Saturday Stuff

Well, friends, there isn't really much to tell around here. It's been pretty quiet at casa de Tia... And human, I suppose. It turns out that Dogman just wants to be with his family and have some space this weekend, so although the human's been with him on the phone a lot, she's still up here in the house, feeding me and brushing me and snuggling me as she should. One thing she shouldn't be doing is bathing me though, and unfortunately, that's what happened to me this morning.




She said she thought it was about time I had a bath, that my coat was getting a bit greasy. The nerve of some humans! I mean, do I mention that her clothes smell nastily of detergent and stuff? Do I make a remark about how her tongue is hopelessly inept at cleaning her? Do I reference the fact that a body without fur looks disgusting? No! And yet, she has the tenacity to remark in an off-hand way that I am greasy. Well, if she had as much fur as I do to clean, perhaps she would be too!





So, in the bath I went. I could say a lot about how much I hate that blasted tub, but instead, let's focus on the positives, or rather, the positive. The human uses a baby shampoo on my fur. This has two good points. Firstly it makes my furrs beautiful and soft, and secondly, it doesn't leave too much of an icky smell behind it. The human says it makes me feel beautiful and shiny too, and that it won't irritate my skin.





Speaking of skin irritation, I'm back to scratching again. The human read somewhere that sometimes mites can migrate onto a cat's body. often they itch, but when lab cultures are taken, nothing shows up. She was questioning a while back whether I had ear mites, so now that she's seen me raking at my chin until I'm breaking skin, she's treating me with the nastiest smelling powder I ever did sniff! It hasta go on my skin to kill the horrid mites, but I tell you, I don't like it one bit! If that doesn't clear up my scratching, the human says that the water fountain will have to go. Before, when I was scratching my neck, the human was using plastic bowls for my foods and water. She got rid of them at the same time she put Soft Claws on me, so she's not sure if the bowls and plastic were the cause of the scratching, or whether the fact that it was allowed to heal that saw me all right again. you see, I had to bend forward to eat, which means that my neck might have rubbed the bowl. It's not all that uncommon for a cat to be alergic to plastic. I had a new water fountain that was bought months ago but that we couldn't use thanks to Mr Bug and my human worrying that he'd decide to live in the pump after jumping out of our mouths and into the water, but she gave me it after Dogface went, and ever since then, I've been scratching like mad. This one's a high fountain, so it would actuallly only be my chin touching it when I drink, and that's the only place I'm scratching.





Now, about Soft Claws. Pixal and Samba, we haven't forgotten the fact that you won and that we're sposed to mail you out a package of Soft Claws. There's a problem though. The company aren't being forthcoming with your prize. See, every time someone won, we had to tell the sponsoring company and they would supply the correct size and colour. We wrote to them when you won, but they haven't gotten back in contact with us since. We are still trying though. So sorry about the delay in you getting your prize! The human says some awful words when she looks at her email only to see that they have ignored another one. I can't repeat them. They aren't polite.





Hmmm, let's see, what else? Oh, the singing cat card arrived, except that it doesn't sing. The HGG told us it did, but she got it a little wrong. It's Ok. I'm not cross with her. She's old and has got some memory problems, so it's not uncommon that that happens. However, she still remembers me and how beautiful I am. She actually asked for all the human's photographs of me to be printed and brought at Christmas for her to look at, and I made sure the human bought her a Friends of the CB calendar too so that she could have fun looking at all of you in there, and me of course. Her eyesight's going, so she can't read so good any more, and that's something she used to do a lot. Now she likes looking at pictures a lot more, so the calendar was perfect. She loved it. She told the human all about the different pictures, and one of the blessings of her not having such a good memory is that, next time she picks it up, she always thinks she sees one or two new pictures that she hasn't ever noticed before. She asks the human about me all the time, and although she often forgets my name, she still remembers how much she liked me when she came to see the human way back before I started writing. I was super nice to her. I came and sat on her knee and cuddled her, and I didn't bite or scratch her once, even though when she picked me up it was a little uncomfortable. her left hand isn't so good any more cuz she had something called a stroke. That means that she doesn't hold onto me so good with that one, but has to hold extra tight with the right to stop me from falling back down when she picks me up. I got squirmy, and would try and ask the human to help the HGG instead of her struggling to do it herself, so for the most part it worked well. The HGG is quite squishy too, so makes for a great place to lie. The human thinks the HGG would do well to have a cat of her own for company, but the HGG worries about cleaning litterboxes. It's a pity really, as a quiet, older cat would make such a good companion for her.





But I was talking about cat cards, wasn't I? This one didn't sing, but it said meow and purred. I wasn't interested in the slightest. I knew it wasn't a real cat in there. It sounded way too fake! So, to all of you who were worrying, you can stop now. I have a way better reaction than the card when you rub my tummy. Sure, it might involve claws and teeth if I so decide, but it's still way better.





