Tortie Thursday and Other Things

From reading cat blogs, I understand that Tortie Tuesday/Thursday has become a bit of a tradition with a lot of you. I'd like to join in, but the accepted posting of a picture to show off my tortie yumminess isn't possible, thanks to my human not being able to use the flashing thing that takes them because her eyes are broken. She says she'll do a description instead though, so I got into one of my really cutiful poses so that she could do me justice. Mere words aren't enough, but sadly, they'll have to do. Ok, here goes.

Tia loves belly rubs. She's almost puppy-like in her enjoyment of them. I was only half awake this morning and reached down to give her the usual, "come on, it's time to get up" tickle. As soon as she felt my hand on her, she flipped over quick enough that I thought she was going to grab me and start to play, but instead, all she did was stretch right out, back paws flopped open, front paws right up over her face, belly curved up towards me (she was stretching so much that her back was arching). Well, what can you do but tickle such a great tummy? As soon as I did, those paws came down and held onto my wrist. The message was clear. "you ain't goin' anywhere, human, until my tickle urge has been satisfied."

So, there you have it, a word picture. What do you think? Is it enough to satisfy? My human's people friend is coming again in a couple of days, and he can use the flash thing, so I'll pester him to take more pictures of me, then you can see.

I haven't seen any more of the witch lately. I wonder if the evil stink-eye I've been giving her when I can be bothered has finally worked? Either way, I haven't seen the mancat either.

I've been thinking about men more lately than I have in the last few days. I don't know whether it's Porthos that's triggered it in me or whether I'm just hankering to share food and a litterbox again, but either way, I've been experimenting. Occasionally I'll stick my bum in the air for the human to rub, and she gets excited when she sees this. I've had a stern talking to her though. "You can't rush this, girl," I said seriously,"It'll come in its own time. Now, be calm. Here, stroke me. That'll help." She took no notice though. Sometimes I actually wonder if they're smart enough to understand language. They seem to get it occasionally. When I miaow in a certain way, for instance, she'll always say "what, do you want fish?" so the training's starting to work, but it takes them ages to grasp even the simplest of concepts. Ah well, I can be patient. I'm a good teacher.

I've started to teach the human's people' kitten too. I left a comment on his blog the other day, but I've heard nothing from him. Perhaps he's frightened because I'm bigger and wiser and more beautiful than him? I'm not sure. What do you all think? Should I go easier on him? But if I do, won't that up the risk of the human being allowed to cuddle him as much as me? This cannot be permitted to happen at any cost.

She cut me down to one ping pong ball this morning. She said I didn't need ten out at once, and she'd give me more when she got back. Aaah, the withdrawal symptoms! I got a good bit of chicken though. Speaking of which, I'm ashamed to admit that her plan got the better of me yesterday. Well, what was I supposed to do! That lump of beautiful, juicey, tasty raw meat was staring at me, calling to me! I just had to have another lick, then a chew, then, horror of horrors, cat friends, I bit it. I just couldn't quit after that, not until the whole lump was gone. So now she knows my secret. I can chew things up, and there's no avoiding it now. They're stupid on picking up on the things that matter, but not on the things which I wish they were slower with. Why couldn't the missing meat have escaped her notice! This morning my chicken was in pieces, but they weren't as small as yesterday. She says she's not going to cook the chicken next time either. Well, why not! I like it that way! Oh, raw meat is good, but let's not tell her that either. Silly human.

She finally solved another problem too. Remember I told you I was being reserved with her? I only told you part of the reason. The other one was that there was a box in front of the sofa. Now, any old cat will climb on things, but not me, oh no. I'm always careful when I jump on the bed to try and aim only for blanket, and if I miss that, the only part I ever land on is the human's feet. I quickly jump off though. It's not polite to walk on the human. Even when I climb onto her knee, i'm nice enough to get onto the sofa beside her first. It's partly so that I don't startle her too. When I first came to her, if she reached down, sometimes I'd let her tickle me and sometimes I'd give her a nip and a swat to keep her away from my yummy tummy (that's what she calls it, but we'll talk about that once your peoples have mastered cutiful. Start small, folks, start small), but I could see how much it startled her. She'd do the flinch, pull hand back, squeak thing. As I've said before, I care for the human, and whilst I couldn't work out why it would surprise her, I started to be a bit more gentle. I learned that I could play with her as long as I worked into it slowly so that her hand could touch me first. That's how I began to notice that her eyes didn't work, and when you understand that, you can see why teeth and claws coming from nowhere would be a bit of a shock.

Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. So, I don't like climbing on things and the human hadn't realised that the box in front of the sofa was bad even though it contained my balls. It was blocking easy access to the cushion beside her, you see, and how am I to climb on her when I can't get to the cushion? Sure, I could jump to the arm or the back of the sofa, but that's extra height, and extra effort. I finally persuaded her to move it last night, and up I came to calm her down after the hard work of lifting it by letting her touch me. It seemed to work. She was very, very happy and seemed to be thankful that things had gone back to normal. I also slept with her last night, and only woke her up once! She did a very sweet thing though. It wasn't even human wake-up time number two yet, but she woke up all on her own, touched all the bed with her hands, then said sleepily, "where are you, Tia?" This might not sound like much, but I like to know my human wants my company. It's a good repayment for the effort I put in to keep her happy. It's nice to know your presence is wanted to the point where she'll come out of a sleep when you're not there any more. I didn't come straight back though. It does no good to have them depending on you too tightly. I waited just until she was almost sleep breathing, then came and woke her for strokings.

Ah, life is good at the minute. Chicken, ping pong balls and a warm human to snuggle with at night. What could be better?

The Human, the Witch and the Hypocrite

Well, what am I to say today? Nothing much has happened over the weekend to speak of, but I'll fill you in as best I can. Nothing much, that is, except for the arrival of a harlot on my patch!

My fame left me all of a flutter last Friday, but I wasn't too pleased to hear that George couldn't be a daddy. I was kind of pinning my hopes on that. Ah well, I guess it's back to the pawing board then, eh? The longer I wait, the more interested in men I'm becoming again. I don't know what it is, but when I'm with them I just don't want them, and when I can't have them, I think it sounds like a good idea to go visit them. Ah well, it keeps the human on her toes, I suppose.

I didn't do much when she came back from her going out time when I posted last. We just sat around in the evening while she went typing again. She does an awful lot of that.

The next morning, she tried to get me to stay in bed with her, but I wasn't interested. I know if I get up, she usually follows, and although she didn't have to go out to the thing she calls work, I felt it important to make sure she stood up at exactly the same time as normal. Humans thrive on routine and get quite upset when it is disrupted. This is why, if I miaow early or late for my morning food, she'll say "Oh Tia, shut up and let me sleep!" It's her way of begging me to make things go back to normal. I'm a soft soul. I care about the human, so I try and keep things regular to keep her happy. This is why she got up when the sun was still low in the sky. She wasn't best pleased about it and grumbled, but it's her way of showing affection. I know this because when she collapsed into the soft thing she sits on, she cuddled me. She wouldn't do that if she was annoyed, would she?

After the morning food, I was content to curl up and sleep it off, but unfortunately, it was not to be. Some other female had the gall to go parading off with my man friend in the car park! What's more, the nasty little witch was actually teasing him! She'd let him get close, and then when he tried to do the manly thing and finish the act, she'd turn around and really scream at him. I was so annoyed that I went and sat in the window where they could see me, and I turned my back on him. There couldn't be a more clear message of rejection, and still he stalks that little monster who's not half the cat I am, when I'm not trying!

To add insult to injury, the human was actually worried about her, thinking she might be hurt because of the frequency of the screams. She soon went away though, and peace returned to the house.

Oh, something wonderful happened on Saturday. My pingg pong balls arrived! Oh, what fun I had, even if she would only give them to me one ball at a time. Judging by the size of the bag, there's a never-ending supply of them now. She's clever though. It's a bag inside a bag, but she's ripped the holes so that they're not level. I went over to try and steal, ahem, I mean take, a ball myself, only so that she wouldn't have to be bothered to get it for me. See? I do care! But when I put my paw through the first hole, all I found was more plastic. Even my nose going there didn't change the situation. I'm not silly enough to scratch at the bag (why use your claws when the human's ones are so much better at it?) so I simply went back to crying for them. If she makes it difficult for me, it's her own fault if I disturb her to get what I want, and I won't put up with her complaining.

