Easy like Sunday

Even though I had an unexpected event today, it's still been a pretty relaxed Sunday for me at least. The human's been running around cleaning. I, on the other hand, just sit and watch. I occasionally help her by going to the kitchen and miaowing very, very loudly, just to remind her where the fish is kept. Let it not be said that I don't do my chores!

This morning, the human made up for my lack in sleep yesterday. She slept in really, really, really late! When I say slept, I mean lay in bed. She woke up way past the usual sun up, go out time, then she put on a book to listen to and kind of just dozed for ages, until the sun was right up in the sky! We haven't done that ever, as far as I can remember. When it was time to pull my body out of bed, I was rested and refreshed, so much so in fact that I thought I'd go play with my catnip carrot. She finally got me one! Some peoples brought lots of cat toys to the show yesterday and put them all on a people table. They were swapping toys for the thing the human calls money. She knows toys are worth more, so she gave them some of the stupid money and they gave her my carrot, and lots of other things. how stupid are they for getting the bum end of the deal!

After the human had made more talk noise with Bug (incidentally, Babycat, you can tell him he's moderately safer today), the human picked me up for what I thought was a cuddle. But it wasn't to be. I got stuffed once more into that stupid, stupid carrier. I've told the human she needs a bigger one now, and she actually agrees. She says she needs one with a front and top opening, and she'd prefer both to be caged so that I can see and hear her easily. It needs to be very stirdy for us to take to shows. If any of you other cats use them and have something you could recommend, I'll tell her to get that one. I'd rather take your word for it than ask her to go looking herself.

After a short car trip, during which I talked to her the whole time, we arrived at the vet's place. I've told you that I don't really mind our vet, especially this time because the human said she had made sure we were going to see the nice man vet who I like. We did see him, and he looked at me very carefully all over. The only thing I don't like about the man vet is that he doesn't take time to give me scratches and he smells funny, like dogs and rabbits and all kinds of things. His hands are nice and gentle though, and he doesn't move me really quickly or be even the littlest bit rough with me like some of the others are. The human says it's because they're busy and kind of lose sight of the fact that you should treat every animal like you'd want your own to be treated. She says they get caught up in the fact that it's their job. I don't think this is any excuse though, and neither does she. This is why we try and always see the man vet, because he takes time with us every time.

Today he was very interested in my scabs. To be honest with you, I'm starting to regret ever scratching my neck like this. It's gotten me a lot of poking and prodding and some unwanted attention, but when the urge to scratch hits me, it's kind of hard to remember that. He said a lot of words to the human, but I'll let her tell you that bit.

Human: In essence, the vet agreed with me. I took Tia there to be checked for a final time, just to back up my claims (when I make them, which I intend to). He said that her scabs might have been acne, but judging by the presentation, it shouldn't have been branded as such. Acne is pustular, not scabby, and Tia only has scabs. He says they could have been pustules at one time or another, but they definitely weren't now. It could be many things, but didn't look like any of them. He confirmed that it was most likely she was simply collar scratching as I'd said, but has recommended that I take her to a skin specialist on Tuesday. That way, when they write the letter to give Tia the all clear, and he's almost certain she'll be found to be such, no vet at a show can challenge it, as it's come from a skin specialist. It means more money, but I think I'm going to use my insurance for this. He's sent us home with antibiotics because they worked last time, and another bottle of shampoo at my request. Cindy's problem looked kind of like Tia's, so if the shampoo worked for Cindy, then it might work for her. Better to cover all bases, I figure.

So, as you can see, cat friends, this means another trip to the vet, plus a lot of bathing with that stupid, stupid stinky stuff! I'm less than pleased at the thought of the baths, but I'm wondering if the skin lady vet will be nice like the man vet. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, eh?

When we got home from there, it was time to play with the Catnip Carrot again. Oh, I just love the feathers on the top! I bunny kick it like crazy too. I just can't help myself. It's so, sooooo goooood! Today when I'd finished playing, I just had to come and flop on the human's lap. I was so blissed that I went to sleep all folded over myself. My head was down and my back leg was almost up by my ear! My human says I looked like a ball.

That's pretty much all that's happened today. There's not much excitement to report, so it's been a perfect Sunday. I apologise for the terrible typing last night. You can see just how tired the human was when you read it. She didn't even realise it had happened! To all of you who left comments, thanks so much for supporting me. It's nice to know you think I'm beautiful, and the human says it's also nice to know she wasn't over-reacting to the bad vet people yesterday. Clowder, the human is annoyed too. They were hoping, judging by the facial expressions that Hoover Lady (her PA) described to her that she'd just go away and stop insisting that she was given more than a cursory explanation. I'm glad my human's made of tough stuff and took no notice! I've taught her well. Zoe, thanks for the link, but we're still stuck. The human's eyes are broke, you see, so the usual way doesn't work for her. The computer man who speaks to her (human note: a piece of software which reads text on the screen) won't read that part of the blog website, so she can't upload pictures. Whicky, it's nice to see you around again! My human did rant something about disability discrimination yesterday when she came back to the pen, and she's already emailed the chairman with other issues. This is going to be another added to the list, she tells me. We know what you mean about shows. There are a lot of cats there who are unhappy. Yesterday the human saw a kitten who was just running in circles in her pen, and it made her upset. The cat a few pens down from us was so desperate to get away that he not only crawled under his blanket but got under the litter tray too! Me though? Well, I just went to sleep in the middle of my snuggle blanket with my feet in the air. I was showing off my yummy tummy to all the peoples, and they liked it! My human says that if I showed any kind of stress behaviour past what's normal for a cat initially getting used to a new place for the first little while, she'd not take me to shows any more. She doesn't think it's kind to do that to us. By the way, there's always a place for rough, tough mancats! Wait, maybe that's just in my daydreams. Ah, who cares! Thank you for your offer of hosting pictures, Whicky, and for your advice, Clowder. The very kind Praline and her people have been signed up as guest bloggers, and have offered to put the pictures in the posts that I make. If you see that something's been posted by her, you'll know why. It's really me in disguise, with a helping hand from her! I'll do the same for you, Whicky, and then I can email my pictures to both of you. That way, I'll have two helping, and we can get them posted as quickly as possible! Thank you so much for all your offers of aid. It frustrates the human no end when she comes up against a barrier like this, and me because my paws just aren't made for typing, otherwise I'd do it for her.

