I really do wish you all a happy new year, and I hope that it brings you nothing but happiness, sun puddles, stinky goodness, cuddling on demand and all the ping pong balls your heart could desire! My human made a good start on my new year. She came home as she should have done on Thursday. She was very tired when she got here, but then I guess I'd be tired too if I'd been swallowed by a bird, digested for an hour, flown across a lot of wet stuff very high in the air, then regurgitated on the other side, stuffed on a train then on a bus, then finally dumped at home. That's quite a lot for one poor human to go through! She managed though.
When she got here, I pretended like I hadn't missed her at all, even though I had. Dogman was here, you see, and I couldn't have him thinking that I'd gone soft and that I actually could be swayed by emotion. Once the peoples learn that, they have you over a barrel, so I'm always careful to keep 'em guessing. I ignored her until she came to cuddle me on my special chair that I've claimed as my own. It's right near the warm heater, and Dogman doesn't even dare sit on it any more. When she came, I purred for her, but didn't do much else. I was planning to hold out until Dogman disappeared so as I could show my human how I really felt, but after five minutes, I could stand it no longer. I don't think the human could either. I jumped down off my chair and walked casually towards my room, you know, the one I told you about which is just mine? I kept looking back at the human, asking her to follow me with my eyes. I'd been able to train Dogman to do this over the last week. Even though his eyes are broke, they're not as broke as the human's, so he can see what I'm up to. When the human didn't come, I remembered, and started to talk to her instead. She's a good human. She came when I did that. I kept stopping often to let her get nice and close before I took a few more steps and called to her again. I took her right into my room like this, and behind the door where Dogman couldn't see. then I waited till she sat on the floor. When she did this, I walked all over the room, calling to her now and again so that she could hear where I was and how big the room was. I showed her where my foods were, where my water was and where the box was. Then I came back and made a huge fuss of her for being such a good human and doing what I told her. I might have gotten a little carried away with the head rubbing so that I actually lost my balance and fell over on my back, but I'm not saying nothing.
A very, very long time later, I let her leave the room, but once my big fuss was done, I came and sat with her on the sofa. I climbed up on her chest for a propper cuddle. It's good up there, cuz it means she has to put her arms up to hold me and I can snuggle right down and feel real, real cosy.
After a while, she went back to the suitcase, and I got a bit worried. Was she going away again so soon? She'd only just come back! I watched her anxiously for a while, but all she did was pull a funny looking small soft thing from the case. She pulled it from its packaging, then opened a small tub. Well, that got my attention right away! The smell of potent new catnip was unmistakable. She put the catnip into the soft thing, and when I looked again, I could see it was a little chicken! I was so excited that I started to play with it even before she'd finished filling it. She made me wait cuz I was scratching her hands in my excitement. I was kinda sorry about that, cuz it was nice of her to bring me a toy back, but I was just too excited to wait! When she finally let me have it, I killed that chicken good! She made Dogman take pictures and videos. We'll get the videos up as soon as we can, and whenever we have them, we'll get someone else to post the pictures. Keep checking back! There's even a photo of me standing over it and holding it down after I'd killed it. You will be able to see what a brave ladycat I was to do that! That chicken is fierce, you know, but I showed it who was boss.
The human and Dogman went to Dogman's brother's house for dinner the same day she came back. I was a bit put out. How dare she leave me alone so soon! Yesterday night they went out too. They said it was new year and that they were going to Dogman's mummypeople's house. I asked them to take Dogface with them to get her out of my fur, but they wouldn't listen, so I had to put up with her hogging the TV. She lies right in front of it! That means I can't get close enough to bat the screen, so it annoys me.
This morning though, tragedy struck. Dogface got a poopy bum again, real, real bad. But that's not the tragedy. Well, it is for the human, but there's worse to come from me! As soon as Dogface went and showed the human her runny bum in the garden, the human came in, and friends, she stole my chicken and put it in her pocket! What's more, when I climbed up on her to retrieve it, she not only prevented me from getting it, but put me in my room and closed the door! her reasoning is this: Dogface had stolen my chicken a few times, so it had been in her mouth. If this is a recurrance of the bug, I can't be allowed to chew on the same chicken Dogface has slobbered all over. She says I can have it back, but not before she's dipped it in something called coloidal silver. It's stuff that's sposed to kill all bacteria. But friends, she's locked me up! She says that Dogface has never been in my room thanks to the baby gate, and, of course, my ferocious defending of my territory. So if she has the bug, the only place that's guaranteed to be free of it is in my room. There I must stay, but I tell you something, I'm not happy about it! It might be much bigger than a PTU, but a prison is a prison, no matter which way you dress it up. Sure, I have a comfy massage table to lie on, and carpets so soft that your paws sink right into them until you can hardly see your claws, and she did give me almost a half a tin of tuna with the reasoning that I'd eat my fill and then sleep most of the day and be less distressed, but it's just not the same. I need to leave my mark on this place, and on stupid Dogface, before I leave tomorrow.
And that's another thing. Tomorrow. I have a three and a half hour stint in the horrible PTU in the horrible car tomorrow to get back home. The thought of it fills me with dread. I don't like being stuck in them for that long, specially not when I need to go to the toilet like I did last time. It's frankly less than comfortable! But endure it I must, apparently. I'm gonna make them pay for it. I'm gonna sing all the way!
Thanks so much to everyone who came to visit me on my 100th post. It was lovely to see you all! I'm also really flattered that three of you wanted to do a gift exchange with me! If there had been lots, my human was going to pick one at random, but as there's so few, we might just exchange with you all! One thing though. Admiral, I'm sorry to have to do this, but my human's being a dreadful bore. She knows you're sick at the moment, and is terrified of introducing another bug to our household. She knows your people wouldn't send anything intentionally, but she's so scared of me getting sick again that she asks if we could wait a while before exchanging gifts with you. I tried to tell her that you'd ensure mr bug didn't smuggle aboard, but she's a worry wart as you know. Do you mind terribly? To Amy and the Random Felines, thanks so much for agreeing to exchange with me! Is there anything in particular you like when it comes to toys? My human was hoping to get to the toy pet shop while she was staying with Dogman, but she hasn't managed to yet, so she will probly end up ordering everything off the internet instead. This means it might take her a week or two before she can send. Is this all right? could you drop us an email with your postal addresses and how many cats you share your house with? thank you so much! The human says you can write to the address in her profile, but she doesn't want to put it here to make it easy for spammers. If you have any trouble, just let us know.
We also hit our 1000th visitor over the new year too! So not only have we had 100 posts, but we've had ten times as many visitors! I'm so shocked that so many peoples and cats read what I have to say! Oh, everything's so exciting today! Sept the fact that I'm stuck in my prison. Does anyone have any escape plans which have a guaranteed success? My human has only came in to cuddle me three times in the last hour. it's not enough! I'm dying of loneliness here! my tuna is all done too, and I'm dying of starvation! It's just too much to bear! Heeeeeeelp!