Hihihihihihhi friends! It's me again! And it's my turn to write to you somebodies on this blog thing! Did you miss me all the way through reading what my boring old mummycat had to say? She's not as exciting as me, right?
I don't really have anything spe, spec, pacific (yeah, that's the right word) to weeeeow about today, so I think I'll just weeeeow about whatever I think about. Is that Ok? Oh, I just thinked of something! I don't only say weeeeow any more! I've learned to say rrrrrrreow, just like my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny by his somebodies did. And the human thinks it's cute. And I say it to her in a real, real loud voice whenever she comes back from the thing that my mummycat says is called her day hunting, cuz I haven't see'd her in ages and I want her to know that I missed her and I need her lovin, now!
And my human's gone forever and forever all the time now. Mummycat says she's only gone for a few hours, and she's only been gone for 4 days so far, but she hasn't. You somebodies know I don't tell porkies, and if I say she's been gone forever and forever every day, then she has! Oh, I spose I should tell you that a porkie is a porkie pie which is my human's mummypeople's name for lies.
The human somebody has started calling me porkie. She calls me Porkie Pig who she says was a little fat piggie who used to be on the box with moving things in it but that you can't catch or touch that my human somebody says is called a TV. And she says he was really cute, but I thinked that I didn't wanna be called a Porkie Pig, even if he was cute. Cuz he's a boy, you see, and everybody somebody knows that boys stink. They're yucky! But she says she calls me Porkie Pig and Puddin and "Wee Fatty" and roly poly cuz I'm getting big and fat. But I know I'm not. It's all muscle and Ok, it might be soft muscle, but a girlcat's muscles don't firm up till she's much, much older, right? Like older than mummycat maybe? But then it's Ok, cuz then you're old enough to tell porkies about how you've only got a saggy tummy cuz you had babycats in it who wriggled and kicked and growed really big and stretched your tummy so that when you popped them out, they leaved a saggy tummy for you. But everybody somebody knows that babycats can't come from your tummy. It's only weewee and poopoo that comes from there, and so I think that mummycat's belly is saggy cuz she's a Porkie Pig too! And I got evidence, whatever that is, to say that that's not a porkie. Cuz my human put her in the bowl of the scary thing that talks to you when you sit on it, and it sayd "3645 grams!" And that's fatter'n me! Cuz then she maked me sit on it and it said "3185 grams" and I said weeeeow and climbed up the human to get away from it, cuz I don't like it very much at all. But them's some real big numbers! So we must be big cats! Do you think I should let her call me all them silly names she has for me?
Dogman has lotsa silly names for us. He makes up songs for mummycat, and he calls her mee-wow cuz when he used ta say that, she used to talk to him. And he calls me kitwin cuz he called me and my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny the kitwins when we were both here, but now that he's gone, it's all my name, sept it's changed to just kitwin. Sometimes he calls me and mummycat kitwin and catwin and the human calls us double and trouble, sept she doesn't say the and bit. And she calls mummycat munstermunch (they're a kind of crisps over here) and she calls us both the munsters and she calls me "No, Millie" and "Stop it, Millie" and "Get off there where you're not supposed to be, Millie" a lot. So how're we sposed to know our names when they call us all them crazy words? I think we should just be called Mummycat and Millie or Mummycat and Girlcat, cuz I'm not a babycat any more so you can't call me babycat.
I gotted to try some real, real nice stinky goodness the other day that I haven't had ever in the world, and I loved it. And I eated the whole bowl, and the human said she was expecting me to get a runny bum cuz it wasn't the type we usually have, but we didn't. So now she thinks it might be something called grain that is giving me runny bum, cuz the new stuff was turkey pate and didn't have any of this grain stuff in it. And she says that I had it before when I was a very small babycat and that I loved it lots and that I decided after a while that I didn't like it, thank you very much, and I wouldn't eat it no more. So she gived it all away and then I started to like it again. Well, I know she's telling porkies, cuz there's no way I'd not like this stuff. It's great! But she only had 1 carton of it left, so we have to wait for the more that she buyed with the papers that she day hunts for. I don't wanna wait!
And I can't think of nothin else to say now, so I think I'm gonna go and tease mummycat that she's a porkie munstermunch mee-wow catwin pie. Um, I think that's the right name, right?