Anyway, enough from me. She's just put some chicken down in the kitchen, so to be polite, I'll go eat it!

The Big Day!

The Big Day

I am very, very sorry that I didn't post last night as I said i would. i tried, I really did, but what with all of the preparations, I just didn't have time. The human spent ages trying to transfer pictures that Hoover Lady took from the mobile phone to the computer so that we could put them up, but it just wouldn't work. By the time she was done with that, we only had five hours of sleep left before we had to get up, so we thought we'd better get snoring!

This is going to be a joint effort between me and the human tonight, mostly because she wants to rant about things I don't find important. I'm also swatting the human until she puts up some of the pictures we had taken today. I don't know what they'll be like, nor where they'll appear, so all comments are welcome! I've also decided to start a bit of a running trend. We had 27 pictures taken today, and of course, the human doesn't know what most of them are. I thought I'd make a game out of it, firstly so that you could join in, and secondly so that the human can get an idea of how photogenic I am. So, here's the challenge. Each time we put up pictures in this show series, if you're up for it, see how good you are at describing them. I hear peoples say that I'm pretty all the time, but I want to know what the more intelligent species thinks.

Anyway, enough of this. I promised to tell you about the experience of showing, and I'm a cat of my word!

We show under the Governing Council of the Cat Fancy in the UK, and today we were at the North West Cat Club show just outside Manchester. The day starts very, very early, too early if you ask me. The alarmm went off at 5 AM, and when i say the alarm, I actually mean Bug. He called my human, but I tell you something, if he'd have been here, I'd have boxed his ears for him! It's all very well me waking up the human, but that does not work the other way round. I need my beauty sleep (I'm a celebrity after all), but this morning, I didn't get enough! I thought things would be Ok though. The human made sleepy talk noise with Bug, then got up to go in the horrible shower. Meanwhile, I curled up for a second sleep. But this was not to be.

As soon as she was dressed, she came and got me "for final grooming, Tia". Final grooming? I'm beautiful enough already, woman! The brushing didn't take long. you should always prepare mostly the night before, and we had. It only took a few minutes to fluff me, and then it was into the horrible, nasty, stupid carrier. I was grumpy already, having been so rudely awakened (tell Bug to watch out, Babycat, for my temper is still big!), and i found the carrier absolutely intolerable. I did what I always do when I'm dissatisfied about something. I shouted at the human. And I shouted and shouted and shouted. She didn't listen though. I swear sometimes that she doesn't understand decent language.

She checked that she had everything she needed in my show bag, and then it was off. Hoover lady arrived and we got into her car. Now this is where the human redeemed herself, although only slightly. Because I'm good and lie down in the car, if we're going on a long journey, she lets me sit on her knee instead of in the carrier. This morning I did this, and I even let her clean my eyes a final time on the way to the show. I've mentioned already that I was grumpy. Now that Hoover lady was here too, I decided to shout at her. The trip took over an hour, but that was Ok. My voice didn't get tired.

When you get to the hall, you have to join a long line of peoples who all have their owners in carriers or baskets. They take us to see the horrible vet peoples before we can go in our pens. This is to make sure that none of us are carrying nasty infections that could spread to other cats. I don't think I should be vetted in. No infection would dare come near me. Our vet people was a lady people and she was quite nice. She noticed my three scabs on my neck, but when the human explained that I liked to try and scratch my collar off and that I had to wear one so that she would know by the noise of the stupid, stupid bell where I was, the vet lady said it was Ok. She also said she'd had me tested for ring worm and cleared of the possibility of bacterial infections just in case it was queried at the show, and this put the vet lady's mind at ease.

once the vet lady had signed our papers, we got to go into the hall with all the pens in them. The pens are quite big, and they're solid at the back and sides so that we can't see any other cats who are next to us. I'm kind of glad. Some of them have awful language, and hiss and swear all day long. Others spray, well, the stupid mancats spray. What's the point in marking the pen? Anyone with intelligence knows that it's only yours for a day, so why waste the effort. They'll only clean it anyway. They are in rows, and each pen backs onto another one. The top and front are caged, so we can see out. We can even get our paws out to smack people or pull them in for scratchings and chin rubs if we're careful about it. We were pen number 11.

When we'd found our place, the human started unpacking her bag. She'd brought me a small litter tray with litter in it, a really thick, snuggly blanket, and food and water dishes. She brought some water from home for my bowl so that I wouldn't get a tummy upset from strange water, and she even gave me food when I got there. I wasn't interested though. There were too many strange cats and peoples who had to be studied. I was really busting for a pee-pee too. I usually go first thing in the morning, but because I'd been wakened so early (I'm coming for you, Bug), I didn't get a chance. I didn't want to go in my tray with so many people watching. I knew it would get quieter later, so I just waited.

