Friday, 23 September 2011
Millie's Bad Day
Hihihihihihi! It's been forever and forever since I got to writed to you somebodies who I don't think are somebodies, and my mummycat says that we shoulda writed sooner but she also says that the human's blue funk is making it difficult. What is a blue funk? The human hasn't had a smiley face for days and days though sept when I cuddle her and purpurpurpur hard! Then she has a smiley face. I think the blue funk must be something bad if it makes my human unhappy.
Anyway, enough about her cuz I gotta tell you all about my adventures for the last ages while I didn't writed! I can't member much about them cuz I forget easily cuz there's so many new things to do and what's the point membering the old things when there's new ones? But I member yesterday cuz that was a big adventure and I was a wee bit ascared and I always member things that scare me.
So I went and woked the human cuz the bed thing had eated her again and she was making the sleep noises and I was worried. I climbed up the scratchy post, stood on the top, gotted brave, then did a the best jump ever to get across the huuuuuuge gap that my human says is only about 3 inches between the scratchy post and the bed, and then I runned really fast all over the human's feets, but that didn't work cuz my stinky brothers and me do that when we're fighting and she's learned to keep making the sleep noises regardless. So then I runned at full speed right up to where her head hadn't been eated and was on the pillow. And I stood right beside her ear and I took a deep breath and I said "weeeeeeow! Weeeeeeow! Weeoooooooow!" in her ear. And it worked! I can't say meeeeeeow yet cuz I can't make the mmmmm sound, but that doesn't matter, cuz weeeeow woked the human up. And then I said "eeeow purpurpur" and climbed onto her face and then walked everywhere and rubbed my head on her until I falled over! But it was Ok cuz the bed is soft so I didn't hurt myself and I just started all over again!
Well, that was a good idea, cuz it made the bed sick her up which meant that she would put down the stinkky goodness that I love! And after we'd all eaten, she got out the horrible box that moves that my mummycat calls a PTU, and she put me and my stinky brothers in it and she took us in a big, growly monster called car to the somebody that mummycat says is called the nice vet ladypeople, sept I don't think she's all that nice.
When we got to her house, we had to wait before she'd see us and in the place where we waited, there was a huge, hairy monster somebody thing that said "woof!" at us. My stinky brother Porker was really ascared. So was I, but at least I didn't make a stink and have a accident in the horrible PTU on the way to the vet ladypeople! But Porker does this even when he's just a little ascared. But when the thing said woof, he gotted real brave, and he went to the front of the PTU and he said "rrrrrrrrr!" and the human and the somebody with the monster made laugh noises a lot! I didn't know what was funny though. I thinked that my brother was super brave even if he is stinky!
Both the boys are real babycats though, cuz while we were waiting, they started to cry and Porker was really whining, and they both put their paws through the front of the horrible PTU, and the only way they would be quiet was when the human held one paw of theirs in her big paw! This made her make laugh noises again, and I joined in this time. What babies! I, meanwhile, sat in the PTU and just looked around at everything and was as good as fish. I didn't even cry!
Then it was our turn to go in and see the nice vet ladypeople who isn't nice, and it was my stinky brother Porker's turn first to come out of the horrible PTU and get looked at. I don't know what she did to him, but he screamed worse than he does when the human's cleaning his eyes or mummycat has gived him the smackypaw for being real bad, or even worse than when I bite his bumbum and run away! Oops, I didn't mean to say that! Don't tell on me, will you?
And then it was my stinky brother Hamster's turn, but he's braver than Porker and he didn't make a squeak. And then it was my turn and suddenly the PTU didn't seem like such a horrid place after all and I thought about staying there, but I'm a good girl and so I came out nicely when the somebodies asked me to. I was really ascared, but I knew I had to be brave to show the boys how it's done, so I only clinged to the vet ladypeople and hided my face for a minute and then I let go and went on the table.