The human got the first of my vet bills sent back to her last week, and although the insurance covered some of it, there's still a lot left to pay. Hmmmm, wonder if we should go on the run? Nah, forget it, running sounds too much like hard work! Unless it's to chase a ping pong ball. In fact, is that one I see over there? I must go and investigate. It might take me some time...

Wednesday Winners and Other Things

Well, I don't really know what to say about the winners. They are super cats, and peoples of course. They won last week too, and were the only ones to enter this week. Nevertheless, congratulations to you all! The human promises she'll post them to you, Karen, when all the Christmas madness is over.





We're a bit disappointed that the give away hasn't been more successful at generating interest. Because of this, we're going to take a break with the last two weeks until after Christmas. That way, it gives peoples a chance to get the holiday business out of the way. hopefully then they'll come and visit us and enter! Super congratulations to you, Karen, and your furries. It's awesome to win twice! Double the fun, eh?





Now, I told you I'd tell you about the human's arm today, and I better had, as she's whining that it hurts to type, and please can I be concise instead of rambling as I usually do. Rambling? I do not! I speak nothing but words of wisdom, and sometimes griping. no wonder she thinks it's rambling when it deals with all her shortcomings.





Anyway, her arm. Peoples, I have learned, have vets too, but they call them doctors or GPs which stands for general practitioner. I've always wondered why peoples feel the need to have multiple talk noise words for the same thing. Doctor? GP? General practitioner? Personally, I think vet is quite appropriate. So, she went to her vet when I was at mine, to be tested too to see if they could help us find out what the mr Bug was. They stole lots of things from her. Peepee, even poop! How disgusting is that! She allowed them to do it, didn't even spit or anything! I vow that I will work on her training for this.





Ah, where was I? Oh yes, stealing. They also stole some of her bloods, not once, but lots of times. They took four lots of blood in two separate lots, but the second time, when the needle was coming out, it really hurt, and the human's bloods kept coming out lots and lots even though they shouldn't cuz the stealing was done. When they went back inside to hide again and stopped coming out, her arm still hurt really badly, but she thought nothing of it. It's happened before when they've hit the muscle, and she knows it goes away in a day or two.





It's now been five days since they stole her bloods, and rather than getting better, the arm is getting worse. She can no longer get it all the way straight, and is having to take tablets to keep the pain at a manageable level. It hurts when she picks me up, and she's finding it difficult to do things like type or hold a pen for signing things at the work hunt. She even struggled to get my food open last night! What good are thumbs if they don't work propperly? This worried me enough that I insisted she went back to see the vet again. She says she's gonna call early tomorrow morning and try and get in to see him before we all head off tomorrow evening. I hope they don't have to amputate. It would be very inconvenient to be burdened with a human that couldn't open food for me.





In other super exciting news, our Secret Paws partner wrote to us today, and it's Hannah and Lucy! They said they made their people send a package on Monday, and we are very excited! I made my human go to the post office today to see if it was there, cuz if it was, we could have told you all about the super things inside. The human said I could open it early cuz I wasn't gonna be around for Christmas. Unfortunately though, it wasn't there. Hannah and Lucy, if it arrives tomorrow, is it Ok if I open it? Then I can take toys with me to Dogface's new home! If not, I can wait until after christmas. Your choice!





Now to a matter super important. Friends, I have a problem. I need a manly mancat to come visit me right here, right now, and I can't find one! I've been shouting and shouting for one, but they don't seem to be able to hear me, and the human says she's not taking me to see my man friend who owns his own house cuz I'm still having pudding poo and she doesn't want him to get sick and anyway, I said I was going with Dogface and I can't do that if I'm with my man friend. Ah, but all that doesn't matter now. My promises to Dogface are nothing compared with my need.





I've left him signs in both of my litter boxes. Many ladycats scent mark (peoples call it spraying) when we want to find a mancat. This surprises a lot of humans. They think it's only mancats that do it, but it isn't. Where many ladycats spray on people things, I won't. Firstly, if a mancat does come, I don't want him interested in people things. I want him interested in me! Secondly, it wouldn't be polite to scent mark the human or the things she calls clothes or the sofa where I sleep. After all, I wouldn't like it if she marked me everytime a manpeople came here. I'd stink!





With all this in mind, I choose to mark my boxes instead. I do this frequently, probably about once every half hour or so, and when I do, I shout and shout and shout no matter what time of the day or night it is, just in case he's listening. He hasn't come though. What am I to do! Friends, is there any way you know of to smuggle a mancat in here? More to the point, are there any mancats out there who would like to come, um, see my place for a bit? The human and Dogface are leaving tomorrow, so we could have all the house to ourselves! Mancat, Mancat, wherefore art thou Mancat! Maaaaaaaancaaaaaaaaat!!!

