Thursday, 26 August 2010

Sacrifice and Absence

It is with great sadness, and not a tiny touch of worry, that I write this post. you see, I've made a decision, one which I'm not sure I'm very happy with.

It all started with a kitten, a foolish, silly little kitten that was brought home to live with my human's people. Given that my human owns his people, I thought that it was my responsibility to help raise the kitten in a sensible way, given that peoples don't have a hope of doing this right. But the problem is, I'm at a great distance, so none of my teachings can be practical. They're all written.

Over the last few weeks, I've been commenting on the Babycat's blog, trying to help him where I could. Some of you other manly mancats have been doing it too, helping where you can, although I'm not sure all are helping for the good! No, Whicky, I'm not thinking of you as I write that bit...

Anyway, pardon. I do have a habit of getting side-tracked. So, I was commenting, giving my wisdom freely, but it didn't work! Firstly, the baby's just a kitten, so forgets half of what I tell him, and has this insane childish idea that peoples are basically all right, and not stupid at all! He's been going through a rough time of it at the moment with his people, and is trying hard to train him in the propper way, but given that he's young, he's making no head-way at all.

As I've said before, I feel responsible for Babycat because my human decided to own his people. I'll be having words with her about that after this incident is over, I promise you. Owning a people only brings problems, as demonstrated by the situation I find myself in now!

Ahem, getting off the topic at hand again. I thought long and hard about the problem. I was having no effect on my own. Even the manly vibes from the manly mancats weren't doing any good. Could I? Should I? More to the point, dare I?

Well, I dare. I'm a decent cat even if I do say so myself, and seeing another in need, I can't help but do what I can. It's for this reason that I'm sending my human to Babycat, well, not to him directly, but to his people to train him. My human, in some ways, is pretty good. She knows to feed me fish, something which Babycat doesn't get. She knows that if I miaow, she's to find me, pick me up and cuddle me. Babycat's people leaves him alone even when he's crying. I don't care if the people had other things to do. Even my human, who is basically stupid, interrupts what she's doing whenever I sing to her.

This is just a few of the things Babycat's people is doing wrong, and I think I can help. So I've put my own needs aside and made a sacrifice. For just over three weeks, I will part from my human and send her halfway across the world to live with Babycat's people. I'm going to be candid with you for a moment. I've always said that I love the human, and I do. It's for that reason, and I don't care how needy this makes me look, that I'm going to miss her dreadfully. She cuddles so nicely. She's soft and warm and her voice is gentle and comforting. She makes a good place to lie at night and she does feed me wet food every day. What am I going to do without her for three weeks?

While she's gone, I get to live with hoover lady. Hoover lady is mad on cats, but we're not so mad on her. She's all right, I suppose, but she's not my human. She'll probably still feed me the wet stuff (the human said she'd tell her to) but it just won't be the same. She's going to sleep in the human's bed, but her smell is different and I don't want to cuddle her the same way I do the human. Why did I do this? Why did I say I'd send her to Babycat? Surely he can do without her and manage on his own?

I instructed her to call the flying plane companies, but she said, "Well Tia, you know I've been planning to go here for quite some time now, so the flights are already booked". Well, how did she know I'd send her! I say my human is stupid, but it's at times like this that i'm forced to re-evaluate. I mean, you gotta be pretty smart to know what I'm going to do before I do it, right?

Because she's away and Hoover Lady's no good on the computer, I won't be blogging very much. I'll update when I can, and I have a special event that i'm planning to launch on Tuesday, maybe, but it depends if I can sneak some time on the computer or not. My human may update the blog with information about what she's been doing. I've given my permission for this, so don't worry, she hasn't stolen my passwords!

Her suitcase came out today. I've been half-heartedly trying to play in it, but I keep remembering what someone else said in my comments. They said that when the suitcase comes, it means that the peoples who own it are going away. My human owns this one.

Oh, why did I do this? I have to remember that I'm a big cat and can do without my human. I don't need her. I'm going to have a good time without her by breaking every rule she ever thought she'd made. I'm not going to miss her at night. I'm not going to wonder if Babycat is cuddling her and she loves him now more than me. I, I... I think I'm going to go now. Remember this, Babycat. Remember what it costs me to send her. Don't make her yours. Please don't make her yours.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Finally Scafflaw!

I can see now why the human has been doing everything in her power to stop me posting this. It's not nice to let everyone else in on the fact that you break rules, is it, human? But you've done yourself no favours. Taking me to the vet was a low blow in the war against Scafflaw, so I'm going to town on you. For all the rest of you, head on over to Fin's blogto read all about Scafflaws.

Rule 1: Tia should have wet food at least as often as you do. Once a day is not enough.

She flouts this one on a daily basis, and with very little care for the damage it does me. I mean, how am I supposed to become soft and cuddly without all those extra helpings? What's that you say? My huge fur makes me soft and cuddly anyway? Rubbish. Just think of how much more I could be with some extra food.

The human eats wet food at least three times a day, and what's more, she doesn't share! The night before last she was eating fish. It was still warm from the oven, just the way I liked it, so I politely stepped onto her knee, with the front paws only of course given that this is the propper polite way to eat, and dropped my head to the plate. She pushed me away! Undeterred, I tryed again, but this time she actually tapped my nose. Oh, the indignity of it! How can she be such a hipoocrite? And yes, I'm putting hippo there on purpose, because that's what she'll turn into if she keeps on like that. Human, I'm the one who needs to be soft and cuddly, not you. Now, share!

Rule 2: Dogs were made for swatting. You shall not tell Tia off when she follows the rule to the letter like a good cat>

I don't even know where to start with this one. I was following the rule so well that she didn't even realise what I was up to. Now that's skill! But then, stupid Dogman had to go and tell her. The arm of the sofa is a prime position to smack Molly as she walks past, but Dogman saw me do it. Now that he's told her, she watches for it all the time. I was on her knee yesterday while hoover lady and the other people who likes Molly were over. Molly was doing her usual attention grab, but as she walked past, I'd had enough. After all, I wasn't getting the attention. I reached out and smacked her good. But horror of horrors, the human, in return, swatted me! It didn't hurt. She doesn't have it in her to hurt even a stupid dog never mind a perfect cat, but I was so surprised that I leapt straight off her knee. To be honest, I half jumpd, half fell, but leapt sounds so much better, doesn't it? I dropped into the abject "I'm pretending I know I've done something wrong" pose then. This one always gets me cuddles and reassurance and treats, but as stupid dogbreath was in a "uh-oh, I'm a bit scared and am not sure if I can walk there any more" position, she got all the fuss. This was a major, major rule break, and probably worthy of a post all of its own! I should do the swatting, not the human, and especially not when I don't deserve it!

Rule 3: Whenever I miaow, you stop what you're doing, come to me, pick me up and cuddle me. Even if I miaow to get your attention then run away, you chase me, pick me up, then cuddle me.

She's mostly pretty good at this, except for at night time. I sing beautifully, especially at night. I'm only practicing Dogman's song for me, but I'll tell you more about that in another post. Anyway, I always miaow when I'm coming up onto the bed. I expect at best to be picked up so that I don't have to go through the effort of jumping before I flop on the blankets, or at worst, for her to show her need for my company by calling me. In the daytime, as soon as I miaow she's there, but at night, she'd much rather sleep than talk to me. This is unacceptable. I mean, why should I have to jump to get on the bed? It's a bit much to expect.

Rule 4: I am the most beautiful and deserve all of the attention.

I don't care if there is a really cute human kitten in the house. I don't care if the dog rolls over to show you her tummy. I don't care if the TV is really good. I am the prettiest, and whenever I so much as move, no, whenever I breathe even, I deserve fusses and nice words and, most importantly, wet food! My human is good at cuddling, but she still doesn't meet the expectations of this rule. Nor does anybody, really. Sure, when they come into the house, they usually comment on how pretty I am, but they spoil it by doing the same to the dog, then cuddling her lots, and all because she can wag her tail and bounce at them and pant a lot. Well, if it takes sinking to that level to get attention, I'll pass, thank you very much. I'm far too sophisticated for that. And no, I do not lick my human because I like her. It's called social grooming! Headbutts are a greeting, not a demand for attention. And miaowing? I've told you already, I'm practicing my Dogman song.

Rule 5: You shall not ever, ever laugh at me, no matter what I do.

Oh, my human fails miserably on this. In fact, she breaks it multiple times in a day. She'll laugh at me when I'm chasing a ping pong ball. It's a serious business, as I'm sure Whicky would agree. That ball needs to be caught, and as it's constantly running away from me, I don't really see it as a laughing matter! I don't know what she finds funny about it. She says it's the way I sprint after it, then get all confused with trying to run and catch it and grab it and roll over with it and kick it all at the same time. I turn into a confused bundle of flying fur and legs that goes nowhere and achieves nothing apparently. Well, if you'll believe that, you'll believe anything. I'm just following procedure. Everything would run smoothly if the blasted ball would stop running away for just a second.

She laughed really hard at me the other night, too. Her and Dogman had put the TV on. I've said before that the human doesn't do this all that often, and usually when it's on, I'm cuddling her. however, I'd just finished catching a ping pong ball and ended up in front of the screen. I was still in hunting mode, and there, suddenly, was a bird! Well, I dived. The human wants to give you a word picture for this, so here's her paragraph.

Out of the blue, Tia launched herself at the screen, except that it wasn't the typical launch. Instead of diving, she stood on her two back legs, while the two front paws, claws out, made futile swiping and grabbing gestures at the innocent birdie. She appeared thoroughly confused when her claws only met smoothe glass, and dropped back to study the screen intently. Then she was off again, except that this time, she was almost bouncing on those back legs. She was trying to grab the bird between her front paws as she does with the balls, but she just kept slipping off the screen and bouncing back. As soon as I started to laugh, Dogman as she calls him told me she turned around, gave me a confused, then disgusted look, peeped back at the TV, then strolled with massive and obviously pretend nonchalance away from it as though she wasn't interested anyway.

