Yes, friends, I am back! And boy am I glad to be home. Things have gotten slack around here in my absence. Stupid Dogface thinks she can get attention whenever she wants it, there's no fur on the sofas and the bed, and there isn't even any food down! Or at least, there wasn't till I got here. I suppose it's good in a way though. All of these signs show me that she hasn't been fratternising with another cat while I've been away. It's a nice thing to see.
I must tell you all about my adventure though. Last week I decided to be a real growed up cat and go and visit my man friend again. He's quite nice really, and I was starting to miss him. I told my human I wanted to go. I did this by sticking my bum in the air, holding my tail to the side and shouting. Crude, I know, but sometimes I have to make the message very, very simple before she understands it. I'd been telling her for a while, but she doesn't listen until I start pretending my front legs are much shorter than my back ones. I suspect that she thinks this is what I have to do now before I can go see him.
Rambling aside though, I got my wish. I got to go in my super cool girlie pink PTU (Ok, so the PTU part isn't cool). The human and I have come to an agreement though. When we're sitting still, she takes me out of the PTU for a cuddle, but when we're moving, like when we have to change from one noisy thing to another (she calls them trains), I go back inside. No, this is not because the noise scares me! I shout at her all the while that I'm in the PTU just to make sure she remembers I'm there, alone, foodless!
We went on two noisy things, then walked a little, at least, the human did. Then we got to the house where I'd been before. The people lady that looks after my man friend took me out of the PTU and carried me to go see him. Ah, I remembered this place well! In fact, I lost no time in running around and checking it all out. He owns his own house as I've said before, and if we are to have baby kittens together, the way I see it, his house is mine. I made this abundently clear by jumping on his favourite spot. It's a chair that's in the outside bit of his house, and it makes a really good place to sit and watch the squirrels, birdies, and even the other girl cats.
Speaking of girlcats, they hissed and spat at me something shocking when I first got there. I think they were jealous. One of them told me that he was her man, and how dare I be in there with him. I just spat back at her. Silly girl. He is mine. "Who's in the house and who has to share with all those other girlcats, eh?" said I, and this made her real, real mad. I didn't mind though. I knew she couldn't get at me.
My man isn't very well trained yet. He kept trying to sneak up on me and get my chair back for himself. I decided that, before we could make a family, the training needed to start. He needed to be put in his place. So every time he came near, I hissed really good, just like the human does when I do something really, really against the rules, and thwapped him until he ran away. Eventually, it started to work.
Over the next few days I watched him, but the training never stuck for long. I kept having to reinforce it. In the end, I decided that he simply wasn't ready for the responsibility of parenthood. The others laughed at me when I mentioned it to them. They say he's already a daddy, but I know it isn't true. One of the older ladies was quite nice though, and she gave me some good advice. "Smack him down, girlie," she said to me late one night when the others were all asleep, "but don't do it all of the time. There comes a point where your needs for, ah, a good time, outweigh the necessity of moulding him into the perfect gentleman. He's a male. They are driven by instinct and primal urges. You can't hope to make them into something new overnight."
I thought long and hard about this. I was forced to admit in the end that she did have a point. I mean, I wasn't planning to stay with him once the babies were put in my tummy. He was only going to be a short-term lover, so was I expending too much effort? This was days after I'd arrived though, and what with the upheaval of moving and travelling and fending him off, I'd quite lost the urge for what the nice older ladycat called a "good time". Maybe next time things will be different. I just don't know. It's not next time yet, after all, so why worry about it?
The human came to get me a short while later, and I must say, I was glad to see her, but not as stressed out and worried as last time. This meant I didn't have to cling to her like crazy when we got home. I knew she was coming back for me this time, you see. I'd been there before, and I know when I go to that place, it's only for a short time. I did give her some good face rubs when I got home, but I was more interested in making sure I had enough food in my bowl for the next week or so. Oh, and the water! Gosh, I can't tell you how good it was to get water that tasted like it should again! The human said she thought I'd explode with the amount I drank, but it just tasted sooooo good!
Last night was good too. The human was extra specially cuddly with me, but the pillow beside her doesn't seem to want me on it. Every time I try, it tips me off. Funnily, the human's hand is always nearby when this happens. I can't really understand it. When I sleep on the human's pillow nothing happens, but when I go on the one next to her, I just get thrown off. The human says this is because she has something called Asthma. Having me sleep round the top of her head is fine, or even behind it, or even with my face cuddled against hers, but when she has my whole body beside her face, she coughs and wheezes a lot. She says my head doesn't have as much fur on it, but when my body cuddles her face, she breathes in more of it and it makes her chest hard to breathe with. I don't get this. She can cuddle with her face and it doesn't make a difference. She says that when she is sleeping, I am close for a longer time, so she gets more of my fur. Also, her breathing is deeper, so it travels further that way. Peoples are very strange. I mean, whoever heard of anyone getting aggravated by fur! It is coming into the colder weather here too though, and the human says that doesn't help either. I just wish the pillow wouldn't be so mean. Stupid pillow.
Oh, in breaking news,The Babycathas posted on his blog. He has just been nutered. He doesn't know what this is though, and it's not a subject a well brought up ladycat can possibly discuss without a little embarrassment, even if he is just a babycat. Hopefully some of you mancats can give him some worldly advice. By the way, the beginning of this post does not imply that I think all mancats run on instinct and are untrainable. Many of you grow up very nice, but I wonder how much that has to do with having what my human terms as "the snip"? I think you've all had it, and you are all nice. Even my man friend is nice. He's just, well, persistent. Do you mancats think that having the operation makes it easier to treat ladycats with the respect we deserve? I'm very curious. The first mancat I went to see for having a family with was nice too. He wasn't as persistent as the new one who owns his own house, but then he was much younger too, so I'm not sure how much has to do with age and how much to do with not having the operation. Please, enlighten me!
For now, I shall enlighten my food dish... Quite considerably!