Tortureshell Tuesday: Poo to That!

Well, friends, times are hard around here. I decided to try and be nice and not have tortureshells until Santa Paws has been and gone, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't win!





Last week, the human sent me to the vet peoples cuz I was pooing way too much, so when I came home, I decided I wasn't going to do that again. Now that she's trying to collect samples for the vet peoples, she says I'm not pooing enough! I've only done one since I came home, and that one was very much a pudding poo. She says she knows I've been once cuz, to my shame, I got a little bit on my fur that I didn't manage to clean, just a little bit mind you, but she spotted it. It's hard to clean it when it's pudding poo and sticks to you, specially when you have long fur like me. When she looked for it in the box though, there was nothing there, sept a tiny bit that she thinks could have been left over from last nights when she cleared it. I really don't get it. I wish she'd make up her mind. To poo or not to poo? That is the question, and I sure as heck wishyou'd give me an answer you're prepared to stick to, human!





Our competition really isn't going well. In fact, we've had no entries sept the peoples who entered last week and won! That's really not good, considering, so we're hoping like crazy that someone enters before it closes tonight!





We gotta apologise for not answering many comments lately. The human is desperately busy trying to get all her paperwork in order for her physiotherapy interview thingy. There's so much you have to show just so they know you're good. her current file stands at a whopping 82 bits of paper, and she's not done yet. She won't even let me play with them, let alone all her certificates which she has in a separate folder. Then there's all the packing to do, and oh is that fun or what!





I told you how much I liked Dogman's suitcase when I found it when he was here, but that is nothing, nothing, nothing compared to the human's ones. She has two out at the moment, one full of mine and Dogface's stuff, and another full of hers and Christmas presents to go to the Ireland place with her. But the best bit is that when she got them out this morning, I saw my ping pong balls hiding in one. So I jumped in and whapped them good! I made them fly all over that case, and I could hurl myself after them and not get hurt too, cuz the super case protected me. Then I got to go explore in the human's one. I snuggled down in all of her clothes, only to hear her say, "Ah, cat, why'd you go and do that after I'd de-haired 'em all!" Ungrateful human. I could see there was no hair, and was trying to do her a favour! I just scrunched down smaller, pushed the carefully folded clothes around with my feet, and made room for myself. Admittedly, this didn't leave much space for her clothes, and she did start muttering something about "What's the point in even trying to fold them when you're in there?" but who cares? She can repack another day.





I also came and sat on her when she was folding her tops. She said this made things very difficult cuz if she let them rest on me for folding, not only would they get hairy, but I'd get up and run away. I don't like things on top of me, you see. She ended up using the already folded clothes as a table to do the fresh ones on. At least she has her priorities right. Don't disturb me when I'm comfortable! The suitcases are still out, and I know my fun isn't over yet!





But I'm getting side tracked. We were talking about comments. The human was very surprised that so many of you are able to see your owners when they are with the vet peoples. over in the UK, that's not common at all unless your owner is seriously ill and expected not to last too much longer. I certainly wasn't like that, or at least, not for long, so she wasn't allowed to come see me. Kassey, I never bring the bloods when I bite the human. I find it counter-productive, as it means a swift and unceremonious dumping from her lap, a lot of whining about how sore she is, and a delay in the arrival of my food. No, to bring the bloods isn't desirable at all. In any case, too much stick is not good in the human training. It scars them too badly too quickly. Catnip Crew, I hope none of those kissies were for Dogface! you'll never get the taste outta your mouth... Trust me on this. Once, but never, never again shall I try!





Speaking of Dogface, she had a bad tummy again today too and went for a check up. They stole her bloods and her peepee (about time they stole from her too!) and are sending it off for testing. They've put her on Dogface stinky goodness too to apparently give her tummy a rest and a chance to heal. It's disgusting! She gets about a squillion times more than I do, and not only does she still try and grab mine, but the human won't let me eat hers even though she has 63 times more than me! And what did she do to deserve it! Did she crawl up on the human's lap and purr for her? No. Did she miaow at her lots and lots today? No. Did she head bump her? Ok, she does this. Um, did she groom her with a loving tongue? Um, ah, moving on. But you get the point, don't you? Life's not fair sometimes.





