Grooming habits of peoples

Friends, yesterday was another one of those days which makes me
wonder how peoples survived for as long as they have, and progressed
as much as they have, with their absolutely crazy waste of resources.
Let me discuss further, but first, I must warn that what follows is
not to be encouraged in any of your peoples. It's not pretty, and it
certainly isn't smart.

It has to do with water, you know, the stuff you need to drink to
stay alive? Ask any self-respecting cat to list the uses of water and
he'll say, "Uses? But there's only one, well, perhaps two if drowning
your prey in it could be classified as a use," and he'd be right. Ask
a people, however, and I think you'd find that you got a vastly
different answer. Take yesterday, for example.

It all started with the human picking up Millie apparently just for
a cuddle. My kitten, as much as I love her, has moments where she's
almost as dumb as a people, because when the human started to walk
towards the bathroom, Millie just carried on purring and brrrrrping to
her instead of putting up a token struggle to be let free. I
scarpered. I'm not stupid, and I knew what was coming.

Enter the first waste of water, the waste on grooming. I've had
this bathing thing done to me many times in preparation for shows, and
while it does strip the dirt out of my coat, so does a good tongue
washing, and the latter conserves resources much better. As if
throwing tons of water down the plug-hole isn't bad enough, she adds
smelly horrible shampoos to it which mean that, even if it could be
rescued by some miracle, it's no longer drinkable.

I know that peoples tongues are vastly inferior to ours, but they
still produce saliva, and they can still reach to wash parts of their
body. Ok, so they're not as flexible as us, nor would they be so well
cleaned, but surely this small sacrifice is worth it when it means the
conservation of water?

I usually try and educate her when she's giving me a bath. I talk
her through all the good reasons to save water, why we shouldn't just
get rid of it when it's a life saver. She just tells me to stop
shouting and says things like "Anyone would think I'm killing you
instead of just washing you with all that chattering". That lady never
listens to sense, even when it is shouted at her. I've heard her
intimate in the past that my shouting begins when the water is turned
off, and quietens immediately when I've got the warm water flowing on
me again. I've heard her intimate that this is because I'm being a
"stroppy madam," and because I want the hot water back. What lies she
tells! Let me tell you what's going on. I shout when the water is
turned off firstly with joy that she's seen sense, then with
increasing desperation as she makes moves to turn the water back on. I
scream at her to think before acting, to consider the poor alleycats
who have no water. I give up when the shower comes back on because I
sink into despair at my human's utter ignorance and inability to see
logic.

Then there's the matter of litterboxes. Now, we've already
discussed peoples litterbox habbits last year, how they foul up a
whole bowl of water by doing their unmentionables in it, and how wrong
I thought that was. But friends, they even wash out the propper
litterboxes in water. They actually fill a dirty box to the brim with
water, then wash out all the bits. Then my human fills it again, adds
horrible smelly stuff to it and scrubs. Then it gets emptied and
filled a third time so that the last of the smelly stuff is washed
away.

Now, in my book, filling a litterbox with water at all is a shame
and disgrace. Just change the litter every now and again, and that's
all it needs. But to fill a box three times is just down right
terrible. Considering that we have 4 boxes in our house, that's a lot
of water gone. Even one box full of the stuff would keep me and the
kitten drinking for weeks. Multiply it by 12 and the tragedy of it is
that much worse.

I've tried to educate the human, I really have, but after seeing
her behaviour yesterday, I think I'm going to have to give up on her
totally unless any of you out there have any good tips for stopping
this attrocity. If you do, I'd love to hear from you. Unlike certain
others I could mention, I actually care about conservation. When you
consider that our county is currently experiencing drout, the
repurcussions of her actions are clear. In fact, I wouldn't be at all
surprised if it turned out that she was the sole reason for the drout
in the first place! Come on, friends, help me out here. Surely your
peoples aren't as thoughtless as this one?

Now, today's a special day that only comes once every four years.
My human says that today is the day that ladies can ask their man
friends to marry them. While I won't be so forward as to propose
marriage (I'm not a ladycat who likes to be tied down... More of a
free spirit if you catch my meaning), if you're a mancat and
interested, then believe me, I'd be pleased to hear from you. Too
pleased according to my human who says she hasn't had a propper
night's sleep since Friday with all my shouting. Lots of you live all
the way across the pond though, so a ladycat's gotta shout really loud
to get your attention, doesn't she!