Human, for the last time, you are not allowed to laugh at me! Never, ever!

In other news, hoover lady told the human that the kittens are doing well. They're actually seeking homes for them now because they've become so friendly. They took another mummycat to the vet yesterday to have the babies taken from her tummy and made so that she couldn't get pregnant any more, but when they went to let her out, she just stood by the door and cried and scratched to get back inside. Hoover lady was surprised, but let her back. As soon as she went in, she headed straight for the babies, pulled them all to her and lay down. She's feeding some of the youngest babies, but when they took her, hoover lady said she didn't have any kittens with her. She's wondering if some of the kittens in the shed belonged to that mummycat in the first place. Even if they didn't though, it's good they have a new mummycat to look after them and give them milk.

That's enough from me for today. I need to watch the human for signs of more rule breaking.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Tortureshell Tuesday

My human couldn't believe this when she saw it on an advert, and just had to post the text. There's commedy and seriousness in this.

We would like to find a good home for our lovely cats Autumn a torture shel girl and Winter a white boy. Unfortunatly we have to find a new home for them urgently. We have a baby girl of 9 weeks old and she is allergic to them. The cats will come with catlitter, scratchingpost, feeding bowls and the catfood we still have. The cats are from April 2009. The girl is Neutered. If you want any more information please contact us ASAP. If you can give them a good home the cats will be yours for free.

Poor Autumn! Torture shell? How could anyone say such a thing! It implies that she, um, might be a rule breaker or something, and we all know we cats don't break rules. I'm considering creating a new event for the CB called Tortureshell
Tuesday where we torties show just how far we'll go to cause mischief. I'm not going to say break the rules. We've already discussed how that is an impossibility. What do you all think? Seriously though, if you know anyone who can give these two a home, please let me know. They're in the Bradford area which is in Yorkshire.

Also on a very serious note, I came across this link yesterday. It made me sad and my human absolutely mad. We need to catch the woman who dumped the poor cat in a bin. She needs to be stopped! Please read, and what's more, pass the link on. The more people who see this, the more chance we have of catching her.
Woman Dumps Rescue Cat in Bin After Befriending Her

Anyway, on to other, hopefully brighter, things. I was going to post happy things yesterday, like Dogman's song for me (I have one now), or a post for Fin's scafflaw week,
but nope, the human had other ideas.

For a few weeks now, she's noticed me scratching. This is pretty normal. If you've got an itch, you gotta get it, right? But this weekend, she noticed that I'd given myself a tiny scab, and then another, and another. Again, not too uncommon. I like to keep my claws sharp, so this occasionally happens. She'd also wondered if I was alergic to the wool I'm wearing. Show cats don't wear collars because it flattens our fur all in the wrong places, but because the human's eyes don't work, she needs me to wear a stupid, stupid bell so that she can tell where I am. She put it on a piece of wool instead, figuring that it wouldn't flatten my coat as much, and, if the worst happened and I ate it (it has been known), I'd not get sick as I could digest it.

Anyway, she came home yesterday and saw that I had a couple of lumps under my chin. I'm sorry to say, cat friends, that my human is a bit high strung at times, and she freaked. She kept muttering about how mummycat had been sick and she hoped I wasn't coming down with the same, but how could I be because she'd kept us separate, but better to be safe than sorry even if it was unlikely. This went on for a while, all while she stuffed me into the stupid carrier, took me in a car and then to the vet! I complained bitterly all the way there in the car, but of course, none of them listened to me. I can't say I'm surprised.

When we got to the vet there were a couple of massive dogs there who decided it'd be a good idea to bark at each other, just for fun, you know? Have I mentioned that dogs are stupid too? Anyway, I decided at that point that my carrier needed defending. This meant that I had to hunker down, scrunch up as small as I could and bury my head in a corner. Classic en-guard pose, don't you think? I was shaking because of the coiled spring effect, the same one that would have me shooting to the attack if one of those hounds came close. I wasn't scared, not me.

Soon though, the vet called us. Now,I've told you that I like our vet man before, but he wasn't there. It was a lady people instead, and to be honest, I'm revising my opinion of vets rapidly. I didn't like her at all. She poked me, prodded me, put a cold thing on my chest for ages, looked at my scabs. What's worse, she even stole my fur! No joke! She snatched me away from the human, hussled me into the back room, and, by force, removed some of my gorgeous coat! The irony is that she didn't really need to. It's for general tests to make sure i'm not carrying any horrible infections or fungus, which I know I'm not. The vet even agreed that it wasn't likely given the appearance of the scabs, but then said the thing the human had, "better to be safe than sorry". Well, I'd rather be sorry, thank you very much. That was my fur, woman! She didn't even tell me I was beautiful!

She thinks that the scabs are a bacterial infection that I've given myself by scratching. She also thinks that I could be alergic to the wool. Well, duh. I started scratching when the human put it on. The human said it didn't explain why I have them on my chin too, but the vet told her that often allergies present like that around the face. Anyway, she gave me antibiotics to clear up the infection which she says isn't serious and won't be transmitted to anyone else (thank goodness!), and the human has taken that stupid wool off me. I'm back on a normal collar, which I suppose I'll have to put up with.

We've heard no more on kittens, either strays or the new one for the human, but when we do, I'll be sure to tell you. If it hadn't been for the human, I'd have posted my Scafflaw by now, but that, I suppose, will have to wait till tomorrow. Anyway, I still need your thoughts on Tortureshell Tuesday, so fire 'em at me!

Sunday, 22 August 2010

Not Easy Like Sunday

I wish I could say I had an easy Sunday, but to be honest with you, I didn't.

It started in a pretty usual way. The human slept in late, and, being a devoted follower of all things which require little effort, or in this case none, I joined in. Dogman woke us up, or should I say, his stinky hound did, by beating her tail repeatedly on the wall of the bedroom, all because he'd rolled over. If she was allowed, Molly would jump on the bed whenever Dogman showed the first signs of getting up, and by this, I mean even the slightest change in breathing, but as she's forbidden, she contented herself instead with attempting to bang a hole in the wall with no more than a tail. This dragged the human out of bed, and not long after, Dogman appeared.

He's strange. When my human wakes up, she sounds sleepy, but she still talks propperly. Dogman kind of grunts first thing in the morning, for a good long time or until he's had his coffee. Incidentally, I still haven't gotten a taste of that. Nor have I been able to try the Paw trick, because he didn't set it on the floor again.

After such a rude awakening, I wanted to get some more shut-eye, but it wasn't to be. My human has things right in one area. She doesn't do the washing up first hting on a Sunday. Truth be told, she leaves it for as long as she can because the bubbly soapy stuff makes the skin on her hands go sore and cracked. Dogman, however, cleans everything in sight first thing in the morning, then flops for the rest of the day. He did this this morning with the dishes, and my human, getting the guilts for being idle, actually got up and helped. How am I supposed to sleep when my cuddle spot is mobile? More to the point, how's a girl supposed to sleep with all that noise going on!

If only he'd stuck to the usual Sunday routine of do as little as possible, but he didn't. He and the human went out, and when they came back, they had a box! Great, I thought. I love boxes, but the first attack I make on them is usually done when nobody's watching. I like to claim things in private. Truth be told, it's because of my exuberance. I'm supposed to be a well-bred lady, and that means showing enormous dignity at all times. When you're rolling around attacking imaginary things inside a box, you kind of lose that angle. Once I've done this once or twice though, it's out of my system. Then I just use the box as a cosy place to snuggle down in and peak at the world.

Dogman didn't leave this box alone long enough to let me do that, not even when it was empty! So much for me making friends with him this morning. I made a point of stationing myself right in the middle of the TV screen when he was trying to watch it earlier today. Why? Because he was sure to notice me there, and he must have, because he did give me ear rubbings and head scratches. That's about all he gave me though, and he certainly didn't donate that box!

Anyway, I digress. The thing that came out of the box was a human thing, so not all that interesting, until they plugged it in, however. A funny smell came from it then, and I got closer to investigate. It was hot too, and Dogman stopped me putting my face too near. See what I mean? He spoils all the fun. Then, out of nowhere, my human picked this thing up, and it began to hiss! A lot! I fled at that point. No way am I sticking around something which is big enough to have enough breath to spit for that long. After a time though, my curiosity got the better of me. I came slinking round the side of the sofa, ready to dart off at a moment's notice, but also ready to defend my human if necessary, but only if the thing wasn't too big you understand. There are limits! All I saw was the people thing! Very, very strange.

My human says this thing is a steam iron and that it hisses because very hot water is coming out of it under pressure. Again this just illustrates the point that they are stupid. First of all, if you have to be near water at all, it should be cool enough to drink or bathe in, not hot enough to hiss and come out as steam. Secondly, why in the name of holy cats would you go out and bring something back that does nothing but hiss and spit at you! In the sensible cat world, we call such things disfunctional and steer well clear. We definitely don't bring them back to the house! I think Whicky has the right of it sometimes when he calls his peoples apes. They really are abominably stupid at times. Nothing I said would make her get rid of this abomination though. I've decided that I'm going to boycott it. I'm not going near it, and any time she uses it I'm going to kick up a stinker of a fuss. I might even try turning myself inside out. Either that or I'll hide. This is to make the human feel guilty over thinking that it scares me, not because I'm really scared, you understand.

