Watery Wildness

And that's exactly why I didn't write last night, because it was watery! That crazy human thing decided to give me a bath! But let me work up to that.
So, I did sleep with my human again as I thought I might, but this time, I found a new favourite spot. I've decided that the most appropriate place for me to sleep is right up by her head. That way, I don't even have to miaow at her to give me a stroke .She's still sleeping with me in the big room on the bed that comes from the soft thing that she sits on, and because it's this bed, whenever I purr, it vibrates all the way through it! If I'm already by her head when I do this, it magnifies the affect, you know? It worked a treat. The only time I had to actually shout at her was when I got down, went for an explore, then decided that I needed her to be fully aware that I was coming up before I jumped. Every cat should have the human's full attention when they decide to go out of their way and keep them company, so I didn't feel guilty even when she groaned, quite a few times, "Oh Tia, shut up and come here." She said it sweetly enough, but honestly, shut up? When I'm only making sure that she knows, all the way down, that I want to be with her? I'm just under-appreciated!
When it came morning time though, I'd had enough exploring and was content to let her sleep a bit at last. But she got up and put on the thing that talks to her (she says it's an audiobook, but I don't know what it is other than that it's a human thing, so doesn't really matter), and then started to fidget and move around! Of course, I told her off, but in a gentle way. There was a lot of sighing, a lot of throwing my body down disconsolately on the blankets. That usually gets the message across, but all she did was tickle my tummy and laugh. She actually laughed!
She dragged me out of bed anyway, and then her and the other people she has staying made a lot of talk noise, ate some food that I wanted because it was chicken, then started to get ready. I know this means they're going out when they do this, so I began to shout. She hadn't given me my fish yet! She said she was going to stop giving me what she calls wet food when I came back from the other boy's house, but she's weaning me off it slowly. I'm on one meal a day which is torture after the three the boy's people were giving me. I do have the dried stuff down all the time, but it's not as good as fish, you know? I don't really care if my tummy gets big. All the more for tickling, after all, and the human does seem to enjoy that a lot. So I'm only considering her when I eat all that food. Anyway, she knew that there was some fish left in the fridge, and that it needed to be finished, so as they went off out, taking that dog with them who always tries to steal my food, I got stuck into some gooood eatin'!
When they came back, they made more talk noise, then had more food. Honestly, they call me fat, and yet, they eat stuff that isn't dried all the time!
Then, the nasty bit came. I saw the human get a towel, but I didn't worry. She uses them herself. But then she took me into the bathroom, and I know what that means. Baths are all right really. The peoples have given me them ever since I was tiny enough to actually make noises at my mummy, but it doesn't do to let them think that. I've found that the more noise I make, the more this particular human strokes me afterwards. She thinks she's comforting me. Last night, I made sure to make lots of noise, but there was something I wasn't expecting. The human said that me and mummy had to use this special shampoo, but that it takes ten minutes to work. Rather than wrapping me up in a warm towel as she usually does (I have her trained well enough that she heats them for me first), she put me in the box thing with not even a cushion on the bottom, put a towel over the top "to keep the heat in, Tia", then dumped me in the hall beside the heater. Oh, it was warm enough, but would you like to be covered in smelly, horrible, slimy shampoo that you couldn't even lick off because it tasted so nasty (I tried), dumped in a box thing where you couldn't see anything, and left for ten minutes while the human and the people made more talk noise? I didn't like it one bit, and boy did I shout. I even stuck my paws through the wire at the front of the box thing and scratched the towel. It didn't do any good though, and I had to stay until the human let me back out.
I was actually glad to get back in the bath after that. I wanted that stuff off. After that, the bath was normal. She put the nice shampoo on me, rinced it off, wrapped me in a towel, then cuddled me for a bit until I'd stopped shivering. I don't mind admitting that I have beautiful fur, but when it gets wet, boy is it cold!
There was another change in store though. Instead of drying me herself, the human gave me to the people, and he did it instead. She went off to get mummy, and from the yowling I heard from the bathroom, I presume she got a bath too. She did come out in the box thing for ten minutes, but I was too interested in teasing the people to pay her much attention. He's silly. He's never dried a cat before, so instead of holding me still like the human does, he let me walk about in the hall and just followed me with the blowy thing which is nice and warm. It did get me dry, but it took forever. When the human came out with my mummy and saw this, she laughed at him, picked me up, plonked me on her and held me still. It was quick after that, but I put up with it with good enough grace.
I'm glad the ordeal's over with, but I'm sad about one thing. The washing took away the smell of my new man friend. Even though I am home, I could still have a sniff of myself, then daydream about how it would be to hook up with a man who owns his own house. Now though, I have to rely on memories alone rather than my nose. Humans are crazy, I accept this. It's not her fault that she's too stupid to realise that a bath has destroyed my daydreams, so I refuse to be angry at her. One shouldn't be crossed with the disadvantaged, should they? It's better morally speaking, to try and understand that they were only trying to help. I'm doing that, or attempting too.
I kept her awake again last night with a repeat performance of the night before, but I'm feeling quite energetic today despite her pushing me out of the bed so that she could put it back in the soft thing that we sit on when the sun is out. Well, she sits. I sleep. I've been playing with ping pong balls all of this morning though, and I have to say, it's been fun. I plan to sleep for a little bit, then go right back to playing. Oh, it's nice to be clean!