Grooming Grevances

Ah, peoples, you've gotta love them, right? I'm sorry, but the start of this post is going to be a bit mushy. I care deeply for my human, so when she does something stupid, I always look deeper and find the motivation behind it. One of the silliest, and yet the most sweet things she does is try and groom me.

Any self-respecting cat will keep themselves clean and tidy enough that they don't need grooming, and yet, the peoples persist. I've always had them do this to me right from when I was a kitten. We Persians have very long hair, and some of us really struggle to keep our coats clean and tangle free. I can see why they might need help with grooming, but firstly, there's a vast difference between people and cat grooming, and secondly, I keep my coat tangle free on my own thank you very much.

My human, bless her, is too silly to realise this, so periodically, she'll sit me down and detangle me with the instruments that humans use. A comb and a brush as they call them don't even come close to a tongue. I started out by saying that when she does this, it's sweet. It is. you can see she's trying desperately hard to integrate fully into the cat world, but she just doesn't have the right tools to do it. Poor thing. I'd tell her not to worry about it, but I wouldn't want to be seen as patronising. Instead, I usually just put up with the brushing, mainly because I know that she's trying to do the equivalent ofa cat's social grooming. The motivation is sweet, and so I reward that rather than the act itself.

Last night was different, though. Look, torties have tortiattitude. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it'll continue to be. Our unpredictability makes us fun, vivacious, interesting. It still takes the human by surprise occasionally, but she's getting used to my quirks slowly. Last night, I was as good as gold. I let her brush my back, my sides, even my tail. But my yummy tummy? Forget it. It's yummy just the way it is, thank you very much, but she didn't agree. in the end, I had to shout at her, very loudly, then hunch up, kick her away quite fiercely I'm sad to admit, launch off her knee and go and hide. It was partially tortitude, but also partially because she was heading lower, and the lady bits are lower. I don't usually mind her stroking my tummy. I trust that she won't do anything to me. But the more I get to that point where I'm thinking about mancats, the more I worry when anyone gets to within a gajillion feet of my girlie glories. I know what the men want. Why can't they just be content with company first! Still, it's hard to delineate between mancat and others when I'm caught up in my thoughts, and so, my reaction is instinctual.

The human has this system. Whenever I do something she doesn't like, she'll "tell me off". She calls this part of the training. Training? Yeah right, human. That one works the other way around, and you'll be happier once you've accepted it all the way down. She went through the motions last night, but it didn't do any good. Even though I was hiding and telling her off, and she was upset that I'd smacked her, neither of us can bear a grudge for very long. Soon enough, she was calling me back, and I, like the responsible owner I am, came to check on her and make sure she was Ok. She had another go at the tummy then, and while I wasn't too pleased, I put up with it. She was rubbing my face this time though, and tickling my chin, and all the while, she talked to me. The voice helped me remember that she wasn't a mancat who only wanted one thing, and while I lashed my tail the whole time to let her know I was only restraining myself because it was her, but barely at that, I put up with it. it was worth it, anyway. When she was done, I got some of the Dreamies treats. These are gorgeous. you should get your peoples to buy them for you. But don't let them seal the bag up as mine does when it's not even empty. You can't get into them with teeth, so unless they leave it open, all your treats will be hidden from you.

A brief update on the chicken saga, too. This morning, she didn't cut any of the lumps up even a tiny bit! I'm disgusted, both with her and myself. She's clever. She's gotten me from small pieces to big chunks so sneakily that I hardly realised it was being done. I'll still put up a token protest and not eat the dinner straight away any more in the hopes that she'll think I can't manage it and will cut it for me. But it didn't work yesterday and it didn't today. She did go out though, and I know she's not tomorrow, so if I cry a bit and stand pathetically by the bowl while I do it, she might just take pity because she can actually hear it going on. Anything's worth a try, right?

I'd like to thank so many of you for stopping by and leaving comments. It's lovely to know that others are reading what I write and sympathising with the frustrations I have. I'm glad the human's word pictures seem to be enough for you all to be getting along with. i'll make sure she gives you all a description from time to time. No, that's not medicine, even though the word description does kind of sound the same. Anyway, the human is getting ready for bed, so I must go and settle her in. The work never ends!