Monday, 19 March 2012

Introducing... Champion Catarosa Dolly Mixture

Friends, I must write and tell you all about what's been going on here since we last wrote. The human slacks terribly when it comes to writing, and to be honest, I've pretty much given up on the idea of ever having a regular update on this blog any more. She says that as she's day hunting for such a long time every day, it doesn't really give her much time to write. She's lost touch with all of the peoples she met through blogging too. She says this is cuz Computer keeps deleting email addresses, and it will only sometimes let her leave comments. If anybody wants to get in touch though, she'll answer an email. She might even be able to bully Computer into giving her some lost addresses this week, as she says she's "regressing the software to an earlier version which should help". I don't have a clue what she's talking about, friends, but regression sounds painful. I hope it is. I hate computer! Well, except when he's playing nicely and letting the human tippy-tap what I tell her to so's you can all read it.

Life continues as ever here, except that the human is trying to introduce new kinds of stinky goodness into the diet. Millie's tummy turns ever so un-yummy whenever the human does this, and it makes her trips to the litter tray a bit of an event in our house. The human is to be seen lurking right outside the entrance to scoop her and clean her whenever she's done. My kitten hasn't managed the art of remaining clean even with a runny bum yet. Mind you, one of the flavours upset my yummy tummy too, and that takes some doing! Needless to say, that food has been removed for now. The horrible human hasn't given up on it altogether though. She has ideas of sneaking bits in with our normal stinky goodness in the hopes that our tummies won't rebell if we get it in small portions. She won't fool us though!

Luckily, the kitten got herself better in time for Saturday, as we had a big show to go to! Millie was in a very fancy pen which the human said was called an exhibition pen. I got to go in there for a while too, but was swiftly removed whenever I politely pushed Millie out of the way to eat her foods, then ever so politely tapped her with my paw until she jumped out of her bed so that I could steal, I mean lie in it. The human would have it said that I barged her out of the way to get to the food bowl and that I used smackypaw of doom with claws out to get her out of her bed, but really, you can't be expected to believe such poor lies. I mean, me? Be rude? You know this isn't possible!

I was soon taken to my own pen which was drab in comparison to the kitten's. Mine didn't have nice, fancy curtains or a padded mat. It was the same colour as everyone else's, and it didn't have a nice, frilly bed to lie in! It was barren! I was left to sit in the middle of a stinking cage, to rest my poor bones on nothing more than a warm, padded, fluffy fleece blanket, to drink nothing but water from a bowl and to have nothing to eat except a pile of dry foods. The privation was terrible! I almost didn't survive!

There was one good thing though. My prison was one of a row of prison cells with peoples jeering and taunting us with horrid phrases like, "hello, puddin. Want a cuddle?" and, "I'm gonna come back and take you out in a minute for some lovins and brushing. You enjoy that, don't you!" and, "Oh, what a pretty ladycat you are!" My prisonmates were similarly stoic when it came to the peoples taunting. We all sat in silence. Ok, so I rolled around and showed my yummy tummy, and I even slept upside down for a while, and I might have even said miaow a couple of times, but while I was making my feelings of outrage clear, I couldn't help but notice that either side of me were boys, very handsome boys who weren't like the usual braggarts. They didn't say anything rude or sallacious to me. They didn't make innuendos, and they didn't ask me if I was free this evening. One settled down to sleep, and the other one was making love eyes and head rubbies on the bars where my human was standing. They were so nice that I didn't even feel the need to hiss! In fact, I found eau de mancat very, very interesting. My human, trator that she is, went and cuddled the boy next door for a while in the afternoon, but he was so nice that I didn't even mind his stink on her. She says that he owned a friend of hers, and she'd been asked to feed him and love on him while his slave was helping the peoples in white coats that take us out and say how pretty we are. I only wish I'd been instructed to love on him a bit too!...