Smoochies to you all.

Tia

Abandonment, Salvation... and a toy!

Hi there, friends. I'll steal this opportunity to write to you all while the house is nice and peaceful. How can it be with a kitten in it, I hear you ask. Well, she's asleep after tiring herself out by running after our new toy, but more on that in a minute.

It feels like ages since we last talked, but I tend to let the kitten do her thing on here as she has so much to say and share with you all. She's so enthusiastic about the new things she's learning and all the places she's exploring that I think it's nice for her to be able to share. I tend to grab the quieter moments when I can write to you all because that suits me a whole lot better.

The human abandoned us last week, cruelly left us to fend for ourselves in the terrible elements. It got down to -18 degrees C over here, and she just didn't care! There's no point sending the RSPCA to our rescue, friends, cuz she'll just mutter something about "but they were indoors and the heating was on", and of course, because the RSPCA have only the brains of peoples which aren't great at the best of times, they'll believe her that we were at least warm. But friends, -18! That was horrendous! And trying to find your own foods in that weather is awful. Even the mousies hide! Again, don't send the RSPCA. She'd tell them that Dogman was here and fed us all the time, but there wasn't the variety, friends. my human rotates our foods for different flavours, and sometimes she mashes it and sometimes she leaves it in chunks. Sometimes she adds water, sometimes a crumbled treat on the top. Dogman? He just opened a packet, tipped it into a bowl and set it down. Why did I ever like him?

The human had the decency to come back just as we were both at death's door. The kitten was so distressed that she ran up to greet her straight away, meowing and purring and climbing on her in an obvious attempt to communicate to the dim thing, "Thank cod you're home. It was awful here without you, and look at how skinny I am! Ignore the tummy, please. It's bloated because I, um, didn't eat anything just a few minutes ago." I, on the other hand, was just too weak to move. I stayed in my near dead state cuddled into the only thick, fluffy blanket I could find, eyes closed, on my back, paws over my head (everybody knows you go belly up when you're about to die), and death rattling. My human says this was a snore, but everybody knows ladycats don't snore, and anyway, why would I be snoring when I was nearly dead? I roused myself as soon as I heard the rattle of the foods bowl, but that was instinct, pure self preservation. The rubbing round her feet and the miaowing wasn't my doing. it was my basic brain kicking in to tell me this was the best way of getting foods. The purring was just the icing on the cake, as was the human cuddling that followed shortly afterward.

I had recovered sufficiently by Saturday to consider attending a cat show, just to shmooze with my adoring public. I'm glad I did! As usual, I pretended to be a grump first thing in the morning (well, can't make it too easy, can I?) but this soon settled when I realised that I wasn't penned next to any stinky boys. Well, I did have one next to me, but he was a sweety really, and wasn't interested in doing anything that a ladycat doesn't talk about with me. Anyway, he was a brown tabby and white, and I know I can't do the unmentionable with a bicolour anyway, as my babies wouldn't be registerable. So I didn't get in a strop with him like I did with the very handsome colourpoint mancat at the last show. By the time the afternoon came, I was giving head bumpies to some of the peoples that came to cuddle me. One ladypeople held me so long that I even gave her a kiss, but only one, and only cuz she was so nice and she gave me kissies and said to my human and me over and over again what a pretty girlie I was and how she loved me. Of course, she said the same about the kitten, but that's understandable. She is my kitten, after all.

My human was all over the place, talking to peoples, putting on those funny white clothes which mean she'll be helping one of the judges with cats (stewarding, she calls it), cuddling other cats. I did permit this as it reminds her just how yummy I am. She did fall in love with a curly Selkirk Rex though, and said that one day we might have one of those too as they're so scrummy, but I just sighed and said nothing. She goes through these phases every now and again, and we always come out the other side minus the new cat, so I'm not too worried.

