Tortureshell Tuesday: Poo to That!

Well, friends, times are hard around here. I decided to try and be nice and not have tortureshells until Santa Paws has been and gone, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't win!





Last week, the human sent me to the vet peoples cuz I was pooing way too much, so when I came home, I decided I wasn't going to do that again. Now that she's trying to collect samples for the vet peoples, she says I'm not pooing enough! I've only done one since I came home, and that one was very much a pudding poo. She says she knows I've been once cuz, to my shame, I got a little bit on my fur that I didn't manage to clean, just a little bit mind you, but she spotted it. It's hard to clean it when it's pudding poo and sticks to you, specially when you have long fur like me. When she looked for it in the box though, there was nothing there, sept a tiny bit that she thinks could have been left over from last nights when she cleared it. I really don't get it. I wish she'd make up her mind. To poo or not to poo? That is the question, and I sure as heck wishyou'd give me an answer you're prepared to stick to, human!





Our competition really isn't going well. In fact, we've had no entries sept the peoples who entered last week and won! That's really not good, considering, so we're hoping like crazy that someone enters before it closes tonight!





We gotta apologise for not answering many comments lately. The human is desperately busy trying to get all her paperwork in order for her physiotherapy interview thingy. There's so much you have to show just so they know you're good. her current file stands at a whopping 82 bits of paper, and she's not done yet. She won't even let me play with them, let alone all her certificates which she has in a separate folder. Then there's all the packing to do, and oh is that fun or what!





I told you how much I liked Dogman's suitcase when I found it when he was here, but that is nothing, nothing, nothing compared to the human's ones. She has two out at the moment, one full of mine and Dogface's stuff, and another full of hers and Christmas presents to go to the Ireland place with her. But the best bit is that when she got them out this morning, I saw my ping pong balls hiding in one. So I jumped in and whapped them good! I made them fly all over that case, and I could hurl myself after them and not get hurt too, cuz the super case protected me. Then I got to go explore in the human's one. I snuggled down in all of her clothes, only to hear her say, "Ah, cat, why'd you go and do that after I'd de-haired 'em all!" Ungrateful human. I could see there was no hair, and was trying to do her a favour! I just scrunched down smaller, pushed the carefully folded clothes around with my feet, and made room for myself. Admittedly, this didn't leave much space for her clothes, and she did start muttering something about "What's the point in even trying to fold them when you're in there?" but who cares? She can repack another day.





I also came and sat on her when she was folding her tops. She said this made things very difficult cuz if she let them rest on me for folding, not only would they get hairy, but I'd get up and run away. I don't like things on top of me, you see. She ended up using the already folded clothes as a table to do the fresh ones on. At least she has her priorities right. Don't disturb me when I'm comfortable! The suitcases are still out, and I know my fun isn't over yet!





But I'm getting side tracked. We were talking about comments. The human was very surprised that so many of you are able to see your owners when they are with the vet peoples. over in the UK, that's not common at all unless your owner is seriously ill and expected not to last too much longer. I certainly wasn't like that, or at least, not for long, so she wasn't allowed to come see me. Kassey, I never bring the bloods when I bite the human. I find it counter-productive, as it means a swift and unceremonious dumping from her lap, a lot of whining about how sore she is, and a delay in the arrival of my food. No, to bring the bloods isn't desirable at all. In any case, too much stick is not good in the human training. It scars them too badly too quickly. Catnip Crew, I hope none of those kissies were for Dogface! you'll never get the taste outta your mouth... Trust me on this. Once, but never, never again shall I try!





Speaking of Dogface, she had a bad tummy again today too and went for a check up. They stole her bloods and her peepee (about time they stole from her too!) and are sending it off for testing. They've put her on Dogface stinky goodness too to apparently give her tummy a rest and a chance to heal. It's disgusting! She gets about a squillion times more than I do, and not only does she still try and grab mine, but the human won't let me eat hers even though she has 63 times more than me! And what did she do to deserve it! Did she crawl up on the human's lap and purr for her? No. Did she miaow at her lots and lots today? No. Did she head bump her? Ok, she does this. Um, did she groom her with a loving tongue? Um, ah, moving on. But you get the point, don't you? Life's not fair sometimes.





Two more things, then I promise i'm done. Firstly, we won something at the latest auction! The human is very pleased. She says it's a crystal plate thingy that she's gonna display on her shelves... When she gets shelves. Second thing is that we're sorry to Karen for not emailing you sooner with the details for your Soft Claws after you won last week. The human's just been so caught up in all her own stuff as I said. Selfish person! She did manage to make the cake for her work peoples tomorrow, and although she said she promised and she couldn't let them down, I think the email was more important. I did tell her so, so have no fear, I'm fighting your corner! She's actually very amused by the cake. She got little chocolate figures to put on the top, thinking that there would be a people here to help her decorate it, but the people had to leave early, so she wasn't around. The human couldn't work out what way up a lot of them went, so we think we might have upside down santas on the cake! It's impossible to get chocolate topping all the way smoothe too when you have to touch it to know where to drop the shapes on, so she's worried about fingerprints. She's sure it won't look very nice either, but even that amuses her. She works for an organisation which works with a lot of peoples with broken eyes, so she says the cake, in all its messy glory, will be perfect! If it looks outlandish enough, we'll try and get someone to take a picture of it to show you. Sorry we can't take a picture of the taste though. We'll also try and get pictures of everyone in their silly Christmas things tomorrow. The secret santa at work was to find a silly thing for everyone to wear when they go out to eat tomorrow. She thinks it'll be fun!





Ok, so I lied, there's more than two things. The last one is about Santa Paws. Praline's people gave my human some good ideas about sending things out, cuz we're worried that if they'd been in this house, they may carry the bug that we have to other cats. We really don't want that. Praline's people suggested ordering from a shop, but the human has been speaking to her family peoples in Ireland. She arrives there on Monday, and if she goes out the very next day and buys all the stuff and sends it straight away, then it will still be with our partner by Christmas. It also won't be covered in Mr Bug. So that's what we're gonna do. The ordering from shops was a good idea, but the human wants to put the personal touch to it, as it's our first time doing this. We're a little worried cuz our package hasn't arrived yet, and cuz we're leaving the house on Thursday. If it hasn't got here by then, we'll just have to hope the post office holds it for us till we get back. Also, it's going to be interesting trying to work out who it's from. the human doesn't have the working eyes to read any messages, and if they're hand written rather than typed, mr computer voice won't be able to read them either. Still, it'll definitely be a surprise!





Ok, that's really it now. The human's arm is sore typing anyway. more about that tomorrow though, if she gets a chance to write. Until then, stay outta this horrible outside cold!