Monday, 29 November 2010

Perplexing Peoples

I had planned today to continue my diatribe on the subject of toilets, and, while I still intend to do it, I've got more material than just that.

I think we might have mentioned the Hoover Lady was not coming back to the human's place any more to work with us. This meant that the human has had to go interviewing for a new hoover lady to come instead. It's hard work finding the right one, as she found out tonight.

The trouble started right as he walked in the door. He couldn't be another hoover lady cuz he wasn't a she. I pointed this out to the human, but she was too busy making polite talk noise with him, so didn't listen. It's not often that I take a dislike to peoples on sight. I'll do the propper thing and ignore them when they come in of course, but that's more my way of showing that I think it's disgusting that they usually go gaa-gaa over stupid Dogface first. Admittedly, she is barking and slobbering all over them while I'm staying well back and watching in a more dignified manner which perhaps could be seen as aloof, but that's no excuse. Even peoples should have the sense to say hello to cats first. I'll wait until they fight off the dogface, sit down and dry their hands of all her slobberstink before I will show my absolute superiority by walking onto the sofa next to them in a very quiet and gentle manner. I need no overt attention grabbing moves to ensure peoples love me!

Tonight was different though. As soon as Dogface saw the hoover lady replacement, she started growling, and it wasn't her usual growl either. This one meant business. Luckily, the human had thought to put her on her lead, so she couldn't get at him. Even when he'd sat down though, she made no attempt to come and greet him. I watched closely, but didn't like what I saw either. While he was in, I didn't once move from the arm of the sofa by the human, either to greet him or to go eat some of my foods.

The human has put in the job description that the ability to be comfortable with animals is a must. Even when Dogface was just doing her normal barking before she started growling, he seemed very nervous, and things only got worse when the human asked him about cats. he had lived with one, but get this. He expected him to hunt for a living! He only fed him very rarely, and even though he lived indoors, Hoover Lady replacement never once picked him up or cuddled him. That's outrageous! I can't believe that this replacement never even considered giving him tuna or cuddles! Luckily replacement's mum wasn't so harsh.

I'd had a chat with the human before the man people came, cuz I wanted to get my interview technique good and propper. She agreed that it must be a joint interview between the two of us, and to help proceedings along, I'd especially worked up a good case of the runny eyes. The human didn't clean it just to see if the replacement would notice. Even after prompting, he didn't say a thing about it. All he did was complain about the number of toys all over the place. That got him a massive thumbs down from me... If I had thumbs, I mean.

The human doesn't much like him either, so I guess his fate is sealed. Buh-bye, Replacement. We hardly knew ye... And I for one am glad of it!

So, on to more important things. Human toilet behaviour, part two. She must have been outraged by what I'd written yesterday, and perhaps she was just trying to prove a point, but late last night I heard what was akin to sweet music to my ears. I heard scratching from the box. It was the one in the bathroom rather than the one I'd had set up for her convenience in the living room, but still, you can't win 'em all, right? With baited breath and no small excitement I hot footed it into the bathroom to watch the human do her first propper toilet. What I first saw made me proud. She had a hand in the box and she was scratching around (human note: I use gloves and plastic bags. I have to scoop by hand to have a hope of finding the poo, but I'm hygienic, I promise!). On second sight, what I saw made me more than a little disgusted. She withdrew her hand, and my hopes with it, but that's not all she took from the box. In her clutches was, well, the same thing that the horrible vet peoples stole from me not so long ago. What on earth was she doing! I couldn't believe firstly that she would contaminate herself by touching it if she didn't have to, and secondly that she was exposing my scent to any lurking predators such as Dogface and the spider wand toy that always bops me on the head. Oh, and the feathers too. Didn't she realise the danger?

Frantically, I tried to communicate this to her, but she took no notice. What's more, there was worse to come. With absolute disbelief I watched her turn to her water bowl, open the cover that she puts on it, then drop my um, poopoo into the clean water. I was outraged, and not a little revolted. This was a dreadful way to make a point. She had obviously read between the lines and noted my contempt of human stupidity yesterday when I was speaking of how they didn't have the sense not to contaminate their own water, and now, even though I didn't engineer it that way, I'm part of that contamination. Was it coincidence that she scratched, that she made me think she was doing what I wanted to draw me in, then committed the worst sin when I was there to watch the dirty deed? Or was she removing all traces for the enemy to follow, for, although it pains me no end to admit it, next time I used that box it did smell a lot cleaner, a lot less attention drawing, and once she'd poured more water on the waste to make it go away, I couldn't smell it in the bathroom either. I am at a loss to know what is going on. Did she do it to spite me, or is she operating on instincts so deep that she doesn't even need to be taught to get rid of poopoo far away from the place of safety where you live? I'd thought they had no sensible instincts left in them, but was I wrong? I'm sorry to say that for once I have no answers. This owning the human can be very confusing at times.