My human went away for a little while then. She said something about signing a form, whatever that is, but she was soon back with her brushes and combs, making me extra super fluffy now that I was in my pen and wouldn't be moving any more.

I mentioned that we'd be having some friends at the show. You remember my man friend from a little while back? The first one I went to see? He was there, and only two pens away, too. Oh, my heart was all a-flutter! His daddy was there too, and boy was he noisy. You think my voice is loud. Every time someone walked past him he'd chat to them, and there were a lot of people! My human talked to him for a while, until I got jealous and called her back.

Once I was settled, the lady people who managed the show said in a very loud voice (human note, she used a microphone) that it was time for judging to start. After a quick chin tickle, the human left me. She's not allowed to stay with me when the judge peoples are looking at me. She stayed close enough to watch the first judge man take a look. He is the important one, and he liked me! He was saying all sorts of nice things, so much so in fact that I showed him my yummy tummy, and even blew him kisses when he put me up near his face and looked deeply into my eyes. I wonder if he loves me?

At this point, the human and Hoover Lady went out of the place I was in. They couldn't talk to me until three hours had gone by, so they went for food. When they came back, I'd been given a shiny rosette, but the card telling my breed and pen number had been turned around. The human was not happy when Hoover lady read her what had been written on it. It said, "Do not judge. Owner to contact duty vet immediately". She seemed quite worried and went away for a long, long time.

Human paragraph: Ok, she warned you. I'm going to rant, and I make no apology for doing so. As mentioned before, Tia has three scabs under her chin from doing her "get this collar off me now, now, now" routine with the claws. I'd explained at vetting in why they were there, but after the first judge had looked at her, another had come along and noticed them. She called the duty vet, who put the do not judge sign on Tia's pen after examination. When I spoke to her, the first thing she said to us was, "Oh, you're the scabby one." "Pardon?" was my first response. Scabs? I didn't have any. "You're the scabby one," to which my PA replied, "No, not me personally." The nice vet then clarified that she meant "pen 11, not you". "I didn't know my pen had scabs," I thought to myself, but decided not to let loose. One of us on the attack was enough at this stage. She went on to say that Tia had been rejected because of the scabs. I told her the same thing that I'd told the vet earlier that morning. Yes, she did have scabs but it was from scratching at a collar which needed to be there so that I could tell where she was, and be sure that she hadn't run out the door as I was coming in. It was a necessity. The vet disagreed. Apparently the scabs were not due to collar scratching.

Show cats don't usually wear collars for the reason that it flattens the fur. On a Persian, this band of flat hair is more than evident. When I pointed this out and stated that you could see the scabs followed the line of the banding, she disagreed. She then said that Tia probably had acne because of a dark patch on her chin. Newsflash, all torties have dark patches on their chins. That's part of being a (insert swear word here) tortie, you idiot. I gave her the verbal equivalent of the polite version though. She then said she could slap me with a ring worm injunction for scabs like that, which would mean I couldn't show until I'd had expensive tests to prove otherwise. I don't like threats like that. I told her, still politely I am very proud to say, that she couldn't, thank you very much. I am a responsible exhibiter and had already ruled out the risk before considering bringing her to the show. I'd also put her on antibiotics to minimise the chance of any spread of possible bacteria to other cats.

If a vet says a cat is not to be judged, it's either because that cat is aggressive, in evident distress or infectious. Tia was quite obviously none of the above. The vet didn't ask for a clearance certificate to be completed by me in order to show again, and this is standard procedure for an infectious cat. I went to a few other breeders and exhibitors and asked them for their opinions. Not one of them, on seeing the scabs, was worried about holding my cat, cuddling her and potentially spreading disease back to their own furries, and that means a lot given that they're usually so protective of infection risk that you can't often even touch their cats if you don't sanitise your hands first. I told them the circumstances, and they all agreed it was ridiculous. In essence, I was being penalised because I had a disability which required my cat to wear a collar for her own safety. I took my complaint to the show manager. After following her for ages and numerous promises of "I'll be with you in just a minute," I managed to pin her down for a total of two. I explained my case and got, as a response, "well, it's a beauty contest, you know." Oh I did know, but pointed out, very slightly less politely at this point, that it was a contest where cats had to conform to an agreed standard of points to win awards, which mine did. She said she'd have a word with the duty vet, but somehow didn't manage to find the time either to do that, or to tell me she couldn't until I cornered her again at the end of the show. I made mention of the fact that I'd like this to be sorted soon, for if I wasn't happy with the outcome I'd take it to the chairman. I told her I was meeting him soon, hopefully, and that I'd like to finalise this particular issue with him then. "Oh, it's not that I'm ignoring you. Please don't think that. It's just that I'm so busy. Here, have my email address. I promise I'll have a word with the vet, but could you just email me to remind me? I don't want to forget, and I receive so many instructions on these days that it's possible. I don't want you thinking that I'm ignoring you, and we'll get this resolved." With rather a lot of cynicism in my heart about what motivates people, I took the email address. I trust you to know where I'm coming from here. Anyway, that's the end of my bit. I wil keep you posted about what the outcome is, but I intend to take this all the way to the top if I need to.

The human came back a couple of times over the next hour or so. She seemed angry, but when she came, she brought very nice peoples with her. All of them got me out of the pen and gave me extra good cuddles. They even rubbed my chin and commented what a pretty girl I was! Well, duh. I know this already. My human seemed to like them a lot.

