Friends, Jackets and Birthdays

Well, how about that for another random title. And I didn't even have to use the word random! Before I explain any of it, I'd like to say a huge thank you to Kara. Wasn't that a great celebrity appearance by her? Some of her ideas might be a little bit, ah, out-dated, particularly her views on young queens, but as she did say herself, she's an old ladycat, and one can't argue with the vast wisdom she possesses. Kara, I know your posting tenure with us will be short, but I think my readers will make the most of it! It was sad news about kitten Ming, even if it wasn't entirely unexpected, according to my human. Apparently, Bug tried and tried and tried, but the baby was just hassling Kara too much, and as she intimated yesterday, it just wasn't worth it any more.




On to lighter stuff though, cuz today isn't the day to be depressed, or so says my human who managed to get a different type of mr bug at work and was sent home. Why is she determined to be cheerful? I'll tell you why. Cuz it's only two more days till her birthday! I asked her if that means she'll stop having the mentality of a kitten, but she only grunted something very, very rude at me and walked off. I don't know what I should do for her special day. I'm thinking maybe a present would be in order. But then, the only things I have to give are hair balls and litterbox presents. Wonder if that will satisfy?





She's strange though. She says that, for her birthday, she's gonna use a little of the money that the HGG gave her to buy me a walking jacket. It sounds really smart, actually, and way, way more comfy than the stupid harnesses she's had on me before. Who knows, for her present, I might even let her put it on me! I might also even go outside!





Just to update you, we haven't forgotten about the videos of me killing the chicken. We're still waiting for Dogman to send them to the human so that she can put them up.





I like to think of myself as a tradition breaker, so, instead of having Friends on Friday, I've decided to have Friends on Monday instead. I'm going to start by featuring a blog that is part written by a stinkin' dogface, and partly by the unfortunate people forced to own her. The people sounds quite nice, actually. I thought it would be nice for some of you to go look at, despite the fact there's a Dogface there, cuz this dogface is a working one, just like the human's was, sept that Tori, the people, is newly qualified with her. I know a lot of you were interested in the human's experiences, but here, you can read about them in more detail. Please drop by, and feel free to leave them a comment!Here's the link





Ok, so if I'm honest, the Dogface isn't all that bad. Working ones rarely are. They also featured Sparkles on their blog, which was super nice of them! Until next time friends, hassle those peoples!

Supposedly Sage Sunday: An Introduction

Hello to all you cool cats out there in the great wide world. I'm told this talking computer box thing will let you hear me meow from just about anywhere...humans and their toys are so weird! Why can't they stick to mice? Well, never mind I guess. The toy is here so I'll use it however I can. If it turns out you actually know what I'm trying to say after all, we'll both be better off.

I'll start by telling you all who I am and what I'm all about. They call me Kara. My human - his name is Gregg, even though Tia calls him Bug - gave me that name when I was a kitten. I don't really know why, but I guess it stuck and I suppose I don't really mind either. Gregg's father sometimes calls me little-wee-babycat even though I'm not a kitten, but he cradles me on my back and rubs my tummy while he's doing it so I usually just dismiss his people-talk in favour of all that stroking. Sometimes he takes me to his house when Gregg goes away for a long time. Anyway, where was I? Yes...more about me. I'm mostly black, with a little white on my feet, my chest and stomach. I've been around the block a few times, as they say; in human years, I'm eleven or so. What this really means is that I'm old enough to grumble and grunt when I jump or get picked up, but young enough to chase whatever I want to chase, even when nothing else can see it. I'm also at that an age where I feel I'm allowed to sleep wherever I want and to make statements by leaving gifts on the floor in Gregg's kitchen or under his bed-couch. He still hasn't figured me out, and I'm always careful not to give him any clues...though I really don't like the scolding so I keep myself from abusing this freedom too often. I've never had kittens, and when I was a lot younger they took me to a vet to give me an operation after which I decided I didn't really care about tomcats after all. No kittens is sort of sad, but it's too late to worry about it now, and if there's one thing I've learned in my long life it's that you make the best of your good things and try to downplay the rest of it...as a cat, it's the best way to live.

