Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Grooming habits of peoples

Friends, yesterday was another one of those days which makes me
wonder how peoples survived for as long as they have, and progressed
as much as they have, with their absolutely crazy waste of resources.
Let me discuss further, but first, I must warn that what follows is
not to be encouraged in any of your peoples. It's not pretty, and it
certainly isn't smart.

It has to do with water, you know, the stuff you need to drink to
stay alive? Ask any self-respecting cat to list the uses of water and
he'll say, "Uses? But there's only one, well, perhaps two if drowning
your prey in it could be classified as a use," and he'd be right. Ask
a people, however, and I think you'd find that you got a vastly
different answer. Take yesterday, for example.

It all started with the human picking up Millie apparently just for
a cuddle. My kitten, as much as I love her, has moments where she's
almost as dumb as a people, because when the human started to walk
towards the bathroom, Millie just carried on purring and brrrrrping to
her instead of putting up a token struggle to be let free. I
scarpered. I'm not stupid, and I knew what was coming.

Enter the first waste of water, the waste on grooming. I've had
this bathing thing done to me many times in preparation for shows, and
while it does strip the dirt out of my coat, so does a good tongue
washing, and the latter conserves resources much better. As if
throwing tons of water down the plug-hole isn't bad enough, she adds
smelly horrible shampoos to it which mean that, even if it could be
rescued by some miracle, it's no longer drinkable.

I know that peoples tongues are vastly inferior to ours, but they
still produce saliva, and they can still reach to wash parts of their
body. Ok, so they're not as flexible as us, nor would they be so well
cleaned, but surely this small sacrifice is worth it when it means the
conservation of water?

I usually try and educate her when she's giving me a bath. I talk
her through all the good reasons to save water, why we shouldn't just
get rid of it when it's a life saver. She just tells me to stop
shouting and says things like "Anyone would think I'm killing you
instead of just washing you with all that chattering". That lady never
listens to sense, even when it is shouted at her. I've heard her
intimate in the past that my shouting begins when the water is turned
off, and quietens immediately when I've got the warm water flowing on
me again. I've heard her intimate that this is because I'm being a
"stroppy madam," and because I want the hot water back. What lies she
tells! Let me tell you what's going on. I shout when the water is
turned off firstly with joy that she's seen sense, then with
increasing desperation as she makes moves to turn the water back on. I
scream at her to think before acting, to consider the poor alleycats
who have no water. I give up when the shower comes back on because I
sink into despair at my human's utter ignorance and inability to see

Then there's the matter of litterboxes. Now, we've already
discussed peoples litterbox habbits last year, how they foul up a
whole bowl of water by doing their unmentionables in it, and how wrong
I thought that was. But friends, they even wash out the propper
litterboxes in water. They actually fill a dirty box to the brim with
water, then wash out all the bits. Then my human fills it again, adds
horrible smelly stuff to it and scrubs. Then it gets emptied and
filled a third time so that the last of the smelly stuff is washed

Now, in my book, filling a litterbox with water at all is a shame
and disgrace. Just change the litter every now and again, and that's
all it needs. But to fill a box three times is just down right
terrible. Considering that we have 4 boxes in our house, that's a lot
of water gone. Even one box full of the stuff would keep me and the
kitten drinking for weeks. Multiply it by 12 and the tragedy of it is
that much worse.

I've tried to educate the human, I really have, but after seeing
her behaviour yesterday, I think I'm going to have to give up on her
totally unless any of you out there have any good tips for stopping
this attrocity. If you do, I'd love to hear from you. Unlike certain
others I could mention, I actually care about conservation. When you
consider that our county is currently experiencing drout, the
repurcussions of her actions are clear. In fact, I wouldn't be at all
surprised if it turned out that she was the sole reason for the drout
in the first place! Come on, friends, help me out here. Surely your
peoples aren't as thoughtless as this one?

Now, today's a special day that only comes once every four years.
My human says that today is the day that ladies can ask their man
friends to marry them. While I won't be so forward as to propose
marriage (I'm not a ladycat who likes to be tied down... More of a
free spirit if you catch my meaning), if you're a mancat and
interested, then believe me, I'd be pleased to hear from you. Too
pleased according to my human who says she hasn't had a propper
night's sleep since Friday with all my shouting. Lots of you live all
the way across the pond though, so a ladycat's gotta shout really loud
to get your attention, doesn't she!

Smoochies to you all.



Eric and Flynn said...

We try to save our mum the trouble of having to clean our litterboxes and use the greenhouse. She doesn't seem to appreciate our help though.

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Everycat said...

Tia, it's hopeless trying to get apes to act responsibly. I tell my apes that they mustn't bathe me because I need to lick my coat to get Vitamin D, do they listen? Nope!

Luff from Gerry

haopee said...

LOL. So hilarious. Your human is out of bounds. She has no respect whatsoever with water. What a tough time you're having there.

Maybe you should learn to write with your nails and put up a poster in each litter box saying, "Litter boxes are for litter and not water!"

Huggies and Cheese,


Karen Jo said...

Humans are really weird with water. At least mine doesn't bathe me. She sometimes chases me around with a wet washcloth if I get klingons and I howl like a banshee if she catches me. Mine also cleans my litter boxes with water, but she usually does it outside with the hose and I don't have to watch all the waste. They just don't understand that water is for drinking. Period.