Towards the end of the day, she fluffed me a little again, then took me over to another pen. This one had a man by it, and he had a big flash box. he said he was a professional, whatever that is. He put me in the nice pen, but after that, it wasn't nice any more. His flash was so bright. Apart from that, I had fun. He would tap the sides to get me to look different ways. He even tickled me with a feather, which, of course, I tried to catch. I like posing for photos, or, I did today. It was my celebrity day, so I thought I'd better work it good for the camera. You can tell me what you think of the results if the pictures load.

All the way through the afternoon, there were even more people there. My human called these members of the public. They'd come to see all of us cats. My human stood by my pen, because it's her job to talk for me at these times and tell everyone all about me and how pretty I am. Not many peoples understand cat as good as her, you see. Lots of little sticky peoples wanted to touch me, but my human knows I have a limit when it comes to scratching. I like peoples who cuddle, not peoples who pull fur. She let some of the older ones cuddle me, but only until I told her I'd had enough. Then it didn't matter how much they asked. They couldn't see me any more. She's a good person, my human.

After a little more time in the pen, it was time to go home. It was back in the carrier for me. I must say, I wish more judge peoples had come to look at me. I like what I won, and can't understand why the human's so upset about the fact that the others didn't look. I know it was because they didn't need to. They know I'm the best. They know I know it too, which is why I didn't need visible evidence that I'd won. Even though we all know I'm the best, it still would have been nice to have more head rubs and scratches.

All of my competition things are white. They have to be because everyone else's are. Mine was the nicest white though, and I didn't even dirty my blanket with litter mess like the rest did. Some of them even sat in their litter trays, and one of them climbed underneath his. I furred up my blanket real good. Do I get a prize for that?

I got to sit out of the carrier on the way back in the car, but I must say, I was glad to get home. When we arrived, the human fed me lots and lots of fish and cuddled me even more than the fish she fed me. She showed me all the new toys she'd bought for me, but that will take a whole nother post there's so many! For now, I like my own space. She knows not to come looking for me after shows. I've been touched all day, and as much as I love her, there's a limit to my touching tolerance. I've sat with her a few times, but not as much as normal. I'm cuddling with her now, but on the other cushion of the sofa. I have to keep my mind on what I'm telling her to write, and her scratching distracts me because it's so good.

I'll sleep well tonight, and so will the human. We are both very, very tired (did I mention I'm coming for you, Bug?). We're going to put up three pictures out of the 27 that we had taken. The human says she thinks there's one where you can see my super cute tongue. I was practicing the bored, famous person yawn. I think I pulled it off.

Humate: Ok, t sachingealms ofculus ht.icappctus.W? BGols'accessible for me. I've tried everything i can think of short of just posting them on the web and linking to them. I don't really want to do that. i don't want anyone being able to tdownload them at will. ineed help here. Is there any way of anyone else being able to put them p for me? I have loads of them to share, and now that 've got them, want you all to see them! If any of you can tell me a way of overcoming this, I'll put them up straight away. I think people can guest blog with each other, can't they? If so, and one of you would like to voluneer to do the pictures in my posts, I'll set you up... if you tell me how. I'm desperate at this point!

The Show Approaches

Oh yes it does, and I can't help but start to get a little bit excited about it. My human's trying desperately not to get too hopeful. She spoke to one of her judge friends yesterday (they're the nice strangers who take me out of my pen and scratch me and look at me all over and tell me how beautiful I am), and they said that the judge people who is looking at me in my most important class is a tough one. He withholds prizes more than he gives them apparently. My human says I'm not the most outstanding of show cats. She got me because she love dme, not because I'd do well at a show. The fact that I'm good enough to enter wasn't the driving factor. It's just a nice bonus. I have too much dark coat on my body to be perfect apparently, but me and my human agree that I'm the best cat there is. I told her that I'd make the judge people agree too, and she's not to worry. She says even if we don't win a single thing, she'll still be taking home the best cat in the whole show. Smart lady, my human. I reminded her that at my very first ever show, I won one of my opens where you get prizes to have a big title like champion cat, won a best of breed, and got second in another open plus one of my side classes. For any of you who know showing, the reason that there were two opens was because it was a double show. That's not bad for a first timer now, is it!

I'm also going to see a couple of old friends at the show, but I can't tell you about that until the show is over... Rules and all, stupid things.

Anyway, back to preparations. My human didn't do an awful lot with me last night. Usually the day in between powdering and the final preparations is my rest day. She did have a go at stripping me though. This sounds painful, but it's not. My guard hairs are very, very dark, and this isn't good when you're showing off your beautiful tortiness to the judge peoples. Usually, peoples pluck these out. Again, that sounds like it hurts, but it doesn't, because they don't pull the hair hard. The good ones ease it out with their fingers. Guard hairs are longer than the fluff of my undercoat, but even though the human knows the difference in length, she's worried she's pulling out my light hairs. She did a couple, but then stopped. She's asked some of those old friends to help us do it on the morning of the show. I don't mind this. I purr all the way through. The friends say it takes days to do it propperly as you should only do a little at a time, but they're going to see what they can do for us. Thank you, friends!