People say I'm friendly, but cats would tell you another story...or rather, two in particular would. The first is a guy named Thorley, but he has no further place in my tales except that he used to live in a different house where Gregg used to live...a house that was way up high in a building with a lot of other houses in the same building. The second one was Ming; Gregg tells me that some of you knew Ming because he found out about the computer-box first and decided to use it. I tell you, I've never been happier to see someone leave in my life! Gregg might well have loved that little upstart, but he was way too upbeat for my way of living. I couldn't get half a minute's rest without him trying to play with me or trying to chase me from place to place. It got so I had to spit and yell, and I don't do that half as much as you might expect. If he'd been willing to cuddle with me the same way he cuddled with Gregg, we might've been able to work something out, but all he wanted was play play play, and this girl's too old for that. It took Gregg awhile to realize that something had to be done, even though I made it pretty clear if I do say so myself; Ming came just as it started getting hot outside and left a little after the first snow fell...over five months, Gregg tells me, and they weren't all bad but it definitely would've ended a lot sooner if I'd had my way. In truth, I think Gregg might've realized I was upset but he might've loved Ming too much to let him go when he should have; I'm old and wise enough to forgive him for that, and to make him aware of it. Life's way too short to hold grudges for long, I think. From what I understand, Ming is in a new home and seems very happy there; I'm sad that Gregg, Ming and I couldn't live together, but I'm happy that the kitten found a good place to stay, and happier still to get my peace and quiet back!

If you've come to notice the way I sometimes jump from topic to topic, there's a good reason for that. I don't talk very fast, and while I do think faster than I talk, it's not by much. I've got things to distract me, you see...chin-tickles, a big bowl of kibble not too far away, a soft bed to lie on...and I often talk while between these various pleasures. It's very easy to lose track of what you were saying after a belly-rub so good you can't help but rumble with purring, take it from me. Same goes with food...it may only be little hard bits to crunch on, but they taste like chicken and seafood, and it seems as if there's always more in the bowl! I have no illusions about being a good-looking cat, either; my fur is nice and smooth, my eyes are clean and my teeth are strong, but I'm a little...round. Gregg feeds me a little too often, or so other humans have said. I'm not dead yet though, and I still feel fine most days, so I don't see why good things should come to an end. I don't -want to be fat, you understand, but if being fat is a result of eating lots of tasty food, then fat I shall have to be.

You see what I mean? I set out to tell you a little more about myself and why I decided to write in the first place, and I get distracted by thoughts of pettings and food! It's time I buckled down and got to the point. I'm hoping those of you who are reading are still with me and still interested enough to stick around.
I'm here talking to you because I've come to understand that, during my many years of life, I've learned a lot of things. I won't claim that I'm the wisest of cats, and there are a lot of things I admit I don't know a thing about, but I'm always open-minded and laid-back enough to learn, and I think of myself as practical...none of this useless attitude that punk kittens sometimes get, none of the high-handedness of young queens or the cruelty of younger toms either. What I'm trying to say is that I know quite a lot, I tell it like it is and have decided that if I can help other cats or their humans - even just by making them laugh or smile - I'll try until I can't try anymore. I won't promise to have the solution to all of life's problems, and I can't guarantee that any solution I -do give will work. What I can do, though, is tell you that I have a little to say on just about anything.

Take kittens, for instance. They start out being small and quiet and scared of everything, which is fine with me except for the bit about being scared. The world is big and sometimes confusing but not worth being frightened of if you can help it. I think a kitten's claws and teeth let it stop being afraid of things and somehow teach it that it's okay to harass the older folk. You can't take the teeth or claws away to make them forget either...once they grow in and start getting used for various destructive acts, peacetime is over. Suddenly they're everywhere at once, mewing at things even I can't see, attacking things for no good reason even when they don't move and generally making nuisances of themselves. Some humans tell me I would have made a good mother, but I'm not so sure I could've stood all the mayhem. Kittens must figure that they can do whatever they want because they're kittens. Quite frankly, the change between the kitten afraid of his own shadow and the kitten who wants to play with his own shadow for three days straight while destroying everything nearby is a mystery; aside from the claws and teeth, I can't even come close to understanding it. Was I that way as a kitten? Gregg seems to think not, but he has a way of seeing a little more of what he wants to see when dealing with cats, I think...it's easier for him to forget or downplay the bad in order to remember the good. For now, I'll just quietly take his word for it because I don't remember so well anymore. Anyway, about kittens and their attitudes in general...I just wish they'd calm down a little and stop pestering us oldies! If there's one thing I wish I could tell every kitten to have them listen up, it would be this: There will always be another toy, another thing to chase, more food and more places to run...you don't have to get it all out of your system early, and if you take it easy you'll get tired of the fun a lot later in life. That might sound to some of you like I'm encouraging them to be even crazier in the long run, but all I'm really saying is that if they calm down a little, it's much easier to deal with. They might still be a little crazier when they're big cats than they would've been otherwise, but instead of being almost manic about it when they're younger, I'm hoping (perhaps only wishing) that kittens were only about half as frantic about their need to romp. I can handle a little fun, even at my modestly-advanced age, but too much is too much, by goodness, and I'm not afraid to say so either!