Soon the results came in, and I've never seen my human so happy in a long time. The kitten had got first prize in her open class, the most important one, and had even managed to take Best of Breed! Not only that, but she then went on to win another class which had a cash prize! I, on the other hand, scored big. I got my second challenge certificate and came first in my open. This means that I need only one more CC and I can then call myself a GCCF champion. How grand is that! I got third in a side class which I was also pleased about. In celebration, I instructed the human to go and spend Millie's winnings on a new toy for us. I thought that the kitten was too young to be expected to spend her moneys wisely as she was muttering something about giving it to the human so that we'd all have won something on the day, so I felt it better to take charge before that crazy notion got too far. My kitten's too nice, sometimes.

So off the human went, and came back with a toy called Under Cover Mouse from Panic Mouse. We got to play with it when we got home, and it's so exciting that I even overcame my initial nervousness that I have of all things new, and played with it without the human having to show me that it was all right and wasn't going to bite me. It's a circular bit of material which covers an electronic pretend mousie who zips around underneath it with only his tail poking out the edge. You gotta catch it under the cover and pin it, but whenever you do, he changes direction and runs away again. He's impossible to kill propperly! No matter what you do to him, he stays alive! For any cat who attacks feets and things under covers, this is such a good toy! Get 'em quick though, cuz they aren't making them for too much longer.

I finished up my day by yelling in the horrible PTU all the way home (well, it's the principle of the thing), then curling up for a good wash and a nap. I'm very pleased with myself and my kitten. We had a super day!

Well, until next time, friends. If you can't be good, be very, very bad... It's much more fun anyway.

Of Bugs and Parrots

Hihihihihihihihi all my somebody friends! It's me again! And I got lots to tell you. Well, it's not really lots unless I can think of lotsa things to say, but I can't tell you another things I thinked on Thursday cuz it isn't Thursday today, so that would be silly! Anyway, I thinked that I would just tell you some things anyway. Is that all right?

So, the first thing is that my human has a change of work hunting place today. She says this is normal, that in her job contract, whatever that is, she has to change the place she day hunts in every three months so that she does the same day hunting, but just in a different place. And I thinked that was pretty silly, cuz if you hunt in the same place for three whole months which is the same as forever, then there'll be no mousies or balls or money papers left to hunt cuz you'd have catched them all. Then I thinked that perhaps the human wasn't a very good hunter which is why it might take her that long to catch all the things before she changes the place. And then I thinked, but what if the mousies and the balls and things that she hunts are just like the mousies and the balls in my house place? Cuz I've been hunting them for over seven months now, which is like more than two forevers, and they still come alive again even after I've deadded them propper. As soon as I walk away and come back again, they need deadded all over again! And it's hard work! My little bug, for example. The human says it's a Neakofly but it's not. It's a bug. But it's always alive. Even when I catch it and pick it up in my mouth and run away with it and say wrow, cuz you can't say weeeeow when you have a bug in your mouth cuz then it falls out and runs away and you gotta chase it and chase it and chase it till you catch it again and then pretend that you meant to let it drop all along anyway and that it was part of the game. The bug is really alive, cuz it crawled into the human's jacket pocket last night when it had had enough of me catching it. It went in there to hide from me, and then it stayed real still and real quiet. And me and the human forgetted all about it till this morning when the human got to her day hunting place and she put her hand in her jacket pocket to get her name badge which is like the secret thing you need to break into the day hunting place where all the coolest things are to hunt. And out jumped the bug and his string that he's attached to, and he tried to run away from her, and all the other mighty day hunters said hahahahahahaha when they see'd the bug. They were probly laughing at my human who couldn't even catch a bug that she'd already catched in her pocket! She says they said words like "crazy cat lady," and "Next she'll smuggle a kitten in in that pocket," and other stuffs like that, but she just said hahahahaha too and telled them she was comfortable with being a nutter as long as it involved snuggly kittens, and sparkly balls and stinky goodness and mousies. Well, she didn't say them last things, but I woulda said that if I was her, cuz they're the bestest things ever.

I got a new nickname too that I forgotted to tell you about. Dogman and the human and even the somebody that comes to take the human away in the big growly monster called car every morning which takes her to her day hunting call me this. They call me Parrot. Why? Cuz my favouritest place in the whole world, maybe even in more than the whole world is on somebody peoples' shoulders, but only on somebody peoples that I like! Oh, it's so coooooool up there! And whenever a somebody picks me up, I climbclimbclimbclimb all the way up them and then onto their shoulders and then I go round the back of their neck and put my front paws and my head on their other shoulder and then I peep out with my face next to theirs, and I say purpurpurpur cuz I'm so happy up there, and if they talk to me or sometimes even if they're not talking to me but talking to a somebody, i say weeeeow and reeeeow and rrroooow to them till they talk to me some too. I like talking!