Two more things, then I promise i'm done. Firstly, we won something at the latest auction! The human is very pleased. She says it's a crystal plate thingy that she's gonna display on her shelves... When she gets shelves. Second thing is that we're sorry to Karen for not emailing you sooner with the details for your Soft Claws after you won last week. The human's just been so caught up in all her own stuff as I said. Selfish person! She did manage to make the cake for her work peoples tomorrow, and although she said she promised and she couldn't let them down, I think the email was more important. I did tell her so, so have no fear, I'm fighting your corner! She's actually very amused by the cake. She got little chocolate figures to put on the top, thinking that there would be a people here to help her decorate it, but the people had to leave early, so she wasn't around. The human couldn't work out what way up a lot of them went, so we think we might have upside down santas on the cake! It's impossible to get chocolate topping all the way smoothe too when you have to touch it to know where to drop the shapes on, so she's worried about fingerprints. She's sure it won't look very nice either, but even that amuses her. She works for an organisation which works with a lot of peoples with broken eyes, so she says the cake, in all its messy glory, will be perfect! If it looks outlandish enough, we'll try and get someone to take a picture of it to show you. Sorry we can't take a picture of the taste though. We'll also try and get pictures of everyone in their silly Christmas things tomorrow. The secret santa at work was to find a silly thing for everyone to wear when they go out to eat tomorrow. She thinks it'll be fun!





Ok, so I lied, there's more than two things. The last one is about Santa Paws. Praline's people gave my human some good ideas about sending things out, cuz we're worried that if they'd been in this house, they may carry the bug that we have to other cats. We really don't want that. Praline's people suggested ordering from a shop, but the human has been speaking to her family peoples in Ireland. She arrives there on Monday, and if she goes out the very next day and buys all the stuff and sends it straight away, then it will still be with our partner by Christmas. It also won't be covered in Mr Bug. So that's what we're gonna do. The ordering from shops was a good idea, but the human wants to put the personal touch to it, as it's our first time doing this. We're a little worried cuz our package hasn't arrived yet, and cuz we're leaving the house on Thursday. If it hasn't got here by then, we'll just have to hope the post office holds it for us till we get back. Also, it's going to be interesting trying to work out who it's from. the human doesn't have the working eyes to read any messages, and if they're hand written rather than typed, mr computer voice won't be able to read them either. Still, it'll definitely be a surprise!





Ok, that's really it now. The human's arm is sore typing anyway. more about that tomorrow though, if she gets a chance to write. Until then, stay outta this horrible outside cold!

Wednesday Winners, New Competition and Lots of Other Stuff

We've got lots and lots and lots of things to tell you today, but we'll start with the most important thing; the winners!





Thank you all so much for telling me and the human about the naughty things you do. Some of them were very bad indeed. Well done to you all, and thanks for taking the risk of admitting your pranks. I promise, I won't let Santa Paws see them.





Our winner for this week though is Pixil and his human Karen. Well done to you both! The human says she's going to check and see if they do the combination you asked for, cuz we think they will only do one colour in each pack. Could you please email us with your address and I'll send her to the post office to post them to you? Thanks so much for entering!





This week is similar to last week, only we've got a different website, still for Soft Claws, and a different question. Here are the steps you need to enter.





1. Visit The new Soft Claws website
2. Tell us one thing that's nice about it, i.e, one thing they did well.
3. I know this is asking a lot for you to admit this, but also tell me one thing nice you do. It's embarrassing to admit you can be nice to the peoples for any other reason than that you're training them, but console yourselves with the fact that Santa Paws will be more generous to you if you're nice.
4. Tell us what size and colour of Soft Claws you'd like.





As before, the competition will run until midnight GMT next Tuesday, and, as before, please don't enter multiple times if you've won already, sept if you're winning the Soft Claws to help out cuz green papers are an issue. If they are, we'd love to see you win more than one pack!





We got some more news today, and we can't decide if it's good or not. I'm going for mixed, and so is the human. We finally got the retirement date for Dogface. She's struggling to do the work hunt now that it's winter and cold and her arthritis hurts. Personally, I think she's jealous of me and it's just an excuse to stay home all day like I do, but the human and the vet peoples believe her. It's hard being smarter than everyone sometimes. Anyway, her retirement is set for Monday 20th which is also the day that the human leaves me yet again so she can go and see other peoples. These peoples are her family though. It's good news cuz at least we know when Dogface will be leaving, but it's bad news for the human cuz it doesn't give her a lot of time to say goodbye.





We're just waiting on confirmation from the Guide Dogs peoples, but when the human spoke to them today, they said it was pretty certain that Dogman would be allowed to take her to his house so she can live with him and he can be covered in Dogface slobber and hair for the rest of his life. Personally, I can't see what the attraction is, but they obviously love each other. Each to his own, I suppose. They're going to officially confirm tomorrow. The human says that if Molly has to go, this is absolutely the best place for her. She's going to somebody she lived with for years when the human first got her, and where she visits to stay when the human goes on holidays. Dogman loves her and she loves him as I've said, and he spoils her rotten. To top it all off, the human will still be able to see her whenever she wants.





Now, for those of you who have come to read my musings for quite some time, you will know that, in times of need, I can be a selfless kind of cat. I sent my human to help train Babycat's people, Bug, even though it cost me dearly. Friends, I'm about to do something similar, and I suspect I'll live to regret this just as much as I did the last time. Now, the admission that follows shall only be spoken once, and shall be destroyed directly after you read it. If I'm ever questioned about it, I will deny all knowledge of ever having said it. Here goes.