Now, onto the exciting news, or exciting for the human at least. Kittens. The owner of the mancat that I went to see last has just had a litter of kittens born. My human says that this people breeds cats with an incredible pedigree. Again, she's showing her stupidity here. We're all incredible regardless of pedigree. She mutters something about the show bench here, saying that this people's kittens are usually well placed, yada, yada, yada. I'm not talking about the human's sayings more today because she's just too silly to pay attention to. I'm not one of this people's kittens, and I still placed well in my first ever show. Just look me up on Cat Planet or the GCCF if you don't believe me. My show name is Catarosa Dolly Mixture, yet another piece of people idiocy.

Anyway, back to the news. This people doesn't usually sell girl kittens for breeding because she worries about the homes they'll go to. A lot of breeders keep so many cats that we never get to be truely pets, and live in a cattery instead, and this people doesn't want that for her babies. Good for her, I say, and my human, in a single second of sanity, actually agreed with me. To be fair, she's pretty immovable on this point. If cats aren't given the good life, she gets very, very upset.

After speaking with my human, but more importantly, seeing how loving and content and beautiful and cuddly I am, this people said that she'd be happy for my human to have one of the girl kittens to breed from and show with, but finding a cat of that quality is usually quite difficult. Because of her standards, only the best kittens from this people are even considered, and by best, I mean this idiotic notion of people that we have to look a certain way. I know, I know, it's pathetic, but there you are. There's only so much I can train her.

The people phoned the human a few days ago and told her that one of the cats had just become a mummycat, and she had three little girls. So now she's got her fingers crossed that one of them will be the right cat for us. It's not going to be an easy find. The people is selective about which ones she'll offer, and my human is even more selective about temprament. She wants another lovebug, as if I'm not enough! Honestly though, if we have to have another cat, I agree with her on this. Before Ming came alone, I'd have sworn I'd not want another stealing my human, but kittens aren't so bad really. A nice one is a bonus.

So, that's where we are at the moment. Kittens loom large on the horizon, the house has returned to normal, or something approaching it, and Dogman has left us. Sadly, so has his suitcase. Oh well, there's always a next time.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

Suitcase Saturday

Cats, kittens, peoples and anyone else who matters, I've discovered something wonderful! Oh yes I have, and this thing is so good that you should all hear about it and, if you haven't got one already, ask your peoples to go and buy one for you to explore. It's called... A suitcase!

I discovered this quite by accident, actually. you remember me mentioning that the human's friend was coming again this weekend? Well, he brought a suitcase with him. It's a hard one and on wheels, so at first clance, doesn't look very interesting. But oh the fun to be had!

I didn't realise this at first, so, in my usual way, I showed it dignified curiosity, which involves having a look, then a sniff, then walking away and studying it intensely from a distance. New things should all be given this treatment. The human's friend, who I shall now call Dogman for reasons explained in a minute, took it into the bedroom where I don't get to sleep with the human when he's here, and I thought no more of it... Until today.

First of all I'll explain why he is to be called Dogman. It's because of Molly. Dogman absolutely loves her. He growls at her, rubs her, gets down on the floor and rolls about with her, even sings her songs! The current favourite is "Mollypop Mollypop, oh Molly Molly Molly Mollypop!" It's kinda catchy, but I'd never admit that to Dogman. He doesn't need any encouragement to sing more, unless it's songs about cats. He doesn't do that for me, so I don't bother with him either. you want attention, you gotta give it first, in my book. This morning, he laid on the floor with Molly, and both of them curled up together for a sleep, so he's now Dogman.

While he was moving around this morning though, he left the door of the bedroom open. I, being a super opportunist, took advantage and darted in as quick as I could. The Dogman likes his sleeping area to be cat hair free. He needn't worry. I only try and fur up things that need help, and judging by the amount of Molly hair on his clothes already, any of mine wouldn't make much of a difference for keeping him warm.

Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. I slipped in, as quick as a wink, and there it was. I saw it. The suitcase. It was only open slightly, so I knew I'd have to wriggle. But what cat can refuse the challenge of a small hole with unknown adventure lurking behind it? Accordingly, I slunk closer, eyed the gap, then before you could say Catnip, I darted forward, engaged in a swift bout of hip shimmying that would make any topcat model proud, and I was in!

Oh, the delights that were in that case. First there was a mound of the soft fur substitutes that the peoples put over their skin to go out. This pile was made for burrowin'! And that's what I did. I rolled in them, batted them, even crawled through the middle! But there was more. On the other side, there were wires. I love wires. I usually leave the human's wires alone, or at least, the ones that are hanging from the computer, but these were different. you could actually grab these. What's more, you could hang on and roll, and the clothes made a great, soft place to lie while doing it! It was so dark in there too. you know as well as I do that cat's eyes are better in the dark, so that, added to the clunkings I was able to make off the hard shell as I thrashed just added to the atmosphere of fun, fun, fun!

It was when I was attacking the bag of toiletries that they caught me, or should I say, discovered. Caught is such a guilty word, isn't it? Hearing what she describes as the "unearthly rumpus" coming from the case, the human flipped back the top to explore. Of course, I just couldn't resist reaching up to bat her hand as it came towards me, and at my touch, all was revealed. All she could do was sit back on her heels and laugh. She's a good human not to interrupt a game of mine when I'm having fun. She did call Dogman though, and he wasn't as pleased at the mess I've made. The human solved this by picking me up for a tickle and a scratch, and I can't say I minded.

I did mind, however, when I went back for another turn with the great case and discovered that the door was once again closed! I've been checking periodically all day, and telling my human off whenever she walks near that door but doesn't open it for me. She hasn't listened, but I can't say i'm surprised, given her poor aptitude for language. I'll wait though, and once more I'll slide in when nobody expects it! Watch this space!

I know I said I had news involving a kitten, but I think I'll leave that for the next post. For now, suitcases are all I can think of!

Friday, 20 August 2010

Rest and Reprieve

I'm sorry that I didn't blog yesterday. I didn't really have much to tell you on the Molly front, and as that's what's dominated mine and the human's thoughts, we didn't feel like writing much else. We have news though.

The peoples from Guide Dogs called the human today. She still hasn't made up her mind because they can't guarantee that Molly will be retired. She might go on something called the Buddy scheme, which pairs dogs which aren't good enough to be guide dogs up with younger children to give them confidence in new environments. The team might also keep her themselves and use her to go and see people to help assess if they'll be good with a guide dog or not. The human's still not happy, but Molly was due to go in for some retraining anyway in a couple of weeks while she's away on holiday. What she's planned to do is let her go, find out what they have to say after the assessment, then make a decision when she comes back from holiday. She knows that it would probably be best to let Molly go, but she just can't face the thought of her being shipped out to a few more homes before she's finally allowed to retire. She needs to be strong and do what's right for us all. I tell her this, and I have faith she'll make the right decision in the end.

To answer a couple of comments placed, the human doesn't really have the room to leave a cage up that is big enough that I'm comfortable eating in. You're right though, Molly couldn't pull that apart. I guess this is something we can explore in a bigger house, but even if cat food wasn't a problem, the dog shouldn't be jumping and climbing to get food. When you are out all day with a working dog, you can imagine the problems this could pose at lunchtime in work, for example, or at other peoples' houses. I keep telling her that working cats are a much better idea, but she mutters something about strong-will and stubbornness. I ask you, what rubbish!

Other than that, life has been fairly normal. The human's friend arrived on Wednesday night, so I've been watching him closely just in case he's here to make off with some of the ping pong balls! I know he's a shifty character because he wouldn't even let me share his coffee! It smells so good, doesn't it? The human doesn't drink it, so I can only sniff it when other peoples are here. This one said I'd not like it if I tasted it, but I'll never know. He didn't give me a chance!

The human's sleeping in the living room again, which is great. I don't even have to walk far to find a bed. Last night they had gammon for dinner. The human says to tell you that if you don't know, it's like a big thick steak of bacon, kind of. Anyway, she didn't eat all of hers, so I got some! I'm not sure if I like it though. I did the same thing with the gammon that I did with the rabbit, but she's left me some down today while she's out at work. I haven't touched it yet, but I'm really thinking about it.

I was really sad to hear about so many of the other cats on the Blogosphere leaving us forever a few days ago. While I didn't know any of them, I and my human know how hard it is to lose someone you love, and we send huge snuggles to the families of those who have gone. We grieve with you.

My human has entered me in a contest to win a Kritter Kondo, and I must say, it looks fab! This would give me the chance to go outside a lot more, something I struggle with now because the only way the human can take me is on a leash. I am not a dog, nor will I ever be, so although she's trying to teach me to walk, when she puts that and the harness on me, I belly out to make her know my point. She'll either have to drag me or give up, as no way am I putting up with the indignity of wearing what a dog would! She usually gives up. With the Kondo though, she can let me out in that and not worry that her eyes can't see me as I move around. I'll let you know if I win.

I have also been reading about a cat rescue place called Tabby's Place, and boy are they nice peoples! They take cats from shelters where they would otherwise have been killed, and they let them live in the place they've built just for cats. There's no cages, and they all get to live with the company of others. What's better, even if no peoples come to adopt them, they can live there for the rest of their lives without fear of being killed cuz they've been there too long. Currently, I have my eye on one of the cats who lives in the human offices. She's not very well, and could really do with massive support. If you want to send her love, head on over to their blog.

Tabby's Place

My human is due home from work in a few hours, and I'm getting ready to welcome her back. Mummycat's still making noise, but I'm used to that now. I'm more happy because I know she's eating more, but I wish she'd be quiet and learn that no matter how much she screams about it, the human is mine first! When next I post, I'll share with you exciting news about a kitten!

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Wordy Wednesday

Well, I don't know where to begin, or how, even, to thank you all for your support for my human and our household. Never in a million years did I dream I'd get that response when I asked for your thoughts to be with us. When the human read the comments this morning, her eyes got so, so leaky. Even her nose got stuffy she was leaking so hard. I was awfully worried for a little while, but I'm getting used to their runny eyes now. Maybe the human and peoples don't get sick the same way as cats do when their eyes run.