And if the somebodies don't pick me up, I talk and talk and talk and talk and then I shout right by their feets. And if that doesn't work, I jump and climb all the way up. And if they're bending over, I jump onto their backs and then climbclimbclimb to their shoulders. And I even climbed up Dogman's arm once! The human is a horrid big meanie, cuz she tells all the somebodies not to let me do that. She says it's Ok now cuz I'm a cute little girlcat, but when I turn into a boring old fatty ladycat like mummycat, then I can't do it no more cuz I'll be too heavy and it'll hurt the somebodies. So every time I jump on her back, she straightens up real quick so I fall off her and onto the soft carpet. And even though she's usually on her knees so I don't fall far, and the carpet's soft so I don't really get hurt, I cry and cry like a lost little babycat, but it doesn't work on the human. She does let me on her shoulders, but she has to say it's Ok first before I jump, and if she says no, I gotta listen and not jump, cuz if I do, then I'll just fall off again. But it doesn't work on Dogman. I maked him bleed by accident the other day cuz I put my claws in his skin to climb. And he was upset and said ouch ouch, ooooow! a lot, but when I got to his shoulder I put my claws back in again. And the human said, "See?That's why you need to stop her doing it!" And so the next time when I jumped on him, he maked me fall off just like the nasty human. And I cried and cried and cried like a little hurted babycat, and he picked me up real fast and snuggled me and said "Oh, Millie! Are you all right? Did I hurt you? C'mere and have a cuddle. And as soon as he picked me up, I climbclimbclimbed all the way to his shoulder, and then I said purpurpur, and he couldn't tell me off cuz I hadn't jumped on him or nothing and it's Ok to climb, just not to jump. And so now, he doesn't make me fall off any more, even though the human tells him off for it all the time. Silly Dogman! He's being trained already! And if you wanna see a picture of me being a parrot, you can Look at it here, I think!

I think that's all I thinked of for today. Oh, sept one thing. My human is going away for a little while next week. She says that one of her family is coming across in the big bird that eats peoples and then spits them out again called aeroplane, and she's coming all the way from Ireland and she wants to go see a place called London, so the human's gonna go with her there for a while. And she says that Dogman's niece will come and stay with us and feed us and cuddle us. And Dogman's niece feeled me when I was still just a wriggle in mummycat's tummy (if you actually believe that story), and then she came to see me when I was a teeny, tiny babycat before I even had my eyes open, and she's come and tickled me sometimes too, so I think I'll like her. And then the human will come back on Thursday night with her cousin. And I don't know if I'll like her cuz I don't know her, but she has a girlcat of her own, so maybe she'll be Ok. And then I get to show off at a show on Saturday! Isn't that all exciting!

Now I really can't think of no more. Byebye!

Things I thinked on Thursday

Hihihihihihhi friends! It's me again! And it's my turn to write to you somebodies on this blog thing! Did you miss me all the way through reading what my boring old mummycat had to say? She's not as exciting as me, right?

I don't really have anything spe, spec, pacific (yeah, that's the right word) to weeeeow about today, so I think I'll just weeeeow about whatever I think about. Is that Ok? Oh, I just thinked of something! I don't only say weeeeow any more! I've learned to say rrrrrrreow, just like my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny by his somebodies did. And the human thinks it's cute. And I say it to her in a real, real loud voice whenever she comes back from the thing that my mummycat says is called her day hunting, cuz I haven't see'd her in ages and I want her to know that I missed her and I need her lovin, now!

And my human's gone forever and forever all the time now. Mummycat says she's only gone for a few hours, and she's only been gone for 4 days so far, but she hasn't. You somebodies know I don't tell porkies, and if I say she's been gone forever and forever every day, then she has! Oh, I spose I should tell you that a porkie is a porkie pie which is my human's mummypeople's name for lies.