I'm thinking it's time to get some sleep. There's no time better for sleep than the present, after all. I'll be around every Sunday to offer what passes for my sage advice, though I'm not quite sure what Sunday is. I'll have to trust that Gregg knows and will tell me, as I don't like making promises I don't know how to keep. My future posts probably won't be quite so long and rambly, but that's not a promise, it's only really a guess. In the meantime, be good to one another, and remember that while smart cats can get into the food, wise cats know how to do it and not get caught.

RandomSaturday

Ok, I confess to plagerism, as I got the idea for random days from Amy and the House of Cats
but it's just so fitting. The stuff I have to tell you today is all over the place. There's some happy, some sad, some exciting, some boring.





The boring bit is the human, of course. She did nothing today except lie in bed for ages and ages and ages and then do lots of washing in the noisy machine. We haven't even done a training session today, which means I haven't got my daily dose of a gazillion treats. What's happening with the world. It's all wrong!





Speaking of the Daily Dose brings me to my next bit of random news, and this bit is the sad bit. I've mentioned her many times, but I'll mention her again. Chrystal over at Daily Dose of Dogs and Cats runs a private animal rescue for dogs and cats. The cats there are well cared for and normally happy, except for one poor little soul.





Sparkles
is that poor unfortunate. She was one of a pair who were helped by Chrystal and her family a few months ago. Her brother, now known as Jimmy, has recently been adopted, and since that point, Sparkles has gotten lonelier and lonelier. She doesn't interact with the other cats, preferring to hiss and spit at them instead. But peoples? That's another matter. She loves them. She can't bear to be parted from them. In fact, even when Chrystal is nearby but unseen, Sparkles will scream for her until she comes close. If a people goes into the cat house, she stays glued to them, and won't even play with other toys, even new ones, in favour of their company. Through no fault of Chrystal's, Sparkles is desperately unhappy, and she needs a home urgently. KC of the Cat Blogosphere has agreed to help by funding air fair anywhere within the USA, so please, if you can offer this lost little lady a lap to curl up on and a people to call her own, don't waste any time. Contact her right away. Please, even if you can't adopt her yourself, go read the story and post on your blog about her or talk to others who might want a cat for a forever home.





We got our bowl too from our bid that we made in the auction to help out Chrystal. It is so, so beautiful. The human has placed it on her display table, despite my promptings that it would look just great filled with my ping pong balls. I think it's so nice that we bought crystal to help Chrystal. It makes it sort of special, you know? Jan, thank you so much for donating it. It is truly stunning, and so tactile for my human to get her fingers all over. You don't need working eyes to appreciate the beauty of it.





That reminds us to mention to Amy and the Random Felines that you shouldn't think I've forgotten about the exchange I promised on my 100th post. I'm sorry the human hasn't written to you both yet, but with this being her first week back at the work hunt, she's been too busy and exhausted to even order stuff, let alone post it. She says she'll email you when she's made some more headway on actually getting all of the toys. I'll tell you a secret though. She's gotten a few, and they're so good I've tried to steal them twice now! She says she doesn't know when she'll get the chance to order them. It's her birthday on Wednesday, so she'll probably get that over her first before she goes ahead and gets them. Guess I'd better start thinking about a present for her.





In other exciting news, we've been featured on another blog! Wyatt's Corner
wrote to me today, telling me that I'm featured on today's post in a cartoon! Thank you so much, Wyatt. That's super cool! The human says she's not sure if the cartoon is of us or if it's just a link to us. If we're in a cartoon, would someone with working eyes mind describing it to us in the comments? That would be super!





Now, the news just keeps getting more and more exciting! I've mentioned before that my human and I are hoping for kittens. Well, I'm not about to tell you I'm pregnant, but today, the human got approval for her prefix! This means now that any kittens I have will carry the human's cattery name with them wherever they go, and if they get shown, it will tell everyone just how beautiful my babies are, cuz they'll know they came from me and the human's cattery! Her prefix is Moonspun. If I carried that prefix, I'd now be called Moonspun Dolly Mixture as my pedigree name. I tell you that just to show you how the prefix slots in. This is big, big news, cuz every reputable, responsible breeder should have a prefix of their very own, and it took us 18 or so weeks to get ours approved and all the paperwork done!





Now for the most excitingest thing of all. you remember I hinted a few weeks back that I was going to have a celebrity guest on my blog? Well, I've finally managed to get her to agree, and she's taken on a regular place here at Cuddles and Catnip. From now on, she'll be doing the Sunday post, and it hasn't even cost me any treats in payment! She seems happy to do it, so it will be her instead of me tomorrow. Isn't that great? I'm not telling who she is, but I'll give you a clue. Regular readers of my blog will have been introduced to her in a round about fashion already! My human and I have talked about her.