She did lotsa things. Looked at my teeths, put a big thing on my chest to listen to my heart, looked at my eyes, felt my tummy, and then she picked me up and cuddled me real tight against her. I was enjoying it for a minute until I felt a sharp prick in my leg. I was real good though and I didn't cry and I didn't flinch. My mummycat told me later that that was the vaccination. I don't like it. But there was worse to come.
She carried on holding me real tight and then she said to the human, "Ok, I'm doing the nasty one now," and my human's eyes got all teary and then there was this real big sore at the back of my neck and I knowed why Porker had screamed like a babycat girl cuz it really really hurted! But I was brave and I didn't move or scream cuz I membered that my mummycat had told me that you should always stay still when people somebodies are doing things to you cuz that's what a good cat should do. You get a bad rep, rep, um, something for yourself if you get out your claws and your teeths whenever they do nasty things, she says, and that's not something befitting of a well bred ladycat! The vet ladypeople letted go of me then to get some other stuffs, and I runned really fast and jumped on the human and I hided and she cuddled me tight and told me that I'd only ever need to go through that once cuz it was something called a micro chip and I'd not need another one. But she lied!
And then the vet ladypeople clipped my nails which I was really good for cuz I know it doesn't hurt, but the stinky brothers cried like she was cutting their toes off! And then she put a thing in my mouth that she said is a swab which tests DNA whatever that is, to make sure I have no kidney disease and to check if I carry the gene for chocolate coat colour. I don't understand any of this. And then she maked me swallow a horrible thing she said was a worming tablet. And then it was all done and I went back into the lovely PTU and we went home.
But when I said "weeeeow, weeow!" to the human and she picked me up for a cuddle later, she feeled a funny thing at the back of my neck and it was stuck in my fur and she pulled it out. Then I heard her say to her friend, "Damn, that's the chip!" And she made talk noise on the phone and they said things that I don't understand like "it's incredibly rare for a chip to come back out once it's been inserted. We've never seen it happen before, but bring her and we'll have a look anyway." And the next thing I know my human is carrying me somewhere and it smells different and there's air blowing on me and there's no walls and no ceiling and she tells me that this is outside and I'm never to come here on my own. And then we gotted into another big growly monster called car, but I wasn't in my PTU this time so I had a great time climbing on the human and looking out at things going by. And I was really good cuz I only tried to climb off her about 10 times in 5 minutes.
When Car stopped, I was ascared cuz I could see that we were back at the vet ladypeople's house again and I didn't want to see her, but I had no choice. And there were more hairy monsters but they didn't say woof this time. And all their somebodies said what a lovely girl I was and how well behaved, cuz I just sat on the human's knee or on her shoulder while we waited. But then the peoples had a look at the thing that was in my fur and they said it was the chip and they said I'd have to have another one putt back in. I membered the needle from earlier and I gotted real ascared, even more when a somebody called nurse came and stealed me away from my human!
They took me into another room for about a million years, and they putt another needle in the back of my neck and I was sore all over again. But then they bringed me out and I saw my human and I wiggled and wiggled and wiggled until I jumped on her and I put all my claws out and hung on tight and I'm not ashamed to say that I hided my face and didn't take it out again till we were out of the nasty vet ladypeople's house and away from the horrible somebody called nurse.
Yesterday we all slept all day. I was quite worn out by my horrid day, and I didn't feel too good either. Neither did my stinky brothers, but mummycat says not to worry and that it's only the vaccination making us like that.
One of my brothers will leave for his forever home on Sunday. I'm real sad cuz I don't want him to go, and whenever the human is arranging things, her eyes get so runny that I could have a drink from them! And she says she wonders why she did this but then says that if she can give other peoples somebodies the joy that we've brought to her then it'll be worth it in the end. She wants the boys to go together though as it would be better for them, but we'll see what happens.
I can't think of nothing more to say sept enter the competition cuz then you'll get to see me and I'll even say "Weeeeow!" to you too!