Ambiguous title you might think, but let me ramble in my usual way and all will become clear.
I have told you before that I am a very beautiful cat. This fact is common knowledge if you ask me, but there's no harm in stating the obvious again. Peoples might be reading this blog, after all, and they're pretty forgetful. In any case, I'm so beautiful that I sometimes go to cat shows to show off what Pralinecalls her "floof". I also show off my pretty whiskers and even how good I can miaow too.
Because I have a long coat, it takes quite a lot of preparation to have me looking my best for a show, not that I don't always look great, you understand, but a little touch-up can work wonders. Now, I'd done my work. I'd groomed myself all over with my rather capable tongue, and thought I was looking pretty good. The human had other ideas though.
"Come here, Tia," said the human, and because I like her cuddles, I came. But this time, it wasn't for a snuggle. She picked me up, brought me to the bathroom, set me down and got out the comb and brush. Again, I didn't worry. I love being brushed. The human uses a soft slicker, and it feels just like a Mummycat's tongue when she washes you when you're very small. Even the comb is good. It lifts out all of my dead fur so that I don't have to swallow it when I clean myself. she's thoughtful, is my human.
She started by brushing the tangles from my fur, but then she got out the powder. This is where I started to get cross. I've had this done for shows before, and whilst I agree that it does separate the hairs of my coat beautifully, I don't like the smell of it. The human buys stuff that is as lightly scented as she can find, but what is light to her is heavy to me, given that my nose is much better than hers. She sprinkled this horrid stuff into my undercoat, then combed it all through so that my fur was dusted lightly in it. It makes a big difference, and makes me look way more fluffy because it lets my coat separate. For any cat that is prone to knotty furr, I would recommend you get your peoples to use this despite the horrible smell. It makes the knots come out so much more easily without all of that nasty tugging. If they do use it though, be sure to complain loudly. You can't have them thinking they can do what they like to you and thinking it's all right. A fight is always necessary even if only to save face.
Once I was all brushed through, she picked me up for a cuddle, mumbling something about how I'd covered her in the powder because I wouldn't let her do my yummy tummy without cuddling right down on my powdery back in her lap. She'd just put clean clothes on, but as my human is a good cat person, all she did was grumble about how they needed washed again while she gave me scratches and face rubs.
But now I was faced with another problem. I had to clean myself all over again. I was pristine before, but now I was covered in this strange peoples smell. She put me in the living room, and while she went and got Mummycat, I got to work. It took me some time, but I'm diligent and managed to have it done in a few hours. My human knew I'd do this, so was careful how she put the powder on. She got it right down to the roots of my fur, and while I've covered the stink by grooming, there's still enough left in my undercoat to keep me puffed and fluffed. She says she'll blow that out with a hair dryer on the day of the show, but by that time it'll have done its work, and I'll be even more beautiful, if such a thing is even possible.
The human powdered Mummycat because she had knots in her tummy because Hhoover lady didn't brush her enough, but Mummycat, on being taken from the bedroom, blung to her like something called a limpit. My human says that's a really sticky thing. Mummycat just wouldn't let go, so she ended up combing the knots out of her tummy whilst hanging Mummycat clamped claws to her sweater. If she thought she was covered in powder by the time she was done with me, that was nothing compared to what she had on her this time, but again, she didn't mind. Mummycat says she just snuggled her cheek down against the top of her head and told her it didn't matter anyway, that she should have known better and done it in Mummycat's room regardless of the mess anxd the hassle it would cause her to clean it up.
So, as you've probably gathered by now, I'm going to a show on Saturday. I can't say where or with which cat organisation because that's against the rules and if I tell you I'll lose prizes if I win them, but if you're prepared to travel to the north of England if you want to meet me, send an email to my human and she'll tell you where. The show is this Saturday.
The shopping arrived last night as it was supposed to, and low and behold, there were two packs of tinned tuna, not just one! She also got chicken and ham and something called corn beef, but she wouldn't let me have any of these. I didn't mind though. I got my yummy fish last night before bed, so I was happy.
I also got another nice thing last night... The return of my ping pong balls! I've only had one over the last few weeks. Hoover lady is a neat freak. She says that a cat can only play with one toy at once, so only one thing needs to be out at a time. I disagree. I need them all out. I hunt them, then hide them in a safe place for later, but once I've hunted one, I need another one to play with This means there has to be lots and lots and lots on the floor. My human thinks I forget where I hide them because I'm always so surprised and delighted when I find them. I just pretend for her amusement though. Hoover lady had moved the box where the ping pong balls are kept, but last night, the human found it. She gave me loads of balls, and dumped the rest of the toys out on the floor. She doesn't mind the mess, so I hunted and hunted and pounced and chased those balls all over the place! I even hid one under the human's bed. I know that's a safe place because the human spends so much time there. I only sleep when it's safe, and she sleeps when she makes the slow breathing and snoring noises in the bed, so that proves it for me.
Anyway, that's all for today because I have more balls to find! I've got to also say welcome back to the peoples who are reading the blog once more. Do your peoples have ping pong balls too? Do you ever get powdered? Are your peoples as crazy as my human?