Please do come back tomorrow to see who it is! It will be her first ever blog post, so I hope it goes well for her.





Wow, that was a lot of news. I feel so much better now it's all off my chest. While I go for a nap to work up enough strength to hassle for treats, I'll leave you to remember Sparkles. Let's use the power of the blogosphere to get this unhappy little ladycat a home. Come on. We can do it together!

Human Vs Cat

Friends, I feel the need to begin this post with an apology. As you are no doubt aware, i normally attempt to stay pretty philosophical and even tempered and toleratn (and all the rest of that jazz) over my human's various stupidities and lacks and general shortcomings. I have frequently said that they aren't her fault, that I mustn't judge her harshly because she has a small brain and does the best she can, that I need to remember to cut her some slack. But this morning, she did something so ridiculous that I didn't even have the capacity to be truly mad at her. I ended up laughing, which really isn't a kind thing to do, bearing in mind that, with her capacity, she's making the best that she can. That being said, what she did do, as well as displaying ape-like intelligence, is give me food for thought, and I don't mean the stinky goodness kind. Allow me to elaborate.




As I mentioned yesterday, the human has started this ritual, a very pleasant one actually, of sprinkling some yummy treats on my new blanket before she leaves for the work hunt. This has met with nothing but favour on my part, for why complain about free food, and nice food at that. Now, my motto is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it, but in my eight months of training, I haven't managed to get that across to the human yet. Accordingly, she decided to fix it.





When I want something badly from her, or when I simply want a snuggle when she's come in from work and decides to head straight to the litterbox room instead of to my sofa for cuddle time, I will follow her, then, when she stays still, put my two front paws up on her knee and wait. I know this melts her insides to mushies which is why I do it, cuz she can't refuse me anything after that. Regardless of whether she's on that litterbox or not, I get my own way! The human decided she wanted to encourage me to do it more, although in a, by her standards, more appropriate place and at a more appropriate time. I've mentioned my background to you previously, so you'll understand it when I say that, when I've done it, I've been a little timid about it. It was a new thing for me. In order to minimise the timidity, the human formulated a plan.





This morning, instead of simply giving me the treats, she crouched on the floor and held one in her hand just above her leg. Because she was crouched, the leg provided a flat platform kind of thing, but still, I wasn't going to climb for a treat. I waited. I've done this before, and I always manage to wait her out. It semi worked this time, cuz she lowered her hand down to me, but kept it close to her knee, so that I had to come forward a few steps to get the morsel. Oh, and how good it was! She picked up another one, and this time, her hand went a little higher so that I had to stand right up on my tippy-toes and push in against her knee to get it. The third one went right back above her leg. I wasn't jumping. I've told you, I don't work for treats. I waited, but nothing happened other than that she started to coo at me to come up. I ignored her, and instead turned my attention to the box of treats open on the floor. But friends, I hadn't even got my nose into it before she whisked that away to the heights too! I still wasn't worried at this point. I could still wait her out.





Except that I couldn't. For an eternity that lasted a full minute, my nose twitched and the treat called. So did the human. Eventually, I hopped up with my two front paws on her knee really quickly, grabbed the treat and jumped back down again. Oh, it was so good! She picked up another one, and again I waited, and again she waited, and another eternity of thirty seconds passed! Do you know how hungry and near to starvation you can get in thirty seconds? I was seeing pink mousies and everything! But the call of the treat was too strong, and up I hopped.





Ten treats later, and the human was having to tell me to get off so that she could teach me to put my paws on her for a treat. This was fun. Without knowing it (and that pains me to admit), I'd trained her to give me treats on demand, and all I had to do was put my two front paws on her leg. how simple! As she stood up from giving me the final food, she said in a self-satisfied voice, "Well, that was a good first training session." Well, it's unlike her to admit I'm training her, so I was surprised but gratified, that is, until she continued. "I'm really making headway with her." um, what? Lady, you ain't making nothing with me sept more treat time!





The concept that the human thinks she's training me when I'm actually training her is so ridiculous that, even now when I think of it hours later, I am forced to shake my head in amazement, then wipe a grin off my furry face at the very idea. Humans are so simple, bless them.





We had a repeat of the training session when she came home from the work hunt, and again she mentioned that she was doing well. In the midst of my laughter though, I began to think. To think really about reciprocal cause and effect. I put my paws on her leg because I know she likes it and that will subsequently generate a treat, so, in essence, I put my paws on her leg because I like the treats. She, on the other hand, gives me a treat because she wants my paws on her leg because she likes the feeling. So, in essence, she provides the treat in return for something she likes. What that boils down to is this. I give her something she likes in return for something I like and vice versa.