The peoples from Guide Dogs came today to look at Molly. They didn't really do a lot other than make the talk noise with the human. She told them all the bad things the dog was doing while I strutted around and looked pretty. This wasn't easy. Molly went into overdrive with the excitability and was bouncing about all over the place, but the peoples did comment that I looked very cute when I went to the middle of the floor, miaowed loudly (to get their attention, you understand), then rolled over on my back and tucked my paws right in. I know I'm cute, but it's nice of them to say so. They are stupider than the human, though. She knows cutiful. They don't.

They talked for a long time, and in the end, they left, but left Molly behind. The human has two days to think about things. Guide Dogs are strongly recommending that the human gives her up, and they're almost sure that Molly would be retired from service, but they're not 100%. My human's best friend will take her if she retires, so she told them her decision would be much easier if she knew that could happen. This way, she can still see Molly and know that she's happy. The peoples said they would go away and talk with a manager, whatever that is, and would phone her on Friday to tell her. So we're still in limbo, but we are a bit more settled because we still have Molly with us. The human has almost made up her mind that if they'll let her retire, she'll give her up, but if they're talking about retraining her and giving her to someone else, she will probably keep her and work very hard and bravely to overcome her fears. She's not looking forward to this, but really doesn't want the dog going somewhere that she doesn't know.

I'll try to answer some of the comments that were left yesterday, as there were some really good suggestions which, sadly, the human has already tried. She's put my food up high ages ago, but the dog has learned to climb to get it now, and yesterday morning, in fact, she did it while the human was in the room (she usually waits until she's alone to thieve). She doesn't have any health problems. Guide dogs are checked by the vet (I can say his name because he's a nice man who offered my human seeds to gro fresh catnip brought all the way from his garden in Spain! We both like him) every six months, but as Molly has a skin condition, she goes every month. They always do a full exam, and they know she has no injuries or joint problems. As far as the house settling, we've been here for months, and the other little cat, Anna, was here for almost a year. Molly is very used to us, and her behaviour didn't change in the slightest when we came. This aggression is a very, very new thing, and food stealing is very, very old. It's been going on since the human got her. Molly's issues are long-standing. Guide Dogs considered retiring her three years ago, the human says, but she asked them to give her a chance to work them through as she loved the dog. Silly of her really, to love something that isn't a cat, but Molly's all right, from a distance. She smells too doggy to get very close to.

Ming, dogs are much more than just belly rubs and paws. They stink, they shout really noisily, they lick a lot, and worst of all, they eat my food! I tolerate this one because the human likes her and she pretty much leaves me alone.

Mummycat was off her food kind of ever since the human brought her home. She's just never settled, but it was when she stopped eating unless someone was in there with her that the human worried. It was Ok until the amount she was eating was dropping too. Then it was time for mummycat to go to the vet man too, except that it was a lady for her. I don't know if I like her. I haven't decided yet.

We've tried putting the food in a box, but I don't like eating in there, and Molly just claws it to pieces when the human isn't around to stop her. I don't like it because I can't see anything except box when I'm eating, and that worries me enough that I don't eat as much. The human doesn't want me getting too thin, and it wasn't working anyway, so we stopped. She also tried putting it behind the sofa, but the dog just barged that out of the way, wriggled in and ate all of my food! I find it hard to think she's all right when she does this. After all, I don't eat her stinky dog food, do I?

The human says that currently, there are 20 peoples on the waiting list for guide dogs in our area alone. Ten of those are priority like she would be, meaning they need a dog, and they need it fast. Only problem is though, they have to find the right dog for each people, and that takes a while. Given that my human needs a very, very specific behavioural type, even the peoples today said it would take time to find one. If she got a dog when she should, without problems, given that they get a maximum of six dogs to train every three months, if they had full classes each time, my human would still, at best, end up waiting nine months. Realistically though, it's going to be longer. It took them two years to find Molly, and even she was only half suitable.

The human has used Feliway before and hasn't noticed that it makes any difference at all. She's been spraying in mummycat's room anyway, but there's been no change. The apetite stimulant does appear to be starting to work, mind you, so she's relieved about that. Her ears aren't sore from grooming. She scratched it too hard at one point, and the human thinks it might have bled. The vet checked them and said there's no infection and no ear mites, so just to leave it for a while and see if it settles. It appears to be doing that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much to all of you. Even though the human had runny eyes, she said they were happy runny eyes because she saw how much peoples cared. All of the purrs have been so appreciated.

I've stayed very, very close to my human all day. She seems surprised about that, but I don't know why. I'm a responsible cat, and I care for her happiness. I could tell she was upset, so I haven't been far from her side all day. I'm a cuddler, yes, but I'll usually cuddle for a bit, then flop on the sofa beside her. not today though. I sat on her, lay on her, slept on her, even slept on the arm of the sofa rather than the cushion so that I could be right by her face. She says she's not used to having someone who's in tune with her emotions like that. No wonder, if she's only had the dog for all this time. Well, human, things are going to change, whether you want them to or not. Let's hope that the old saying stands true. "A change is as good as a rest". We all know how much cats love rest! Change must be great then. Come on, change. We're ready for you, even if it does mean we have to fight a bit to feel happy again. These paws were made for fightin'!

Once again, much love and purrs to you all. you made my human feel a bit better, and for that, I am in your debt.

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Terrible Tuesday

Why? Because the human is very upset. It all started last night, but for this one, I think I'll let the human tell it.

I came home from work last night to find that Tia's mum, Cindy, was still off her food. I'd put this down to being separated from Tia, but yesterday, I just felt that something wasn't right. She had a little sore on her ear too, and didn't much like it being touched. So it was off to the vet's, but before I went, I filled up Tia's dried food as it was empty.

The vets took a good look at Cindy, but couldn't find anything wrong except slightly pink ears. They've given me an apetite stimulant and advise me to bathe her ears in this shampoo that I'm using all ready. Poor bean really doesn't like them being handled though.

When I got home, the cat food was empty again. Now I know Tia's a tub, but she doesn't eat half a kg of food in the space of just over an hour. Myself and my guide dog, Molly, have an ongoing battle about this. She's absolutely food obsessed, to the point where I can't free run her without a muzzle, as, if she eats something she shouldn't, she invariably vomits it up in the middle of the night on the carpet. I knew what had happened the cat food. I've caught her at it before, and have always responded the same. I've been told to bring them back to the scene of the crime before teaching them that what they're doing is wrong. I'm never rough with my animals, and as Molly tried to back away (when she knows she's done something wrong she'll belly out of it until she can scuttle away), I scruffed her. This, for dogs, is painless. There are very little nerves in the scruff, so I knew I wouldn't hurt her. Then she did something that she's never done before. She turned and snapped at my hand.

I let go of her of course. If I hadn't, I would have been bleeding. But again I've been toldd that if you let them dominate and dont' challenge the undesirable behaviour, it's all but impossible to break. I approached her where she was on her bed, and for a second time, she snapped. After that I hearded her into the hall and gave her time to burn off her temper.

But why am I so upset? Well, firstly, I have a history with dogs, and had a horrendous phobia of them for years after being bitten as a child. This brought a lot of the old fear back. Secondly, I know I won't be able to trust her again after this. I'm afraid to discipline her with hands now, and I'll never resort to booting her to accomplish the same thing, so my control over my dog's undesirable behaviours, and there are many, is gone. Thirdly, if they snap, I am duty-bound to tell Guide Dogs for the Blind. In nine cases out of ten, they retire the dogs, and given Molly's past history, her misbehaving, growling at people when they come into my house, food addiction, I doubt they'll let her continue working. This effectively means that I lose my dog. I can't keep her if she isn't working. I just don't have the right set up.

At the moment, I'm waiting for a call back from my Guide Dog trainer. I'm thoroughly miserable. Not only is one of my cats unhappy and possibly quite sick, and even requiring apetite stimulants, but now my dog, my almost constant companion for the last four years, is about to potentially be taken from me. I'm not a happy bunny at the moment, I can tell you. I'll keep you updated as soon as I know more, but the outlook's grim at the moment.

Poor human. I've never smelled her so afraid as she was last night when the dog thing tried to bite her. At least when I do it I do it lightly, and usually always lick the spot better once I'm done telling her I don't want her to touch me right now. I guess I'd better make her stroke me. It worked last night when I came and sat on her chest to try and stop the fear smell. Her eyes got runny, but after a while, the nasty smell did go away a bit, so it must have worked. She's going through a tough time, is my human. I' guess I'm along for the ride, but I don't really mind.

Oh, in the battle of the belly as I'm now calling it, I did get a victory yesterday It's a bit hollow though in the face of the human's problems. I didn't eat the rabbit! It was hard, but I listened to the advice of the lovely ladies who commented, quite rightly, that one bite would be the end of me! By the way, Whicky, you're not helping my stand here! You can have the rabbit if you want, but I'm staying firm. So firm in fact that she gave me fish this morning.

Anyway, that's all from me for now. I have a human to snuggle.

Monday, 16 August 2010

War of Nutrition

I love weekends. The human is home all the time, they're lazy, the sun is out, or it was this weekend, and they're just generally great. I haven't much to report, cuz there's only so much you can write about being lazy, right? Again, my human wants to paint a word picture of the laziest pose she caught me in over the weekend, so, human, here's your paragraph!

