In typical human fashion, she didn't contact them. She says she just didn't get round to doing it, but that doesn't mean she isn't grateful for the advice anyway.

The Soft-Claws arrived on Saturday. I'm not going to go into too much detail about what they are right now and how they look,etc, cuz I'm planning to do that later on when a problem has been resolved. When the human put these things on me, she made a new rule.

Rule 2 gazillion. you shall not use your teeth to remove these from your claws. I am putting them on to give your poor neck a chance to heal. Respect the fact that I'm doing this for your own good, for once.

For my own good? She said the vet peoples were poking and prodding me and stealing my unmentionable for my own good, but I don't see what great stuff that got me other than a couple of days in a horrible jail that stank of the other sick cats around me! So having caps put on my claws, even if they were comfortable, was not my idea of a great thing! Accordingly, as soon as she turned her back (well, actually, left for the work hunt) I set to work with my teeth. I managed to get three of them off by the time she came home, and then another one before the night was out. I don't know why my human is suggesting that's a tortureshell. I think it's pretty good going, myself. The human wasn't impressed. She got a people to come over this morning and help her fit me back up with them. The problem is that they're too big though. The company sent me the wrong size. If you're going to have things on your claws, they should at least be the correct size, right? So rather than being a tortureshell, I'm staging a protest against inappropriate sizing. Is the fact that they're too big my human suggesting that she thinks I'm fatter than I actually am? I'll not stand for that!

As well as being busy with her job, my human has been having tortureshell problems of her own. The job has taken a turn for the worse, and someone in the block of apartments we live in has been opening the human's post and taking packages delivered to us. She caught them at it tonight, and has called the police again, so hopefully this time, something will be done. I get punished for Tortureshelling, so why shouldn't this nasty man people and his lady people! This has been getting the human down a lot. She says she likes to be cheerful when she blogs so that she can give other peoples a piece of the smile she's feeling, so she hasn't wanted to write lately cuz she doesn't want to give peoples a piece of the frown instead.

We have brighter news though. We won! The animals over at Marg's Place
saved all of their allowances for ages and ages so that they could offer a prize... And I won! It's a gift certificate for the coolest toy shop ever! As soon as we sort out the details, I'm gonna get my human to order 251 of each thing that they've got, just for me! Marg's Animals, I hope you didn't have to sacrifice too much of your yummy foods allowance to get this for me. Thank you lots and lots and lots!

We have other good news too. The nice peoples at Soft Paws and Claws
Are giving us some things to do an absolutely pawesome give away. Every week from now until Christmas, this blog will be giving one lucky reader the chance to win a six month supply of Soft-Claws. You can choose the colour and size to suit, and, provided peoples from other countries will help with postage costs, they can enter too! Please spread the word. Soft Claws do lots of things like prevent scratching of the furniture (Ok, the human says this is a good thing, but personally, I think that sofas don't look their best until they've had a good claw raking). They also stop you scratching at your, ahem, collar and neck, not that I'd ever, ever do a thing like that, nuh uh, not me! They prevent injuries if you are fighting with your family members all of the time, which is worth it even if all it does is stop your peoples squalking at you that you should stop before you make the loser bleed! They mean that you can play with peoplekittens and old peoples too without hurting them by accident. You won't want these if you meet other cats outside though. Those, you do want to make bleed if they get on your turf, and Soft Claws will stop you from doing that. They might actually win the fight then cuz they have an unfair advantage. Guess what though? They don't blunt your teeth! Hah!

I feel the need to say that Soft Claws are absolutely not a fashion statement, even if they do come in funky colours. They're not the equivalent of false nails either. A lot of people think they're cruel cuz they appear unnecessary and frivellous. My human an dI tell things as they are, even if the peoples at the company are really nice, so trust us when we say they're not in the least bit cruel or nasty. An inconvenience yes, and something to be rebelled against, definitely, but not cruel. They serve a very specific purpose. They're quite comfy too, and the best bit is that I can still scratch on everything like my scratching post. I'm mostly making a fuss just as a token gesture of tortitude. Can't have the human thinking she's won after all, can I!

I'm going to make this first week easy. Each week I'll ask you to do a different thing, but from now until next Wednesday, please go and look at the Soft Paws and Claws website
Then come back here and leave a comment. Tell us what size and colour you'd like and one good reason why you'd like Soft Claws. The contest will close at midnight GMT on 30 November. Winners will be announced in the new weekly feature, Wednesday Winners!

Good luck to you all. Get clawing!