Well I'll tell you what the other things are first. That blasted human of mine! She missed my blog post yesterday, and that is inexcusable! She tried to give me a reason, but at this point, friends, I'm so sick and tired of listening to them that I just miaowed at her until she stopped talking and started cuddling.
Now then, I'll tell you about my tortureshell first, and then I'll move on to other exciting things. This tortureshell has to do with biting. "But there's nothing wrong with that!" I hear you cry, and I agree with you! But as I mentioned at the start of tortureshelling, it's not something that we think is wrong, but something that the peoples don't like that's worthy of a tortureshell. Take this morning, for instance.
The human was awake in her bed. It was still o dark thirty, but i decided that it was time to play pounce the feet under the blanket. I started in my usual fashion. I jumped, four paws spread, claws out, onto her feet, grabbed them tight and started to roll around. She obligingly wiggled them, then made them run away and back again so that I could catch them. Nothing wrong with that, I hear you say... Not yet.
Then the human decided to try a new game. This one was called catch the hand under the blanket, and boy did I like it! Hands move so much quicker than feets, and they grab you and fight back instead of just letting themselves be caught. Well, we played that for a long time, but eventually I got tired of it and lay back down for a recovery nap. The human gave me her signal that she was finished playing. This is a gentle touch on my side and her talking to me, and I always know that I'm not to grab her too quick when she does this cuz it startles her. Today, I let her do it, and I even let her stroke me, but then she made a fatal error. She attempted to pick me up for a cuddle. This is, again, normal after a play session, and for the most part I enjoy it. But today, well friends, I don't know what came over me! Quick as a wink I flipped over and, without even bothering to grab her with my feet to let her know it was coming, I bit her real hard and real good. I don't know why, but I'd just had enough for the time being, and she should have recognised it despite me giving her no signs to confirm it!
She got real shocked when I did this. She let out a huge yell and jerked her hand back. The quick motion made me tumble off the edge of the bed where I'd been lying, and that yell of surprise and, yes, I admit it, pain, had me hightailing it right underneath. I hid out there for a very, very long time, and didn't come back up again for cuddles. I could tell she was real mad. She's told me before that putting the bitey on peoples is not good and not acceptable, especially on peoples who have broken eyes. Part of me didn't care. I didn't want to be picked up and she should have known it. But the other part of me felt dead sorry for doing it to a human who is nice enough to give me what I want and when I want it. I didn't follow her to her litterbox room like I usually do when she gets up, but when she went into the living room, I came in and demanded that she open the door for me so that I could look out at the birdies through my screen. Because she did what I told her to, I allowed her to pick me up and give me cuddles without biting her even once. I know this makes her feel better, and really, it was only a small sacrifice. It got me a plate of stinky goodness too, so it was worth it!
Friends, as much as I'm all for tortitude, I wouldn't recommend doing this to your peoples. It's no fun afterwards really. the human jokingly asked me this morning if she was creating a bitey monster by helping me trust her enough that I think I can get away with things like this, and that made me feel even worse. Cats aren't sposed to have a conscience. Do any of you know of vets who can help me out with this problem? It's serious, and urgent! I need a consciencectomy!
Now, I promised you other things, so here goes. Today, mom Trish who is the feeder and people to the Katnip Krew
is having a ladygardenectomy, or as she calls it, her lady plumbing removed. Trish, I am sending you huge great smooshy smooshes and lots of get well purrs. If you need a snuggle bud, just let me know. I promise I won't bite you either! Oh and by the way, the last comment you left us about your competition almost made the human cry! Thank you for caring enough to do what you said you would. Oh, while you're with the people vet, would you ask him if he does cat consciencectomies? And does he do human conscience implants? That human doesn't feel nearly guilty enough that I don't have tuna down all the time! Sure, she might have bought me crab sticks yesterday, and sure, I might have totally turned my nose up at them despite her going specially to get them, but crab isn't tuna!
On another note, do you remember the toy exchange I mentioned in my 100th post? Well, one of the parcels has been posted! Isn't it exciting? I know I said I wanted to exchange only toys, but I couldn't help myself from putting a few extra bits in there too. I even included some of my most favourite treats in the whole wide universe! The other participant hasn't gotten back to me yet though, and the human says that we really need to have this parcel posted before we move. If anyone else is interested in a toy exchange, please do let me know. The idea is that by doing this, we each get to see what toys different countries have for their cats. There's lots and lots and lots of good things in this parcel. I can smell the catnip even through the plastic! So, if you're up for swapping gifts, please do get in touch. Random Felines, if you're reading this and still want to play, the human says that you need to get in touch before Friday, as that's when things will be posted. If more than one of you want to take part, the human will use a random picker to choose who gets the super duper parcel! There was a third person who responded way back when I made the post, but I can't remember who that was. Person, if you're still interested, then there's still space for you!
Right, that's all from me today. I need to get some rest before that human comes home and starts doing noisy packing again! A girl needs her beauty sleep, y'know.