Anyway, my human disappeared after that as she usually does, and took all the other peoples with her. When everywhere was quiet, the peoples in white coats came to have a cuddle of us all. They cuddle strangely. They love on us by feeling our heads, checking our teeths, looking in our eyes, touching all over us, but then they finish with a normal cuddle session.

I had quite a few peoples to come and look at me. The first one said that I was absolutely scrummy. I won't go into detail about what she said, as a modest ladycat would never boast, but she said some words that I know would make the human very pleased. Some other peoples came and cuddled me, but I didn't like them as they gave me no prizes. the last people in the white coat was an old ladypeople who really knows how to cuddle good! She liked me too.

In the meantime, the human had come back and gone to see the kitten who was having a whale of a time! She had absolutely wrecked the pen. Just as she was leaving, she said that she saw the kitten stand on the edge of her bed which is raised up, then take a big jump into the middle of the pile of cushions, grab one and start rolling around with it. When she came back though, she discovered that Millie had gone swimming in her water, kicked the bowl over, flipped her bed, spread the cushions around, and then had dug her way under the mat with her straw so that she could kill it in peace. She wasn't frightened, as she came straight out whenever the human came back. She got taken out for lots and lots of cuddles which she absolutely loved! She met lots of nice peoples who said what a lovely, purry girlcat she was. Well, of course she's lovely. She's my babycat! Some of the peoples even came to see me and give me lotsa cuddles, and I didn't even grump at them! I only grumbled when they wanted to put me back in my pen, but I'll admit secretly to you, dear friends, that I only grumbled cuz I was enjoying the cuddles so much and cuz being out gave me the opportunity to stare in at the handsome mancats!

My human got really, really pleased when she first came back to see me. "Tia," she said as she slobbered kisses all over me (Ok, I purred, but I'll never admit it to anyone else), "You've got a CC! Do you know what that means, Puddin?" "Miaow," I said, and she agreed, "Yes, that's right. That means that you're now a GCCF champion! Isn't that fab?"

Well, of course it's fab! I started showing back in the summer of 2010, and although I did nothing regular up until a few months ago, it's taken me 2 years from start to finish to get that title. I went through nine shows to gather all the certificates I needed, and me and the human are just so thrilled that we're finally here!

I told her in no uncertain terms that she should buy me something real, real nice to celebrate, and do you know what she said? She picked me up, gave me a squidge and said, "too slow, girlie. I already have bought you and that monkey of a kitten the most wonderful thing! Just wait till you see!"

The full extent of what she had done didn't become apparent until we arrived home later that evening. After a lot of clattering, a bit of swearing (on Dogman's part only, as a good ladypeople would never swear...) and some grunting as they moved things around, my palace was ready! She had bought me the most wonderful new scratching post! We'll put photos up when we have them, but basically it's a gorgeous pinky granite base, lovely big, thick poles, a soft platform bed that sinks in the middle so that you're real, real cosy in it, a hanging hammock underneath, and a gorgeous full wicker basket on the very top post. She complained that it cost her a small fortune, but I told her that I didn't mind that, and that I was worth it anyway.

After the show, myself and the human had a long talk. We've decided that for now, I'll be retired from showing to have some yummy babies. She's found a gorgeous mancat for me to go and spend time with, and anyway, now that spring is here, I'm feeling the urge to make more. Meanwhile, my babycat will take up the mantle of showcat extraordinaire. I give it to her gladly!

I had some photos taken of me on the day, but I don't know how they'll turn out. They put me in the photo booth right after a big, stinky mancat had been in there. He was rude. He left his calling card so that I'd know he'd been there and was willing to help me in the making babies game, but I wasn't interested! I had to hiss and spit at the flashy box a few times just to get my message across. The human says she'll post photos when we get them anyway.

For now, I'll just be happy with my new title of Champion Catarosa Dolly Mixture. Doesn't that sound grand! All the grander when you've worked out that, being such a highly titled cat, you're entitled to extra perks such as more stinky goodness, more frequent tuna sessions, and extra sleepy time in the bestest scratchy post ever!