Friday, 13 August 2010

Grooming Grevances

Ah, peoples, you've gotta love them, right? I'm sorry, but the start of this post is going to be a bit mushy. I care deeply for my human, so when she does something stupid, I always look deeper and find the motivation behind it. One of the silliest, and yet the most sweet things she does is try and groom me.

Any self-respecting cat will keep themselves clean and tidy enough that they don't need grooming, and yet, the peoples persist. I've always had them do this to me right from when I was a kitten. We Persians have very long hair, and some of us really struggle to keep our coats clean and tangle free. I can see why they might need help with grooming, but firstly, there's a vast difference between people and cat grooming, and secondly, I keep my coat tangle free on my own thank you very much.

My human, bless her, is too silly to realise this, so periodically, she'll sit me down and detangle me with the instruments that humans use. A comb and a brush as they call them don't even come close to a tongue. I started out by saying that when she does this, it's sweet. It is. you can see she's trying desperately hard to integrate fully into the cat world, but she just doesn't have the right tools to do it. Poor thing. I'd tell her not to worry about it, but I wouldn't want to be seen as patronising. Instead, I usually just put up with the brushing, mainly because I know that she's trying to do the equivalent ofa cat's social grooming. The motivation is sweet, and so I reward that rather than the act itself.

Last night was different, though. Look, torties have tortiattitude. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it'll continue to be. Our unpredictability makes us fun, vivacious, interesting. It still takes the human by surprise occasionally, but she's getting used to my quirks slowly. Last night, I was as good as gold. I let her brush my back, my sides, even my tail. But my yummy tummy? Forget it. It's yummy just the way it is, thank you very much, but she didn't agree. in the end, I had to shout at her, very loudly, then hunch up, kick her away quite fiercely I'm sad to admit, launch off her knee and go and hide. It was partially tortitude, but also partially because she was heading lower, and the lady bits are lower. I don't usually mind her stroking my tummy. I trust that she won't do anything to me. But the more I get to that point where I'm thinking about mancats, the more I worry when anyone gets to within a gajillion feet of my girlie glories. I know what the men want. Why can't they just be content with company first! Still, it's hard to delineate between mancat and others when I'm caught up in my thoughts, and so, my reaction is instinctual.

The human has this system. Whenever I do something she doesn't like, she'll "tell me off". She calls this part of the training. Training? Yeah right, human. That one works the other way around, and you'll be happier once you've accepted it all the way down. She went through the motions last night, but it didn't do any good. Even though I was hiding and telling her off, and she was upset that I'd smacked her, neither of us can bear a grudge for very long. Soon enough, she was calling me back, and I, like the responsible owner I am, came to check on her and make sure she was Ok. She had another go at the tummy then, and while I wasn't too pleased, I put up with it. She was rubbing my face this time though, and tickling my chin, and all the while, she talked to me. The voice helped me remember that she wasn't a mancat who only wanted one thing, and while I lashed my tail the whole time to let her know I was only restraining myself because it was her, but barely at that, I put up with it. it was worth it, anyway. When she was done, I got some of the Dreamies treats. These are gorgeous. you should get your peoples to buy them for you. But don't let them seal the bag up as mine does when it's not even empty. You can't get into them with teeth, so unless they leave it open, all your treats will be hidden from you.

A brief update on the chicken saga, too. This morning, she didn't cut any of the lumps up even a tiny bit! I'm disgusted, both with her and myself. She's clever. She's gotten me from small pieces to big chunks so sneakily that I hardly realised it was being done. I'll still put up a token protest and not eat the dinner straight away any more in the hopes that she'll think I can't manage it and will cut it for me. But it didn't work yesterday and it didn't today. She did go out though, and I know she's not tomorrow, so if I cry a bit and stand pathetically by the bowl while I do it, she might just take pity because she can actually hear it going on. Anything's worth a try, right?

I'd like to thank so many of you for stopping by and leaving comments. It's lovely to know that others are reading what I write and sympathising with the frustrations I have. I'm glad the human's word pictures seem to be enough for you all to be getting along with. i'll make sure she gives you all a description from time to time. No, that's not medicine, even though the word description does kind of sound the same. Anyway, the human is getting ready for bed, so I must go and settle her in. The work never ends!


Everycat said...

Tia what a polite cat you are, putting up with all that grooming. Our brother Gerry has a totally smooth tongue, so he can't keep his coat well groomed and has to have daily help from the apes. They have a basket full of brushes, but not one is as good as a cat's tongue. The ape wants to find the scientist who made a perfect copy of gecko feet and see if he can make a cat's tongue surface out of advanced sciency materials.

I will tolerate 21.5 seconds of being groomed then I will start up the yeowling and get whapping with my paws. I'm a rough sort of cat you see, I had a very bad start to life and I still have a bit of fear aggression going on.

I think as far as the chicken goes it's a case of

Human 1
Tia 0

Tee hee

Have a great weekend

Whicky Wuudler

Everycat said...

PS: So far one ape has managed to say "ooot eee fuuul"


It's a start I suppose


Tia said...

Whicky, don't give up hope! you're getting closer. Just keep chipping away at them. Soon, they will, in their dim but cute way, grasp the concept, and give you your full, deserved, Cutiful title. Your brother has a smooth tongue? Really? How did that happen? Did he get broken as a kitten and that's why he ended up like that? Poor boy. Tongues are very useful things for detangling. i hope you others keep him groomed, because the people sure as anything won't do such a good job of it as we do. If they run their brushes over him, he'll smell funny too. My human's used the FURminator on me a couple of times, and she loves how much of my dead undercoat it pulls out. If the humans insist on brushing him, it might be an option, as it would probably keep him tangle free for longer.

Fear aggression is not a nice thing for anyone involved. That's partly why I whapped my human when she tried to brush the yummy tummy. I just don't want anyone going near the important bits for a while. It makes me twitchy, you know?

An update on the poor street mummycats: The peoples now have ten kittens in their shed, but they don't have their mummycats. I don't like that, but the human says they couldn't catch mummycats with their kittens, and they didn't know who belonged to who. They have caught 19 cats so far, so they are going well. The babies will allow themselves to be picked up now, and even stroked a little bit, so hopefully, they will turn into peoples loving cats and go to nice warm homes instead of back onto the streets. The peoples are worried though. Cat's Protection say they have to keep the kittens until almost Christmas when they can be neutered, but the peoples don't know how they're going to feed them until then. All they've been given is adult food, so they're having to scramble a bit. Ah well, better that they're in the shed than on the streets, eh?

Have a wonderful weekend, and don't forget to groom that brother of yours.


Everycat said...

I'm so glad that the street mummycats and kittens have some good people looking out for them. Catching 19 is pretty good going. Definately better in a shed than out on the streets.

We have a Furminator here. I can't bring myself to be furminated, I hate the thing. The apes use it carefully on Gerry, his coat is rather fragile. Gerry made a post about his tongue and how it came to be smooth. He's been through it that little mancat.

Gerry's Tongue Post here:

He gets a bath about once every 5 - 6 weeks. The apes found better shampoos and conditioners and this winter we hope he'll have a full long coat. He's only lived here since 2007, since he was dumped at the vets.

I hope you and your human Mum et al had a lovely sunday Tia, I spent mine snoring in the garden.

Whicky Wuudler

Tia said...

Wow, Whicky, that boy really has been through it! I don't know how peoples can let us experience things like that. I mean, wouldn't everyone want a cutiful friend to cuddle with? I just can't understand them sometimes. I spent my Sunday snoring, but on the back of the sofa. Much more comfortable than a garden, you know?