The human somebody has started calling me porkie. She calls me Porkie Pig who she says was a little fat piggie who used to be on the box with moving things in it but that you can't catch or touch that my human somebody says is called a TV. And she says he was really cute, but I thinked that I didn't wanna be called a Porkie Pig, even if he was cute. Cuz he's a boy, you see, and everybody somebody knows that boys stink. They're yucky! But she says she calls me Porkie Pig and Puddin and "Wee Fatty" and roly poly cuz I'm getting big and fat. But I know I'm not. It's all muscle and Ok, it might be soft muscle, but a girlcat's muscles don't firm up till she's much, much older, right? Like older than mummycat maybe? But then it's Ok, cuz then you're old enough to tell porkies about how you've only got a saggy tummy cuz you had babycats in it who wriggled and kicked and growed really big and stretched your tummy so that when you popped them out, they leaved a saggy tummy for you. But everybody somebody knows that babycats can't come from your tummy. It's only weewee and poopoo that comes from there, and so I think that mummycat's belly is saggy cuz she's a Porkie Pig too! And I got evidence, whatever that is, to say that that's not a porkie. Cuz my human put her in the bowl of the scary thing that talks to you when you sit on it, and it sayd "3645 grams!" And that's fatter'n me! Cuz then she maked me sit on it and it said "3185 grams" and I said weeeeow and climbed up the human to get away from it, cuz I don't like it very much at all. But them's some real big numbers! So we must be big cats! Do you think I should let her call me all them silly names she has for me?

Dogman has lotsa silly names for us. He makes up songs for mummycat, and he calls her mee-wow cuz when he used ta say that, she used to talk to him. And he calls me kitwin cuz he called me and my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny the kitwins when we were both here, but now that he's gone, it's all my name, sept it's changed to just kitwin. Sometimes he calls me and mummycat kitwin and catwin and the human calls us double and trouble, sept she doesn't say the and bit. And she calls mummycat munstermunch (they're a kind of crisps over here) and she calls us both the munsters and she calls me "No, Millie" and "Stop it, Millie" and "Get off there where you're not supposed to be, Millie" a lot. So how're we sposed to know our names when they call us all them crazy words? I think we should just be called Mummycat and Millie or Mummycat and Girlcat, cuz I'm not a babycat any more so you can't call me babycat.

I gotted to try some real, real nice stinky goodness the other day that I haven't had ever in the world, and I loved it. And I eated the whole bowl, and the human said she was expecting me to get a runny bum cuz it wasn't the type we usually have, but we didn't. So now she thinks it might be something called grain that is giving me runny bum, cuz the new stuff was turkey pate and didn't have any of this grain stuff in it. And she says that I had it before when I was a very small babycat and that I loved it lots and that I decided after a while that I didn't like it, thank you very much, and I wouldn't eat it no more. So she gived it all away and then I started to like it again. Well, I know she's telling porkies, cuz there's no way I'd not like this stuff. It's great! But she only had 1 carton of it left, so we have to wait for the more that she buyed with the papers that she day hunts for. I don't wanna wait!

And I can't think of nothin else to say now, so I think I'm gonna go and tease mummycat that she's a porkie munstermunch mee-wow catwin pie. Um, I think that's the right name, right?

The Human and Millie and Me

Friends, it's a hard life being me, do you know that? This time last year I thought I had it hard, what with wooing all those mancats and keeping up my untouchable reputation, but honestly, I had no idea of how tough life could be! Now, not only do I have to manage a dull-whitted, recalcitrent human, but I have a kitten to contend with who regularly steals my food, my napping spots and, more importantly, my blog! What's a ladycat to do, friends? I've got no idea!

Anyway, life just got a whole lot tougher. You know why? Because that human, that uncaring, unfeeling human, has abandoned us today! She says she had to return to her day hunting, but I think she's secretly disappearing off to have a good time without us. Couldn't she just stay sick and at home if she cared about us? She reminded me as she gave me a big goodbye cuddle this morning that if she didn't go to her day hunting, there'd be none of those silly papers that she keeps in her purse and doesn't let me play with, and without those papers, there would be no cat food, no nice new toys, no more showing myself off at shows, none of it. I suppose she has a point, but I'd never admit that to her face.