Training is all about cause and effect, in essence, you do something to get something, or you do something to receive pleasure. Even stupid Dogfaces understand this concept, so it's in-arguable really. Now, if you apply that definition to the last paragraph of what I said, well, friends, it provides a frankly terrifying conclusion. We are training each other, and what's worse, we are doing it in a mutually pleasant, mutually beneficial way.





The thought of the human having influence over me is very unsettling, and yet, that then begs another question. Should it be brought to a brutal end? Should I cease doing what she wants in order to get what I want? I tried that today, namely the waiting game, and it didn't work. So in essence, do I deprive myself of a good thing just so that I can be content that I am not being trained? There hardly seems any point. This exercise provides benefit, not hardship, whereas to refuse to participate gets me nothing but terrible deprivation. And still there is the looming, and even larger question to be answered. If I allow myself to be trained in this way, will I do so with other things? Will the human be resourceful enough to always provide me with a benefit for doing what she wants, and more importantly, will I feel that this benefit is one I do not wish to go without?





I have no answers. I need help.

Secret Paws!

Well, it finally arrived! Actually, it arrived some time ago, but it was so special that I instructed my human to wait to post about it until we had a whole post to devote. I've had quite a few toys this last few weeks, but none that compare to the variety sent by Hannah and Lucy. Ladies, thank you, thank you, thank you! The human thanks your people too. She actually tried to steal one of the things in the box for herself (more on that in a moment) but I wasn't having any of it. She got presents from other peoples, so she was just being greedy!




The Secret Paws was waiting for us when we got home from staying at Dogman's house. The human was going to make me wait some more to open it, but I hassled her until she gave in. I knew it would be good for her to watch me play, you see, cuz she was feeling pretty miserable about Dogface not being with us. This was her first night in her new home without us, you see.





The box was all wrapped up in tough brown paper to stop the post peoples from getting into it. It was really thoughtful of you, Hannah and Lucy, to instruct your people to do this, cuz if the post peoples had been able to see the goodies inside, they'd certainly have stolen them for themselves before I got a chance at them! I had to ask the human to open that bit, cuz I didn't want to bite it with my teeth. Under the brown paper was some lovely wrapping paper and a Christmas card. We don't know what the card said, but the human has put it up, even though it's not Christmas any more! I thought about ripping the wrapping paper, but then remembered that I keep this human around for a reason. I sat back and watched while she pulled it off.





There was a box underneath, and boy did it have some interesting smells! I'm sure that I sniffed Hannah and Lucy on it, cuz I spent ages and ages and ages inspecting before the human was finally allowed to take the sticky tape off (I love biting this, by the way, and had great fun!) and show me what was inside.





It started with a big, soft, plushy, cuddly thing. It was an animal with a long tail, and my human thinks it might be a cat! He was fun to bunny kick, and his tail was great for swatting. He has a crackly tail and ears too, which is great! The human says she'd like him on her bed to snuggle with, but I reminded her that's what my job was. Hannah and Lucy, was it a cat? I don't care anyway, he's a good wrasslin partner!





There was next a flat, folded thing in the box, which my human didn't open straight away. Why? Cuz as she lifted it, I saw what was underneath, and I wasn't waiting for no flat thing. There were ping pong balls in there! A gajillion of them! And even more than a gajillion! They were all in little packets in the box, and I wanted them so bad! My human usually gives me one at a timej, which I promptly lose, ahem, I mean hide, under the TV cabinet or the sofa, but today, she gave me all gajillion cuz I asked so hard. The human says there were eight in total, but honestly, there were loads. I just didn't know what way to run! And there was still the call of the box!





There were more goodies in there, oh yes there were. Next came a packet of three mousies. They were all made of rope which is great for scratching, and they had long tails to bite while you kicked them, and they rattled, and, and, and, they smelled of catnip! And there were three of them! So now I had eight ping pong balls and three mousies and a cuddly cat wrasslin bud, and there was still more! I didn't know what to play with! I batted one mousey, then threw another one, then pounced on a ball which ran away from me, then whapped another one right into my human's leg!





Then I heard it, the rustle, the crackle, the snap of a treat bag being opened. Only one type of treat in the world makes that noise, and I knew it well. Dreamies! They're sooooo good. They're little hard squares that have a soft filling. you can get cheese and chicken and fish and beef and one other I think. Yet again, Hannah and Lucy had outdone themselves, cuz I didn't just get one bag. I got two! Two whole bags, just for me! and the human had instructions that she wasn't allowed to withhold them, so she fed me from both packets until I didn't want any more. Friends, that takes some doing. Have I mentioned that I love Dreamies? Cuz I do. I don't know what flavours these were, but they were sooooo good! I even had to lick up all the crumbs from my human's hand just to make sure I didn't waste a single bit.