Tonight, I know what's coming. Hoover lady has arranged to be there when the human gets home from work so that I can have my pedicure. I don't keep my own nails short. Why do that when you have servants to do it for you. I'm a celebrity show cat, after all, and all that scratching on the post is too much effort. I'd rather dig at things I'm not supposed to, but as they're soft, they don't keep my nails short. Hoover lady is too worried about doing it on her own and needs the human to talk her through it each time. Mummycat will probably have hers done as well, even though she's not a celebrity show cat. My human is a good cat person, so she doesn't mind doing it for her.

Once my nails are done, the human is going to get out the dryer and blow all of that stinky powder out of my fur. I am crazy fluffy after this is done because my furr is sticking up all over the place. I wish we could get a picture, but I don't think Hoover lady will wait that long, and the human can't take them on her own. Once that is done, she will brush and comb all of the dead fur out of my coat. I'll be soft then, but not all the way fluffy. That is a last minute thing done at the show hall.

Right now I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of the house. I'm chasing ping pong balls (a famous cat has to keep fit and trim after all) and cleaning and cleaning myself for tomorrow's big day. My fit drive will probably go out the window as soon as I see fish, but we'll not talk about that just yet, will we? In any case, the human has a lot of work to do. When she finishes with me, she'll do Mummycat again. She needs another brushing and then the powder taking out of her coat, plus her nails clipping. Then the human has to make people food for her and hoover lady for tomorrow, and pack all of the things I will need like a blanket, litter tray, food and water, and the really important things like a ping pong ball, my favourite mousie and a ribbon for me to pounce. You're only supposed to have one toy at the show, but I get spoiled. Why? Because how could you resist spoiling the best cat in the show more than all of the others? She just hides them when the official peoples and the judge peoples pass by.

I will talk to you later on tonight and let you know if she has been able to follow all of my advice on how to make me look even more beautiful than beautiful!

Powder Ping Pong

Ambiguous title you might think, but let me ramble in my usual way and all will become clear.

I have told you before that I am a very beautiful cat. This fact is common knowledge if you ask me, but there's no harm in stating the obvious again. Peoples might be reading this blog, after all, and they're pretty forgetful. In any case, I'm so beautiful that I sometimes go to cat shows to show off what Praline
calls her "floof". I also show off my pretty whiskers and even how good I can miaow too.

Because I have a long coat, it takes quite a lot of preparation to have me looking my best for a show, not that I don't always look great, you understand, but a little touch-up can work wonders. Now, I'd done my work. I'd groomed myself all over with my rather capable tongue, and thought I was looking pretty good. The human had other ideas though.

"Come here, Tia," said the human, and because I like her cuddles, I came. But this time, it wasn't for a snuggle. She picked me up, brought me to the bathroom, set me down and got out the comb and brush. Again, I didn't worry. I love being brushed. The human uses a soft slicker, and it feels just like a Mummycat's tongue when she washes you when you're very small. Even the comb is good. It lifts out all of my dead fur so that I don't have to swallow it when I clean myself. she's thoughtful, is my human.

She started by brushing the tangles from my fur, but then she got out the powder. This is where I started to get cross. I've had this done for shows before, and whilst I agree that it does separate the hairs of my coat beautifully, I don't like the smell of it. The human buys stuff that is as lightly scented as she can find, but what is light to her is heavy to me, given that my nose is much better than hers. She sprinkled this horrid stuff into my undercoat, then combed it all through so that my fur was dusted lightly in it. It makes a big difference, and makes me look way more fluffy because it lets my coat separate. For any cat that is prone to knotty furr, I would recommend you get your peoples to use this despite the horrible smell. It makes the knots come out so much more easily without all of that nasty tugging. If they do use it though, be sure to complain loudly. You can't have them thinking they can do what they like to you and thinking it's all right. A fight is always necessary even if only to save face.

Once I was all brushed through, she picked me up for a cuddle, mumbling something about how I'd covered her in the powder because I wouldn't let her do my yummy tummy without cuddling right down on my powdery back in her lap. She'd just put clean clothes on, but as my human is a good cat person, all she did was grumble about how they needed washed again while she gave me scratches and face rubs.

But now I was faced with another problem. I had to clean myself all over again. I was pristine before, but now I was covered in this strange peoples smell. She put me in the living room, and while she went and got Mummycat, I got to work. It took me some time, but I'm diligent and managed to have it done in a few hours. My human knew I'd do this, so was careful how she put the powder on. She got it right down to the roots of my fur, and while I've covered the stink by grooming, there's still enough left in my undercoat to keep me puffed and fluffed. She says she'll blow that out with a hair dryer on the day of the show, but by that time it'll have done its work, and I'll be even more beautiful, if such a thing is even possible.

The human powdered Mummycat because she had knots in her tummy because Hhoover lady didn't brush her enough, but Mummycat, on being taken from the bedroom, blung to her like something called a limpit. My human says that's a really sticky thing. Mummycat just wouldn't let go, so she ended up combing the knots out of her tummy whilst hanging Mummycat clamped claws to her sweater. If she thought she was covered in powder by the time she was done with me, that was nothing compared to what she had on her this time, but again, she didn't mind. Mummycat says she just snuggled her cheek down against the top of her head and told her it didn't matter anyway, that she should have known better and done it in Mummycat's room regardless of the mess anxd the hassle it would cause her to clean it up.

So, as you've probably gathered by now, I'm going to a show on Saturday. I can't say where or with which cat organisation because that's against the rules and if I tell you I'll lose prizes if I win them, but if you're prepared to travel to the north of England if you want to meet me, send an email to my human and she'll tell you where. The show is this Saturday.

