The Human, the Witch and the Hypocrite

Well, what am I to say today? Nothing much has happened over the weekend to speak of, but I'll fill you in as best I can. Nothing much, that is, except for the arrival of a harlot on my patch!

My fame left me all of a flutter last Friday, but I wasn't too pleased to hear that George couldn't be a daddy. I was kind of pinning my hopes on that. Ah well, I guess it's back to the pawing board then, eh? The longer I wait, the more interested in men I'm becoming again. I don't know what it is, but when I'm with them I just don't want them, and when I can't have them, I think it sounds like a good idea to go visit them. Ah well, it keeps the human on her toes, I suppose.

I didn't do much when she came back from her going out time when I posted last. We just sat around in the evening while she went typing again. She does an awful lot of that.

The next morning, she tried to get me to stay in bed with her, but I wasn't interested. I know if I get up, she usually follows, and although she didn't have to go out to the thing she calls work, I felt it important to make sure she stood up at exactly the same time as normal. Humans thrive on routine and get quite upset when it is disrupted. This is why, if I miaow early or late for my morning food, she'll say "Oh Tia, shut up and let me sleep!" It's her way of begging me to make things go back to normal. I'm a soft soul. I care about the human, so I try and keep things regular to keep her happy. This is why she got up when the sun was still low in the sky. She wasn't best pleased about it and grumbled, but it's her way of showing affection. I know this because when she collapsed into the soft thing she sits on, she cuddled me. She wouldn't do that if she was annoyed, would she?

After the morning food, I was content to curl up and sleep it off, but unfortunately, it was not to be. Some other female had the gall to go parading off with my man friend in the car park! What's more, the nasty little witch was actually teasing him! She'd let him get close, and then when he tried to do the manly thing and finish the act, she'd turn around and really scream at him. I was so annoyed that I went and sat in the window where they could see me, and I turned my back on him. There couldn't be a more clear message of rejection, and still he stalks that little monster who's not half the cat I am, when I'm not trying!

To add insult to injury, the human was actually worried about her, thinking she might be hurt because of the frequency of the screams. She soon went away though, and peace returned to the house.

Oh, something wonderful happened on Saturday. My pingg pong balls arrived! Oh, what fun I had, even if she would only give them to me one ball at a time. Judging by the size of the bag, there's a never-ending supply of them now. She's clever though. It's a bag inside a bag, but she's ripped the holes so that they're not level. I went over to try and steal, ahem, I mean take, a ball myself, only so that she wouldn't have to be bothered to get it for me. See? I do care! But when I put my paw through the first hole, all I found was more plastic. Even my nose going there didn't change the situation. I'm not silly enough to scratch at the bag (why use your claws when the human's ones are so much better at it?) so I simply went back to crying for them. If she makes it difficult for me, it's her own fault if I disturb her to get what I want, and I won't put up with her complaining.

The next morning, the enemy was back. Again I sat in the window, and again I showed the pair of them my tail. Hypocrite! This time a few weeks ago, he'd have done anything for me! But the human had had enough now. She was really worried, and put some food in a bowl, thinking that the witch might have kittens she was defending. The screaming was all coming from the one place and was very frequent. On seeing the food, I thought it was for me, and, accordingly, went to investigate. you can imagine how cross I was to have it pulled from under my nose and whisked away, only to reappear closer to them! I could have spat with anger, but as I'm well bred and have manners, i contained it, with great difficulty, I don't mind admitting.

I don't know if I've mentioned before, but my human's eyes are bad. They move about a lot and she never looks directly at me, even when I try and teach her that eye contact is important. I've come to the conclusion that they don't work very well. She never looks at anything, and unless I make a noise or come to her, she can't find me except for moving her hands everywhere until they touch me. Sometimes this is handy, like when I'm trying to get in somewhere I'm not allowed, but at other times, such as when I want her to know *exactly* where I am so that she can give me the fish, I'm sure to make plenty of noise. Today though, it worked in my favour. She went searching for the witch, but the unfaithful hypocrite had stopped pestering her at that point, so she went quiet. Not content with this though, the human came back and called a people that comes over a few times a week and gets out the noisy thing the human calls a hoover. This people came and helped the human find the witch, who was in some bushes. Once they were sure that she wasn't hurt and was only playing coy, they left her to it. I didn't get that extra food though. I wasn't happy. I hope she gets cold out there, or gets lost, or gets wet in the water that comes from the sky. How dare she steal my men! May she never get fish again!

I forgave the human. I've said before that they're a little stupid, and I won't hold a grudge with mine for a disability she can't help. I'm magnanimus too. It comes as part of good blood, you know. That night found us companionable again, but there was another shock in store. It was mummy's bath time.

I haven't seen my mum since I got back from the boys' places, and to be honest, I'd forgotten how much I missed her. The human usually closes the door to stop us from getting distressed by seeing each other, but she forgot to tonight, and mummy, on seeing the bathroom, began to cry. She doesn't like the bath. Given that it's an instinctual response, this brought me running, and low and behold, there she was. Well, that set me off. She was crying and I was crying too, partly because I wanted to see my mum, but partly because here was my human, my human, and she was holding another cat! Whether it's mum or not, this shouldn't be allowed. The human got quite upset too. She can't let us run together. She says mum has something she shouldn't and needs to be kept separate, but you could see that she wanted to. In the end, she nudged me out of the bathroom to cut down on all three of our distress, but I still stood outside the door and cried. I knew my mum was in there, and although I didn't want to be with her for always, I did want to see her again.

While the shampoo was working, my human came back, and I showed her just why I'm her one and only cat. I rubbed her, I groomed her (mainly to get rid of the smell of mum), I headbutted her, rolled over, gave her my tummy, everything. I could still see that she was very upset. She gets wet things in her eyes when she is, and that worries me. When my eyes go like that, I know I'm sick, and I didn't want her to be sick enough to have to go to the vet as I do when the eyes run. Although I wanted to see my mum, given that it was a passing want, I decided that I needed to get my priorities straight. I have responsibilities. Humans are not low maintenance, and sometimes, owning one means putting your own wants on hold. So I did my best to cheer her up, and eventually, her eyes stopped running. She was only sick for a little while then, and there was no need for the vet. I didn't miaow after that. I was secure in the knowledge that my human still loved me, and I also didn't want to risk her getting sick again.

She went back and finished the mummy bath, then came back to me. Although I was affectionate with her all night, I didn't sleep in the bed for long last night. I went and settled her as I always do, but once she was making the sleep breathing, I left her. I just needed time to think. Do I miss my mum enough to want her back and risk the human getting eye sick when I cry, or do I want to remain my own cat and go and see boys again? I just don't know. Today I'll think about it while the human is in her away place. I'm confused.