There's some super news to lighten the indignity though. We've had another person enter our competition! This brings the number up to 2 and a bit. One cat left a comment saying how great Soft Claws were, but not why she wanted them or what size and colour she needed, so we're not sure if she wants to be entered or not. Still though, this leates entry means we have one more!

Thank you to all those who commented on yesterday's post. The hit counter is an excellent idea, but I'm not sure how accessible they will be with Screen Reader. That's the little man in the computer whose job it is to read all the writing to the human. He must get so tired of doing that, you know. Anyway, he's not the smartest of little men, so sometimes he can't cope with difficult coding or reading things that have graphics. One of you offered to help us put one in, and if it's Ok, we'll take you up on that and see how it goes.

Amy and her Cats said that one of these days they're going to have me as a Friends on Friday. I'm super excited about that, oh yes I am! There's also the chance that a person who makes a living out of annoying peoples and cats by pointing one of those flashy boxes at them is going to come and take pictures of me. They used to only do peoples weddings but now, sensibly, they've decided to branch out and want lots of cat pictures. I told them I thought I'd be just perfect, and they're thinking about it. If they come, the human will only have to give them moneys to feed the big metal machine (the human says it's a car but I know better) so that he can run all the way from their house to mine and back again. I'm a bit worried about this. I send her to work to get those moneys for my foods. I'm not sure I like the idea of it going into someone else's belly. He needn't think he's getting any of my tuna! If they do come though, it means lots and lotsa pictures for the blog which is super!

Anyway, enough from me for today. I need to work on sleeping off the memory of replacement.


Katnip Lounge said...

You must be very picky choosing a Hoover Lady replacement! No People who don't like Cats, or Dogface for that matter.
Tia, it's apalling that your Mom soiled the Big Drinking Bowl with your Poo! Isn't it enough that SHE uses it? Horrors!
We would love to see more photos of you...but only if you get to keep all your tunas and treats!

Torie said...

Tia that is outragious that your mum puts your poo in the toilet! Disgusting! It's Ushi dog face here by the way. I know you don't really like us, but i'm nice!

I never know where my poo poo goes. I do it outside, but mum says that she gets her mum to do it cause her eyes are broken too. But today i went, and then later on it was all covered in the snowy white stuff! It's cold on my paws too. Do you know why it's here? Mum expects me to work in it too, but I can't find my kerb so that she doesn't fall off and into the road! I always rush along in it, cause I don't like it!

I hope you recover from hoover lady replacement.

Oh, and mum uses a thing called "extreme" tracker or something. It's on her blog at
under the heading "visitor stats" or something. You have to create an account, but mum hasn't logged in since she put the thing up on the blog.

Take care, Xxx.

The Lee County Clowder said...

Hi, Tia and human. If you meant us, you'll have to add us to your blog. We haven't tried this is a while, but we think once that is done (and we know about it) we should be able to take things from there. (email danielse (at) iowatelecom (dot) (net))

If you meant someone else, 'never mind'.

Puss said...

Hi Tia. My, you are a fine looking kitty!

I just wanted to share with you that my mum also puts my poo into the water bowl, but I don't use that for drinking, so I don't really mind. It's better when Mum does it, as when Dad tried, he emptied the whole litter box into the bowl and it was all blocked up for ages - Humans, don't try this at home!!

I'm following along, so don't think you're all alone.



Admiral Hestorb said...

Tia! You and your mommy are VERY fortunate to have DogFace (you should be grateful to DogFace) and yourselves all agreeing at once that the Hoover Lady/Man replacement was a definite NO!!!
Good on you. All three of you.
Oh, and humans..just over look your mom. You did you best to no avail. Ignore her.

Amy and The House of Cats said...

Hi Tia! We think you are very lucky that DogFace didn't like that new Hoover Man - we think he sounds just awful! We know that the right one will come along! And oh we are are so confused by your human too - our mom dosn't get how to use the box but she doesn't dig in it (note from mom - I do scoop they just never are around, and the other box is an automaic so they must think that is how they all work). We don't know where our poop goes - we are just glad that it does go.

Mom said that maybe the screen reader guy could read the stuff on the google analytics site, and maybe the google stats thing they have now (though that does not seem accurate to us). Since they give the data in text it might work - you would have to go to the site to see the numbers but you would have them. I can help with that if you need it and I am sure a lot of people can too. Analytics is a Google product so it works well with their blogs.

And now that we are finally getting caught up, we will be going back to our Friends on Friday next week (12/10) - I also have a day off so that helps. We are going to post about you that day - and I know that you have trouble with the comments with the word verify on (and even I get annoyed by it) so I am going to try having it off - I do comment moderation anyway, so it is not really necessary.