The shopping arrived last night as it was supposed to, and low and behold, there were two packs of tinned tuna, not just one! She also got chicken and ham and something called corn beef, but she wouldn't let me have any of these. I didn't mind though. I got my yummy fish last night before bed, so I was happy.

I also got another nice thing last night... The return of my ping pong balls! I've only had one over the last few weeks. Hoover lady is a neat freak. She says that a cat can only play with one toy at once, so only one thing needs to be out at a time. I disagree. I need them all out. I hunt them, then hide them in a safe place for later, but once I've hunted one, I need another one to play with This means there has to be lots and lots and lots on the floor. My human thinks I forget where I hide them because I'm always so surprised and delighted when I find them. I just pretend for her amusement though. Hoover lady had moved the box where the ping pong balls are kept, but last night, the human found it. She gave me loads of balls, and dumped the rest of the toys out on the floor. She doesn't mind the mess, so I hunted and hunted and pounced and chased those balls all over the place! I even hid one under the human's bed. I know that's a safe place because the human spends so much time there. I only sleep when it's safe, and she sleeps when she makes the slow breathing and snoring noises in the bed, so that proves it for me.

Anyway, that's all for today because I have more balls to find! I've got to also say welcome back to the peoples who are reading the blog once more. Do your peoples have ping pong balls too? Do you ever get powdered? Are your peoples as crazy as my human?

Worried Wednesday

Yes, I am worried indeed. I think I'm losing my friends! Impossible that others would stop loving me, I know, but since I've got back, only two have commented on what I've written, compared to the 18 or so when I left. Have I done something wrong? Was my pee-pee problem too much to handle? If so, I could always make a promise never to do it again... Until the next time, that is.

In any case, I've had a fairly good few days. The human is mostly around to cuddle except when she leaves to go to the work thing, and mummycat is eating again, although not that much really. The human's still worried about her, but if her miaowing is anything to go by, she's more than healthy! She's been making a right old noise. It even kept the human awake last night, but when she opened the door to try and coax her to come sleep with us, Mummycat, after taking one look at the big, open space of the house, ran and hid in her litterbox. The human got mad, saying that the breeder who had her should have socialised her better instead of keeping her in a cattery. Before she decided to send her back to our old house, she spoke to a lot of friends she has who have lots of cats. They told her that there are some cats who never adjust to home life if they've been in a cattery since the day they were born. They say it's rare, but after about three months of trying, my human thinks she might be one of those poor unfortunates. It's making her eyes run when she thinks of how Mummycat is happiest in those kind of conditions, and she really wishes she could do something about it, but she's out of options. Now, given that Mummycat's not eating, is obviously very unhappy, and is losing weight rapidly, she needs to do what's best for her, even if she doesn't like it. I keep telling her she'll be Ok. Mummycat's sister is there, and although I hate her with a passion, they get on great.

My human says I'm to tell you a bit more about Alaska and Canada today, but I'm getting tired of talking about it. I'll tell you some, but I'm going to keep it short.

In Canada, she had a brilliant day where she went tubing and flying, all in the same afternoon! Tubing is where you sit on a big inflatable ring in the water. It's tied behind a boat. The idea is that the boat pulls the ring and tries to flip you off into the water. Again, my point that peoples have no sense is illustrated. Why on earth would you sit on something in water in the first place? And what's more, why would you voluntarily allow yourself to be dunked in the horrible wet stuff? I showed hoover lady what I thought of water on Saturday when I scratched her good as she was bathing me, but my human doesn't even do that. She did ask not to be tipped though. She doesn't like that bit. Bug's cousin was driving the boat, so he was nice and didn't do it to her.

Bug's cousins have a friend who owns a little plane that can seat two people. The people is a flight instructor, so the aeroplane has two controls. Because of this, both Bug and my human got turns to fly in it. Bug did loops, but the human was too scared. I can understand this. Being up high is great. We both agree on this, even though she doesn't make the same efforts at home as I do to find high places. I'm the one who climbs on tables and cupboards, not her. But being high and upside down is another matter.

That's all about the holidays for today. I'm going to email a photo of myself to Zoolatry's people
in the hopes that she'll get her people to photoshop it for me. That way, I can at last have a photo on my blog, and you all get to see the yum yum that is me.

There's more good news too. The tuna comes today! The human's more excited about the chocolate in the shopping, but for once I don't mind that she hasn't a very good brain. If she leaves the fish alone, it means there's more for me.

Until tomorrow, you faithful two.

Pee-Pees and Polar Bears

The human went away today again to the thing she's called work, so I've had the time to think about my post and make it a good one. I've also got privacy to tell you about a naughty little problem I had when the human was gone for such a long time. I don't want her seeing my words today. She thinks I'm super good and never naughty, but this is a post for Scafflaw week if ever there was one.

I've told you that I have mixed feelings about hoover lady, haven't I? When I sent my human away to help Babycat, I knew that hoover lady would be doing things for me like cleaning my box and giving me yummy food, but I didn't know that she'd also be living in the house most of the time. She and the human said this was to stop me and Mummycat getting lonely, but I could have done without that company I'm sure. Well, when this cat don't like something, you can guarantee she's gonna say something about it! What I said was very stinky and very evident. A few days after the human left, I did something I know I'm not supposed to do. I did a number two mess on the sofa, on the bit that my human always sits on, but which was now covered in hoover lady's smell. I was only trying to protect my human's territory, but hoover lady got cross and took away the blanket the human puts on the sofa. She even washed it and covered it with stinky people clean clothes smell!