Tia is, by nature, a bit of a flop. By this I mean that when I find her, even if she's walking around on the floor, she'll immediately fall over on her side, and I do mean fall, as though she's feeling guilty for being caught in the act of actually doing something. I'd picked her up from one of these undignified flops and was cuddling her, as all good humans do. I sat down on the sofa, leaned back, and immediately, she stretched herself out along my body. Her back feet were braced against my left hip, her front paws, as usual, were up by her face, but her face was resting on my right shoulder. It's amazing how big they are when they stretch like this, but she was content to lie there for minutes on end, occasionally condescending to lift her head for a peremptory butt of my hand. I could have fallen asleep like that, but Tia had other ideas. The ping pong balls were calling.

Well of course they were, silly human. As for undignified, I am not, and that's all I'm saying on the matter. I fall over because I'm thinking of the human. I know she needs to stroke me for her own good, so I facilitate it. If I do it rather suddenly with such force that my body makes a soft whoomp when it hits the floor, sofa, table, bathmat that I happen to be on when she walks past, well, I'm just showing my enthusiasm.

I got one up on the human this weekend, though. I don't often gloat about my triumphs. Given that peoples are much more slow-witted than us, it's hardly a great win when we get one over on them. But this, friends, is. Why, I hear you ask? Because it has to do with food.

You remember the shameful, terrible chicken incident of last week, I trust. Well, the human, buoyed up by her success, attempted to be adventurous yesterday. She had bought some rabbit for me from the pet shop when she went with the other peoples to get food for all those poor, starving mummycats and kittens that me and Whicky have been talking about. Since I finished the chicken yesterday, she got the other stuff out to defrost and thought she'd try me with some. It came in a single, huge chunk. now I have to say, I did really enjoy licking the meat juice from the human's fingers when she set down the bowl, but the shame of the chicken was still fresh in my mind. I came, took one look, and walked the other way! Be proud of me here, please. It took a massive effort of will to turn away from such juicey, tender rabbit, but us cats have to stand up for our rights. It's all very well us taking on the responsibilities of owning a people, but they should reciprocate somehow, even if it is in a lesser fashion. They can cut meat, and do it well, so why shouldn't they? It's sad that we have to demand this, but there it was, and I demanded. I cried at her. I followed her into the kitchen and gave her my best, plaintive, tiny kitten stuck somewhere cold and dark and wet who is also hungry to the point of death, mew, but it didn't work! Am I losing my touch? It was a pretty good effort, I can tell you, but each time I did it, she only laughed.

I will win this battle, I promise you, even if she has left another big chunk down this morning. She's gone out to work, and it's only me and the meat here now. Oh, it smells so good, and I remember the taste of it on her fingers. If I just have a bite, nobody will know, right? Nobody can see me, after all. Just one bite...

Friday, 13 August 2010

Grooming Grevances

Ah, peoples, you've gotta love them, right? I'm sorry, but the start of this post is going to be a bit mushy. I care deeply for my human, so when she does something stupid, I always look deeper and find the motivation behind it. One of the silliest, and yet the most sweet things she does is try and groom me.

Any self-respecting cat will keep themselves clean and tidy enough that they don't need grooming, and yet, the peoples persist. I've always had them do this to me right from when I was a kitten. We Persians have very long hair, and some of us really struggle to keep our coats clean and tangle free. I can see why they might need help with grooming, but firstly, there's a vast difference between people and cat grooming, and secondly, I keep my coat tangle free on my own thank you very much.

My human, bless her, is too silly to realise this, so periodically, she'll sit me down and detangle me with the instruments that humans use. A comb and a brush as they call them don't even come close to a tongue. I started out by saying that when she does this, it's sweet. It is. you can see she's trying desperately hard to integrate fully into the cat world, but she just doesn't have the right tools to do it. Poor thing. I'd tell her not to worry about it, but I wouldn't want to be seen as patronising. Instead, I usually just put up with the brushing, mainly because I know that she's trying to do the equivalent ofa cat's social grooming. The motivation is sweet, and so I reward that rather than the act itself.

Last night was different, though. Look, torties have tortiattitude. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it'll continue to be. Our unpredictability makes us fun, vivacious, interesting. It still takes the human by surprise occasionally, but she's getting used to my quirks slowly. Last night, I was as good as gold. I let her brush my back, my sides, even my tail. But my yummy tummy? Forget it. It's yummy just the way it is, thank you very much, but she didn't agree. in the end, I had to shout at her, very loudly, then hunch up, kick her away quite fiercely I'm sad to admit, launch off her knee and go and hide. It was partially tortitude, but also partially because she was heading lower, and the lady bits are lower. I don't usually mind her stroking my tummy. I trust that she won't do anything to me. But the more I get to that point where I'm thinking about mancats, the more I worry when anyone gets to within a gajillion feet of my girlie glories. I know what the men want. Why can't they just be content with company first! Still, it's hard to delineate between mancat and others when I'm caught up in my thoughts, and so, my reaction is instinctual.

The human has this system. Whenever I do something she doesn't like, she'll "tell me off". She calls this part of the training. Training? Yeah right, human. That one works the other way around, and you'll be happier once you've accepted it all the way down. She went through the motions last night, but it didn't do any good. Even though I was hiding and telling her off, and she was upset that I'd smacked her, neither of us can bear a grudge for very long. Soon enough, she was calling me back, and I, like the responsible owner I am, came to check on her and make sure she was Ok. She had another go at the tummy then, and while I wasn't too pleased, I put up with it. She was rubbing my face this time though, and tickling my chin, and all the while, she talked to me. The voice helped me remember that she wasn't a mancat who only wanted one thing, and while I lashed my tail the whole time to let her know I was only restraining myself because it was her, but barely at that, I put up with it. it was worth it, anyway. When she was done, I got some of the Dreamies treats. These are gorgeous. you should get your peoples to buy them for you. But don't let them seal the bag up as mine does when it's not even empty. You can't get into them with teeth, so unless they leave it open, all your treats will be hidden from you.

A brief update on the chicken saga, too. This morning, she didn't cut any of the lumps up even a tiny bit! I'm disgusted, both with her and myself. She's clever. She's gotten me from small pieces to big chunks so sneakily that I hardly realised it was being done. I'll still put up a token protest and not eat the dinner straight away any more in the hopes that she'll think I can't manage it and will cut it for me. But it didn't work yesterday and it didn't today. She did go out though, and I know she's not tomorrow, so if I cry a bit and stand pathetically by the bowl while I do it, she might just take pity because she can actually hear it going on. Anything's worth a try, right?

I'd like to thank so many of you for stopping by and leaving comments. It's lovely to know that others are reading what I write and sympathising with the frustrations I have. I'm glad the human's word pictures seem to be enough for you all to be getting along with. i'll make sure she gives you all a description from time to time. No, that's not medicine, even though the word description does kind of sound the same. Anyway, the human is getting ready for bed, so I must go and settle her in. The work never ends!

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Tortie Thursday and Other Things

From reading cat blogs, I understand that Tortie Tuesday/Thursday has become a bit of a tradition with a lot of you. I'd like to join in, but the accepted posting of a picture to show off my tortie yumminess isn't possible, thanks to my human not being able to use the flashing thing that takes them because her eyes are broken. She says she'll do a description instead though, so I got into one of my really cutiful poses so that she could do me justice. Mere words aren't enough, but sadly, they'll have to do. Ok, here goes.

Tia loves belly rubs. She's almost puppy-like in her enjoyment of them. I was only half awake this morning and reached down to give her the usual, "come on, it's time to get up" tickle. As soon as she felt my hand on her, she flipped over quick enough that I thought she was going to grab me and start to play, but instead, all she did was stretch right out, back paws flopped open, front paws right up over her face, belly curved up towards me (she was stretching so much that her back was arching). Well, what can you do but tickle such a great tummy? As soon as I did, those paws came down and held onto my wrist. The message was clear. "you ain't goin' anywhere, human, until my tickle urge has been satisfied."

So, there you have it, a word picture. What do you think? Is it enough to satisfy? My human's people friend is coming again in a couple of days, and he can use the flash thing, so I'll pester him to take more pictures of me, then you can see.

I haven't seen any more of the witch lately. I wonder if the evil stink-eye I've been giving her when I can be bothered has finally worked? Either way, I haven't seen the mancat either.

I've been thinking about men more lately than I have in the last few days. I don't know whether it's Porthos that's triggered it in me or whether I'm just hankering to share food and a litterbox again, but either way, I've been experimenting. Occasionally I'll stick my bum in the air for the human to rub, and she gets excited when she sees this. I've had a stern talking to her though. "You can't rush this, girl," I said seriously,"It'll come in its own time. Now, be calm. Here, stroke me. That'll help." She took no notice though. Sometimes I actually wonder if they're smart enough to understand language. They seem to get it occasionally. When I miaow in a certain way, for instance, she'll always say "what, do you want fish?" so the training's starting to work, but it takes them ages to grasp even the simplest of concepts. Ah well, I can be patient. I'm a good teacher.

I've started to teach the human's people' kitten too. I left a comment on his blog the other day, but I've heard nothing from him. Perhaps he's frightened because I'm bigger and wiser and more beautiful than him? I'm not sure. What do you all think? Should I go easier on him? But if I do, won't that up the risk of the human being allowed to cuddle him as much as me? This cannot be permitted to happen at any cost.

She cut me down to one ping pong ball this morning. She said I didn't need ten out at once, and she'd give me more when she got back. Aaah, the withdrawal symptoms! I got a good bit of chicken though. Speaking of which, I'm ashamed to admit that her plan got the better of me yesterday. Well, what was I supposed to do! That lump of beautiful, juicey, tasty raw meat was staring at me, calling to me! I just had to have another lick, then a chew, then, horror of horrors, cat friends, I bit it. I just couldn't quit after that, not until the whole lump was gone. So now she knows my secret. I can chew things up, and there's no avoiding it now. They're stupid on picking up on the things that matter, but not on the things which I wish they were slower with. Why couldn't the missing meat have escaped her notice! This morning my chicken was in pieces, but they weren't as small as yesterday. She says she's not going to cook the chicken next time either. Well, why not! I like it that way! Oh, raw meat is good, but let's not tell her that either. Silly human.