I feel sorry for Dogface. yep, you heard me. Even though she knows the people she's going to live with and the place where she's going to live, she doesn't know she's staying there forever this time. She's too stupid to realise that. I'm not though, and I feel for her. That is why I have made a hard decision.





This Christmas, the human is going away for ten days to see the HG's mummypeople. I guess she'd be called the HGG. I've actually met the human great grandmother a few months ago. She's really nice and very warm and soft, and she's the best HGG in the world cuz she always said how yummy and lovely I looked and she always brushed me and cuddled me. She even wanted to take me home when it was time for her and the horrible manpeople to leave (human note: a family friend who is a neat freak and kept cleaning Tia hair off the sofa every time she so much as brushed past it. A real pain!). In short, she's wonderful! Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. Impossible not to when you're talking about a person who thinks you're the best cat ever. So, the human's going off there, and I'd planned a quiet few days in the house without her and Dogface. A girl needs some alone time, right? But i've decided that, for the sake of my fellow cat, or unfellow Dogface in this instance, I need to put it on hold. Reluctantly, I have come to the conclusion that if I want Dogface to be happy, I need to oversee the settling in period. Accordingly, I have made arrangements and will be travelling to Dogman's house with Dogface and the human at the end of next week. I will stay there until the human comes back, and will make sure Dogface has a familiar person to look at while she works out that this is her new home. And if that's not selfless, I don't know what is!





Self destruct initiated!





In other news, I got a new toy today. It's a ball with feathers on the top and it's all wrapped in rope and rattles when you whap it. The human roled mine in catnip before she gave it to me today. Actually, she tried something else first, another toy, but I can't tell you about that one cuz we bought one the same for the Santa Paws. I didn't like it though, or at least, I pretended I didn't. I knew there were more toys in that bag, and why be contented with one when, if you play your human just right, you know you'll get more! She eventually gave in and I got the ball. And oh what fun it is! When you pounce the feathers, they move. When you chase them, the ball runs away! If you try to bunny kick it, it slips out of your grasp and tries to hide somewhere else. Oh, what fun it is! I love, love, love it! I only played with it for a few moments though. Can't have the human thinking that she's worked out my toy preferences, and anyway, it wouldn't be dignified to turn into a big pile of kitten at the sight of a new play thing.





The human also did something today that she's very proud of. It's gonna sound small, but I don't care. I'm proud of her too for this cuz I know how worried she is about it. When she's not with Dogface, she uses a long white stick called a cane to help her not bump into things. It's been so long since she's had to use it exclusively though that she's very nervous now. She needs to build her confidence up. Today on the way out of the work hunt, she got her PA to walk with Dogface and she used the stick, right through the middle of the main corridor of the hospital at its busiest time. There were peoples everywhere, it was noisy, confusing, they kept getting in her way, but she still didn't give up, and made it right all the way to the exit. She was nervous doing it, but now that Dogface's date is set, she knows she needs to get good at it real quick. Well done human for forcing yourself to do it before you absolutely have to. I think if peoples get in your way next time, use the stick to thwap them with. Then you'll be Ok.





In our last piece of awesome news, somebody somewhere thinks my human is the best human ever, or good enough to offer her something called an interview at any rate. It's for a physiotherapy work hunt job. She says an interview is where you go and talk to peoples who have read the application form papers you wrote, then tell them all about you. Well, isn't that what application papers are for? I'll never understand all this time wasting! The interview is near where I am staying for Christmas, so the human is going to take us up there the night before, then go for the interview, then spend the weekend with Dogman and us before she goes to see the awesome HGG.





So it's mostly good news all round today. I'm glad of it. I'm also sorry for the long, long post. She goes from not writing anything to writing everything all at once, but we just had to share all the joy today!

Tortureshell Tuesday: Playing Games

This is my favouritest thing in the world to do. I don't just mean the ordinary games where you kill the naughty feathers that the human makes bop you on the head. No, I mean the games that keep the human guessing all day long. I've mentioned a few of these before, but today's one really has her on edge.

Usually I like to be with the human, mainly to keep an eye on her and prevent her from getting into trouble or doing anything stupidly dangerous. Today though, I decided I'd had enough of her. When she sits down, I'll usually climb onto the sofa with her, but every time she's picked me up today I've jumped down and gone to lie quietly on the floor out of the way by the big windows.

You might say it's a bit mean of me, cuz I think the human thinks I might be getting sick again. Last time the first sign she had was that I stayed away from her, you see. She's disgusting enough to keep checking my bum every time I come out of the tray. She says she's looking for the evidence of runny poo. What is it with her and poo! She keeps wondering if my temperature is up, and is watching very closely to see if I start vomiting like I did last time. I'm keeping my cool though. I'm drinking lots and I'm eating well. As if I wouldn't eat!