I wasn't happy about that either. What was to be done, I asked myself. I needed to stop hoover lady coming into mine and the human's snuggle zone, but if I did a number two, she'd just take it away again. So, I launched the next attack. I did a pee-pee.

This one worked better. Because of the colour of the blanket, hoover lady didn't see the stain. Now the sofa smelled of me, but hoover lady didn't know. She cleans all the time, so her nose is always filled with stinky clean people smell. I think that's why she didn't notice. Unfortunately, it didn't stop her sitting there, but whenever her smell got too strong, I just topped it up with a strategically placed dribble here and there.

When my human came home and sat down though, that was the first thing she smelled. She has a good nose for a people. I guess it's because she pays attention to what she's sniffing given that her eyes can't tell her where the pee-pee is. She didn't shout at me much though, so I guess she fooled herself as to the reason why I did it. You see, my messing corresponded with idiot hoover lady changing my litterbox depth. The human keeps it nice and deep cuz I like to kick and bury my number twos. I'm a lady after all, and having that lying around is not very mannerly. Hoover lady only put a shallow layer in the box though, and the human has convinced herself that this is why I scented the sofa. I did that once before when she tried to make me use pine litter, so it was easy to make her think along the same lines twice. If she knew I'd done it to mark our territory though, she'd be mighty cross, which is why I'm writing this in private.

She's still tired from all of that flying she did. I don't know how she flew because most of the birdies I see are way too small to carry her, but she doesn't lie, so I suppose I'll have to believe her. She says I should tell you about the polar bear today. Don't worry. It didn't eat her, even though she lay on it's tummy!

The human, Bug, Bug's mummypeople, the mummypeople's peoplehusband and Bug's cousin were all in Alaska together, and they all went to see a place called the Ice Museum in Chena. I wouldn't like it. Ice is far too cold for me, but peoples are silly, so they didn't have the sense not to go. This place is a building totally made from ice. It used to be an ice hotel, but the fire people closed it down because the fire safety regulations weren't met. I ask you! You can't set ice on fire, so why does it matter! Once again, it just illustrates the reason why Whicky calls his peoples apes. Here, I'm afraid I have to agree with him. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The ice might melt, they might have to swim to safety, but they could also play with their rubber duckies on the way, so they'd have fun. Incidentally, the human brought four of those home and put them on the far edge of the bath. I'm trying to work out how to get them without getting too close to the dangerous tub where all the water comes from. Any ideas?

Anyway, back to the story. In this ice museum there are lots of different sculptures all made from carving blocks of ice. The tour guide was silly too. He said that the human and Bug couldn't touch anything. How were they going to see if they couldn't touch? They see with their hands, but the guide didn't care. They touched anyway, but were as sneaky as a cat in doing it and hid behind other people so that the guide couldn't see them. The human said that the ice feels like really shiny, smooth glass or maybe even cold, slick metal. That's how smoothe it is.

As I said, they had lots of sculptures there. There was a princess and a horse, a moose and even a chess set! She touched some lovely spiral roman collumns that were by the doorways and then there was the bar. This is about 35 ft long and is solid ice. It's even held up by ice pillars. You can get drinks there in ice glasses too.

Off the bar, there are a number of different rooms. There is an iglu, a christmas tree room which has lights frozen into the ice tree so that the decorations look like they're sparkling, and even a room where the bed is a polar bear. He looks like he's on his back with his head up, watching all of the peoples who sleep on the bed which is in his tummy. The human had him as her favourite. There was even an ice outhouse! The human didn't use it. Thank goodness, I say. It wouldn't be fun to put bare skin against ice, nuh-uh! I suppose she has some little sense after all.

When they came out of the ice place, Human and Bug's hands were very, very cold from all the sneaky touching they had been doing, but neither of them seemed to mind too much. If I wasn't too busy pee-peeing on the sofa, I might have let the human warm them on me, but I had more important things to do at that point.

Well, I suppose that's all for today. Except that I forgot to mention the most important thing. Today and yesterday there has been no wet food! The human says she's run out of tuna, and I won't eat the yucky chicken that hoover lady brought. Human says her shopping doesn't come until tomorrow, but what do I care? I'm wasting away here! It's not fun at all! I've been crying and crying at her, but it hasn't worked. I even cuddled right up on the pillow with her last night, then wormed in by her tummy, thinking that if I was extra sweet and slept extra tight-close and snuggly with her that she'd give me some fish in the morning, but she didn't. I'm going to try the ever-so-sweet and cuddly Tia face when she gets home to see if that does the trick. Watch this space!

The Human is Back!

Yes, yes, yes, she arrived back today! Ahem, excuse me. I know it's not fashionable for us cats to show our excitement like that, but really, she's back! She even brought a suitcase with her, although she says I'm not allowed to play in it as it contains something called gifts. I know they're all for me, so why I shouldn't romp in them I don't know, but she won't be persuaded.

She arrived back this morning, well, in the middle of the dark time really, because the sun was barely up. When she came through the door she even sounded tired when she called my name. Now, cats, I'm sure you'll agree with me that when your peoples have been away for a time, the correct thing to do is to scorn their attempts to cuddle you when they get home. If they've been away for a long time, we are to ignore them until they give up, showing them that we haven't forgotten that they abandoned us, then, just when they lose all hope, jump onto their lap and show them how much we've missed them.