She finally solved another problem too. Remember I told you I was being reserved with her? I only told you part of the reason. The other one was that there was a box in front of the sofa. Now, any old cat will climb on things, but not me, oh no. I'm always careful when I jump on the bed to try and aim only for blanket, and if I miss that, the only part I ever land on is the human's feet. I quickly jump off though. It's not polite to walk on the human. Even when I climb onto her knee, i'm nice enough to get onto the sofa beside her first. It's partly so that I don't startle her too. When I first came to her, if she reached down, sometimes I'd let her tickle me and sometimes I'd give her a nip and a swat to keep her away from my yummy tummy (that's what she calls it, but we'll talk about that once your peoples have mastered cutiful. Start small, folks, start small), but I could see how much it startled her. She'd do the flinch, pull hand back, squeak thing. As I've said before, I care for the human, and whilst I couldn't work out why it would surprise her, I started to be a bit more gentle. I learned that I could play with her as long as I worked into it slowly so that her hand could touch me first. That's how I began to notice that her eyes didn't work, and when you understand that, you can see why teeth and claws coming from nowhere would be a bit of a shock.

Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. So, I don't like climbing on things and the human hadn't realised that the box in front of the sofa was bad even though it contained my balls. It was blocking easy access to the cushion beside her, you see, and how am I to climb on her when I can't get to the cushion? Sure, I could jump to the arm or the back of the sofa, but that's extra height, and extra effort. I finally persuaded her to move it last night, and up I came to calm her down after the hard work of lifting it by letting her touch me. It seemed to work. She was very, very happy and seemed to be thankful that things had gone back to normal. I also slept with her last night, and only woke her up once! She did a very sweet thing though. It wasn't even human wake-up time number two yet, but she woke up all on her own, touched all the bed with her hands, then said sleepily, "where are you, Tia?" This might not sound like much, but I like to know my human wants my company. It's a good repayment for the effort I put in to keep her happy. It's nice to know your presence is wanted to the point where she'll come out of a sleep when you're not there any more. I didn't come straight back though. It does no good to have them depending on you too tightly. I waited just until she was almost sleep breathing, then came and woke her for strokings.

Ah, life is good at the minute. Chicken, ping pong balls and a warm human to snuggle with at night. What could be better?

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Am I Really Cutiful?

I don't know why the human doesn't blog for me more often, but she says that now she's at work almost every day, often she's just too tired to do it when she comes back home. I've decided to take matters into my own paws and write when she's out, but this relies on her leaving the talking thing on for me so that I can use it. The button for making it come on is too hard for me to push with my nose myself, so yet again, I'm at the mercy of her whims.

The human has come across a new word though, which I think describes me aptly. It was late at night and the second of my wake-up human times. I did the usual; miaowed until she was fully aware that I was about to jump, waited for her to groan "Ok, come on then", climbed on top of her and started to knead. Still half asleep, she mumbled, while scratching me under the chin, "You're cutiful, you know that?" Well, it's stuck. I think it's great, and every time she says it, she laughs. I challenge you all to tell your humans to use it too. Let me know how you get on, eh? You're all cutiful enough to deserve the propper form of address, so good luck with the trainin.

Life has been relatively quieter since my last update. The witch has been back once or twice, but I have decided that I'm no longer interested. I don't even bother to get up from my chair now. If she thinks that she's a better, more attractive cat than me, then she's simply wrong. We all know that, so I don't know why I'm wasting the effort showing her. Truth is truth, regardless of what others think, and I think I will let it speak for itself. As for the mancat, if he wants to waste his time running after any old thing on the street that will have him, then I'm glad I didn't go near him. I want a man with a bit of panache, a bit of class, you know?

This, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that I now know another loves me, no not at all! His name is Porthos and apparently he's from France, whatever that is. My human says it's a country and she really likes the French accent. For the most part, she has good taste, so, Porthos, you must miaow at me so that I can make sure she's right. He's going to write to me soon and tell me more about him, but it's gratifying to know that he's fallen in love with me at the mere sight of a picture. Kind of puts the world back on an even footing, you know?

I didn't sleep with the human on the night after I last wrote, but that time to think has really helped me out. I have decided that I love my mum, I always have and always will, but the human needs me. I took responsibility when I took the human on, and I can't give it up now just because it suits me. I still haven't fully forgiven her for cuddling another cat though, even if it is my mum, so I'm slightly more reserved with her. I'm making her come to me now for strokes instead of the other way around. Well, it's good for her, keeps her fit. Let it never be said that I don't do my part.

I've had different meat too. This morning, the human gave me some raw chicken, and boy did it taste good! She committed one crime though. I have her trained well enough that she usually cuts my meat into small pieces for me. She thinks it's because Persians have difficulty picking up large chunks, and I'm happy to let her continue believing this. Really though, why go to all the bother of chewing if she'll cut it for me? She's been reading again though. I don't like it when she does this. It usually results in her changing something "for your own good, Tia," and this change usually requires more effort to be expended on my part to get what I want. This morning, for instance, she left my chicken in a big lump. Apparently it's better for our teeth if we chew on meat rather than just gulping it. I ask you, why! Why do it if the human will negate the need? I licked and licked at the chicken all right, but I didn't bother with chewing. She cooked some too, but left the raw bit in the other side of the dish for me. She says she wants to see if it's gone by the time she gets back, but she needn't hold her breath. I'll eat the softer stuff, then have a nibble on the *growl* healthy, dried stuff. It isn't even stinky!

The people who gets out the noisy hoover came yesterday and took away all my fur from the soft thing (apparently the peoples word is sofa), and from the carpet. I'd spent a whole weekend trying to make the house more appealing. It's so much better with decent, cat-smelling fur all over it, but they just don't see it. I try and do the same with the human, too. She has to cover herself with new things each day before going out, and I suspect she changes them so often because neither they nor she have fur. I thought I'd donate some of mine. Maybe that would keep her warm enough that she wouldn't need to bother with the covering things, but so far, it hasn't worked. Firstly, I can never give her enough that she has a nice, thick coat all over her like I do, and secondly, when I do leave some on the covering things, she brushes it off. I've said many times before that I don't hold a grudge against the human for being stupid, but this one tests my patience. Ah well, I guess the only thing to do is to keep on trying, eh? Besides, I can hunt two birds with the one paw this way anyway. While I'm furring her up, I can let her stroke me too, which is good for her. I might even indulge in some tummy rubbing as well, which I admit is all for my pleasure and not hers, although thankfully, she does seem to enjoy it quite a lot. "Oh, that's a lovely tummy," she always says as she rubs. To coin a people expression, well, duh, I already know this! It's nice of her to say it though.

That stupid kitten that escaped from my human's people has also got a blog. He's such a copy-kitten. His is full of kitten talk, but it's kind of cute. Shhh, I didn't just say that. I think I'm going to teach him the ways of a grown-up cat, and give him the good raising that he'll not get otherwise. I suppose there's hope for him yet, but only as long as the human continues to love me more than him. I can't see why this would be a problem though.

Speaking of love, my Porthos, I await your adoration.

My human has asked me to tell you all that she's sorry, but she can't leave comments on most of your blogs. A lot of them require something called word verification to leave a comment, and the audio link doesn't work. As her eyes are broken, she can't type what comes up in the picture, so can't leave a comment. She'd love to, but unless you change your settings so that it doesn't require word verification, she'll have to admire you from a distance. She says she'll help if you don't know how to change the settings but want to. She is sorry about this, and so am I, as I don't have a clue what most of that last bit meant. Still though, I don't mind doing her favours when she asks.

Monday, 9 August 2010

The Human, the Witch and the Hypocrite

Well, what am I to say today? Nothing much has happened over the weekend to speak of, but I'll fill you in as best I can. Nothing much, that is, except for the arrival of a harlot on my patch!

My fame left me all of a flutter last Friday, but I wasn't too pleased to hear that George couldn't be a daddy. I was kind of pinning my hopes on that. Ah well, I guess it's back to the pawing board then, eh? The longer I wait, the more interested in men I'm becoming again. I don't know what it is, but when I'm with them I just don't want them, and when I can't have them, I think it sounds like a good idea to go visit them. Ah well, it keeps the human on her toes, I suppose.

I didn't do much when she came back from her going out time when I posted last. We just sat around in the evening while she went typing again. She does an awful lot of that.

The next morning, she tried to get me to stay in bed with her, but I wasn't interested. I know if I get up, she usually follows, and although she didn't have to go out to the thing she calls work, I felt it important to make sure she stood up at exactly the same time as normal. Humans thrive on routine and get quite upset when it is disrupted. This is why, if I miaow early or late for my morning food, she'll say "Oh Tia, shut up and let me sleep!" It's her way of begging me to make things go back to normal. I'm a soft soul. I care about the human, so I try and keep things regular to keep her happy. This is why she got up when the sun was still low in the sky. She wasn't best pleased about it and grumbled, but it's her way of showing affection. I know this because when she collapsed into the soft thing she sits on, she cuddled me. She wouldn't do that if she was annoyed, would she?

After the morning food, I was content to curl up and sleep it off, but unfortunately, it was not to be. Some other female had the gall to go parading off with my man friend in the car park! What's more, the nasty little witch was actually teasing him! She'd let him get close, and then when he tried to do the manly thing and finish the act, she'd turn around and really scream at him. I was so annoyed that I went and sat in the window where they could see me, and I turned my back on him. There couldn't be a more clear message of rejection, and still he stalks that little monster who's not half the cat I am, when I'm not trying!