It doesn't take much to have the human worried about me these days. If I'm too clingy, she worries that I might be sick, and if I stay away from her, the same. If I follow her all the time, she's concerned, if I don't, she asks if I'm all right. I can sort of understand it. I was pretty sick, and I know that if I was her, I wouldn't like the thought of losing me either, but honestly, this worry has to stop at some point. That's why I'm playing the game. Tomorrow I may well come back and sit with her and she'll realise that she was worried for nothing. Over time I hope that this desensitisation method will work and leave her much more stress free.

For now though, I'll keep her guessing. It's what she needs.

Our competition closes tonight, so if you haven't entered already, get commenting! We will pick the winner using random.org. May the best cat win!

Saturday Stuff

Yet again, it's been a while since we blogged. The human says she's feeling less driven to write lately, because we're not sure how many peoples are reading us any more. I've explained to her the fact that it's a vicious circle. If she doesn't write down my dictations every day when I give her them, peoples are going to read us less. She displays her stupidity with worrying regularity, does she not?

Well, it seems as though the competition has been a resounding flop. One cat is interested in the give away so far. To be honest, this one even took me aback. I was expecting that, like every other competition on the CB, we'd have lots of entrants.

The human and I have been thinking about this a lot over the last week, and have come to a reluctant conclusion, which we'd love to have proved wrong. It seems as though others visit blogs to look at pictures rather than to read what's written there. Wordless Wednesday is a classic example of this. Puss-Puss
also seems to be coming up against the same problems. She is one of the most wise cats I have ever come across. She studies peoples behaviour and offers insights that I, even after living with peoples for all of my life, haven't considered. Yet, since Whicky's post on the CB about her drew readers, I've been the only one to go visit her and leave comments on a regular basis. Is it coincidence that she often posts no pictures either?

My human says I'm starting to sound whiney. I resent that comment, because everybody knows that it's Dogfaces that whine, not us more sensible cats. For her sake more than yours, I'll clarify (we cats understand how it is, so I'm sorry I have to take a moment to spell it out for her slower brain). I am not saying that other peoples and cats leaving comments defines whether I will continue blogging or not. It's just that it's nice to know that writing is appreciated, that's all. I was considering having a CB event encouraging all of you to post one post which tells a story without pictures, but I tried that with my Tortureshell, and it had one participant for one week. I guess pictures are just the way to go.

Anyway, enough of my self pity. I have some exciting news. This is all very hush hush at the moment, but we could be having a celebrity guest star on here very soon, who has tentatively agreed to having a regular slot. When I say celebrity, she's a celebrity only to certain peoples, namely one Bug. You'll have to keep your eyes peeled for more information though. I'm bound to say no more until contracts have been finalised, and treat fees discussed and agreed. Oh, I hope she's not too expensive! I love my Dreamies too much to part with lots of them.

My human has the day off the work hunt today, which I'm loving. It meant we got to stay in bed much longer this morning. She's put a new blanket on there too, so it's really cosy and warm now.

We had another trip to the vet peoples yesterday. Dogface had to go for her hydro, and I needed to have a scan to see about those kittens. I decided that I would cooperate this time. It was the vet man people who saw me when I stayed in hospital. He was the one who got me better enough to go home though, so I guess he's not quite as bad as the others. I stayed nice and still for him, and even tenderised his arm a bit with my claws, to show my affection, you know? Well, I can't have him thinking I'm a totally easy patient. It gives them a false sense of their own importance, makes them think they can get away with more than they have a right to.

The worst bit about those scans is the horrible gel stuff they put on my yummy tummy. Even though this vet man people was good enough to clean most of it off, he's nowhere near as thorough as we are. They never quite manage to get it all, and I'm forced to do it myself. It tastes yucky, and feels nasty when it's on my fur. There's always something unpleasant about going to the vet, isn't there?

As it turns out, I do not have kittens in my tummy, but am continuing to produce milk. Oh, I do so love playing games with my human. It keeps my days interesting. The vet peoples say it's because my hormones are probably all over the place from when I was with my man friend. Honestly though, if you other ladycats had seen him, your hormones would be in a whirl as well. He's quite the handsome picture. Why do peoples feel the need to state the obvious? It's hardly rocket science that I'd still be thinking about him.

The Admiral
would be quite proud of me, I'm sure, for I sang my heart out both on the way there and on the way back. I did Christmas songs. I did old old favourites like Three Blind Mice, I did classical opera, and when I got really frustrated, I sang "Tia Claws are Coming to Town" right into my human's face through the bars of the PTU. In her usual thick-headed way though, she took no notice, and just asked me to be quiet. I also took no notice. The human is not to be listened to when she is in one of those "what I say goes" moods. It's not good for her to have these delusions of grandure attended to as though they were true.