I did this, and in my opinion, I pulled off the first part well, or rather, I had the potential to. When the human came in, I didn't just ignore her. I hid. She pushed the suitcase through the door, dropped all her bags and flopped on the sofa. Still, I ignored her. But then she started to call me. I struggled, but I'm afraid to admit that I lost the battle. As you know, I missed her dreadfully, and at the sound of the voice, I crumbled.

I've told you that I never jump directly onto the human's lap, but today was an exception, and she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she seemed to quite like it. There followed an extatic half hour of cuddling, tickling and general admiration on her part.

She disappeared for a time after that, and I got worried again that she'd go away and not come back for more time, but she was only gone for a short while, and when she did reappear, she had mummycat's smell on her. She says mummycat was so happy to see her that she even miaowed very loudly and let herself be picked up, something she's usually too timid to allow. The human is very, very worried about her though. The apetite supplements worked while mummycat was taking them, but over the last three weeks, she's lost a lot of weight and is really quite skinny. The peoples that we lived with before the human have said they'll have her back the Friday after this one, and the human thinks this is probably best for her. She's still too timid to come out of the room and she's obviously unhappy in there on her own. The human doesn't like to see any cat shut up, so even though it keeps mummycat happier than if she was given the full house, it still upsets her to see it.

There's so much to tell you that I don't really know where to start. It'll probably take a couple of days, but as my human's so forgetful, I'm going to list the things I'll tell you about here. First of all, and most importantly, there's the mousies she brought me home. Then there's the things she did like gold mining and visiting native villages and going in hot springs and lots more besides. I don't know what most of these things are, so I'll probably let the human talk about them. Then there's the news on Molly which I may or may not tell you today. After that we have the human's training of Babycat's people plus my pee-pee problem while she's been away. In true cat style, these aren't listed in the order I'll talk about them in.

I suppose I should do the Babycat's problems first of all, as they're the reason I sent my human in the first place. When she got there, she did a quick scan of the situation and decided that the Babycat didn't need as much help as we thought. He, in typical kitten fashion, over-dramatised everything. The human watched Babycat's people with him for a time, then determined that, like every kitten, the Babycat got pretty much what he wanted when he wanted it. Ok, the people doesn't cuddle him all the time, but 80% isn't bad. All right, he doesn't get wet food every day, but he does have dry on demand. See, I'm luckier there. I have both. The human didn't feel that Babycat was starved, so she didn't say anything. Now for that, I'm cross with her, and I plan to tell her so when I'm done showing her how much I missed her. Every cat deserves stinky wet food!

There's some breaking news though. Turns out I've met Babycat's people before. When the human came home, his smell was on her and I remember it, although it was a long time ago. The first time I saw the human, he was with her. He tickled my tummy and he played with me at the place where I used to live with Mummycat and the others. He also did things to get me a little mad, just to make sure I wouldn't bite or be nasty. The human said she was a bit worried because, when I play or get cross, I'm a bit handy with my claws as I've told you before, but I never do it to seriously hurt. Babycat's people convinced her to take me home anyway, so I guess I should kind of like him, right? He also cuddled me when this place was a big and scary new place. He's good at cuddling, but also good at knowing what annoys me. He talks a lot too. I've decided that he should be called bug, but for a number of reasons. Firstly, he's a cuddlebug. Secondly, he's gotta be a lovebug because he got me lots of love from my human and he also gave me love too, although I like the human's better. Thirdly, he knows how to bug me when he fluffs what he calls my bellyfur, and when he tweaks my nose. Fourthly, he's a talkbug cuz he never is quiet!

Now that that's decided, I can get back to my story. If I'd known it was Bug that was Babycat's people, I'd never have sent my human. For all the reasons outlined above, Bug is a good cat person, so there's no way he'd do anything bad to his kitten, except bug him of course.

Bug also has an older cat named Cara who my human thinks is an absolute sweetheart. I suppose I should dislike Cara for this alone, but I can't find it in myself. I'm too happy to have the human back. She says that Cara is a real teddy bear. Cara doesn't seem to mind though. She slept with the human a lot, and even cuddled her like I do when I lie on my back and headbut her until she tickles my yummy tummy.

This is where the trouble starts though. Babycat has a bit of a problem with Cara and spends most of his time chasing her when she dares to come out from one of the hiding places that she chooses to stay away from him. My human thinks it's because he's very attached to and possessive of Bug and doesn't like it when Cara gets attention or even looks like she might be wanting some. He's also a kitten though, so as well as being dominant, he's wanting to play some of the time. Splatcat(the nickname given to her by the human because of the way she flops over for a tummy tickle) is too old to play with babies, so she just hisses at him and then runs away. The human tried to teach her to stand her ground and kick his baby butt just once so that he'd leave her alone, but teddies don't fight, and so she just kept running. The more this happened, the more upset the human got. She doesn't like to see animals unhappy. Bug is doing what he can to rectify this though.

After spending a week at Bug's living place, the human and Bug left both of the cats to go to a place called Alaska, which is apparently super cold in the winter, or so says the other cat the human calls Fatcat who lives with Bug's mummypeople. This one is lovely, or so she says. She's really old though, and has sore bones, so you have to be really careful when you pick her up. I'm glad I'll never get like that.

Alaska was where the human and Bug went looking for shiny gold and visiting Athabascan indians and all sorts of exciting things, but that's for another post. I've had to sacrifice my place on the human's knee so that she can type this, and I'm not happy about it. I'm done posting for now so that I can cuddle again. More tomorrow.

By the way, keep an eye out for Tortureshell Tuesday. I plan to launch it very, very soon.