But what to do, friends? I'm stuck at home all day now with this crazy kitten, with no decent company. Not that my human classes as decent company. More of a distraction than anything else, but you'll take my point, I trust. There's not even the addition of new stinky goodness in the bowl at lunchtime to break up the monotony of being the only sensible, clear thinking being in the house. Ok, so the human heaped our bowl full for us this morning. Ok, so there's always dry food down, so much that we'd have to eat until we were sick to get through it in a day. But you know what? I like the stinky goodness best when it's fresh. I mostly only lick the gravy off, and gravy isn't half as appealing if it's been in the bowl all day and Millie's been at it. Ok, the human'll give me more stinky goodness as soon as she gets home, but again, you'll take my point, won't you?

In my less guarded moments, I'll admit that my kitten is growing up nicely. She's not as manic as she used to be. She doesn't take every opportunity to attack me when she finds me sleeping. She doesn't stalk my tail all the time any more. In fact, sometimes she's quite fun. She's really good to play chase with all over the house, and we regularly do the wall of death around the sofas in the living room. Well, she does. You know I'm too much of a well mannered ladycat to go hairing around over the top of peoples and on their furniture, but the baby isn't well mannered at all, and she does everything to excess.

The human has been thinking about excess lately. She has found it fascinating to watch the development of Millie and compare her to me. Millie gorges on food. She's effusive in her snuggling. She plays hard, sleeps hard, loves hard. In fact, she does everything to extremes. Her purr, just like her brothers' is mega loud compared to mine. I, on the other hand, never eat too much when I'm not caring for or feeding kittens. I regulate my own weight beautifully, in fact, too well if you ask the human, as she thinks I'm getting too skinny again. I always ask politely before stepping onto a lap, and I never jump directly onto a people. My human wonders how much of this had to do with my upbringing. I was raised in a multi-cat household, in among many other breeding cats. For many years of my life, I lived in not very great conditions. Long term readers of the blog will know about this as we spoke about those conditions whenever the human first got me. I was always with many other cats, having to share food, and even people attention. The human looks at me sometimes and thinks I'm almost apologetic when I ask to do things like have a cuddle. I'll always understand if she's too busy to cuddle me, but because of this, she always makes a special effort to give me more attention, and hardly ever ignores me unless her hands are dirty or she's really, really busy. I don't even purr loudly. Even Dogman has noticed how quiet my purr is in comparison to Millie's. Millie will bounce in and out of cardboard boxes, but I don't really understand the fascination at all. I can't really work out what they're for. They're a box. Nothing special, right? Or is it because, being born and raised in catteries, I never had the chance to see cardboard boxes at an age where I would have investigated and discovered how fun they were?

And toys, there's another one. I didn't really know how to play until I came to live with the human. She had to teach me that it was Ok to catch the dangly toys that she flicked around, but when I discovered what ping pong balls were. Well, that was a glorious day! Did I have toys as a kitten? She doesn't know.

She's a good human, really. She tries to make sure I have lots of chances to explore new experiences that I might not have seen before. If I show an interest in a new toy, she'll help me get over my nervousness of it (I'm always a bit wary of new things), and she'll show me how to play with it and that it's Ok to play. She lets me try lots of different foods, and the only thing she doesn't really compromise on is that she won't feed me the low quality stinky goodness that I love so much because it's only 4% meat. It also gives the kitten a case of the runny bum, so that might have something to do with it. She takes time out of her day to spend with me, and doesn't let the kitten muscle in on that time. In short, she's pretty all right, really.

I'm so pleased that my baby is being given chances and experiences that I may never have had. It's making her a really rounded cat, and when I see the small things that my human does for her, it just reaffirms why I put up with all her idiocy. The kitten took a real fancy to a shoe box when she was a tiny baby. Her and her brothers used to play in it all the time. Now that was months ago, but because the kitten liked the box so much, the human wouldn't throw it out. Even though it was in the way, she just filled it with toys for the babycat instead, and kept it until Saturday. She only got rid of it because it was falling apart and she knew she'd have another shoe box arriving in the post that very day. Now, there's not many peoples that would do that!

My baby has the best of everything, just as she deserves. And I suppose the human's daily abandonment of me is a small price to pay for that, small when you see how confident my little girlcat is. There's nothing quite like snuggling your baby against your tummy (cuz we do snuggle now that she's stopped fighting me) and knowing that you picked the best human you could to give her a super start in life.