So, we're back at home. Dogface is sleeping as usual, I am thinking about sleeping and the human is tippy-tapping away, for once, being a good secretary. Happy Saturday to you all, and happy winning on the competition... Hopefully.

Tortureshell Tuesday, Winning and Give-Away

I have so many tortureshells to talk about this week that I don't even know where to begin!

There's my human, for one. She's gotten really bad at writing down my dictations. I still talk to her every day, but whereas before she was an attentive secretary, lately, she's turned into nothing but a lazy lay-about. It's been four whole days since my last post, and she's only doing it tonight cuz I guilted her into thinking that I'd lose all my friends if she didn't start blogging for me again.

Then there's the Soft-Claws/Paws. They're the same thing really, sept one is marketted at Dogfaces and the other at cats. Thanks to all of you who suggested peoples for my human to talk to. In typical human fashion, she didn't contact them. She says she just didn't get round to doing it, but that doesn't mean she isn't grateful for the advice anyway.

The Soft-Claws arrived on Saturday. I'm not going to go into too much detail about what they are right now and how they look,etc, cuz I'm planning to do that later on when a problem has been resolved. When the human put these things on me, she made a new rule.

Rule 2 gazillion. you shall not use your teeth to remove these from your claws. I am putting them on to give your poor neck a chance to heal. Respect the fact that I'm doing this for your own good, for once.

For my own good? She said the vet peoples were poking and prodding me and stealing my unmentionable for my own good, but I don't see what great stuff that got me other than a couple of days in a horrible jail that stank of the other sick cats around me! So having caps put on my claws, even if they were comfortable, was not my idea of a great thing! Accordingly, as soon as she turned her back (well, actually, left for the work hunt) I set to work with my teeth. I managed to get three of them off by the time she came home, and then another one before the night was out. I don't know why my human is suggesting that's a tortureshell. I think it's pretty good going, myself. The human wasn't impressed. She got a people to come over this morning and help her fit me back up with them. The problem is that they're too big though. The company sent me the wrong size. If you're going to have things on your claws, they should at least be the correct size, right? So rather than being a tortureshell, I'm staging a protest against inappropriate sizing. Is the fact that they're too big my human suggesting that she thinks I'm fatter than I actually am? I'll not stand for that!

As well as being busy with her job, my human has been having tortureshell problems of her own. The job has taken a turn for the worse, and someone in the block of apartments we live in has been opening the human's post and taking packages delivered to us. She caught them at it tonight, and has called the police again, so hopefully this time, something will be done. I get punished for Tortureshelling, so why shouldn't this nasty man people and his lady people! This has been getting the human down a lot. She says she likes to be cheerful when she blogs so that she can give other peoples a piece of the smile she's feeling, so she hasn't wanted to write lately cuz she doesn't want to give peoples a piece of the frown instead.

We have brighter news though. We won! The animals over at Marg's Place
saved all of their allowances for ages and ages so that they could offer a prize... And I won! It's a gift certificate for the coolest toy shop ever! As soon as we sort out the details, I'm gonna get my human to order 251 of each thing that they've got, just for me! Marg's Animals, I hope you didn't have to sacrifice too much of your yummy foods allowance to get this for me. Thank you lots and lots and lots!

We have other good news too. The nice peoples at Soft Paws and Claws
Are giving us some things to do an absolutely pawesome give away. Every week from now until Christmas, this blog will be giving one lucky reader the chance to win a six month supply of Soft-Claws. You can choose the colour and size to suit, and, provided peoples from other countries will help with postage costs, they can enter too! Please spread the word. Soft Claws do lots of things like prevent scratching of the furniture (Ok, the human says this is a good thing, but personally, I think that sofas don't look their best until they've had a good claw raking). They also stop you scratching at your, ahem, collar and neck, not that I'd ever, ever do a thing like that, nuh uh, not me! They prevent injuries if you are fighting with your family members all of the time, which is worth it even if all it does is stop your peoples squalking at you that you should stop before you make the loser bleed! They mean that you can play with peoplekittens and old peoples too without hurting them by accident. You won't want these if you meet other cats outside though. Those, you do want to make bleed if they get on your turf, and Soft Claws will stop you from doing that. They might actually win the fight then cuz they have an unfair advantage. Guess what though? They don't blunt your teeth! Hah!

I feel the need to say that Soft Claws are absolutely not a fashion statement, even if they do come in funky colours. They're not the equivalent of false nails either. A lot of people think they're cruel cuz they appear unnecessary and frivellous. My human an dI tell things as they are, even if the peoples at the company are really nice, so trust us when we say they're not in the least bit cruel or nasty. An inconvenience yes, and something to be rebelled against, definitely, but not cruel. They serve a very specific purpose. They're quite comfy too, and the best bit is that I can still scratch on everything like my scratching post. I'm mostly making a fuss just as a token gesture of tortitude. Can't have the human thinking she's won after all, can I!