But there was still more! you remember that flat thing? When the human opened it, it turned out to be a blanket all for me! I've never had a blanket before. My human got me a few beds and things, but I didn't use them at all. It's more fun to fur up the sofa than to lie in your own bed you see, but this blanket is special. It's denim type stuff on one side, but if you flip it over, it's the softest, plushiest stuff on the other. As soon as the human felt it, she begged me to let her have it for her own, but I wasn't giving in. I permitted her to put it on the sofa beside where she sits, where I usually lie, so that she could touch it while she stroked me. This she reluctantly did, and since that day, it's become a regular routine that I get treats on there. She sprinkles some of the Dreamies all over it before she goes off to the work hunt. Oh, it's so great! I even lay on it twice, and that's saying something for me! The human really, really loves the plush material. She says she wishes she knew what it was, cuz she'd make a big blanket from it.





Hannah and Lucy, thank you over, and over and over again for all of the goodies you sent me. They were simply amazing, beyond what I was expecting. I couldn't even tell you what my favourite thing is, cuz they're all my favourites! They're all still out on the floor, and my human is still stepping on those gajillion balls, but it's such good fun to have them all out! thank you, thank you, thank you!





There are even more toys to tell about from a different source too, plus a delivery from Chrystal's auction, but those can wait till tomorrow, or maybe later this week, as we have other things to tell you. Oh, Secret Paws, I love you!

Apologies

Friends, my human is slacking again and I don't know what to do about it. Over the last few months I've tried various methods to keep her writing, but none of them work consistently. Cuddling might make her feel like writing one month, then not work even a few days later. The firm paw of guidance whips her into shape occasionally, but at other times all it gets me is a rather abrupt removal from her person with a strong admonition not to do it again. I'm starting to wonder if it's time for me to do another poo on the sofa, just to get my point across, you know? But then I can't help but remember the prison she put me in last time. What to do!


The frustration of the thing is that the human always has an excuse to explain why she hasn't been writing for me, but the thing is, that's exactly what they are, excuses! When you get right down to it, she's disorganised and fills her time with meaningless things like laundry, house cleaning, cooking for herself, going to the work hunt. Ok, that latter isn't a total waste of time. It does provide the means for getting me foods, but really, does it take eight hours to catch foods? That's one mighty inefficient way of hunting! It only takes me five minutes to catch a toy mousey.


Speaking of toys, I got to open my Secret Paws when I got home! Thank you so much, Hannah and Lucy. The present was so special that I'm going to devote a whole post to it when I can whip this lazy human butt into shape, so you're all going to have to wait just a little bit longer for the grand reveal! Let me just say though, it's fabulous and I love them all!


Dogface has really gone now. I have to confess, I still can't really believe it's true, and neither can the human. She keeps getting up and half going to the door to take her out for a pee before remembering she's gone. It's also funny to watch her walk towards the kitchen. Dogface's bed was on the wall next to the kitchen door, and even though it's not there now, the human's so used to stepping round it that she still does it. So she avoids this giant patch of blank floor. She says that when your eyes don't work, your feet programme themselves into routes so you don't have to feel with them all the time to make sure you're not gonna step on things. She says she'll eventually reprogramme herself to remember the bed isn't there, but it'll take a while. That made me think, it must be quite difficult to have broken eyes. I mean, I just look at the floor and know I can stand there and I won't step on Dogface cuz she's not there. No wonder it takes her eight hours to catch food. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on her, eh? I mean, if she had a good sense of smell, hunting with broken eyes would still be relatively easy, but peoples smell is pathetic.


So, me and the human are still adjusting to the absence of Dogface. The human had a friend over last night. I've spoken about her before. She brought the tiny puppy Dogface called Alice, and her guide dogface Jack, but she really came to keep the human company and stop her thinking about the fact that there was a blank patch of floor instead of Dogface on her bed. There was a problem though. Alice wasn't smaller than me any more! And what's more, she was far too interested in me for my liking.


Now, I've told you before that I never show fear. I'm a brave ladycat, I am. In true warrior fashion, I took up post right in the corner beside my litterbox, then didn't move. corners can be dangerous places, and this one needed defending! When the Alice Dogface came for a sniff, I stood my furrs up and hissed at her and I even growled. It was all fighting though. I promise you, none of it was cuz I was scared of her cuz she's bigger than me now. And when the human had to shut them out so that she could coax me to come to her to be lifted to safety? Ahem, I mean to a high vantage point on her shoulder. you can defend better from up there, I decided. Well, I only made her shut them out so that I could leave the corner and be assured it wouldn't be attacked in my absence. I was thinking of our safety.