Now, before this gets any mushier, I'm gonna go throw up a hairball in one of the human's slippers... That'll teach her for leaving us!

Secret Paws, at last!

Hi there, friends, and thank you for all of your good wishes for our human yesterday. I just thought I'd stop in to say hello before Millie takes over the rest of this post too. My human has done better today. She's eaten well, and has stayed awake for most of the day which is quite an achievement! She's done some laundry and even managed to hang it all up before she got too tired to do more, so she's definitely improving. She's back at the human vets tomorrow so that they can steal lots of her bloods to do tests on just to make sure everything's all right. She says she's sick of the human vet, and I can understand that as she's been up there quite a lot recently. I can't believe she actually takes herself there voluntarily. I mean, would any sensible cat do that? Nuh uh. If it wasn't for the PTU, I'd not set paw within sniffing distance of a vet place. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that she's fine and I'm fine and so everything's good! But it's time for our Secret Paws post. Yep, I know it's very late, but when you see what we got, it'll be worth the wait! I'm gonna let Millie tell you all about it seeing as it was her first Christmas and all.


Hihihihihihihi all you somebody friends! Oh,oh, oh, this is the most exciting post ever, cuz I get to tell you all about my Christmas and Santa Paws and everything that he bringed for me! And there's even pictures!


Our Secret Paws package came from Hannah and Lucy
and what a package it was! mummycat says that Santa Paws delivered a package from the girls last year too, and it was amazing then, but I know that this years' was even more amazing! Thank you thank you thank you Hannah and Lucy! Thank you lots and lots and lots! I musta been real, real, real good if Santa Paws telled you to buy all that stuff for me!


Let me tell you all about it. One day, the human came home from work to find two packages on our doorstep. She bringed them inside and set them down for a few seconds to take off her coat and shoes and work clothes, but when she came back, what did she find? One package had no paper on it any more, and the other one looked like a bag with a cute furry bum sticking out of it! the bag moved a lot, and my human's brave, cuz if I was her I wouldn't have went anywhere near it, cuz there was probly a monster in there. But she did go to the bag and she put her hand in and pulled on the thing attached to the cute furry bum and out popped... Me! Oh boy, oh boy, the smell of the present and the excitement was just too big for me, and I had to just get straight in there without waiting for anybody else! I also mighta taked all the paper off the box, but nobody see'd me do it, so I ain't saying if it was me or not! I like paper... See? Look. here's me here trying to help open my nice new mousie toy. I love my mousies!

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And the human said that as she was going away the next day and as I'd opened everything already anyway, today could be Christmas and I could have all my stuff. And I gotted real excited!

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And look at all the stuffs we got! There was loads of it! There was mousies and soft balls and sparkly pink balls and a ball that rattled and yummy treats and a super duper toy that you'll see in a minute, and a big catnip pillow and, and, everything! Look at all my toys!

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The first thing I hadda play with was my blue mousie. I loved him already, cuz he was the first thing I see'd in the parcel. I played and played and played with him lots and lots!

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And then I spotted the balls, and mummycat saw them too, and we both tried to decide if we would play with them.

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And then we both did, all at once! And we chased and chased and chased and killed them. And my favourite one was the pink ball. Just look at it!

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And then I taked my pink ball and my mousie and I put them near me and I telled mummycat that these were mine and she wasn't allowed them, pretty please, cuz I wanted them all for my own! So mummycat went instead and grabbed the big catnip pillow, and she bunnykicked it and she put the bitey on it and she rolled on it, and then i had to play too, cuz it was too good not to share!

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And then, friends, oh and then! My human opened the last box for us, and I went all crazypants like the Katnip cats do. Do you see my big springy toy? As soon as you touch itt, the whole thing moves and wiggles till you just gotta jump on it and kill it! And then it moves some more! And it's soooooo much fun! And I played and played and played and played with it till I gotted real tired. But look at it! Don't you want one too? It's the bestest toy ever! Sept for the blue mousie and the pink ball and the other balls and the catnip pillow and my Da Bird and my sparkly balls and my crinkle balls and everything else too. I have the bestest toys ever!