I'm going to make this first week easy. Each week I'll ask you to do a different thing, but from now until next Wednesday, please go and look at the Soft Paws and Claws website
Then come back here and leave a comment. Tell us what size and colour you'd like and one good reason why you'd like Soft Claws. The contest will close at midnight GMT on 30 November. Winners will be announced in the new weekly feature, Wednesday Winners!

Good luck to you all. Get clawing!

Tired Thursday

We never seem to be anything else lately, do we? The human is still finding it really hard to stay awake in the evenings when she comes back from the work hunt. Truth be told, she's finding it hard to stay awake even at the work hunt. They're obviously not making her hunt hard enough if she has time to think about sleeping! In brighter news though, she received a contact from what she calls a "possible future job". I'm not sure what a job is, but she says that's the peoples word for the hunt. Honestly, I don't know why they don't just use the propper words for things. Why do they have to over-complicate everything? I think it's to make themselves feel more important cuz they can use big or different words. Doesn't mean they're correct though.

Anyway, the human says that she gave some peoples some papers a little while ago that told them how great she was (a resume or a CV, I think she called them). Again, if you ask me, it's over-complicating things. All you have to do is show my human your yummy tummy and you'll soon work out how great she is. Her tummy tickling is the best! So, these peoples sent her a letter this week saying that they are recruiting physiotherapists, and please would she apply. Of course, she said yes. She's in the middle of writing more papers to tell them how great she is, and why she's the only one for the job. Weren't the first ones good enough? She obviously doesn't think so. She says this one just asks for more detail. It's called an application form. No wonder she's tired with all that writing!

Me, on the other hand, well, I do what I've always done. I lie around and sleep most of the day. I also play, and I've discovered a new thing that I like. My human has this thing she holds that has a dangly, bouncy string on the end. Attached to that are some feathers, and boy are they fun to hunt! We've had this toy for a good few months, but I did the propper ladycat thing and ignored it, just to show it its position, you understand, until I was good and ready to play with it. Over the last few weeks, the human has been teasing me with it; bouncing it in front of me, making the feathers attack my head and yummy tummy. I've just walked away from it. I've been interested, yes, but I can't have a feather string thinking it can make me play whenever it wants! I pounced on it once or twice, but then just left it alone. My human doesn't think I was ever shown a wand toy in my other homes. She says she's not seen a cat who backed away from them so consistently. Mummycat did the same thing too.

This morning, I was running all over the room, attacking my human's feet under the duvet and, in her words, "making a general pest of myself." Even though it was early, she thought it would be a prime opportunity, and went to find the feather string. It danced on the floor in front of me. I ignored it. It jumped on the bed. I crouched, but didn't go after it. Then it bonked me on the head, right between my ears! That was enough for me. Quick as a wink I flipped on my back, grabbed the feathers and... lost them! They flew high up and boinged on me again! I couldn't keep hold of them!

After that, all bets were off. Feathers think they're better than me, do they? Think they can boing me then run away, do they? I don't think so. I chased and chased and chased them. On and off the bed, along the floor, even up the wall once. Sometimes I missed them altogether, but when I did catch them, I hung on and killed them until they were good and dead! They didn't stay dead for long though. Even when the human got back into bed, I wasn't convinced they were really dead, even though they stayed very still on the floor where she'd dropped them. I stalked closer, then pounced... And they were mine! I dragged them from one side of the room to the other, and this time, I killed them good! They even stayed dead when I was done with them. I have buried them under the human's bed ready to play with again tonight when she does the snore noise thing.

I think I've decided I like feather strings. Do any of you think they're good fun? Do yours come back to life too? If so, do you have any tricks for killing them dead even when your people is still bringing them back to life? Hunting is fun!

To finish off, my human caught me scratching again this morning, and says I'm making another scab on my neck. She says while I was in the vet they put a collar on so that I couldn't scratch, and the scab had healed nicely. I didn't scratch for a while after that, so she thinks it's the itching of the healing cut that makes me do it more, and that, if I'd just give my skin a rest, they might go away for good. She has ordered something called Soft Claws from the computer box for me. She says she had to give some of her moneys for them which I was worried about cuz we really don't have a lot at the minute thanks to mr bug, but that if it keeps my skin better, she doesn't mind going easy on the food shopping this month. As long as it's not my food shopping she's intending to go easy on! Have any of you ever used these before? The human says they won't hurt me and that they just slip on over my claws to blunt the tips, but I'm not so sure I like that idea. If you've used them, did you like them Ok? The human says she'd like peoples thoughts too. She's not sure she's done the right thing in ordering, but she says my skin is important enough to try it.

I can't say see you tomorrow, cuz thanks to my human and her not blogging every day, I don't know if I will! Silly human.