Monday, 18 October 2010

Famine Strikes!

The human says she hates this time of the week, and I can't blame her really. This is the morning where, after all of her rest over the weekend, she has to go back to the work hunt. Whilst I understand that it must be a hard life to get up and have to go out early before the sun is all the way up, this doesn't mean that I am sympathetic. After all, if she didn't hunt, she'd not be able to feed me. I reminded her of this by waking her a full hour before she was supposed to get up, even though she hadn't gone to bed until late the night before. "Get off my face, Tia!" she spluttered when I crawled on the pillow and flopped on top of her. This is my way of saying good morning, and I don't see what all her fussing is about. I mean, there's not a problem with my yummy tummy on her head, if you ask me. I eventually gave in though and role doff to lie beside her instead.

I discovered a new thing this morning. It's great for two reasons. Firstly, it's a comfort, and secondly, it's guaranteed to keep the human awake, which means I get a prolonged snuggling session. the secret? Knead on your people's head. Honestly, it works! My human has long, silky fur on her head, and it feels wonderful pulling through my paws. There's good skin underneath too, which gives you something to pad against and get a grip on. I couldn't understand why she kept flinching and putting her hand between my paws and her head. Doesn't she understand the giving of love? Do you have such stupid peoples that you own? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

I gave in yesterday, but only a little bit. The human gave me more of the food she'd made, and this time, she put some of my dry food in with it. I ate that, but in the process, a little bit of the mush got on my tongue! It wasn't that bad, so I ate a little more, but only a little. I don't want her thinking she's won, after all.

But you know what she's done this morning? She's forgotten to put my food down! She puts it away at night time so that stupid dogface can't sneakily get it when she's not there to defend the kill. Whenever dogface is eating, I stick my tail in the air and walk away with utter disdain. This would no doubt shame another cat into stopping eating, for it's not polite to steal another's food, but stupid Dogface is too stupid to understand even the most plain of communications, so she keeps on eating. The human takes me to bed with her and puts food down in the bedroom so that I have something to eat, and then in the morning when she closes the bedroom door, she puts my bowl back in the living room. Today she forgot though. I tried to tell her before she left. I miaowed in a terribly sad voice, but she just tickled my chin and said "hush, now. You know I can't stay here all day and cuddle you. I need to go to work." Then she left!

Friends, I don't know what I'm going to do. It's only been an hour and a half, and already I feel weak. My tummy is girgling because it's so empty. My vision is blurring. I'm so dizzy and unable to stand that I have to lie on the really comfy spot on the sofa and sleep. Will I die? I think I will, and it will serve that human right. she remembered about the bowl when she got to the work hunt, and all she said was "I'm worried, but I know she'll be all right. It's not as though I'm gone for ages, and she isn't skin and bone." She's a heartless, cruel human! I can hardly miaow I'm so close to the end, and what does she say? Typical!

I don't know if I shall blog again, friends. This may be goodbye. To expect me to survive for seven and a half hours without food is too much of an ask. I must go and sleep now. And no, I am not kneading the sofa and lying in a sun puddle to get comfy. The kneading is the nervous spasms and the sun puddle is, well, erm, it just happens to be there! It's the light at the end of the tunnel! Yes, that's it. Goodbye, cruel world, goodbye!


Admiral Hestorb said...

Seven and a half HOURS and no foods!? That's AWFUL and no doubt by now, you have collapsed in a heap by your comfy bed or in mama's bed with only your gurgling tummy to keep you company, you poor poor baby.

Tia..the best thing to do is massage her head tonight after the two of you go to bed. You her fur through your pays agaon and be sure to do a scalp stimulating massage too. You may have to do this in stages like MY momma, she may put her hand up again to shield her head. Silly mama's!

But if you massage her head like that, maybe her memory will get better and you won't be fainting and languishing from food deprivation again.

love and kitty kissies xoxox

Kea said...

Tia, forget the kneading/massage. Just stick a claw in your mom's eye or up her nose, like Derry does at 3AM. Seriously. It works!

BTW, this is where we tell you that our mom is gone 10 hours 5 days a week, so we have to do without food for that long. Even though she leaves tons of canned out for us. Still...It's not the same! :-P

Angie, Catladyland/Katt Food said...

My kitties like to walk across my face. Give that a try :)

Katnip Lounge said...

Holy Cod. We saw the title of your post and we HAD to comment! We sincerely hope you can hang in we can visit you again...
Have you considered eating Dogface?

OKcats said...

Oh my goodness Tia - that was just rotten of your mom!!! And after you massaged her head, too. We hope you were able to hang in there.... oh goodness - the suspense is killing us!!!

Sweet Praline said...

Oh my goodness, Tia! Looks like it's time for some tortureshell time!