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But then my human taked out the last thing from the package, and oh my! It was treaties! And not just any old treaties. They were duck treaties! Real duck breast! And once me and mummycat heard that packet go crinkle crinkle crinkle, we climbed all over the human and asked if we could have some. And mummycat said Meow and I screamed till she gave us lots and lotsa treats! And even when she put the bag away, we kept asking for more which isn't what we usually do cuz we're clever and we know that when she puts the packet away there's no more treaties. But this time we asked so much that she gived us more anyway! Oh we love, love, love them! She has them hid on the sofa now and she gives us some if we sit nice while she's cleaning our eyes. And I like them so much that I actually sit almost all the way through now without trying to run away or without crying. Isn't that good?

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So we'd like to say thank you to Hannah and Lucy and to Santa Paws, and it was worth being good for! Who do I need to ask so that Christmas can be every day of the year?

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Strangers no more!

Hihihihihihihihihi friends! Man but I've been gone forever and forever and ages and then a really long time too! Actually, i haven't been gone. It's the human who's been gone sept she wasn't either, least, not for a long time. Let me explain.

Well, after I last writed to you all, she went away from the house and she didn't come back. Mummycat said she'd been eated by a big bird who flew all the way across lotsa water to another place called Ireland. She says the human goes here every year for Christmas to spend time with her mummypeople and her mummypeople's mummypeople who she calls her grannypeople, and all of the other peoples that are in her family. They all live there, see.

I thinked that she was gone forever and forever, but mummycat said it was only for a week. But when the human came back, she smelled funny and she was real hot and she made a big scary noise all the time that she said was a cough and then an "ooooouch!" and then another cough thing. And she went to bed a lot, and she didn't really play with me or anything, and I was sad cuz she wasn't like she used to be. I wondered if the family somebodies had maked her like this.

Then at night she gotted real, real sick, sicker'n I've ever been even when I was going to the litterbox all the time with a runny bum and even sicker than that time when I throwed up all of my foods on the scratchy mat all put together! And the next morning some different people somebodies came and they taked her away in an am-bue-lans, least, I think that's how you say it, and Dogman was very worried, and the human was still sick, and mummycat telled me i had to be a real brave little cat now and look after the human when she came back. She said the somebodies were gonna make her all better and that they weren't human-napping her, so it was all right if she went with them. She said they're like vets for humans. I don't know why my human was glad when they showed up then! I wouldn't have been.

And when she did come back, she was still real sick and she went to bed, and so me and mummycat took it in turns to sleep on her or get her to cuddle us cuz we knew that'd make her feel better. And I said purpurpur a lot to her and I climbed into the bed thing with her and I did a real good job, least, I think I did.

Me and mummycat didn't eat much over the next while cuz we were so worried about the human and upset that she was still sick and unhappy, but then we saw that this was making her upset too, so we started to eat again, but we taked it in turns so there was always one of us with her and she wasn't on her own. Human somebodies need looking afterwhen they're sick!

That's why we've been away for so long. When the human did start to feel better, she wanted to be up and about straight away, so she did this and just maked herself sick again. And in between it all, Computer man blowed up again, so we couldn't write for the blog or anything. And we missed our Secret Paws, but we gots pictures and they'll be up very soon! Sorry we're so late, but I hope you can understand why.

Our human is able to do small things now. She managed to fold all her towels today and stack them nicely again, but even that meant that she had to go to sleep for a couple hours just to recover! She's useless! Mummycat is beside her on the sofa now, all curled into a teeny weeny ball and snoring a bit. Shhhh, don't tell her I said that, but she does!

Thank you to those of you who stopped by to say happy Birthday to the human. She didn't do much for it, but she did get a lovely cake from her grannypeople all the way from Ireland! I didn't want any though. I mean, it had already been eated by a birdie to get it all the way here. I don't eat stuff that birdies have eated. That's yuck! Hmmmm, I wonder if that's why my human got sick? Do you think she mighta got sick cuz of flying in the big bird aeroplane's tummy? Should i tell her she's not allowed to get eated by birds any more?

Anyway, we're gonna have help to put up our Secret Paws post, so watch this space!

Smoochies to you all, and I promise we'll try to be around more, Ok?