To add insult to injury, the human was actually worried about her, thinking she might be hurt because of the frequency of the screams. She soon went away though, and peace returned to the house.

Oh, something wonderful happened on Saturday. My pingg pong balls arrived! Oh, what fun I had, even if she would only give them to me one ball at a time. Judging by the size of the bag, there's a never-ending supply of them now. She's clever though. It's a bag inside a bag, but she's ripped the holes so that they're not level. I went over to try and steal, ahem, I mean take, a ball myself, only so that she wouldn't have to be bothered to get it for me. See? I do care! But when I put my paw through the first hole, all I found was more plastic. Even my nose going there didn't change the situation. I'm not silly enough to scratch at the bag (why use your claws when the human's ones are so much better at it?) so I simply went back to crying for them. If she makes it difficult for me, it's her own fault if I disturb her to get what I want, and I won't put up with her complaining.

The next morning, the enemy was back. Again I sat in the window, and again I showed the pair of them my tail. Hypocrite! This time a few weeks ago, he'd have done anything for me! But the human had had enough now. She was really worried, and put some food in a bowl, thinking that the witch might have kittens she was defending. The screaming was all coming from the one place and was very frequent. On seeing the food, I thought it was for me, and, accordingly, went to investigate. you can imagine how cross I was to have it pulled from under my nose and whisked away, only to reappear closer to them! I could have spat with anger, but as I'm well bred and have manners, i contained it, with great difficulty, I don't mind admitting.

I don't know if I've mentioned before, but my human's eyes are bad. They move about a lot and she never looks directly at me, even when I try and teach her that eye contact is important. I've come to the conclusion that they don't work very well. She never looks at anything, and unless I make a noise or come to her, she can't find me except for moving her hands everywhere until they touch me. Sometimes this is handy, like when I'm trying to get in somewhere I'm not allowed, but at other times, such as when I want her to know *exactly* where I am so that she can give me the fish, I'm sure to make plenty of noise. Today though, it worked in my favour. She went searching for the witch, but the unfaithful hypocrite had stopped pestering her at that point, so she went quiet. Not content with this though, the human came back and called a people that comes over a few times a week and gets out the noisy thing the human calls a hoover. This people came and helped the human find the witch, who was in some bushes. Once they were sure that she wasn't hurt and was only playing coy, they left her to it. I didn't get that extra food though. I wasn't happy. I hope she gets cold out there, or gets lost, or gets wet in the water that comes from the sky. How dare she steal my men! May she never get fish again!

I forgave the human. I've said before that they're a little stupid, and I won't hold a grudge with mine for a disability she can't help. I'm magnanimus too. It comes as part of good blood, you know. That night found us companionable again, but there was another shock in store. It was mummy's bath time.

I haven't seen my mum since I got back from the boys' places, and to be honest, I'd forgotten how much I missed her. The human usually closes the door to stop us from getting distressed by seeing each other, but she forgot to tonight, and mummy, on seeing the bathroom, began to cry. She doesn't like the bath. Given that it's an instinctual response, this brought me running, and low and behold, there she was. Well, that set me off. She was crying and I was crying too, partly because I wanted to see my mum, but partly because here was my human, my human, and she was holding another cat! Whether it's mum or not, this shouldn't be allowed. The human got quite upset too. She can't let us run together. She says mum has something she shouldn't and needs to be kept separate, but you could see that she wanted to. In the end, she nudged me out of the bathroom to cut down on all three of our distress, but I still stood outside the door and cried. I knew my mum was in there, and although I didn't want to be with her for always, I did want to see her again.

While the shampoo was working, my human came back, and I showed her just why I'm her one and only cat. I rubbed her, I groomed her (mainly to get rid of the smell of mum), I headbutted her, rolled over, gave her my tummy, everything. I could still see that she was very upset. She gets wet things in her eyes when she is, and that worries me. When my eyes go like that, I know I'm sick, and I didn't want her to be sick enough to have to go to the vet as I do when the eyes run. Although I wanted to see my mum, given that it was a passing want, I decided that I needed to get my priorities straight. I have responsibilities. Humans are not low maintenance, and sometimes, owning one means putting your own wants on hold. So I did my best to cheer her up, and eventually, her eyes stopped running. She was only sick for a little while then, and there was no need for the vet. I didn't miaow after that. I was secure in the knowledge that my human still loved me, and I also didn't want to risk her getting sick again.

She went back and finished the mummy bath, then came back to me. Although I was affectionate with her all night, I didn't sleep in the bed for long last night. I went and settled her as I always do, but once she was making the sleep breathing, I left her. I just needed time to think. Do I miss my mum enough to want her back and risk the human getting eye sick when I cry, or do I want to remain my own cat and go and see boys again? I just don't know. Today I'll think about it while the human is in her away place. I'm confused.

Friday, 6 August 2010

I'm Famous!

Yes, I am, or at least, I will be after today, I think. Not so long ago, after the fiasco with my men friends, actually, I wrote a very indignant letter to a very wise cat, one called George. I'd heard about him through the grape vine. Others said they'd spoken to him when they needed help for training their peoples, and whilst I don't exactly need help to train my human as evidenced by the ping pong trick, I thought I'd write to him anyway and get his take on it.

Apparently, he thought my issue was so shocking that he's going to publish it on his blog so that cats everywhere faced with my situation can hear his answer, appreciate his wisdom, put it into practice and live more peaceful lives because of it. He says that his people says she's going to put it on his website today, so if you want to see what he has to say, then you should go there and have a look. Just have your peoples click on the thing below.

George's Blog

Other than my rapidly approaching fame, life has been pretty peaceful in the human house. She's been going out when the sun comes up as she should, and even coming back as she should. She had one very long day, but yesterday was normal.

You'll no doubt remember me mentioning the fact that she said she wanted to get me off the wet food that the boys' peoples gave me to eat, but she shows no signs of doing so. She's been doing a bit of reading which suggests that a wet diet is better than the dried stuff, and she's decided that in theory, she might just agree. She's not going all out though. She says she worries for my teeth, but I don't know why. We eat wet things when we're outside, so why not inside?

Our differences aside though, I think we've come to an understanding. Usually, I get one meal of what she calls 'wet food' every day. This can be fish or chicken, and thankfully, she always gives it to me once it's been over the hot. What I mean is the think they call cooking. I like it better that way. I get my food in the morning now, which means that while she's gone, I'm more interested in sleeping than anything else. It works out just fine. I'll keep asking for more all the time though, just on the off-chance that she caves in.

I've been perfecting my "I'm starving!" miaow, and think I have it almost perfect. You can see her twitch every time I do it, and her hand almost involuntarily always twitches towards the cold place where she keeps the good food. I can't get in there without her help, sadly, so I do have to resort to the crying. It hasn't worked yet, but I'm sure that every day brings us one step closer.

I lost my final ball last night, and no amount of crying could make her get it back. She says she can't find it, but I'm not so sure. She doesn't always tell the truth, my human. Early this week, for instance, she said that I'd have a whole jar of balls delivered the next day, but has it happened? No! I hope it does soon though. I don't like not having them.

In other, far less important news, the human's people says he's got his kitten back. I didn't think this worthy of telling, but the human seems to think it is. As I do care for her, I thought I'd bend a bit to keep her happy. Why I should talk about other cats on my blog,I don't know, especially ones that she misses even when she hasn't met them, but it's all in the name of keeping her content. Her people is much happier though, and so is she, so I suppose that's a good thing. I hope she doesn't bring the kitten here, mind you. If she likes him that much without even seeing him yet, I might have to get pretty tough to maintain my top cuddlecat position, and I can't really be bothered with the hassle, to be honest with you

Now, I really must go. I want to see if my questions have been answered yet. I also want to climb all over that human just to make sure she remembers I'm way better than silly kittens who don't even have the sense to not get lost and stay in the house with the peoples who give him food!

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Tired Human

She says we can't write much tonight, as she's very, very tired. She went out stupidly early this morning, so early in fact that i still hadn't got to my last wake up the human time of the night! I didn't want to move, and was a bit put out when she woke me. She did it with a cuddle though, so I guess it's not all bad. I have to confess, I can see why she grumbles when I wake her. It's not all that pleasant when all you want to do is go back to sleep. That's not to say that I'll stop doing it to her, only that I understand the moaning a bit better now.

As I say, she went out early. It was before the usual sun coming up human going out time, but I still got my fish, so I didn't complain past the getting out of bed stage. She left and took the dog with her. I know that means she's going to be gone for a while, so I settled down to slepe off my dinner. When I woke though, she still wasn't around.

I told you I'd missed the human when she left me with the boy who owns his own house, but that I was over it. I didn't realise it was possible, but I started to miss her all over again at this point. She stayed away much longer than usual, and when she finally did come back, she was doing that ufnny, slow walk that means she's tired and needs to stroke me to get some energy back. Accordingly, as soon as she'd sat down, I went and climbed on her for a while, just to make her feel better, you understand. I even purred, and she said that I actually rivaled my mum today!

Speaking of my mum, she's been driving me mad. She's been crying from her room all day long. I presume she misses the human too, but foolish me keeps going to see what's wrong. You have to remember that I'm programmed to respond to her when she shouts, and I do it without thinking. Every time I'm presented with the closed door though, I sigh, give the cat equivalent of a shrug, and walk away. There's nothing to be done, after all, so why stress about it. The human sorted her out after I thought she was calm enough and climbed down, and I wasn't pleased about this. I'd made her stroke me for a long time, and had put hard work into making her relax, sit still and feel good. Then mum has to cry and spoil it all. While she was in with her, I stood on the other side of the door and shouted at the pair of them. Honestly, I don't know who's the more stupid sometimes!

