Yep, it's that time again, and hasn't it come around fast! I've been working my hardest to do something stupendously bad for Tortureshell, but I'll let you be the judge of whether I succeeded or not. By the way, huge points to Sweet Praline. She's the only one brave enough to actively involve herself in this most splendid of events!
I told you yesterday that the human gave me a bath on Sunday. She has to do this twice a week for the next little while because I was more naughty and kept scratching my collar. The next time I do this, remind me about horrible, stinky shampoo, will you? Maybe then I'll remember that it's really not worth the trouble it gets me into. Even I have limits of naughtiness!
But look, I'm getting side-tracked again. The human has a special carrier (PTU) that she keeps for bathing. She says it's because it's old, so it doesn't matter if it gets caked in stinky shampoo. She can't use it to carry me in because the door comes off if I jump hard on the bottom, and she doesn't agree with just throwing things away if they can be useful for something else, so it stays in the bathroom.
Into the bath I went, complaining bitterly. What had I done to deserve this treatment! I'd been nothing but a good nurse, and here she was getting me all wet for no reason other than to put stinky horrible on me! Life isn't fair sometimes, and boy did I tell her.
Once she'd covered me in the horrible stuff, she bundled, yes bundled! me into this PTU. I didn't want to go. I braced my front paws with claws out against the plastic, but she just pushed harder. I went star-shaped, but she folded my legs in and shoved me in face first. I stuck my bum out the door but she gave it a pat and it brought back all the memories of those mancats trying to do the unladylike things with me. Quick as a flash, I whipped my tail away from her, and in that instant, the heartless jailor slammed the door and turned the catches.
Well, I was furious! I was so mad I was even jumping up and down inside that PTU, but it was on the floor, so it couldn't bend at the bottom and release me from stinky, wet, PTU hell! She put a towel over me the same as before to keep the heat in, and then she left me alone. She shouldn't have done that, friends, because here's where I went into action.
I have strong front paws. It comes from all the kneading I've had to do on the human to make her feel better over the last few days. I didn't know I needed this extra strength, but boy was I glad I had it. Slowly, quietly so that the jailor wouldn't hear me, I reached out and grabbed the bars of the door. I pulled, but nothing happened. I shook, but they stayed solid. Getting desperate now (I wanted rid of the stinky, and there was no food in there with me!) I lowered my shoulder, dropped my head, backed up, then charged. And you know what? It worked! I was free! And what's more, I had a whole bathroom to play with.
Now I know I'm supposed to keep the shampoo on me for ten minutes to let it do whatever it's supposed to do, but there were a lot of surfaces in that room which were free of it, and in my opinion, I had an awful lot too much on my fur. I started rubbing. I rubbed my whole body. I even climbed so that I could cover all available areas in the stinky yuck. When the jailor came back, I was in the middle of having a great wrestling match with that pesky towel that had covered me. It was still warm and I was a bit cold, so although I was fighting with it, I was all wrapped inside it too. This one was the best. It took off the mostest shampoo.
For some reason, the human wasn't pleased. "Another towel wash, then," she groaned as she pulled me from the tangle I'd made, then dumped me right back in the tub! I complained, but it was more of a token gesture this time. I knew she was going to get rid of the stink, so what was the point in fighting it when it was what I wanted?
Human picture: On hearing an almighty rumpus coming from the bathroom, I scooted back in there really quick thinking she might have managed to overturn the carrier. Picture the scene. A hot, steamy bathroom, the stink of shampoo thick in the air, the gentle drip, drip, drip of bubbles cascading off the sides of the tub, the toilet, sink, litter tray, walls, the soothing splish-splosh of the veritable lake of suds on the floor as Tia's small paws hit it as she scampered from one place to the next. And the towel? It doesn't even bear mentioning. It was a sodden, soapy mess, complete with fur-puddle in the middle of it. Oh, she had fun all right.
The human says I succeeded in torturing her. It took her quite a time to get all of the shampoo off the bathroom. Hah. Maybe she'll think twice about putting me in the bath next time!
Now, it's over to you. Whether you're a naughty tortie or not, torture those peoples!