Preparations

Friends, today and yesterday have been busy, busy, busy! The human has had a lot to do. She's been washing my food bowls, folding the clothes that peoples use to cover their hairless skins with, putting her smelly purfume and her hairbrush out, and then packing the smaller version of the computer with the talking man in it, into the suitcase. This is called a laptop for any of you who are wondering. Of course, I had to snoopervise everything that was going on. No packed suitcase is complete without a liberal coating of Tia hair over its contents, so dutifully, I climbed in there, dug through the neat piles, rolled around and generally had myself a good time! The human didn't share in my enthusiasm for this passtime, but I've discovered that it's a sure fire way of getting picked up very, very quickly! Let me outline the steps for you in case you're wanting to train your people to scoop you up on command.




Step one: Find an open, partially or fully packed suitcase. This, I warn you, can be tricky. I know the human has them in our house, but they remain hidden for most of the time. Sure, I find empty ones, but the full ones only seem to come out from hiding a few times in any given year. A lot of biding your time and waiting for your chance will be necessary to achieve this step.





Step two: Investigate. This should be done in a polite, gentle manner of course. Make sure your people is watching you as you daintily step and sniff all over the contents of the case. Note: If you dive in, claws flailing, tail lashing, play fighting everything in sight, the people will pick you up all right, but will simply toss you out of the room if you're a repeat offender. No, you need to convince them that you are innocently curious. Pretend you've never seen a full suitcase before if you have to, no matter how many times you've been in one. If they think you're only investigating, they'll excuse you more if, or more appropriately when, you decide to get a little more rambunctuous. Shout and yell at your peoples if they aren't in the room with you when you carry out this step. It's imperritive that they watch this bit. Repeat a few times for good measure.





Step three: It doesn't matter whether the people sees you do this or not. In fact, it's probably better that they don't, cuz then you get to have more fun time, and still be picked up at the end for a snuggle. Sneak up to the suitcase. Crouch. Twitch your tail a few times. Crouch a bit lower. Fix your eyes on something that you want in that case. Make up, perfume and underwear are likely to get you the maximum attention in tthe fastest time. Twitch the tail a few more times, then jump. Claws should be out, burrowing instinct should be on full. Dive into the middle of that case and then pretend you're a wiggly cat wormy who needs to get all the way to the bottom. Once you're down there, explode out of the middle of the clothes, preferably holding the treasure in your mouth. Wriggle around on top for a bit to make the pile comfy, then lie back and enter bunnykicking heaven. It's at this point that your people will snatch you out of the case and remove the treasure from your teeth.





Step 4: Immediately go limp and pliant in their arms. Melt against them. Give their chin head bumpies. if you can bring yourself to do it, give them a "Wasn't that fun?" and "Would you like to play too?" miaow. The more kitten-like, the better. Maintain an expression of total innocence and kittenish curiosity. If that doesn't make your people go all gooey and snuggle you close, you obviously need to own a different one. There's no way they'll get cross at you after that.





You can repeat these steps as many times as you like, but be careful to leave an interval of at least half an hour between attacks. They seem to tire quickly of the game if you do it any more frequently than that.





Despite what my human calls my interference, the suitcase is all packed and ready to go. She zipped it all up tight before she left for the work hunt today so that I couldn't have any more fun with it. I'm not pleased about this. I'm a little concerned too. On my play in there, I didn't see one single ping pong ball or a mousey! The human says that's cuz the last two times we've gone to Dogman's house we've left all the toys we brought up there, and that there'll be plenty of things there for me, but I struggle with this concept. Less than a billion ping pong balls is not plenty!





Anyway, I'm off. I need to nap before my big, long journey! Gotta be well rested to greet the admiring public, after all. See you on the other side!