She put me up on the ironing board then, a place I'm not normally allowed to go, but from there I can step either to the back of the sofa or to the massage couch and then from there jump into the kitchen. It's up high too, so she thought I'd feel less threatened up there. Really, I instigated it. Now I could protect lots of places at once! I stayed up there till she came and got me and put me on... Ah, but that would be telling, wouldn't it? She put me on something we got from the Secret Paws on the sofa, and there I stayed for ages, till I felt like it was time to defend my box again. Alice was showing an unhealthy interest in it. The good, brave human kept pushing her head out of it, but I didn't like the fact that a Dogface was so close to my box!


It gets worse though. They stayed over! I went to bed with the human and she shut the door so that they couldn't get in, but I could still hear them! Jack is Ok. Even though he chased me at first, he's settled now and is more like our Dogface that lived here. He just lies down and watches me. I don't mind him close to the box cuz he doesn't try and get in it, and he doesn't hassle me when I walk near him. He just needs to learn not to watch me now and I'll be happy.


The human got leaky eyes today when she had to go to the work hunt alone. I offered to come with her. I told her I'd even let her put on my harness without a fuss and I'd be her guide cat, but she didn't think the hospital would let me in, so I stayed behind and slept all day. She took her stick with her and used that to get to work and back again. She says it was hard, and that she feels like she's walking much slower without a Dogface to help her, but her PA says she's not that much slower. She only got lost a little bit once, so she's doing well! I'm cheering her on all the way, cuz she now needs to really build her confidence up. Poor human. Everything's very frightening and sad for her right now. No Dogface, a house move and a new job ahead, new environments to learn at work both here and in the new job, new PAs to find... It's all change for her.


Karen, you asked if Dogman was going to keep Dogface, and the answer is yes. Guide Dogs agreed and signed all the paperwork. They gave her to him on a two week trial. It's a formality they have to stick to just in case something goes terribly wrong, but they all know it won't. As soon as that's signed off, she belongs to him! He's happy and Dogface is happy, so the human is too, or as happy as she can be.


So that's life for us at the moment. My efforts over the next few months will be devoted to helping the human boost her confidence, and forcing her to do new, and for her, scary, things. I have two agendas for doing this. Firstly, it means that I will have a happier, healthier, and infinitely more trainable human if she's not worrying all the time. Secondly, if I rehab her well enough, she may never need to get another Dogface! Now who in their right mind would pass up an opportunity like that!

Happy New Year!

I really do wish you all a happy new year, and I hope that it brings you nothing but happiness, sun puddles, stinky goodness, cuddling on demand and all the ping pong balls your heart could desire! My human made a good start on my new year. She came home as she should have done on Thursday. She was very tired when she got here, but then I guess I'd be tired too if I'd been swallowed by a bird, digested for an hour, flown across a lot of wet stuff very high in the air, then regurgitated on the other side, stuffed on a train then on a bus, then finally dumped at home. That's quite a lot for one poor human to go through! She managed though.




When she got here, I pretended like I hadn't missed her at all, even though I had. Dogman was here, you see, and I couldn't have him thinking that I'd gone soft and that I actually could be swayed by emotion. Once the peoples learn that, they have you over a barrel, so I'm always careful to keep 'em guessing. I ignored her until she came to cuddle me on my special chair that I've claimed as my own. It's right near the warm heater, and Dogman doesn't even dare sit on it any more. When she came, I purred for her, but didn't do much else. I was planning to hold out until Dogman disappeared so as I could show my human how I really felt, but after five minutes, I could stand it no longer. I don't think the human could either. I jumped down off my chair and walked casually towards my room, you know, the one I told you about which is just mine? I kept looking back at the human, asking her to follow me with my eyes. I'd been able to train Dogman to do this over the last week. Even though his eyes are broke, they're not as broke as the human's, so he can see what I'm up to. When the human didn't come, I remembered, and started to talk to her instead. She's a good human. She came when I did that. I kept stopping often to let her get nice and close before I took a few more steps and called to her again. I took her right into my room like this, and behind the door where Dogman couldn't see. then I waited till she sat on the floor. When she did this, I walked all over the room, calling to her now and again so that she could hear where I was and how big the room was. I showed her where my foods were, where my water was and where the box was. Then I came back and made a huge fuss of her for being such a good human and doing what I told her. I might have gotten a little carried away with the head rubbing so that I actually lost my balance and fell over on my back, but I'm not saying nothing.





A very, very long time later, I let her leave the room, but once my big fuss was done, I came and sat with her on the sofa. I climbed up on her chest for a propper cuddle. It's good up there, cuz it means she has to put her arms up to hold me and I can snuggle right down and feel real, real cosy.