The next morning, the enemy was back. Again I sat in the window, and again I showed the pair of them my tail. Hypocrite! This time a few weeks ago, he'd have done anything for me! But the human had had enough now. She was really worried, and put some food in a bowl, thinking that the witch might have kittens she was defending. The screaming was all coming from the one place and was very frequent. On seeing the food, I thought it was for me, and, accordingly, went to investigate. you can imagine how cross I was to have it pulled from under my nose and whisked away, only to reappear closer to them! I could have spat with anger, but as I'm well bred and have manners, i contained it, with great difficulty, I don't mind admitting.

I don't know if I've mentioned before, but my human's eyes are bad. They move about a lot and she never looks directly at me, even when I try and teach her that eye contact is important. I've come to the conclusion that they don't work very well. She never looks at anything, and unless I make a noise or come to her, she can't find me except for moving her hands everywhere until they touch me. Sometimes this is handy, like when I'm trying to get in somewhere I'm not allowed, but at other times, such as when I want her to know *exactly* where I am so that she can give me the fish, I'm sure to make plenty of noise. Today though, it worked in my favour. She went searching for the witch, but the unfaithful hypocrite had stopped pestering her at that point, so she went quiet. Not content with this though, the human came back and called a people that comes over a few times a week and gets out the noisy thing the human calls a hoover. This people came and helped the human find the witch, who was in some bushes. Once they were sure that she wasn't hurt and was only playing coy, they left her to it. I didn't get that extra food though. I wasn't happy. I hope she gets cold out there, or gets lost, or gets wet in the water that comes from the sky. How dare she steal my men! May she never get fish again!

I forgave the human. I've said before that they're a little stupid, and I won't hold a grudge with mine for a disability she can't help. I'm magnanimus too. It comes as part of good blood, you know. That night found us companionable again, but there was another shock in store. It was mummy's bath time.

I haven't seen my mum since I got back from the boys' places, and to be honest, I'd forgotten how much I missed her. The human usually closes the door to stop us from getting distressed by seeing each other, but she forgot to tonight, and mummy, on seeing the bathroom, began to cry. She doesn't like the bath. Given that it's an instinctual response, this brought me running, and low and behold, there she was. Well, that set me off. She was crying and I was crying too, partly because I wanted to see my mum, but partly because here was my human, my human, and she was holding another cat! Whether it's mum or not, this shouldn't be allowed. The human got quite upset too. She can't let us run together. She says mum has something she shouldn't and needs to be kept separate, but you could see that she wanted to. In the end, she nudged me out of the bathroom to cut down on all three of our distress, but I still stood outside the door and cried. I knew my mum was in there, and although I didn't want to be with her for always, I did want to see her again.

While the shampoo was working, my human came back, and I showed her just why I'm her one and only cat. I rubbed her, I groomed her (mainly to get rid of the smell of mum), I headbutted her, rolled over, gave her my tummy, everything. I could still see that she was very upset. She gets wet things in her eyes when she is, and that worries me. When my eyes go like that, I know I'm sick, and I didn't want her to be sick enough to have to go to the vet as I do when the eyes run. Although I wanted to see my mum, given that it was a passing want, I decided that I needed to get my priorities straight. I have responsibilities. Humans are not low maintenance, and sometimes, owning one means putting your own wants on hold. So I did my best to cheer her up, and eventually, her eyes stopped running. She was only sick for a little while then, and there was no need for the vet. I didn't miaow after that. I was secure in the knowledge that my human still loved me, and I also didn't want to risk her getting sick again.

She went back and finished the mummy bath, then came back to me. Although I was affectionate with her all night, I didn't sleep in the bed for long last night. I went and settled her as I always do, but once she was making the sleep breathing, I left her. I just needed time to think. Do I miss my mum enough to want her back and risk the human getting eye sick when I cry, or do I want to remain my own cat and go and see boys again? I just don't know. Today I'll think about it while the human is in her away place. I'm confused.