I've been good to the human all night. I've even managed to teach her a new tricktoo. She's now learned that if I'm playing with one of my ping pong balls, if I miaow at her, she is to come to where I am and get the ball for me. I'm good though. I only call her when it's stuck and I can't get it, but as this happens frequently, I'm content in the knowledge that she's getting a healthy amount of exercise. Sometimes I sit still until she finds me, so that she knows where the ball is, but at other times I move and she has to spend longer looking for it. It means more exercise for her, so it's a good thing I'm thinking.

She's looking as though she needs sleep, but when I suggest bed, she says something about having to make sandwiches for tomorrow. If she goes in that kitchen, I want more food!

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Stuff Happens

I couldn't think of a better title for today's update, so you're stuck with that. Stuff did happen, so it's apt enough.

The people staying with the human went home on the same day that I wrote last. He moved a lot of boxes with the human before he went though. I was a bit put out. They both spent a lot of time in my mum's room, and although they came out with boxes which they took away, I'm half convinced that was just done as a ploy so that I wouldn't think they were spending quality time with her and get jealous. The human appears pleased though, and I overheard her say that "the spare room's so much bigger with all the junk out of it". They have so many names for things. A box is a box, not a junk.

After he went home, I had some quality time with the human. She didn't give me fish though, so I guess it wasn't perfect.

We got to sleep in the big bed again tonight. It's a bit harder to jump up on which I don't really like, but there's more room to stretch out once I'm up there, and it's softer. Despite this, I decided to try and sleep round the top of the human's head but found that her fur was too long and kep tickling my nose. I moved, and instead slept against her tummy. She's kind of comfy at night.

The next morning I knew was her day to go out when the sun came up, but surprisingly, she didn't go. I can't say I was bothered. She's reasonably good company usually, and she did give me a good morning meal, but she kept saying she wasn't well. If she'd been a kitten I'd have told her off. It's not good for a cat to admit they're ill too much. As she isn't though, I took the opportunity of her staying still to cuddle up on her knee. She had some interesting string stuff that I held in my paws too. it was soft, and there was so much of it that she had most of it rolled in a ball. It's nice of her to get so much out for me to play with, but honestly, I think it was a bit too much. She even played too. She got out two pointy things which weren't very good as claws (please don't tell her that. She tries so hard and I don't want her disappointed), and she held the wool in those. She did twist it up pretty good though. When she was done, she had made it solid rather than still being a thin string. She wouldn't let me play with that bit, kept saying something about how I'd ruin the knitting whatever that is.

We had some visitors last night after we were done playing. They have a blog too, but as the one that writes is a dog, I'm not sure it'll be as good as mine. She's called Alice, and she owns a bigger dog called Jack and a people who made a lot of talk noise with my human all the way through last night. The dog that lives here is Ok. She doesn't bother me and I leave her alone. I wasn't so sure about the new ones though. True, Alice is smaller than me, and I think she's a dog kitten so I could probably have boxed her if she got too annoying, but with Jack in the picture, I just couldn't be bothered interacting with them. I went and sat behind the TV instead, but I did come out when my human came to get me. She showed me to the other people, and I gave her a few minutes to admire me. It's important to keep up appearances for the fans, even at times when you'd rather be somewhere else.

I did sit with the human a little after this though. I thought I'd better come out and keep an eye on her. With two dogs around, I'd say that she needed me, but all in all, it was pretty calm, and I only had to spit at Jack once.

The human fed me some different stuff last night. She called it mince and gave it to me without putting it over the hot. Although it was thoughtful of her, I'm not sure if I'll eat it again. I didn't even get through the portion she gave me. It didn't taste like the fish, and it was a bit too slimey for my liking. I did thank her though. It's only polite.

When the people went away with the dogs, I went to bed with the human, but I didn't sleep so close tonight. This was my night for making her not depend on me, so although I came up and settled her off to sleep by allowing her to stroke me, I didn't stay long afterwards. I came back a few times, but it was mainly to make sure she was still Ok. I made her stroke me to be sure of this, and also because I know it calms her down and helps her sleep.

She still wasn't well this morning, or so she says, so she didn't go out when the sun came up. I haven't done much today yet. I'm sleeping off my dinner. My human is in the bad books though. She's upset because her people that she likes says his kitten is lost. I keep reminding her that she has me, and even wonder why she misses another cat. She's got all she needs right here. I might go play with the string again to see if she'll play a little herself. it might cheer her up, and anyway, I kind of liked doing it yesterday. It feels nice when her two pointy things pull it through my paws. It felt so good that I didn't even try and bite it more than about once every ten seconds. Very restrained of me, I think you'll agree.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

Watery Wildness

And that's exactly why I didn't write last night, because it was watery! That crazy human thing decided to give me a bath! But let me work up to that.
So, I did sleep with my human again as I thought I might, but this time, I found a new favourite spot. I've decided that the most appropriate place for me to sleep is right up by her head. That way, I don't even have to miaow at her to give me a stroke .She's still sleeping with me in the big room on the bed that comes from the soft thing that she sits on, and because it's this bed, whenever I purr, it vibrates all the way through it! If I'm already by her head when I do this, it magnifies the affect, you know? It worked a treat. The only time I had to actually shout at her was when I got down, went for an explore, then decided that I needed her to be fully aware that I was coming up before I jumped. Every cat should have the human's full attention when they decide to go out of their way and keep them company, so I didn't feel guilty even when she groaned, quite a few times, "Oh Tia, shut up and come here." She said it sweetly enough, but honestly, shut up? When I'm only making sure that she knows, all the way down, that I want to be with her? I'm just under-appreciated!
When it came morning time though, I'd had enough exploring and was content to let her sleep a bit at last. But she got up and put on the thing that talks to her (she says it's an audiobook, but I don't know what it is other than that it's a human thing, so doesn't really matter), and then started to fidget and move around! Of course, I told her off, but in a gentle way. There was a lot of sighing, a lot of throwing my body down disconsolately on the blankets. That usually gets the message across, but all she did was tickle my tummy and laugh. She actually laughed!
She dragged me out of bed anyway, and then her and the other people she has staying made a lot of talk noise, ate some food that I wanted because it was chicken, then started to get ready. I know this means they're going out when they do this, so I began to shout. She hadn't given me my fish yet! She said she was going to stop giving me what she calls wet food when I came back from the other boy's house, but she's weaning me off it slowly. I'm on one meal a day which is torture after the three the boy's people were giving me. I do have the dried stuff down all the time, but it's not as good as fish, you know? I don't really care if my tummy gets big. All the more for tickling, after all, and the human does seem to enjoy that a lot. So I'm only considering her when I eat all that food. Anyway, she knew that there was some fish left in the fridge, and that it needed to be finished, so as they went off out, taking that dog with them who always tries to steal my food, I got stuck into some gooood eatin'!
When they came back, they made more talk noise, then had more food. Honestly, they call me fat, and yet, they eat stuff that isn't dried all the time!
Then, the nasty bit came. I saw the human get a towel, but I didn't worry. She uses them herself. But then she took me into the bathroom, and I know what that means. Baths are all right really. The peoples have given me them ever since I was tiny enough to actually make noises at my mummy, but it doesn't do to let them think that. I've found that the more noise I make, the more this particular human strokes me afterwards. She thinks she's comforting me. Last night, I made sure to make lots of noise, but there was something I wasn't expecting. The human said that me and mummy had to use this special shampoo, but that it takes ten minutes to work. Rather than wrapping me up in a warm towel as she usually does (I have her trained well enough that she heats them for me first), she put me in the box thing with not even a cushion on the bottom, put a towel over the top "to keep the heat in, Tia", then dumped me in the hall beside the heater. Oh, it was warm enough, but would you like to be covered in smelly, horrible, slimy shampoo that you couldn't even lick off because it tasted so nasty (I tried), dumped in a box thing where you couldn't see anything, and left for ten minutes while the human and the people made more talk noise? I didn't like it one bit, and boy did I shout. I even stuck my paws through the wire at the front of the box thing and scratched the towel. It didn't do any good though, and I had to stay until the human let me back out.
I was actually glad to get back in the bath after that. I wanted that stuff off. After that, the bath was normal. She put the nice shampoo on me, rinced it off, wrapped me in a towel, then cuddled me for a bit until I'd stopped shivering. I don't mind admitting that I have beautiful fur, but when it gets wet, boy is it cold!
There was another change in store though. Instead of drying me herself, the human gave me to the people, and he did it instead. She went off to get mummy, and from the yowling I heard from the bathroom, I presume she got a bath too. She did come out in the box thing for ten minutes, but I was too interested in teasing the people to pay her much attention. He's silly. He's never dried a cat before, so instead of holding me still like the human does, he let me walk about in the hall and just followed me with the blowy thing which is nice and warm. It did get me dry, but it took forever. When the human came out with my mummy and saw this, she laughed at him, picked me up, plonked me on her and held me still. It was quick after that, but I put up with it with good enough grace.
I'm glad the ordeal's over with, but I'm sad about one thing. The washing took away the smell of my new man friend. Even though I am home, I could still have a sniff of myself, then daydream about how it would be to hook up with a man who owns his own house. Now though, I have to rely on memories alone rather than my nose. Humans are crazy, I accept this. It's not her fault that she's too stupid to realise that a bath has destroyed my daydreams, so I refuse to be angry at her. One shouldn't be crossed with the disadvantaged, should they? It's better morally speaking, to try and understand that they were only trying to help. I'm doing that, or attempting too.
I kept her awake again last night with a repeat performance of the night before, but I'm feeling quite energetic today despite her pushing me out of the bed so that she could put it back in the soft thing that we sit on when the sun is out. Well, she sits. I sleep. I've been playing with ping pong balls all of this morning though, and I have to say, it's been fun. I plan to sleep for a little bit, then go right back to playing. Oh, it's nice to be clean!