After a while, she went back to the suitcase, and I got a bit worried. Was she going away again so soon? She'd only just come back! I watched her anxiously for a while, but all she did was pull a funny looking small soft thing from the case. She pulled it from its packaging, then opened a small tub. Well, that got my attention right away! The smell of potent new catnip was unmistakable. She put the catnip into the soft thing, and when I looked again, I could see it was a little chicken! I was so excited that I started to play with it even before she'd finished filling it. She made me wait cuz I was scratching her hands in my excitement. I was kinda sorry about that, cuz it was nice of her to bring me a toy back, but I was just too excited to wait! When she finally let me have it, I killed that chicken good! She made Dogman take pictures and videos. We'll get the videos up as soon as we can, and whenever we have them, we'll get someone else to post the pictures. Keep checking back! There's even a photo of me standing over it and holding it down after I'd killed it. You will be able to see what a brave ladycat I was to do that! That chicken is fierce, you know, but I showed it who was boss.





The human and Dogman went to Dogman's brother's house for dinner the same day she came back. I was a bit put out. How dare she leave me alone so soon! Yesterday night they went out too. They said it was new year and that they were going to Dogman's mummypeople's house. I asked them to take Dogface with them to get her out of my fur, but they wouldn't listen, so I had to put up with her hogging the TV. She lies right in front of it! That means I can't get close enough to bat the screen, so it annoys me.





This morning though, tragedy struck. Dogface got a poopy bum again, real, real bad. But that's not the tragedy. Well, it is for the human, but there's worse to come from me! As soon as Dogface went and showed the human her runny bum in the garden, the human came in, and friends, she stole my chicken and put it in her pocket! What's more, when I climbed up on her to retrieve it, she not only prevented me from getting it, but put me in my room and closed the door! her reasoning is this: Dogface had stolen my chicken a few times, so it had been in her mouth. If this is a recurrance of the bug, I can't be allowed to chew on the same chicken Dogface has slobbered all over. She says I can have it back, but not before she's dipped it in something called coloidal silver. It's stuff that's sposed to kill all bacteria. But friends, she's locked me up! She says that Dogface has never been in my room thanks to the baby gate, and, of course, my ferocious defending of my territory. So if she has the bug, the only place that's guaranteed to be free of it is in my room. There I must stay, but I tell you something, I'm not happy about it! It might be much bigger than a PTU, but a prison is a prison, no matter which way you dress it up. Sure, I have a comfy massage table to lie on, and carpets so soft that your paws sink right into them until you can hardly see your claws, and she did give me almost a half a tin of tuna with the reasoning that I'd eat my fill and then sleep most of the day and be less distressed, but it's just not the same. I need to leave my mark on this place, and on stupid Dogface, before I leave tomorrow.





And that's another thing. Tomorrow. I have a three and a half hour stint in the horrible PTU in the horrible car tomorrow to get back home. The thought of it fills me with dread. I don't like being stuck in them for that long, specially not when I need to go to the toilet like I did last time. It's frankly less than comfortable! But endure it I must, apparently. I'm gonna make them pay for it. I'm gonna sing all the way!





Thanks so much to everyone who came to visit me on my 100th post. It was lovely to see you all! I'm also really flattered that three of you wanted to do a gift exchange with me! If there had been lots, my human was going to pick one at random, but as there's so few, we might just exchange with you all! One thing though. Admiral, I'm sorry to have to do this, but my human's being a dreadful bore. She knows you're sick at the moment, and is terrified of introducing another bug to our household. She knows your people wouldn't send anything intentionally, but she's so scared of me getting sick again that she asks if we could wait a while before exchanging gifts with you. I tried to tell her that you'd ensure mr bug didn't smuggle aboard, but she's a worry wart as you know. Do you mind terribly? To Amy and the Random Felines, thanks so much for agreeing to exchange with me! Is there anything in particular you like when it comes to toys? My human was hoping to get to the toy pet shop while she was staying with Dogman, but she hasn't managed to yet, so she will probly end up ordering everything off the internet instead. This means it might take her a week or two before she can send. Is this all right? could you drop us an email with your postal addresses and how many cats you share your house with? thank you so much! The human says you can write to the address in her profile, but she doesn't want to put it here to make it easy for spammers. If you have any trouble, just let us know.





We also hit our 1000th visitor over the new year too! So not only have we had 100 posts, but we've had ten times as many visitors! I'm so shocked that so many peoples and cats read what I have to say! Oh, everything's so exciting today! Sept the fact that I'm stuck in my prison. Does anyone have any escape plans which have a guaranteed success? My human has only came in to cuddle me three times in the last hour. it's not enough! I'm dying of loneliness here! my tuna is all done too, and I'm dying of starvation! It's just too much to bear! Heeeeeeelp!